An Interview With Dr. Carla Marie Manly
Committing to development training on a consistent basis is fruitful ground for learning new skills, meeting like minded people and walking away with fresh perspectives. I have found that in doing this practice, the collective wisdom I’ve gleaned from the other participants and the material offered is worth the weight in gold. Stepping away from daily life and into a learning setting is refreshing. The experiences gave me a fresh perspective on life, both personally and professionally and most often, precisely the reset I need. The lessons I learned continue to guide me today.
Growth is an essential part of life, both personally and professionally. Every day presents an opportunity to learn, evolve, and become better versions of ourselves. But how do we seize these opportunities? How do successful writers, leaders, and influencers ensure they are constantly growing and improving? What daily habits, practices, or mindsets contribute to their continual growth? In this interview series, we would like to talk to authors, leaders, influencers, and anyone who is an authority about “What We Can Do To Grow Every Day”. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Andrew Paul.
Andrew is a seasoned business professional and coach with extensive experience in balancing career success with personal fulfillment. He is passionate about helping others achieve a healthy work-life balance through the functional application of practical strategies and intentional living. Andrew’s insights are rooted in his own determined journey, where he continuously and successfully navigates the challenges of maintaining harmony between his professional ambitions and family life.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
I grew up in Rural MN on a small farm. Family life was what I knew and still cherish. My dad worked long days to support our country life. At a young age, I was taking care of farm animals, helping with gardening and field work, chopping wood for winter warmth and learned responsibility with these chores. I learned to fix things and improvise on the fly, how to work independently, how to manufacture fun where no external stimuli were available. Having many siblings, I learned the art of negotiation and compromise.
We had a very traditional family life and I remember often having visitors stopping by for coffee. In my kindergarten year, my brother had a serious accident and was hospitalized for several months and maybe close to a year, with continued care at home. This was a monumental time for us as a family. During this time, my parents were not home much and so our older siblings had to fill a role that they were not prepared to do; taking care of the household without parents.
Through this trying time, I found solace in doing my chores and wandering around the farm and making trails in the woods — my older siblings didn’t understand the needs of a 5-year-old that wants his mom’s attention.
My teenage years were filled with responsibility. By the time I was 13, my eldest brothers had moved out and it was on me to do most of the farm work. I also worked for the neighbor. In school, my mind was always wandering off someplace other than the school room and was often called on when the teacher knew I was daydreaming. Being the smallest one in my class, I made good friends with the biggest guys. I figured I needed to surround myself with people that fill my weaknesses.
Arriving home from school, I would run in the house, grab a snack that my mom would have ready, saddle up my horse and would be gone until chore time and then supper. Weekends generally, a mix of chores, farm work, home improvement projects with my dad, and occasional bike rides to a local country store or friends’ places.
At 15 years, I began asking the local grocery store for a job — I’m sure the owner got tired of me asking and then hired me. I simply wanted to work and make money! I disliked school until my senior year. I excelled in math and my senior year; I took an advanced accounting course that answered a lot of questions I had about how money works. I became obsessed with finance and business, yet I had this dream of flying airplanes. Ever since my brother’s incident, I would look up at airplanes and think of the complete freedom that must exist up in the sky. I would tell myself that one day, I’ll be a pilot — a dream that was granted and the discovery that flying was not my future.
I graduated early and moved to Minneapolis 5 months before my 18th birthday. I enrolled in a Tool Making course at Anoka Technical College. During the several months before secondary schooling began, I found a job with my cousins, cleaning office buildings. I did this through my first year of college. I was then hired at a shop where my brother worked. I then finished the 2 years of school and found a job doing what I schooled for, plastic injection mold making. In certain ways, I feel like I am still growing up and maturing. I still learn about myself daily; continuing to learn new things and refusing to slow down. There is so much to do in this life and yet, my family life grounds me and I realize it is ok to pause to grow with the kids.
Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?
I run a manufacturers’ representative agency, and beyond that, I also consult, speak, coach, and host courses focused on personal development. Interestingly enough, my journey into coaching began almost unconsciously. I’ve always been driven, pushing the limits, refining processes, and finding more efficient ways to get things done. Early on, I thought this was just the norm. As I grew, I noticed that my natural inclination to optimize and streamline led me to mentor others, helping them eliminate unnecessary steps and wasted effort.
But there came a point where the business I built started to consume me. I was working long hours, constantly thinking about the next business move, even during family time. I was physically present but mentally elsewhere. It wasn’t until my wife lovingly intervened that I realized something had to change. That was the wake-up call I needed, and it led me to seek help — both in managing the business and in reclaiming my health after stress began to take its toll.
Over time, I recognized a pattern not just in myself but in other men too. I saw them struggling with the same challenges — strained relationships, children longing for their attention, and spouses feeling disconnected. It was like looking in a mirror. And I knew there had to be a better way. A turning point for me was a visualization exercise guided by my coach, where I saw a version of my future self effectively advising others. That experience brought a profound sense of fulfillment, and I realized that mentoring and coaching were my true calling. Now, I channel that passion into helping men and professionals become the best version of themselves, both in their careers and personal lives.
Thank you for all that. Let’s now turn to the main focus of our discussion about Personal Growth. To make sure that we are all on the same page, let’s begin with a simple definition. What does “Personal Growth” mean to you?
Personal growth, to me, is about building a life that aligns increasingly with my core values, goals, and objectives. It’s about being resilient and patient, even when things don’t seem to go according to plan. This commitment requires careful planning, soul searching, and a dedication to continual learning through reading, training, and reflection. It also demands the discipline of journaling, meditation, and, ultimately, unapologetically looking at and nurturing my authentic self.
I’ve learned that personal growth isn’t always straightforward, especially as I’m juggling the demands of a large family and multiple businesses. Like many, I’ve faced moments where doubts creep in, and I lose sight of my grounding principles. Yet, when I reconnect with my core convictions, doors open, and life feels more manageable and joyful. The challenge lies in staying true to my chosen path, even when bombarded by external pressures.
I’ve had to create a structured approach to personal growth, much like laying bricks on the road to success. Each brick represents a learning opportunity, a step toward becoming a better version of myself. However, I also recognize that my drive, impatience, and perfectionism can be both my greatest strengths and my biggest hurdles. For instance, I might come home to a clean house but immediately notice a small flaw, like a wrapper on the floor. Instead of appreciating and commenting on the overall cleanliness, I find myself fixating on that one missed detail. It’s a constant reminder of the need to balance high standards with the ability to relax and enjoy the moment.
My wife often shares stories about my perfectionist tendencies. One that stands out is the time I built a small chicken shelter. I meticulously measured the distance between each screw and even used a chalk line to ensure they were perfectly aligned. The truth is, no one else would notice these details, but they mattered to me. Over time, I’ve had to learn to relax my standards, realizing that sometimes, it’s okay to let go of perfection because there are more important things in life that deserve my attention, such as the important things I’ve identified that truly align with my core values, as I mentioned above.
These challenges aren’t unique to me. Many of my clients face similar struggles, striving for perfection while balancing multiple responsibilities. The key is to recognize these tendencies and work towards a more balanced, fulfilling life. Interesting thing though with personal growth: the best time to start is now, day by day and brick by brick, laying those bricks on your own path to personal growth.
Why do you believe that it’s important to commit to growing every day?
I believe that committing to daily growth is essential for overcoming the challenges of yesterday and the uncertainties of tomorrow. Growth isn’t just about my personal development; it’s a way to stretch my mind and open myself up to new opportunities. I’ve also seen how incremental, consistent changes make adapting to new circumstances less daunting. Many of us resist change, especially when it arrives suddenly or forcefully, which can create unnecessary stress and anxiety. I’ve learned that by being proactive in our growth, I’m not just reacting to what life throws at me — I’m designing my future. When I plan and project my growth, my mind is already familiar with the journey, making it easier to navigate those changes when they come. This approach allows me to live more intentionally and reduces the fear that often accompanies change.
What are the key upsides for those who mindfully engage in a journey of personal evolution?
When I mindfully engage in a journey of personal evolution, the key upsides have the potential to be profound and life-changing because as I begin to work towards a life of true fulfillment, I am guided by a clear understanding of my core values and a personal code of ethics.
For me, this has meant living true to my principles, which requires constant growth, especially in how I interact with others. This journey has opened doors to knowledge and experiences I wouldn’t have encountered otherwise, enriching my life in unexpected ways. For instance, when I learned I was going to be a dad, my life took a new direction — I had to evolve into a provider with great responsibility.
The key upsides of personal evolution include developing resilience and a deep longing for the kind of love that companionship and parenthood can bring — a love that endures as my children grow and become their own person. It’s an ongoing journey that continually reveals the profound and sometimes mysterious depths of human connection and love. So, the evolution continues to be a mystery of resounding love for something beyond human comprehension.
When we stop evolving in intentional ways, what do you think are the biggest downsides?
When we stop evolving intentionally, the downsides can be significant. I’ve experienced this first hand at times in my own life when I neglected to review my goals and aspirations, allowing myself to slip into a reactionary mode of living. This lack of intentionality can lead to a sense of stalling, where purpose and motivation fade, and life begins to feel lackluster. Small irritations start to creep in, and I feel that the joys of life can feel drained away. While there are seasons when it’s beneficial to pause and simply live in the moment — cherishing life’s chapters that won’t repeat — I also recognize that life is always moving forward. To guide it in the direction I desire, intentional living is essential. As the saying goes, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.” Without intentional evolution, I find I risk losing my sense of direction and purpose.
What specific practices, if any, do you have in place to ensure that you don’t become stagnant in life?
One way I keep from becoming stagnant in life is to keep filling my bucket lists — plural because I have several. I have my own personal list, a joint list with my wife, and another one for the entire family. We prioritize our top 3–5 most important goals and put them on the calendar. Then, we take the top 5–10 things we want to accomplish within the next year and schedule those as well. I believe this practice is crucial to avoiding stagnation. However, it’s not just about having things to do and look forward to; it’s also about understanding that, just like the climate, our lives go through different seasons. There are times for planting, nurturing, harvesting, and rest. Trying to force growth during a winter season only leads to unnecessary strain and stress. We’ve learned to trust the natural ebb and flow of life, often reminding ourselves to “trust the process” or recognizing that when things don’t go as planned, it’s “happening for me.” This acceptance allows us to see downtime not as a setback but as a period of preparation for new growth. Over the years, we’ve realized that rest is just as vital as chasing our dreams.
Is there any particular area of your life where you are most committed to growth (e.g., spiritually, professionally, socially, internally, relationally)?
Right now, I am most committed to living authentically and embracing my role as “the dad.” This is the season of the King for me personally. I’ve accomplished a lot in my life, with more to come, and now I want to give back and share the wisdom I’ve been blessed with. This requires growth in trusting that what I’ve learned and experienced in life serves as nourishment for someone else’s journey. I aim to be a catalyst for their growth and contribute to the betterment of society. I want to serve society in a way that offers hope for a bright future, provides calm in times of chaos, and acts as a sounding board for someone’s grand idea or dream. This requires developing a new skill: simply listening without judgment.
If you could offer five tips to readers on how to stimulate and perpetuate self-growth, what would they be?
1. Do What Scares You
Growth happens when you step outside your comfort zone because I conquered the discomfort that stopped me from learning. It’s easy to stay in the familiar, but real progress comes when you push yourself into the unknown. For instance, I once attended a controversial leadership training program at the recommendation of my brother-in-law. The program was intense, and I remember wanting to leave at one point. I was terrified that others would see the real me, flaws and all. But it was in that moment of vulnerability that I realized just how much I had been holding myself back. By confronting my fears head-on, I not only completed the training with the coveted award but also discovered a newfound strength that propelled me forward in both my personal and professional life.
2 . Commit to Personal Development Training
Committing to development training on a consistent basis is fruitful ground for learning new skills, meeting like minded people and walking away with fresh perspectives. I have found that in doing this practice, the collective wisdom I’ve gleaned from the other participants and the material offered is worth the weight in gold. Stepping away from daily life and into a learning setting is refreshing. The experiences gave me a fresh perspective on life, both personally and professionally and most often, precisely the reset I need. The lessons I learned continue to guide me today.
3. List Out Your Core Values
Your core values are your guiding principles — they are the compass that steers your decisions and actions. Without them, it’s easy to drift aimlessly through life. For me, one of my core values is my commitment to my marriage. As my wife and I have aged, our perspectives have changed, and we’ve grown in ways we never anticipated. But our commitment to each other has remained steadfast, requiring continuous growth to navigate life’s challenges. This commitment has strengthened our marriage over time because we both understand that a strong relationship requires ongoing work and dedication. I can say for myself, my marriage is better and stronger today simply because I want it to last so, in order for this to work, it requires continuous growth in areas you cannot see coming. It is the bigger picture that we live for.
4. Determine Your Dream Life and Plan It Out
Having a clear vision of your dream life is crucial to achieving continuous growth. Once you know what you want, you can create a plan to get there. For example, another dream of mine was to foster deep, meaningful relationships with each of my children. To achieve this, I made it a priority to spend quality time with them, engaging in their interests, supporting their dreams, and simply listening when they needed to talk. This commitment has led to rich, rewarding relationships with my kids and has taught me valuable lessons about empathy, patience, and unconditional love —
Whether on a professional or personal level, each focused decision I make not only strengthens my relationships but also moves me closer to building the dream life I envision, presenting continuous opportunities for growth along the way.
5. Create a Bucket List, dream time.
Life can easily slip into routine, and before you know it, you might find yourself wondering where the time went. Creating a bucket list is a powerful tool to combat this stagnation. Writing down the things you want to accomplish gives you something to work toward and keeps you motivated. But don’t just stop at writing the list — schedule your top two items on your calendar and set deadlines for when you want to achieve them. For example, I’ve always loved hockey and dreamed of having a regulation-size rink. Over 20 years ago, I put it on my bucket list, and five years ago, I finally built it, complete with lights and a warming shack. Now, it’s a place where we create lasting memories each winter. My wife loves to travel, so for her bucket list, we’ve made it a point to plan two family trips each year — one in late spring and another in mid-fall. These experiences, scheduled and prioritized, add richness to our lives and drive our continuous growth.
What advice would you give to someone who feels stuck and unsure of how to start their personal growth journey?
My advice to someone feeling stuck and unsure about how to start their personal growth journey is to begin by getting the body moving. Physical activity is a powerful catalyst for change — after just 20 minutes of exercise, you’ll likely notice a mental shift, with ideas starting to flow more freely. Capture these ideas by writing them down; they are the seeds of your journey.
For me, finding a coach who truly understood my situation and held me accountable was pivotal. This coach provided a space where I could talk things through without judgment, helping me to see that my challenges were part of a larger path meant to equip me to help others on similar journeys. I now realize that the trials I faced were essential for my growth and have positioned me to better relate to those on a similar trajectory. Today, I coach others using the same principles — focusing on accountability, intentional growth, and creating a life that aligns with their deepest values.
If you’re unsure where to begin, I suggest starting with the five steps I outlined earlier. To fast-track your progress, there is abundant help available — coaches, seminars, books, podcasts — but remember, no one knows what you need better than you do. This is your opportunity to design a custom life for yourself, one that aligns with your core values and fulfills you for years to come. Embrace the journey of continuous growth, and you’ll find that each step forward brings you closer to the life you truly desire.”
Are there any books, podcasts, or other resources that have significantly contributed to your personal growth?
I have read so many books and watched countless videos, seminars, etc. All have their place and give good advice. Here are a few top choices:
- The Goal by Eliyahu Goldratt:
This book stands out as it offers profound insights into business management while intertwining personal growth. The narrative is relatable to my experiences and those of my clients, making it a significant influence on my journey. - Rapport Leadership International Seminars:
These training seminars were monumental in my personal growth. The immersive experience provided me with tools and perspectives that I continue to apply both personally and professionally. - Dress Your Truth (DYT):
A resource that has been invaluable in understanding individual personality types. My wife introduced me to DYT, and it has significantly enhanced our relationship and family dynamics by helping us better understand and relate to each other. - Coaching Relationship:
At a certain point, I found that books and other resources were offering similar advice that didn’t address my specific needs. I had worked myself into a state of poor health and realized I needed to talk things through rather than take in more knowledge. After researching and interviewing several coaches, I found one locally who has been instrumental in my personal growth. This experience was so transformative that it’s one of the reasons I am now coaching others, helping them navigate their own journeys of personal and professional growth.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
If I could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, it would be one centered around empowering individuals to live true to their authentic selves, free from the constraints of comparison or societal expectations. This movement would begin by helping people reconnect with their true nature, encouraging them to design their future selves based on their unique talents and passions. Too often, people are conditioned to follow a path dictated by external pressures — get an education, find a job that pays the bills, and conform to what society deems successful. I want to offer a second start, a way for people to liberate themselves from these self-imposed prejudices and to actively design a future that aligns with their deepest aspirations.
By focusing on daily growth and reprogramming the known and unknown biases of our past experiences, we can strip away negative thoughts and replace them with a grateful attitude that allows us to live authentically and fully. Many dream of this life, yet they stand on the sidelines, waiting for permission to move forward. I believe that there is no need to wait in line; we can all move forward together, sharing our talents and living in authenticity. This is the life I want to help others achieve — one where each person lives with purpose, free from fear and comparison, and fully engaged in the pursuit of their dreams.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
You can find me online at Andrewpaulskoog.com, my LinkedIn–Andrew Skoog or Instagram: @andrewplife.
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
Thank you! It’s been a pleasure to share my experiences and thoughts. I wish your readers all the best in their international growth journeys.
About The Interviewer: Dr. Carla Marie Manly — clinical psychologist, author, and advocate — is based in Sonoma County, California. In addition to her clinical practice focusing on relationships and personal transformation, Dr. Manly is deeply invested in her roles as podcaster and speaker. With a refreshingly direct and honest approach — plus a dose of humor — Dr. Manly enjoys supporting others in the ever-evolving journey of life. Her novel self-development paradigm builds resilience, emotional intelligence, and self-esteem. Highlighting the importance of loving connection, her work also focuses on helping others create deeply connected and satisfying intimate and social relationships. Working from a transformative model that honors the body-mind-spirit connection, Dr. Manly offers holistic relationship and wellness seminars around the world. An award-winning author, Dr. Manly’s books, The Joy of Imperfect Love, Date Smart, Joy from Fear, and Aging Joyfully highlight her empowering approach and profound expertise. Host of the captivating podcast, Imperfect Love, Dr. Manly offers uplifting guidance on navigating the messy road of life. Her expertise is also regularly cited in media outlets including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Forbes, Oprah, Newsweek, NBC, HuffPost, Reader’s Digest, Psychology Today, Parade, GQ, Women’s Health, Architectural Digest, Men’s Health, and more.
Growing Every Day: Andrew Paul On What We Can Do To Grow Every Day was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.