To me, leadership is having a clear set of values and principles that are rooted in creating peace, safety, and equality that we practice day by day, minute by minute, and being willing to use our successes and failures in these practices and sharing them as a means to facilitate others choosing to do so as well.
As a part of my series about “authors who are making an important social impact”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Michael Swerdloff.
Michael Swerdloff has been a Counselor, Coach, Social Worker, Community Organizer, Educator, Writer, DJ, and Reiki Master for over twenty-five years. He laughs often, hugs deeply, and practices meditation, Reiki, yoga, and dance daily. His memoir, Raised by Wolves, Possibly Monsters: From Mobster to Reiki Master, was launched in October of 2024!
Michaelswerdloff.com
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I grew up in a pretty violent home in NJ. My mom loved me dearly. My father cheated on my mom with dozens of women until they got divorced when I was ten. My older brother was the violent one. He used me as his practice model for expressing his rage. He spent significant time in jail, prison, and a federal penitentiary. He became a strong-arm in the mob after prison. I was a kind, thoughtful, and caring child, and by my teen years, most of those attributes had disappeared.
When you were younger, was there a book that you read that inspired you to take action or changed your life? Can you share a story about that?
It wasn’t a book; it was a news article in the New York Times a few days after Dr. Martin Luther King was murdered. I remember reading it to the best of my ability as a young child and somehow knew that what my parents, schoolteachers, and all the other adults in my life were telling me was a lie, just like they did about The Black Panthers. I wasn’t old enough to understand much of the article or what they were lying about, but I just knew it didn’t feel right. I brought it up in class, and the teacher dismissed my questions.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
Yeah. I had written the rough draft of the manuscript and was discussing it with the editor. I was trying to make a point of why we needed to watch what we wrote about my brother so as not to scare people too much or create serious triggers for readers, and she didn’t understand.
It finally occurred to me that in my head, I had included the crimes and violence he had committed, and because it is such an integral part of my early life, it had not crossed my mind I completely left all of it out! We added content to fill in these gaps.
Can you describe how you aim to make a significant social impact with your book?
I think it is essential for a man who is not being pressured externally to speak openly about being raised in a violent home, becoming a predator and criminal, who eventually cleaned up his life and is doing good in the world one day at a time.
Can you share with us the most interesting story that you shared in your book?
In 1991, my therapist challenged me to understand that “women are more than body parts,” but I didn’t get it on any level. I was baffled at the statement; my misogyny was so embedded in my mind that I could not understand the concept. The rest of the chapter explains how the women in my life slowly but surely helped me understand how women are whole human beings! I have spent the last thirty years since then working internally and externally to continue to dive deeper into that and other toxic masculine perspectives in me and other men.
What was the “aha moment” or series of events that made you decide to bring your message to the greater world? Can you share a story about that?
I was in a retreat in Costa Rica three years ago. I fell asleep during one of the meditations. While I was not conscious, I had a dream/vision of me needing to write about how the men in my family trained me to hate women and take what I wanted from them. After the retreat, I started writing the book, and it was clear that I needed to expand that vision to illustrate what happened after I became one of them. To share my story of recovery and transformation.
Without sharing specific names, can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted or helped by your cause?
Yes. Recently, a man who I respect and look up to had called me after reading the book. He shared how the book inspired him to reflect on how some of these same patriarchal perspectives that created the violent man I had become had also affected him and some of his relationships. We had two beautiful conversations about healthy masculinity and how we can carry ourselves in the world.
Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do to help you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?
They can start by ceasing to cheat, lie, and abuse women!
They can use their power and platforms to stand for creating a safer world for girls and women.
They can listen to and believe women’s stories and experiences instead of blaming girls and women for the violence of men.
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
To me, leadership is having a clear set of values and principles that are rooted in creating peace, safety, and equality that we practice day by day, minute by minute, and being willing to use our successes and failures in these practices and sharing them as a means to facilitate others choosing to do so as well.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why?
- Keep reminding yourself this is not about you.
Since my project was a memoir, it was easy to get caught up thinking this was about me and my story, not the women who I wanted to create safety and men to grow and develop healthy masculinity.
2. Trust yourself; you know much more than you think.
There were times I let doubt creep in and forgot that I had been doing this work in some shape or form for three decades.
3. Listen to those who have been doing this for a long time.
I made sure I checked with women activists and scholars often along the way. I wanted to make sure I was not speaking for them or knew what they needed without asking them.
4. Make sure those you are supporting are heard and centered.
Again, ask questions and listen, as mentioned above.
5. Hire excellent people who are also committed to the work and trust them!
The editor I hired, who is an author and editor, used to be a women’s studies professor. When she challenged my thinking and ideas, I made sure I considered that she was an expert in three areas that I needed counsel in, plus she is a woman.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“We can’t do it alone, and nobody can do it for us.”
This was super helpful for me to begin to understand how I needed to ask for help, and if I wanted my life to change, I still needed to do the work, and I didn’t need to be alone while doing it.
Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
Brene Brown. I have deep appreciation for her commitment to helping us all understand shame, and compassion as a form of activism and a pathway to transformation.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
My website, listed above, is the easiest way, I update it often and continue to add new content.
Michaelswerdloff.com
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
About The Interviewer: Yitzi Weiner is a journalist, author, and the founder & Editor-In-Chief of Authority Magazine. The guiding principle behind all of Authority Magazine’s content is that good stories should be beautiful to heart, mind, and eyes.
Yitzi is also the CEO of Authority Magazine’s Thought Leader Incubator, which has guided dozens of leaders to become trusted authorities in their field after becoming syndicated columnists, authors, and media commentators. Yitzi is also the author of five books.
At Authority Magazine, Yitzi has conducted or coordinated more than 4000 empowering interviews with prominent Authorities like Shaquille O’Neal, Floyd Mayweather, Kelly Rowland, Bobbi Brown, Daymond John, Lori Greiner, Robert Herjavec, Lindsay Lohan, Cal Ripken Jr., Jillian Michaels, Derek Hough, and the C-Suite executives of companies like eBay, Kroger, American Express, MasterCard, 3M, L’Oréal, Walgreens, Intuit, Virgin, Campbell, Walmart, CVS, Wells Fargo, AT&T, Oracle, ZOOM, Udemy, Samuel Adams Beer, Zappos, Adobe, Capital One, Lockheed Martin, Gallup, Procter & Gamble , Anheuser-Busch, Chipotle, Starbucks, and thousands others.
A trained Rabbi, Yitzi is also a dynamic educator, teacher and orator. He currently lives in Maryland with his wife and children.
If you are a successful leader in your field, and think you would be a good fit for the Thought leader Incubator, feel free to reach out to Yitzi anytime.
Social Impact Authors: How & Why Michael Swerdloff Is Helping To Change Our World was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.