…Writing is cumulative and no two people work the same. Find your process and what works for your unique personality. What might work for Ginger or Murray may not work for you. And don’t be embarrassed or ashamed about your process — it’s not anyone’s business but your own. Don’t discuss it — it’s personal. If a messy desk gets your fingers tapping, great. If a freshly mopped floor that you can eat off of is an essential part of your creative process, hallelujah! No one is going to care about how you work or what you need more than you…
As part of my series about “authors who are making an important social impact”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dani Alpert.
Dani is the author of Hello? Who is This? Margaret? — a new collection of humorous essays — and the memoir, The Girlfriend Mom, winner of the 2020 Story Circle Network Gilda Award for comedy, honoring Gilda Radner. Dani spent decades working in theater, television, and film, performing, writing, and directing and is also a Pilates instructress and an advocate for the Down syndrome community. Dani’s first headshot was her mugshot taken after being arrested for tagging when she was a juvenile; she’s been trying to reclaim those glory days ever since.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
Thanks for having me. It was a pretty average childhood living in the suburbs in Westchester County, NY. I don’t like to use the word boring, but I will. I couldn’t wait to get out.
I was bitten by the showbiz bug pretty early on, and I never looked back. I took dance, singing, and acting classes starting when I was about seven. And I practiced death scenes and my award speeches at night in my bedroom. But I also loved sports. I was a gymnast and tennis player for New York Minute, and then in high school, I played basketball and softball. I was pretty average at best.
I went to theater camp, and I got my first headshot when I was 13. It goes without saying that I was in the school musicals. The theater was the one place where I felt truly accepted and at home. I wasn’t interested in much else. My parents were supportive for the most part, but they weren’t stage parents like I wanted. Any class, workshop, or anything related to entertainment was up to me to research and work out myself.
I was a very motivated, ambitious, and precocious kid — kind of annoying, I see that now. And I always thought my destiny was waiting for me in the Big Apple. I graduated from NYU film school, and then I moved to L.A. to attend The American Film Institute. How far back do you want me to go?
When you were younger, was there a book that you read that inspired you to take action or changed your life? Can you share a story about that?
After sailing through Dr. Seuss’s literary canon, I discovered Judy Blume. The first book I remember reading that changed my life was Forever. I read it when I was ten years old, which was totally inappropriate. I got into trouble for underlining the dirty parts (like I knew what those were) and bringing it to school to share with my friends. I’m a sharer. I read the parts out loud like a prepubescent Dr. Ruth.
I’ve always been drawn to books where the main character is an underdog, doesn’t fit in, or feels like an outsider. I suppose that’s why I started volunteering with organizations like Caring for Babies with Aids and the Special Olympics.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
I guarantee that you don’t have that kind of time. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, both professionally and personally. And I’ve repeated the same mistakes — because I can be very dense and stubborn.
I think, though, that not listening to my gut and trusting myself has caused me the most pain and aggravation — and has also been the most enlightening. It’s funny (pun intended) that my current book is all about my funny mistakes over the years and what I learned from making them.
If I had to choose, I’d say it was the time I accepted a volunteer position on a film project in Granada, Nicaragua. I flew home twelve hours later because I changed my mind, and because I saw a cockroach the size of a baby’s forearm scurry out from under my motel room door.
Can you describe how you aim to make a significant social impact with your book?
My book isn’t about social impact, per se. I work in the Down syndrome community, volunteering at GiGi’s Playhouse Westchester. It’s an achievement center for those with Down syndrome. All programs are offered for free and are volunteer based. I’m a literacy tutor and I co-lead other programs. It’s an environment where I’m able to share my skills with the students. There isn’t anything more joyful and fulfilling than volunteering and sharing yourself with others.
I also think that, in general, the world at large needs an escape and to laugh — and in this case, my book might be a fit. I feel like my job is to make others laugh and (hopefully) feel less alone. To me, that’s how I can make an impact.
Can you share with us the most interesting story that you shared in your book?
Chapter Seven of Hello? Who is This? Margaret?: “I Came Out of an Orthodox Jewish California Closet.” When I first started teaching Pilates — you can call me a body professional, if you like — a client at the studio where I was working asked if I’d give him and his wife private sessions in their home. I thought it sounded glamorous, and I said yes. Next thing I knew, I was led into the most well-appointed California Closet I’d ever seen. This man wanted me to teach in the closet. Two seconds later, I see his wife breastfeeding on a settee in the corner of the closet. I was speechless. I didn’t know what to do. I was such a rookie that I didn’t think I had the right to ask that we NOT have a Pilates session in the closet. After several late payments, I quit. Nobody puts Dani in a closet.
And this is why I can be a wee dense. A week later, a friend of the couple asked me if I’d give her private sessions at her house. I thought this time will be different. But it wasn’t. I quit. The woman had our sessions in the basement under her kids’ jungle gym while her three-legged Dachshund stared me down the entire time I was teaching.
What was the “aha moment” or series of events that made you decide to bring your message to the greater world? Can you share a story about that?
I don’t have a message in the literal sense. I think a lifetime of pursuing my dreams of being in showbiz and not taking no for an answer, or hearing “no” and doing it anyway, might be inspiring to someone struggling. Maybe it’ll give someone the gentle push and confidence to keep going.
Working with the students at GiGi’s Playhouse opened me up in a way that show business never did. Their perseverance in the face of sometimes shitty circumstances, is my inspiration. It’s a place where my skills and humor have a purpose and are meaningful. I relate to and treat these warriors as my most authentic self.
Without sharing specific names, can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted or helped by your cause?
I’ll call her MY. When we first met, she was shy, and I had no idea what she was capable of or what I had to offer her. After a few tutoring sessions, I asked her if she was interested in writing. To my great relief, she was. And we were off. Her writing, like it is for a lot of writers, was a place to explore her feelings and to express herself. She wrote about what was bothering her, scaring her, and her dream of falling in love. I was floored by her inhibitions and sense of humor. Thinking about it now, I see that being myself allowed her to be herself.
Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do to help you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?
I’m not trying to solve a problem. But I will say that it’s criminal and cruel that politicians are using those less fortunate and vulnerable as pawns in their sick and twisted games. They’re playing with people’s lives. Many others are more qualified than I to speak to issues like healthcare and support for families. I can only do what I do and trust that it’s helping in some small way.
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
I define leadership as the ability to bring people together in a unified direction. To guide, motivate, and inspire. This is what I do at GiGi’s, along with the two women who work with me. We lead by example. Our programs are well-respected, and we’ve seen great progress and evolution.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why? Please share a story or example for each.
- Being a human is hard. You’ll have to find a way through the peaks and valleys. Oh, by the way, there are peaks and valleys. I wish I knew about this little nugget because after I survived my first romantic breakup and that first job I didn’t get, I thought, “Well, I’m glad that’s over.” I thought it would be smooth sailing from then on. You know, like a one-and-done. So very wrong. It’s forever. The good news is that you get better at weathering the valleys, and you’re also more prepared for those temporary peaks.
- Do the thing that I dreaded the most on my ‘to-do’ list first and cross it off. Procrastinating is such a time suck and causes so much needless and avoidable anxiety. You don’t need to suffer and keep transferring it onto yet another list. Close your eyes, hold your nose, turn on Law & Order: SVU for company, and get that thing off your list.
- I was going to outgrow some friends and family members, and that was okay. I didn’t have to contort myself into a pretzel trying to save the relationships just because there was history. Some people will grow with you, at the same speed, and some won’t. And it doesn’t matter why, only that you know it’s not working for you. They’re not helping to move your chess piece forward. They’re on their journey.
- Not every thought or idea is a matter of life and death. Not every decision needs to be put to a committee. Don’t overthink or overanalyze. Learning how to prioritize and manage your time might be a struggle. I find conducting short press conferences in my head helps. Time is precious. Don’t waste it thinking.
- Writing is cumulative and no two people work the same. Find your process and what works for your unique personality. What might work for Ginger or Murray may not work for you. And don’t be embarrassed or ashamed about your process — it’s not anyone’s business but your own. Don’t discuss it — it’s personal. If a messy desk gets your fingers tapping, great. If a freshly mopped floor that you can eat off of is an essential part of your creative process, hallelujah! No one is going to care about how you work or what you need more than you.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“What is success? To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate the beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
This quote is especially meaningful and relevant to me. It brings me back to my core beliefs and what’s important to me, especially when I’m spinning and knotting up about something inconsequential and superficial. When I get caught up in the noise and the nonsense (and social media clicks), it’s like a gentle slap upside my head. Success isn’t about fame, material wealth, book sales, or a wrinkle-free neck.
Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)-
I’d like to have a few words over a Mimosa with my younger self. She’s got some explaining to do.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
On my website, Danialpert.com; On Instagram @dani_alpert, and on Facebook @dani.alpert
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
Social Impact Authors: How & Why Author Dani Alpert Is Helping To Change Our World was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.