An Interview With Wanda Malhotra
Deciding to be alcohol-free is a daily commitment. You will be met with offers and temptations of drinks left and right. Once you make the choice and decide you are no longer a drinker, let that become part of your identity… Let it be a mantra, even. I don’t drink, I’m sober. I don’t drink, I’m sober. I don’t drink, I’m sober. Get comfortable saying it, you’ll have a lot of opportunities to use it.
In a world where the journey towards sobriety is often challenging and deeply personal, understanding the pathways and strategies for achieving and maintaining sobriety is crucial. This series aims to provide insight, encouragement, and practical advice for those who are on the road to recovery, as well as for their loved ones and support networks. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Renee Pengov.
Renee earned her Master’s Degree in Social Services and Administration; she is a Licensed Social Worker and works as a Behavioral Health Therapist. Renee recently started Conscious Connection and Wellness, a wellness company aiming to connect individuals to and through various aspects of wellness with mindfulness and meditation services, life-coaching, and community social events. Renee specialized in Substance Use Disorder and has been sober herself for over two years.
Thank you so much for joining us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’?
I appreciate the opportunity! Additionally, I’m a mama, writer, and advocate of many things. My interest in sobriety began in childhood. I was told alcohol was dangerous and that alcoholism ran in our family; when I got to the age where my friend groups were starting to drink, I never took more than a couple drinks as I was scared and unsure what might happen. This of course progressed throughout the years as I became more comfortable and society told me — alcohol isn’t dangerous, it’s fun, and everybody uses it. It took me around eleven years and an ample amount of mistakes and traumas before I understood what my parents were cautioning me about.
I’ve always been inspired by my dad’s 30+ years of sobriety. Who sticks with anything for over thirty years, let alone something that requires a daily dedication of strength, courage, and self-awareness? I wondered what made him so capable. I became intrigued by the roots of addiction. I learned a lot in school but became much more familiar with substance abuse ‘behind the scenes.’ After being sober-curious for years on and off, I now remain sober and eager to help others gain insight into what a sober-life looks like.
Can you share with us the most interesting story from your career? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘takeaways’ you learned from that?
I’ve worked with many individuals who struggled with addiction; I once worked with a mom who was battling addiction — when we started working together she was four months sober and working to regain the trust of her two children. She constantly expressed her regret, her sorrow, and her love for her children. Ultimately, she could not forgive herself for her mistakes and she relapsed. She was caught drinking and driving with her children and lost her visitation rights. I was bewildered. I knew she genuinely cared for her kids and wanted relationships with them. She worked hard! But once she slipped beneath the current, there was no returning. She did not come back for services. I still strive to understand this level of addiction, without experiencing it myself.
Did this mean her addiction was stronger than mine? That her kids meant less to her? Or does it mean that I’m one choice — one drink — away from being somebody I don’t want to be? I don’t know what is waiting behind that door, which used to be the appeal, but it’s now the reason I don’t open it.
You are a successful individual. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Both my personal and professional success have required patience, adaptability, and courage; in becoming completely sober for the first time since I was a child, I had to relearn how to experience life. I found I required patience for myself as I celebrated, mourned, coped, and even vacationed without alcohol for the first time. It has been a journey of discovery, creation, building, and strengthening. I was and have been experiencing life completely raw and it’s truly something I struggle to describe, in the best way.
As for courage — I find myself courageous for not letting fear and discomfort drive my decisions. I decided to step into the unknown, time and time again. I made the offbeat decision to get sober in an alcohol-obsessed society. I decided, and still decide, to do something that never fails to challenge me. Becoming sober is just the beginning of the adventure, only the tips of your toes in the water. Alcohol abuse is merely the symptom of a much deeper problem. Your work does not end once you are able to consistently decline drinks.
When I first became sober-curious, I was unaware that on an internet search I would find that it was an entire movement; initially, I was finding sober-curiosity to include encouragement of limiting alcohol use and drinking alcohol ‘more mindfully.’ This wasn’t good enough. I had participated in ‘movements’ like ‘Dry January’ before, which always ended in comical announcements of our failure to remain sober for this small, chosen period of time. I didn’t want to participate in another knock-off, whimsical effort for change. I wanted to connect with people around my age who truly saw the need for change and were committed to an alcohol-free life.
I used courage to delve into new experiences, relationships, and a new life-style altogether. As for adaptability — I was constantly needing to adapt to new situations, feelings, responses, relationships, and needs. Persistent adaptation is required, especially in the very beginning of sobriety.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that might help people?
I am working on some exciting things right now through my business, Conscious Connection and Wellness. I hope to eventually connect with individuals all around the country and to help connect them with others, with resources, with whatever it is they’re looking for… I use self-care strategies like mindfulness and meditation, journaling, and physical activity to bring people together in a healthy space. My goal is to host community events like a paint and sip (of mocktails), nature-based play for kids and families, open-mic-night, among many, many other fun and engaging activities.
It seems that often we are failing to see the value of connection with those around us. It is becoming increasingly popular to be ‘antisocial’ or to base social time around alcohol consumption and it lacks quality connection. I noticed that as a drinker, my ‘best friend’ shifted to whoever was available and interested in drinking as much and as often as me and I see this same behavior from others; I’d love to encourage people to get out of their comfort zones and build relationships with others on a stable foundation. On top of that, I’ve noticed that when there is an unfortunate circumstance, we are often judging or finger-pointing, often out of fear and to make ourselves feel better, but I hope to offer support and connect with other individuals who are interested in offering sincere support to one another. Life can be scary, but it’s a lot more manageable when we have true support.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s shift to the main focus of our interview. How would you advise individuals who are contemplating the journey to sobriety but might be hesitant or unsure about taking the first step? Are there key considerations or strategies that can make this initial phase more manageable?
I think there is hesitance and uncertainty for anybody who is sober-curious. It may be useful to talk to somebody who is sober. Explore the pros and cons of quitting — which are more abundant? I highly recommend making sober friends and engaging in sober activities. You don’t necessarily need to break up with all of your friends who are not sober — but I highly recommend leaving that relationship behind if they do not support and respect your sobriety. It’s hard enough with alcohol being pushed on you every way you turn — you don’t need it in your close relationships too.
Sobriety often comes with its unique set of challenges. Can you share insights on how individuals can effectively navigate obstacles or triggers that may arise during their journey? Are there specific tools or support systems that you find particularly helpful in overcoming these challenges?
A change in goals and purpose was essential for me when getting sober. I don’t recommend to anybody getting pregnant to begin your sobriety-journey, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I haven’t had a drink since the day I found out I was pregnant with my daughter; I know everybody isn’t that fortunate but for me, I was able to make a huge adjustment to my priorities. Setting goals, working toward them, achieving them, growing, and flourishing is a high you could never get from substances; one that doesn’t wear off, doesn’t leave you worse than it found you, and very obviously does not take from you the way alcohol (and other substances) do. There is a long list of questions I recommend asking yourself if you are questioning your relationship with alcohol and the effects it’s having on your life, one that I plan to add to my blog. A lot of people think that what makes somebody an ‘alcoholic’ is that they are drinking all day, every day — this is an inimical misconception.
Maintaining sobriety is a long-term commitment. From your experience, what are the essential factors that contribute to the sustained success of individuals on this journey? Are there lifestyle adjustments or mindset shifts that prove crucial for the ongoing pursuit of sobriety?
Maintaining sobriety is absolutely a long-term commitment but I like to look at it as a day-by-day choice; I don’t focus on the difficulties that may come, or wonder how I am going to make it another year without consuming any alcohol. But now I look back and think, ‘wow, I can’t believe it’s already been over two years!’ Every time I think I miss it — I think of everything that has been better without it. One of the biggest difficulties with getting sober, for me, has been FOMO (fear of missing out.) It’s hard to see your friends going about having a good time without you. Didn’t the ‘good time’ revolve around me? You find you’re easily replaceable in the drinking-world…there is always somebody who is willing to make an ass of themselves for the entertainment of others. And what a relief that becomes — as I’m sitting at home, sober, enjoying my family, I’m not missed. I don’t feel any guilt for changing or disappearing or letting anybody down. But I would be painfully missed at home. So while the FOMO is uncomfortable at times, it’s ultimately a relief, a wake-up call, and nothing compared to all that I gain from living a completely different life than before. You may not want to become irrelevant or forgotten, but if you are — you have not been surround by the right people.
Based on your research or experience, can you please share your “5 Things You Need To Begin, Navigate, & Sustain Sobriety”?
“5 Things You Need To Begin, Navigate, & Sustain Sobriety”
- Self-awareness
For example, “Am I going to be able to be able to successfully go to this party at the bar and not drink?” “Is that person a healthy individual for me to be around?” “What and who triggers me to drink?” “What am I struggling to face that I want to be under the influence?” “What will happen if I drink tonight? How will I feel tomorrow?”
2. Support
Having support throughout your sobriety-journey is a huge piece. If you don’t have close friends or family members who are healthy supports to you, I highly recommend finding a meeting, group, or some type of sober connection to turn to in your times of need… there will be times of need, but nothing that you can’t manage with commitment and determination.
3. Coping Strategies
Alcohol will no longer be your crutch — what will you do in the times you would normally turn to a drink, or ten? Take some time to explore what works for you — I find meditation, journaling, and hiking or other forms of exercise to be great coping strategies. If you feel like drinking — first meditate, journal, and engage in some type of exercise and see how you feel, nine times out of ten, the urges will be much more manageable.
4. Commitment
Deciding to be alcohol-free is a daily commitment. You will be met with offers and temptations of drinks left and right. Once you make the choice and decide you are no longer a drinker, let that become part of your identity… Let it be a mantra, even. I don’t drink, I’m sober. I don’t drink, I’m sober. I don’t drink, I’m sober. Get comfortable saying it, you’ll have a lot of opportunities to use it.
5. Determination
I don’t know about you, but once I decide I want something — my determination is almost unbreakable. I’ve committed to ending the chaos alcohol brings and am determined to succeed and reap all of the benefits life has to offer.
Community support plays a vital role in the journey to sobriety. How can individuals find and engage with supportive communities or resources that align with their specific needs and goals? Are there online platforms, local groups, or initiatives that you recommend for fostering a sense of connection and understanding during this process?
In your search for supports and resources that align with your specific needs and goals, I would start with a simple internet search! See what you find… I also recommend reading the book, Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker. There are also numerous social media accounts and groups for sober-curious individuals, people already living a sober life, as well as people who are actively trying to get and remain sober; everybody is attracted to something maybe a little different than the next person, so explore! There are many, many options for both online and in-person support.
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
I do have a website, www.consciousconnectionandwellness.org and on there you can find my social media accounts and my blog! I offer services both in-person and virtually and am always open to collaborating on various work, events, and advocacy efforts — I’d love to connect.
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.
About the Interviewer: Wanda Malhotra is a wellness entrepreneur, lifestyle journalist, and the CEO of Crunchy Mama Box, a mission-driven platform promoting conscious living. CMB empowers individuals with educational resources and vetted products to help them make informed choices. Passionate about social causes like environmental preservation and animal welfare, Wanda writes about clean beauty, wellness, nutrition, social impact and sustainability, simplifying wellness with curated resources. Join Wanda and the Crunchy Mama Box community in embracing a healthier, more sustainable lifestyle at CrunchyMamaBox.com.
Renee Pengov Of Conscious Connection and Wellness On How to Begin, Navigate, & Sustain Sobriety was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.