Raising Resilient Kids: Jerry Burns Of Foothills Martial Arts Academy On Strategies for Nurturing Emotional Strength in Children
Teach kids that effort is more important than outcome. We often praise victory, but it’s important to learn that failure is inevitable. When I compete in jiu-jitsu tournaments, I’ve found that those moments after a match that didn’t go my way are the best learning experiences. It gives me a chance to stand back up, analyze what went wrong and grow from the outcome. Many of the kids I teach compete as well. When parents encourage them to take the same approach, the kids show more emotional control and understand how to grow through setbacks.
In today’s fast-paced world, children face numerous challenges that can impact their emotional well-being. Developing resilience is key to helping them navigate these obstacles and grow into emotionally strong individuals. How can parents, educators, and caregivers foster this resilience in children? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Jerry Burns.
Jerry Burns is a first-degree black belt in Jiu-Jitsu and the owner of Foothills Martial Arts Academy in Maryville, Tennessee. Burns is a retired K9 officer who worked in Kentucky and Gatlinburg, Tennessee, before serving with the Blount County (Tennessee) Sheriff’s Office. Foothills Martial Arts Academy offers self-defense and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu courses for children and adults. Burns is also a certified defensive tactics instructor and teaches law enforcement officers how to safely handle challenging situations with expertise and poise.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?
My jiu-jitsu grappling experience began over 20 years ago. I’ve earned my black belt and competed in more than 30 jiu jitsu tournaments. I have an Associate’s Degree in Criminal Justice and am a retired police officer with over 15 years of service in Kentucky and East Tennessee. During my time in martial arts and serving on the force, I realized that I had a passion for teaching people ways to stay safe and build resilience in everyday life.
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on raising resilient kids? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to this field?
In my law enforcement career, I witnessed how resilience, or a lack of it, can dramatically impact children. As a jiu-jitsu professor, I help kids develop emotional control, discipline, perseverance and discipline that gives them practical ways to face life with confidence. People often see the violent nature of jiu-jitsu and assume it’s about learning how to fight, but it’s actually about learning how to stay poised in challenging situations. As a parent myself, I feel like teaching these principles to my own children has prepared them to be more mentally and emotionally grounded in life.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
“Adversity introduces a man to himself,” is a quote that has always stood out to me because it highlights how adversity drives growth. When I work with martial arts students that struggle with low self-esteem, I gradually push them to the edge of their comfort zone in a safe manner that builds confidence and resilience.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. How can parents handle situations when a child faces failure or disappointment? What strategies can parents use to help a child bounce back?
In martial arts coaching, I like to tell my students, “You win or learn. You never lose.” As parents, we want to jump in and help correct things as soon as something happens, but stepping in too early can prevent them from understanding how to use disappointment as a learning opportunity. Asking questions to help your children look back on the situation after the fact and analyze what they could have done to adjust the outcome encourages them to embrace learning from disappointing situations.
What role does parental modeling of resilience play in the development of emotional strength in children? Can you share an example of a resilient parenting moment that you experienced directly or that you have come across in the course of your work?
Modeling resilience should be front of mind for every parent. Our kids are always learning from us, whether it’s the words we use or the way we act. By displaying mental and emotional resilience in our own lives, our children will have a better understanding of how to adapt themselves.
When I coach my own daughters, who compete themselves, I explain to them that nerves and doubt are normal feelings to have but staying calm and confident is a fantastic way to overcome the doubt. It all comes back to the saying, “you either win or you learn.”
What approaches do you recommend to foster a growth mindset in children, encouraging them to see challenge as opportunities to learn?
It’s important to allow your children to experience challenges, and failures, in a safe and controlled environment. We instinctually want to shelter our kids from failure as parents, but doing so doesn’t encourage a growth mindset. In jiu-jitsu classes, for example, we teach challenging techniques that people don’t master in a day. Kids in these classes learn that it’s okay to fall short, learn from that setback and grow toward mastery.
How can parents balance providing support with allowing their children to experience and overcome difficulties on their own?
Finding the right balance between offering support and encouraging independence is one of the most challenging aspects of good parenting. I think one of the best things we can do is provide a safe space for children to take risks and make mistakes while being supportive enough to guide them toward a solution when they ask for it. Thinking of yourself as a teacher who helps your kids draw their own conclusions by pointing them in the right direction without solving their problems can give you that balance.
What self-care practices would you recommend for parents to maintain their own resilience while going through the everyday challenges of raising children?
I recommend that parents find a hobby they enjoy, eat healthy foods and exercise regularly. Not only does it benefit you personally, but it sets a great example for their children. As a business owner, you can’t take care of your business if you don’t take care of yourself. It’s the same with parenting. Your kids are constantly looking at you and learning from everything you do.
Look for healthy activities you can do together. When I coached youth basketball, I would often invite parents out to run drills during practice with the kids. At my martial arts academy, I encourage parents to get involved in their child’s classes and to participate in the adult classes. This is a great stress reliever for adults, and it creates fun bonding opportunities for kids.
Can you please share “5 Strategies To Raise Children With Resilience and Emotional Strength”?
1. Help your children step outside their comfort zone. When I start teaching a new class, most of our kids are afraid to step on the mat and interact with kids they don’t know, but you can really see their confidence grow after a few classes. As parents, giving our kids the encouragement they need to overcome that initial fear makes all the difference in growing emotional strength.
2. Teach kids that effort is more important than outcome. We often praise victory, but it’s important to learn that failure is inevitable. When I compete in jiu-jitsu tournaments, I’ve found that those moments after a match that didn’t go my way are the best learning experiences. It gives me a chance to stand back up, analyze what went wrong and grow from the outcome. Many of the kids I teach compete as well. When parents encourage them to take the same approach, the kids show more emotional control and understand how to grow through setbacks.
3. Allow your child to experience and express their emotions. It’s crucial to let your kids feel their feelings because it helps them understand their emotions. We often want to tell our kids that “it’s okay” when they’re having tough experiences, and that cause them to suppress their feelings inside. Encouraging kids to suppress emotions like that can cause those bottled-up feelings to turn into outbursts and stunt emotional growth.
4. Encourage problem-solving. As much as we want to, we can’t fix every problem for our kids. And it’s not the best way for them to learn and grow if we do. Giving them the room to brainstorm and find creative solutions for their problems helps our children overcome adversity in their own way and grow from the challenges they face.
5. Model resilience in your own life. When I allow myself to be vulnerable in front of my daughters and let them watch me grow from mistakes, it demonstrates to them how to handle adversity with maturity and composure. This modeling makes it possible for them to be more mindful in their own lives.
How can mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques be incorporated into daily routines to support children’s emotional resilience?
Starting the morning with controlled breathing before your kids head to school in the morning is a great way to prepare them for a more mindful day. Parents can also help their children practice mindfulness by helping them relax during uncomfortable moments in the day and reflecting on the situation afterwards.
Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve in this area?
I recommend finding sports and extra-curricular activities inside and outside of school. This is good for your mental and physical health.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
I would love the opportunity to meet Vice President JD Vance as I admire his common-sense approach to life. His book, Hillbilly Elegy, powerfully illustrates resilience in adversity, making him a great role model for kids in rural areas who are facing challenges.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Readers can follow Foothills Martial Arts on Facebook to stay up to date with our latest course offerings, and those in the Blount County, Tennessee, area can call us at (865) 446–0031 or stop by our school on Lincoln Road to participate in classes.
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
Raising Resilient Kids: Jerry Burns Of Foothills Martial Arts Academy On Strategies for Nurturing… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.