An Interview With Vanessa Ogle
Be your best customer! As moms, we tend to be hard on ourselves and get frustrated when you don’t do everything perfectly. My best customers are the ones who understand that I am not perfect. When something doesn’t go as expected, I let them know and they say okay, thanks for letting me know. And that is the end of it. So, I try to remind myself to be the same way with me.
In this fast-paced world, mothers who juggle work and parenting responsibilities face unique challenges and experiences. Their stories of resilience, strength, and adaptability are not just inspiring but also enlightening. We aim to delve into the lives of working mothers to understand how they manage their professional ambitions while raising their children either single-handedly or with a partner. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Shahara Wright.
Shahara founded The Wright Firm, PLLC over 20 years ago when she couldn’t find a law firm that matched her schedule as a single mom. She knew it was possible for entrepreneurs, especially single moms, to build a successful business their way. Today, Shahara helps CEOs of small and mid-sized companies as well as executive directors of nonprofit organizations enhance operations and execute strategic change. As a business and nonprofit law attorney, her strategies and proven methodologies have transformed the way small business owners and nonprofit leaders reduce legal liabilities and increase their bottom line.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion about celebrating working mothers, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
I am a business and nonprofit law attorney. During my third year of law school, I had the opportunity to clerk for an organization called Advocacy Inc. They worked to ensure that buildings and workspaces were accessible. I really enjoyed the work and wanted to continue working in the nonprofit space.
Unfortunately, I was unable to secure employment with a nonprofit organization after law school and ultimately decided to start my own law firm where I could work with various nonprofit organizations and small businesses.
Can you share a moment or story that happened to you where you were inspired or given hope that there could be successful parenting while building and growing a meaningful career?
As a young lawyer, I attended a continuing legal education (CLE) program for new lawyers. A well respected male attorney talked about some of his regrets. His main regret was not spending enough time with his son and how he prioritized his work over his family for most of his career. Now that his son was an adult, their relationship was strained, and he was working hard to repair the relationship.
I had my eldest son while I was in law school. When I started my law firm, I knew that being a present mother was important to me. I did not want to have this same story. So, I put in hard boundaries at the beginning of my career. It was difficult, but my clients respected my role as a single mother and were willing to be flexible.
I realized that this was just a part of my life when a male client called me during my morning drive to drop off my son to school. He called and said have you dropped your son off yet? I laughed and said yes. He was like “great!, so can we talk while you are in the car!!” He was happy that he had my undivided attention. I had a long drive back home and we were able to talk through a lot of issues. That call made me realize that I could be a successful attorney, business owner, and present mother. I felt like that was a turning point for me.
It is exciting to be here with you today celebrating your success. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to that success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
- Saying No. I will admit my default answer is usually no, so that is not necessarily a difficult thing for me. However, it is hard when you realize that you will not have access to certain opportunities. One of my hard rules is that I do not network at night. Oftentimes, the best networking opportunities are after hours during happy hour. This was during prime homework time, and I could not (or did not want to) leave my son to network. But this made things clear for me and allowed me to be clear about the opportunities that made sense for me. It helped me to focus on the important things.
- Being flexible. I was hybrid before hybrid was a thing! I really worked from the office, home, a coffee shop . . . wherever I needed to go to get what I needed to get things done. I think this gave me the ability to adjust to ever changing situations, schedules, and needs of my family and my clients. And because of my ability to be flexible, clients really enjoy working with me. That doesn’t mean there isn’t a process, but it means that I can work with various clients’ needs and this allows me to work with clients in a way that many lawyers cannot.
- I’m straight forward. Some people cannot handle my direct communication and that is okay. However, most of my clients like that I communicate in a clear and concise manner. My no holds barred, straight to the point, no filter, method of communication is something that my clients often point to as what they like about working with me. People know that what they see is what they get. It works well for me.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. Can you share a personal story that highlights the balancing act of being a working mother?
My youngest son has ADHD and that is very challenging as a parent. This means that my son needs a lot of attention and special handling when it comes to everyday activities, homework, extracurricular activities, and friendships. I like to tell people I am an attorney by day and an executive secretary to my son at night. I have to maintain a strict schedule that allows me to focus on my clients and my son’s needs.
I like to have a strict schedule, but that doesn’t always work out. Going back to my ability to be flexible, if I have to leave in the middle of the day to attend a parent teacher meeting, I can do so and then head straight back to work without skipping a beat. But this lessens the number of tasks that I get done in a day so careful planning on my part is necessary.
Sometimes, I will get an email in the middle of the day from a teacher stating that my son is missing homework that I know that he did but somehow forgot to turn in. Now, I am scrambling to figure out where the homework is, making sure it gets turned in, and worrying about whether my son forgot anything else. This can completely ruin my day.
So, I may “waste” 2 hours of my work time dealing with some ADHD issue that I wasn’t planning to deal with. Just knowing and accepting that these things are going to happen helps me to stay focused and not get myself too far off track with client matters.
What has been your most effective strategy for balancing work commitments with your responsibilities as a parent?
I don’t know if it is effective, but I really try to keep a strict schedule for myself. I try to get up early so that I can respond to emails and get a couple of quick matters done before my son gets up for school.
There is the morning ordeal of getting my son up for school and it usually entails a lot of yelling. Once we are out the door, there is a long commute to school and the drive back home. That is a block of time that is just focused on parenting responsibilities.
Once I am in the office, I am focused on work. This really means that I have about 5 hours to get most of what I want to get done completed before my son is out of school. I keep a calendar and priority list to make sure I stay focused.
Around 3:30 p.m., I stop working and give myself an hour break before I focus back on my son, cooking, homework, etc. Sleep, rinse and repeat.
Can you share a significant challenge you faced as a working mother and how you overcame it?
The last two years were very hard. My sister passed away December 2021 and our entire family had a hard time dealing with the loss. Especially for my youngest son, who had just started back in person school and was already struggling. We tried a private school, which I thought would be a better fit, but he continued to struggle. He was overwhelmed by the amount of homework, pressure, and expectations. Combined with grief and ADHD, it was a nightmare for both of us. During that time, I was participating in the Goldman Sachs 10K SMB program and working on expanding my firm. However, I realized that he needed more focus and attention from me and I had to pull back on a lot of commitments. This also resulted in me missing a lot of planned work activities and major goals that I had in mind. I just had to nix it altogether.
The business expansion was completely put on hold, and I just needed to focus on my son and getting him through the school year. I really suffered from a lot of mommy guilt, and I struggled to get through my frustration of wanting to focus on my career and business vs. having to deal with my son’s educational and emotional needs. I think this was the first time that I really questioned whether or not I was making the right choices.
Eventually, we moved schools, and my son is doing much better. He even made student of the month!! I was able to re-adjust my priorities, and even if it is a year later, I am moving forward with the plans to grow the firm.
Some employers are hesitant to hire moms and especially single mothers. Will you tell us a story about your productivity and accomplishments and how being a mom actually assisted you at work?
I really don’t know why that is a stigma. Most moms can multitask and handle whatever is thrown at them. If you allow them to put their kids first, they will do what is necessary to get the job done.
I am a business owner, and I have the pleasure and flexibility to make my own schedule. When I tell my clients that I am a single mom and have an ADHD teenager, they understand, and I rarely get any push back. Being able to say no, is a privilege for me. I am probably doing about 5 things at one time and that skill is thanks to being a mom.
How do you prioritize self-care amidst your busy schedule?
This is an ongoing struggle and one that I have not actually solved. I often have to be reminded to take care of myself. When I see that I am going to have some down time, I try to take advantage of it. Whether it is getting a pedicure or a massage, or just leaving work a bit early to take a nap, I just try to fit in what I can when I can.
How do you find time and energy for personal development?
I realized that my business’ success is connected to my own emotions. When I am stressed and frustrated, it benefits no one. So I really need to ensure that I work on my mindset as often as possible. I wish I would have learned this earlier in life, but being able to prioritize my mental health has become as integral to being a successful attorney and mother.
Based on your experience and research, can you please share “5 Things You Need to Thrive as a Working Mother?”
1. Therapy! Seriously, I wish I would have started therapy a lot sooner in life. I didn’t seek help until my sister passed away and I realized that I just wasn’t going to make it through the year without help. But I quickly realized that I had so many things on my plate, so much personal pressure that I was just holding it in. The result was my business was suffering and I was not pleasant to be around. My mental health is important and necessary to protect.
2. Be your best customer! As moms, we tend to be hard on ourselves and get frustrated when you don’t do everything perfectly. My best customers are the ones who understand that I am not perfect. When something doesn’t go as expected, I let them know and they say okay, thanks for letting me know. And that is the end of it. So, I try to remind myself to be the same way with me.
3. Be clear about your priorities! A lot of moms feel bad that they can’t do more in their career because they have their families. And simultaneously, they feel bad because they are not spending enough time with their kids because they are working. I think this is something that I have always been clear about. My kids are my priority. That will mean that I may lose out on certain opportunities, and it took me a lot longer to reach some of my goals. But I am glad that I could be available and present for my kids and that means the most to me.
4. Mom wins! We all keep a list of mom fails but mom wins are important too. We need to remind ourselves of the times that we got it right. As I mentioned, my son struggled for two years at school. I sent him to a private school that I thought would be a perfect fit, and I was wrong, so wrong. I beat myself up about that choice for a long time. When we moved schools, I still was upset about my previous decision. Last week, he came home with a Student of the Month sign. I was shocked, and happy, and stunned!! This has never happened before. I got it right this time!!
5. It’s okay to not be okay. In our never ending need to be the perfect mother and worker, we sometimes forget that we are in fact human. Full of emotions, frustrations, sadness, etc. We have to acknowledge our feelings and deal with them as they come. I like to tell people that I don’t have feelings (which is still in debate), but I know when my emotions are out of whack. When I am feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, or lost, I tend to start questioning everything. Once I realize what is happening, I stop and try to reset. That might mean taking a break. Doing something less stressful or doing something brainless which can take my mind off my problems. I no longer punish myself for feeling less than perfect. I acknowledge it. That allows me to adjust in a way that has little to no impact on the people around me.
What support systems or resources have been crucial in helping you manage both parenting and your career?
- Family & Friends
- Therapist and Business Coach
- Great assistant
- Having a group of like-minded individuals that I can connect with.
What advice would you give to single mothers striving to achieve success in their careers while raising children?
The pressure of being a single mother is enormous. You are the breadwinner and sole provider for your household. If you fall, the entire ship goes down with you. It’s scary. So you often do things from a place of pressure. This allows you to achieve a lot more because you can’t fail. But this also leaves you constantly stressed.
So, I don’t think it is an issue of achieving success, because success is not optional. I think it is a matter of remaining sane through the process. I struggle to ensure that I take care of myself, but I also have to remind myself that If I don’t, my kids will suffer. This helps me to remember that I am important too.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Single Moms CEOs!! I did an interview series once for and about single moms who are full time business owners. As single mothers, we often are forgotten or treated as if we are not a normal part of society. The stereotypes around being a single mother are terrible and often disgusting.
But most of us are doing well taking care of our children (and sometimes with little or no child support) while running a business full-time. Doing the work of two (sometimes four) people by ourselves should be celebrated! There are married, two-income households that cannot achieve what we do. So my movement would be to celebrate hard working single mothers that are successful and are able create the lives they want for themselves and their children.
How can our readers further follow you online?
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/ShaharaWright
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/company/thewrightlawyer
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/therealwrightlawer
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/thewrightlawyer
Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
About The Interviewer: Vanessa Ogle is a mom, entrepreneur, inventor, writer, and singer/songwriter. Vanessa’s talent in building world-class leadership teams focused on diversity, a culture of service, and innovation through inclusion allowed her to be one of the most acclaimed Latina CEO’s in the last 30 years. She collaborated with the world’s leading technology and content companies such as Netflix, Amazon, HBO, and Broadcom to bring innovative solutions to travelers and hotels around the world. Vanessa is the lead inventor on 120+ U.S. Patents. Accolades include: FAST 100, Entrepreneur 360 Best Companies, Inc. 500 and then another six times on the Inc. 5000. Vanessa was personally honored with Inc. 100 Female Founder’s Award, Ernst and Young’s Entrepreneur of the Year Award, and Enterprising Women of the Year among others. Vanessa now spends her time sharing stories to inspire and give hope through articles, speaking engagements and music. In her spare time she writes and plays music in the Amazon best selling new band HigherHill, teaches surfing clinics, trains dogs, and cheers on her children.
Please connect with Vanessa here on linkedin and subscribe to her newsletter Unplugged as well as follow her on Substack, Instagram, Facebook, and X and of course on her website VanessaOgle.
Balancing Acts: Shahara Wright On How To Thrive As A Working Mother was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.