I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Mary Ellen Ciganovich On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling Unsatisfied & What We Can Do About It
An Interview With Drew Gerber
Awareness of Self — your Self! The easiest way to become Aware of Self is through a theory I call, “One Finger out Three pointing back.” Meaning — The good you see in others is the good you have inside yourself. Always take a moment to become aware of this good characteristic you see. Bless it. Thank God for allowing this person to show you your Goodness.
From an objective standpoint, we are living in an unprecedented era of abundance. Yet so many of us are feeling unsatisfied. Why are we seemingly so insatiable? What is going on inside of us that is making us feel unsatisfied? What is the brain chemistry that makes us feel this way? Is our brain wired for endless insatiable consumption? What can we do about it? In this interview series, we are talking to credentialed experts such as psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, brain science experts, as well as spiritual and religious leaders, and mind-body-spirit coaches, to address why so many of us are feeling unsatisfied & what we can do about it.
As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Mary Ellen Ciganovich.
Mary Ellen Ciganovich is a Mindfulness Coach and founder of R.E.A.L. Health, L.L.C. in Chattanooga, TN. She teaches people to be Really Enthusiastic about Life through using the Truth Teachings she learned to heal her own life of trauma and illness. She has been successful with many clients around the world who reached out to her after reading her many books on Truth.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to know how you got from “there to here.” Inspire us with your backstory!
Being the youngest of only two children and an accident of birth I never felt loved in my own family. This was made even more evident after I was diagnosed with Epilepsy at the age of six. My mother always told me not to tell anyone I had epilepsy, and I couldn’t get married or have children! This made for an extremely low level of self-esteem. Although I looked healthy, I felt flawed inside.
My parents fought a lot! Holidays were horrible with Turkeys flying through the air and Christmas trees being torn down. Even though I was told not to apply to college, I did and was accepted at the University of Georgia. I was told since my mom was paying for college not to come home so I joined the Alpha Chi Omega sorority. This was the beginning of me learning to love myself. My sorority sisters accepted me just the way I was and told me I had a very mild case!
Even though I was told not to marry I did, and I had a child. At the age of three years old she was misdiagnosed with Epilepsy. I broke down! Was totally mad at God as this was one thing, I had asked of Him!! Just one!! After a couple of years of my daughter being on medication, I found a neurologist at the Yale-New Have Seizure clinic who agreed to look at not only my daughter and my case of epilepsy. Dr. Richard Mattson told me the best news of my life when he said, “I don’t know who diagnosed her or why as any 3-year old’s EEG will read abnormal and you have a perfectly healthy little girl!” I never thought about going back to the original Doctor as I know Doctors are people doing the best they can. I learned from this experience to be in charge on my own health. I began to study holistic healing, alternative medicine, and Spirituality.
My first husband left me which I never expected. This led me even further into learning about myself. I started playing tournament racquetball to get my negative feelings out then the ground fell out from under me one more time. I was diagnosed in 1989 with Multiple Sclerosis! There were no medications for MS at this time and I was already teaching people to heal by using the power of love and dropping fear. I looked my MS monster in the face embraced it with a visual loving hug and said okay, “teach me what I still need to learn about me!” As I meditated, exercised, and studied different healing techniques God sent me answers. I began to study A Course in Miracles at the Atlanta Awareness Center. I studied Ayurvedic Healing and even Chinese Herbs.
Even with epilepsy and MS, I did marry again to a wonderful man. We celebrate our 25th Anniversary next year. I teach my clients that if you are okay with your diagnosis someone else will be okay with it. My daughter now climbs mountains all over the world and her goal is to climb the 7 Summits of the world. She has already conquered five!
You see it all begins with loving yourself, accepting yourself and being kind to yourself every single day!
What lessons would you share with yourself if you had the opportunity to meet your younger self?
The first thing I would teach my younger self is LOVE. Learn to love yourself just the way you are. Forgive others and know that is the best they can do in that moment.
None of us are able to experience success without support along the way. Is there a particular person for whom you are grateful because of the support they gave you to grow you from “there to here Can you share that story and why you are grateful for them?
I never had the support of a “family” that I could turn too yet my daughter has always been there for me. There were many times we had only each other to lean on for support. She likes to say “she raised me” yet I know differently, actually we probably raised each other.
My second husband, Peter Ciganovich, has taught me a lot about allowing someone else to love me. It was very hard for me to allow someone else to love me since I did not learn that skill growing up.
We met once ten years before our first date. I had just moved back to Atlanta after my first husband left and I went out to a club called “Ruppert’s” just to observe the “singles scene.” I was sitting there watching people when this guy comes up to me and says, “I’ve talked myself in and out of asking you to dance all night. I have to leave, and I want you to know you are the most beautiful woman here.” Then he turned and left! Didn’t ask for my name, number, or anything! I never forgot that moment and as I taught 8th grade, I use to tell my students that story. Ten years later I was set up on a blind date to meet a guy just for a cup of coffee. Peter and I sat for hours talking and knowing we had met somewhere before. As we rode around Atlanta one day, I told him my “Ruppert’s” story. Peter slammed on the brakes — That’s it that’s where we met, I was that guy!!! He went on to explain why he left without my number and next year on July 19th we will be married for 25 years!
His support and love as well as my daughter Stephanie’s love and support have been a true gift from God.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think it might help people?
I have two more Truth books outlined and ready to be picked up by any publisher who may be interested. My books on Truth are not facts and opinions they are Truths any person can use to create peace, love, and success in their life. Of course, no book will help you by simply reading it. You must work the Truth principles in my books and when you do Miracles happen! My other books are Healing Words, Life Lessons to Inspire, T.R.U.T.H. Taking Responsibility Unleashes True Healing and Truth Lives. They have all been very well received and have many 5-star reviews. These books are all on Amazon or can be purchased through my website at www.askmaryellen.com
Due to my Multiple Sclerosis, I do not take many clients at a time to do Mindfulness Coaching with and at this time I do have a couple of openings. Please contact me if you want to see your life differently, want to learn to love yourself, need parenting tips, have teenagers giving you troubles, going through a divorce or have been diagnosed with an illness. Note I do not give medical tips or talk about different prescriptions, and I can teach you how to use your mind to heal your body. I also do communication workshops and work with employees showing them positive ways to handle difficult customers.
Ok, thank you for sharing your inspired life. Let’s now talk about feeling “unsatisfied.” In the Western world, humans typically have their shelter, food, and survival needs met. What has led to us feeling we aren’t enough and don’t have enough? What is the wiring? Or in other words, how has nature and nurture played into how humans (in an otherwise “safe and secure” environment) experience feeling less than, or a need to have more than what is needed for basic survival?
Western Society is always teaching bigger, newer, and more “stuff” is better. More new “stuff” will make you happy and feel accepted. A bigger home, newer, faster car will give you that loving feeling you desire because your “stuff” will attract that person into your life to complete you! Our brains are being rewired by technology, advertisements, and fake-dreams — even fake examples of successes that are totally unachievable. Children are being nurtured through a computer, cell phone, tablet, or text of mommy saying, “Good night.”
Since our brains are hard-wired for survival, people do not feel safe and secure anymore. You may get “hacked.” You do not have enough likes, “friends,” or “comments” from your post so you must not be a worthwhile person. Older people are not wise, they are seen as “junk” ready to be discarded instead, especially since they do not understand technology.
What we need is to begin teaching things like — you are complete, whole and love just as you are and if you are not complete without another person in your life you will never be complete with another person. Bigger, newer, and more “stuff” is not always better — it’s just STUFF! Technology is good when used to advance society through positive, uplifting learning channels. Advertisements should be believable and achievable telling truthful facts to all. Your basic survival is achieved every day you wake up being excited to live, being able to inspire or help someone else and always learning to love yourself just the way you are!
How are societies different? For example, capitalistic societies trade differently than communists. Developed nations trade differently than developing nations. In your opinion, how does society shape a human’s experience and feelings of satisfaction?
I am not sure if it is the “type of society” as much as the intimate family experience that is share by the individual. Families do not sit down for dinner anymore. They do not talk to each other about how the day went. Everyone is on their cell phone, tablet, or other “tech’ gadget instead of giving loving attention to each other. Parents are too busy to parent their children correctly. They are not teaching organizational skills, responsibility, manners, or even basic respect. This is because many parents do not have these skills themselves and you cannot teach something you do not know how to do yourself. Then they wonder why their teenagers turned to a person, who may be a bad person, that gives them time and attention. Or they turn to drugs because the teenager hurts so much inside, they do not know how else to manage the pain.
People have become lazy and complacent not wanting to do the work necessary to change. I understand working a full day and being exhausted when you come home yet you have a “gift from God,” your children, you agreed to raise until they can fly on their own. I taught middle school, 7th & 8th grades for many years. I loved it! I came early and stayed late. On my way home, I went to the gym for a workout. Then I went home made dinner, spent time with my daughter before grading papers and going to sleep. Only to get up at 4am and do it all over again.
Capitalism is meant to be a free enterprise, a free exchange of thought ideas. Free speech, freedom of religion, free press with everyone respectfully listening to each other. This is not, in my opinion, being practiced in the USA or anywhere! Communism is meant to hold you back, stifle your views making you adhere to what the government wants. This sounds familiar, I wonder why?
Whatever society you grow up in definitely shapes your “human experience.” I have known people to flourish in both societies as it is not the society, it is the strength within the person to succeed or not that makes a difference. I have been fortunate to travel throughout our beautiful world. I have observed that although people outside of one society might not be as happy or fun loving, they do seem to be satisfied with what they have earned.
With a specific focus on brain function, how has the brain and its dominion over the body and beliefs been impacted by the societal construct?
Our brain is much more powerful than we have been taught. It is a known fact thoughts have power. Thoughts actually carry a measurable amount of energy. When you want to change your life — change your thoughts. The thoughts you pay attention to are the thoughts you create in your life — good, bad, or indifferent.
I use the power of my brain to control my MS instead of it controlling me. This technique has amazed even me many times!
Do you think the way our society markets and advertises goods and services, has affected people’s feelings of satisfaction? Can you explain what you mean?
Advertisers definitely affect people’s levels of satisfaction or dissatisfaction. Advertisements show creams that magically take away wrinkles, brown spots, and cellulite. Woman are made to feel “less than” If they look natural while aging or if they cannot afford the “magic creams.” Older men can be overweight, wrinkled, and grey haired yet they are considered wise, especially when they have a younger woman on their arm.
Pharmaceutical companies advertise one drug after another guaranteeing you to feel pain free, young, and enthusiastic about life. Then the commercial fast forwards through all the negative side effects or drug interactions. You are supposed to grab the phone and contact your doctor immediately to get a prescription for this new “Magic Cure!”
How is the wiring of the brain, body, and beliefs shaped by marketing, language, and how humans trade?
Our brains are constantly being rewired by everything you see, hear, and pay attention to whether on television or social media. There is so much negativity bombarding us daily. How can a person stay positive or satisfied when negativity grabs increasingly of our attention. There is a Universal Truth that states: What you focus on expands and what you think about happens. So why do we even wonder why people are unsatisfied? To be satisfied we need to bombard each other with loving kindness, uplifting social media posts, positive Good News stories. Talk to each other while really listening instead of thinking about what you will say next to defend your point of view. Teach children to love themselves as they learn to think, not only, “outside the box” learn to think as if there is no box at all!
For you personally, if you have all your basic needs met, do you feel you have enough in life?
Yes, definitely!
Okay, fantastic. Here is the main question of our interview: Can you share with our readers your “5 things we can each do to address the feeling of not having enough.” Please share a story or example for each.
- Awareness of Self — your Self! The easiest way to become Aware of Self is through a theory I call, “One Finger out Three pointing back.” Meaning — The good you see in others is the good you have inside yourself. Always take a moment to become aware of this good characteristic you see. Bless it. Thank God for allowing this person to show you your Goodness.
Conversely — The things in other people that really “hook” or bother you are God’s — The Universe’s way of showing you what you need to work on in yourself. Always take whatever you see and ask yourself,” What do I have to learn from seeing it?
Example — I could not begin to learn to love myself until I became aware that I did not love myself and did the work to forgive my past traumas.
2. Always come from Love as you drop fear. Love is a higher vibrational field and is healing. Fear is a lower vibration and will create illness. Whatever you fear you must walk through in your life. Love conquers fear. Fear creates fear.
Example — Two people arguing with each other. One person begins yelling then the other person yells louder and louder until possibly the argument becomes physical. Let’s take the same scenario — one person begins an argument. The other person responds from love, listening to them. The person who began the argument gets louder and louder as they really want to confront this person. The second person still coming from a “Loving place” says,” I will talk to you when you calm down.” Then leaves the room.
3. Respond never react — when you respond it is from a loving place. A reaction is fear based. Always take s moment to step back and respond to whatever is going on around you.
Example — I recently went through losing a paying job for my Truth posts. When I was notified, by text, I wanted to react. I stopped myself to think how I could respond instead. I sent a message back thanking them for using my Truths for as long as they did and let it go. It did not make the “bad feeling” of losing that job go away. I gave it to God and The Universe to manage the abundance part!
4. Thoughts — You are what you think about all day long. {Ralph Waldo Emmerson} Throughout the ages people have known how important the power of thoughts are to creating a satisfied life. Why aren’t we taught this in school or at home. The thoughts you pay attention to are created in your life.
Example — Your thoughts give you an idea to become successful. You can either choose to do the work to create that thought or you can choose doubt, fear and laziness and choose to stay unsatisfied. Many people ask me how I control my Multiple Sclerosis. I had thoughts that gave me ideas, I followed them through and still continue to do the work it takes to stay healthy.
It is not easy! IT IS HARD WORK!
5. Gratitude — An absolutely essential ingredient to becoming satisfied with your life is to be grateful every single day for every single thing. Not just once in a while — ALL the time. Begin a gratitude journal. Keep it in the morning or at night or all the time.
Example — last February I came down with pneumonia. It was a really bad case and has taken months to heal. Even when I lay in bed not being able to talk, coughing like a 12 pack a day smoker, I was grateful every moment for what I could see, what I could do. I was grateful because, and I know all MS people will agree with me, it could have been worse. With MS, I woke up one day with really weird vision. On another day I got up, fell out of bed, and couldn’t walk for about 3 months. I stay grateful ALL the time as I am incredibly grateful for having this time with you!
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have inspired you to live with more joy in life?
My favorite books are the ones I wrote! Actually, I didn’t write them I heard them, and God/The Universe bugged me until I wrote them!
Healing Words, Life Lessons to Inspire
T.R.U.T.H. Taking Responsibility Unleashes True Healing
Truth Lives
They are available on Amazon or through my website at www.askmaryellen.com
I have a segment I do every Monday on social media — Miracles with Mary Ellen. Friday, I do Mary Ellen’s Miracle Moment on all social media platforms.
I do have a YouTube channel at ASK MARY ELLEN — it has many good videos and needs subscribers!
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would begin A Truth Movement. Not “Truth” the way people misuse it by giving their misleading facts or opinions. A Truth Movement of Truths that I write about and teach. Real Truths are like physics principles and never change!
These are Truths like : You are never upset for the reason you think, what you focus on expands and what you think about happens, you life is a journey of learning to love yourself, you see in others the characteristics that are in you, you cannot give to another what you do not have in yourself, always come from love as you drop fear, respond keep away from reacting. There are many more and these are enough for now.
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
The best way to stay in touch with me or connect to any of my social media platforms is through my website at https://www.askmaryellen.com
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.
About The Interviewer: For 30 years, Drew Gerber has been inspiring those who want to change the world. Drew is the CEO of Wasabi Publicity, Inc., a full-service PR agency lauded by PR Week and Good Morning America. Wasabi Publicity, Inc. is a global marketing company that supports industry leaders, change agents, unconventional thinkers, companies and organizations that strive to make a difference. Whether it’s branding, traditional PR or social media marketing, every campaign is instilled with passion, creativity and brilliance to powerfully tell their clients’ story and amplify their intentions in the world. Schedule a free consultation at WasabiPublicity.com/Choosing-Publicity
I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Mary Ellen Ciganovich On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling Unsatisfied &… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.