Valerie Kowalski Of Gateway to Solutions On How to Go Beyond Your Comfort Zone To Grow Both Personally and Professionally
Make a bucket list: List what drives you, what you find yourself daydreaming about, and what seems out of reach. Listing your dreams and goals can feel inspiring. We all have goals, some more obtainable than others. Start small. If one of your goals is to see a certain animal, figure out how that may be possible and make it happen.
It feels most comfortable to stick with what we are familiar with. But anyone who has achieved great success will tell you that true growth comes from pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. What are some ways that influential people have pushed themselves out of their comfort zone to grow both personally and professionally? As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Valerie Kowalski.
Valerie Kowalski, LMSW, is an Associate Therapist at Gateway to Solutions. She has a Masters in Social Work from the University of Michigan and multiple years of experience in mental health across diverse communities. As an Associate Therapist, she approaches each client using a collaborative, goal-oriented, and humanistic approach. Before joining Gateway to Solutions, her journey included roles in nonprofit administration, working at a NYC homeless shelter, and volunteering with the Peace Corps in Zambia. Each role expanded her understanding of human resilience and diversity, guiding individuals through various life transitions.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I grew up in Southeast Michigan in Brighton, Michigan, with a supportive family. I was always very social, excited, and eager to try new things. I was a little clumsy and unsure of myself, but I continued to try new sports and hobbies and reach new goals. Living in a big city has always been a dream; living in New York City now, I can still feel the draw I had when I was a young girl who had only seen it on TV. I grew up always wanting to be a part of something big, something meaningful. I have always been drawn to social work, social justice, and supporting others.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
One of my favorite quotes is by Helen Keller, “Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing at all.” This quote reminds me to get out of the day-to-day, think of the bigger picture, and question what my dreams are, what my goals are, and what my challenges are. Adventures are scary, exciting, and overwhelming. Adventures can be uncomfortable but can also test our tolerance and strength. Life is beautiful; it’s a gift, and you must actively participate and not just go through the motions to save it.
Is there a particular book, podcast, or film that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
The book Wild by Cheryl Strayed is a memoir about a hike up the Pacific Crest Trail, where the author recalls recovering from past life events and finding herself. She has hiked for nearly six months, overcomes overwhelming obstacles, and finds her inner peace. I read this while I was serving in the Peace Corps in Zambia and trying to find myself, adjusting to my surroundings and living outside my comfort zone. This book taught me much about healing, exploring discomfort, and living fully. It also helped justify leaving that comfort zone and pursuing a goal or dream. Reading about her journey helped give me the courage to pursue my own.
Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Let’s start with a basic definition so that all of us are on the same page. What does “getting outside of your comfort zone” mean?
When I think about getting outside the comfort zone, I think of facing fears, pushing past doubts, and pursuing goals. To grow, you must be challenged. It requires facing discomfort. Taking the first step may be scary or unknown. Getting outside your comfort zone is how you move toward your goals, embracing life and discovering unchartered territory. Getting out of your comfort zone means growth, changing with the world around you, and with your changing self.
Can you help articulate a few reasons why it is important to get out of your comfort zone?
When you are confined to your comfort zone, you can only sometimes see different viewpoints, and your worldview and mindset may be limited to what you are comfortable with and not attuned to other peoples’ cultures, countries, or environments’ realities. When you leave your comfort zone, you can avoid living with regret; you can live every day like an adventure and take charge of your ability to thrive. Change is inevitable, and it can be uncomfortable. Exploring outside your comfort zone is essential to adapt to the world around you. Getting out of your comfort zone helps you be challenged and less bored, increasing your daily satisfaction. Getting out of your comfort zone increases our adversity and resilience.
Is it possible to grow without leaving your comfort zone? Can you explain what you mean?
Growing requires discomfort; even when growing can feel positive, we will always leave something behind that we may have been accustomed to that feels normal. Growing happens continuously and constantly but also can require effort and awareness. The effort and awareness to grow brings us away from our normal, outside of our comfort zone, toward something different, maybe new, or returning to something we once were accustomed to. All growth is different; leaning into and leaving your comfort zone is a part of the growth process.
Can you share some anecdotes from your personal experience? Can you share a story about a time when you stepped out of your comfort zone and how it helped you grow? How does it feel to take those first difficult steps?
In 2019, I joined the Peace Corps and moved to Zambia to serve as a Maternal Child Health Promoter in a rural village in the Southern Province. I lived a different life than I was used to without amenities like running water and electricity, which I felt dependent on. Making the decision that I wanted to move out of my comfort zone was the first step, and acting on that decision felt overwhelming. When I decided to go, I prepared for several months; leaving, getting on the plane, and stepping off the plane into a new continent and new hemisphere for the first time felt surreal. It would be my new home, my new normal. After I arrived, it took me around four days to get in touch with my mom and my family. That was the longest I have ever gone without speaking to my mom. I remember hearing her voice after finally getting to use a phone, and I began crying. I wasn’t sure I made the right decision. I longed for the comfort and feeling of home, but I took it day by day. Serving in the Peace Corps taught me how much strength I had and increased my confidence, independence, adaptability, and resilience. I learned a new language and lived in a different culture. I made mistakes, it was not perfect, but it is an experience I cherish every day. The people I met who taught me how to live there and welcomed me into their homes changed my life for the better. If I had not taken the first step toward leaving my comfort zone and home, I would not have been who I am today. I would not have made those friends connections, lived on a different continent, and seen life as a gift and a privilege.
What are your “five ways to push past your comfort zone, to grow both personally and professionally”?
- Seek optimism: Find the positives of the challenge, seek opportunities that excite you to go beyond your comfort zone, and focus on the positives to motivate you throughout the journey. Going to a new country and experiencing a new culture with a language you are not familiar with can seem overwhelming and uncomfortable. Think about what you are excited to see, eat, and experience, and live through those moments with curiosity and gratitude.
- Find something you have never done before that you’ve always admired: Consider this an adventure and an opportunity; find a passion. Learn something new, maybe that’s learning to play an instrument; it can be uncomfortable to be a beginner, not to know how to play it, to sound bad, to not know how to read music. Learning something new can feel overwhelming and daunting, but discovering a new passion could change your abilities and create joy. You don’t want to regret not trying; if you fail or end up not enjoying it, that’s okay, but trying creates opportunities.
- Ask questions: Reach out to others, especially if you are introverted, and ask questions from others who have experience with what you are pursuing. Getting information, doing research, and finding someone who can relate to what you want to pursue can help bridge the gap of understanding. If you want to try something new like scuba diving, ask someone who has done it before, ask what their fears were, what went right, what it’s like, and learn.
- Make a bucket list: List what drives you, what you find yourself daydreaming about, and what seems out of reach. Listing your dreams and goals can feel inspiring. We all have goals, some more obtainable than others. Start small. If one of your goals is to see a certain animal, figure out how that may be possible and make it happen.
- Pros and Cons: What are the positive outcomes, and what are the consequences of pursuing what you want? Some things out of our comfort zone don’t need to be obtained. What are realistic options, and what things have more pros than cons? Focus on the pros when leaving your comfort zone and be aware of the cons. If you are thinking of hiking a summit, think about the pros of getting to the top, feeling accomplished, seeing the world through a new perspective, getting exercise, and understanding the cons; it will be exhausting; the air may be thinner, and you may get blisters. Which outweighs the other?
From your experience or perspective, what are some common barriers that keep someone from pushing out of their comfort zone?
The fear of the unknown keeps us from trying new things and breaking out of our habits and comfort. Past failures can keep us ruminating on what we should have done; reliving that pain and remembering that hardship can discourage us from wanting to break out of that cycle. Social expectancies to stay with what we have been doing, do what is expected of us, and follow the cultural norm can keep us in the same cycle, in our same comfort zone, making it difficult to break out from our comfort based on fear of not being accepted by others.
There is a well-known quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt that says, “Do something that scares you every day.” What exactly does this mean to you? Is there inherent value in doing something that pushes you out of your comfort zone, even if it does not relate to personal or professional growth? For example, if one is uncomfortable walking alone at night, should one purposely push oneself to do it often to go beyond one’s comfort zone? Can you please explain what you mean?
This quote means to me that we all have our own level of comfort that we live by and are accustomed to. Our body and mind have automatic responses built in to make us feel afraid. When we question that fear and do something that scares us, we take ownership of it and do not surrender to it. Something that scares you could be many things; it does not need to equate to being unsafe. A simple thing that you could do that scares you is saying hi to someone you don’t know, pushing yourself physically testing a different part of your body and strength, or trying something new for the first time. There are so many ways we can try something that scares us every day; we can push ourselves to be different personally and professionally, which can help us succeed. Professionally, when we apply for a promotion, learn a new technique, or have an uncomfortable but necessary conversation with a colleague, we face those fears and apply new skills.
Sometimes, our comfort zones keep us safe. Fear is a biological reaction that helps protect and alert us that something may go wrong. For example, the fear of walking alone at night can help keep us aware of our surroundings if this were to arise. It is not necessary that we go out of our comfort zones every time we are scared, at least not to me. But for some, it may be necessary to control and take ownership of what fears us.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
Demystifying mental health treatment and normalizing talking about mental health would be highly beneficial to so many people. Everyone could benefit from therapy at some point in their life. Life is messy, the world is flawed, we are not perfect, and things cannot always be in our control. Let’s normalize asking for help and try to understand and support individuals through their journey.
Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!
I would love to have lunch with Malala Yousafzai. After adversity, she shows up peacefully and intentionally to support what she believes in. I hope one day to be as courageous as she is. She has shown the world how to handle intense hardship with kindness, consistency, peace, and justice. I would be honored to be able to share a meal with her, hear her experience, and seek wisdom on how to keep going even when facing all odds.
How can our readers follow you online?
Please see my bio page at Gateway to Solutions’ private practice website below. Please feel free to connect with us. We are happy to help support you through your mental health journeys.
https://www.gatewaytosolutions.org/valerie-kowalski-lmsw-dbt-cbt-rebt/
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
Valerie Kowalski Of Gateway to Solutions On How to Go Beyond Your Comfort Zone To Grow Both… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.