Raising Resilient Kids: Tiffani Dhooge Of Children’s Harbor On Strategies for Nurturing Emotional Strength in Children
Don’t try to fix it. Just sit with them. Sometimes your presence IS the strategy. They don’t need you to make it better. They just need to know they aren’t carrying it alone.
In today’s fast-paced world, children face numerous challenges that can impact their emotional well-being. Developing resilience is key to helping them navigate these obstacles and grow into emotionally strong individuals. How can parents, educators, and caregivers foster this resilience in children? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Tiffani Dhooge.
Tiffani Dhooge, President & CEO of Children’s Harbor, a nationally recognized child welfare organization, is dedicated to serving teenagers in and aging out of foster care. With over 25 years of experience and a track record of building programs that challenge broken systems, Tiffani leads with one core belief: connection, not perfection, is the foundation of resilience. She’s also the creator and host of This is NOW: Parenting Teens Today, a podcast that offers honest conversations, expert insights, and just enough humor to help parents navigate the chaos of raising teenagers without losing their minds.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?
Sure. I started my career in an actual broom closet. No desk, just a rolling chair and a window that stared straight into the side of another building. I was 23, transporting kids for a foster care agency, trying to pay my bills and figure out what I was supposed to do with my life.
That was over 25 years ago. Today, I lead Children’s Harbor, a nationally recognized child welfare organization that serves teenagers in and aging out of foster care. Young people who’ve lived through more than most adults can imagine. Our mission is simple: show them what it means to be loved well. Remind them that they are more than what happened to them and help them see that surviving isn’t where their story ends.
Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?
There isn’t just one story; there are a hundred different stories. And every single one led me to the same decision.
I didn’t plan to work in child welfare. I thought I was going to be an FBI profiler. But then, I came face to face with a different kind of justice; the kind that tries to rebuild lives.
It didn’t take long to see how broken the system really was. Kids were falling through the cracks; some of them in plain sight. And I remember thinking: “I may not be able to fix the system… but I can change the experience this child has while they are stuck INSIDE the system.”
So that’s what I did. I focused on the kid in front of me. And I just kept showing up; again and again.
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on raising resilient kids? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to this field?
Because I don’t operate in theory, I operate in lived experience.
For nearly three decades, I’ve worked with teens in foster care who’ve been abused, abandoned, and overlooked by systems that were supposed to protect them. Most of the kids I work with have already survived things that would level most adults. I’ve held their stories, met them in crisis, advocated in courtrooms, and helped them rebuild from what others call “impossible.”
So, when people talk about resilience, I see it differently. It’s not about grit. It’s not about bootstraps. It’s about connection — the kind that shows up on the hard days, not just the good ones. At Children’s Harbor, we don’t just offer housing; we create the closest thing to home many of them have ever had. We don’t show up with clipboards and checklists. We show up with connection and structure, and we KEEP showing up, no matter how hard they test it. We build trust, brick by brick. Until they start to believe what no one’s ever proven to them before, we might actually stay.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
Do not grow weary in doing good…” — Galatians 6:9
This verse hums in the background of every hard day. This work will wear you down if you let it. The days are long, the progress is slow, and most of the time, the wins are buried under a whole lot of eye rolls and attitude. There are moments when it all feels pointless. Like nothing you’re doing matters. But then, out of nowhere, something shifts:
- The kid who refused every session finally stays behind to talk.
- The one who swore school didn’t matter turns in a full assignment, on time.
- The girl who has ignored you [loudly] for weeks, asks if you’re coming back tomorrow.
It’s never big or dramatic. But it’s real. And it’s enough to remind you: the work is working; you just have to stay long enough to see it.
Let’s talk resilience.
How can parents handle situations when a child faces failure or disappointment?
The first rule? Don’t rescue…reflect. Let them feel it. Sit with them in the loss, validate their feelings, and then start asking questions: “What did you learn?” “What would you do differently next time? Kids don’t need us to erase their discomfort. They need to know they can survive it.
What strategies can parents use to help a child bounce back?
Connection first, strategy second. Before you jump into pep talks and plans, let your child know they’re not alone in the mess. Then help them take the next tiny step forward. Not a leap, a step. Resilience isn’t built in the comeback moment. It’s built in the quiet decision uncomfortable decision to try again when it would be easier to give up.
What role does parental modeling of resilience play in the development of emotional strength in children?
Huge. Kids are always watching. Not just what we say, but how we handle stress, failure, and conflict. If you panic every time something goes wrong, they learn to do the same. But if you pause, take a breath, and keep going? That becomes their blueprint.
It’s more than okay to say, “This is hard for me, too. But we’re going to figure it out together.” That kind of honesty will shape your child’s resilience far more than any lecture.
What approaches do you recommend to foster a growth mindset in children?
Normalize struggle. Celebrate effort. Praise the process, not just the outcome. Ask questions like, “Did you try something hard today?” because success isn’t always the win; sometimes it’s just the courage to show up when it’s uncomfortable. Let them see you try new things, make mistakes, and keep going. When they watch you fall and still move forward, they learn that failure isn’t a dead end; it’s how strength is built.
How can parents balance providing support with allowing their children to experience and overcome difficulties on their own?
I’m going to channel my inner gym rat for this response. Think of it like using spotter arms at the gym: you’re close enough to catch them if they drop the weight, but far enough to let them lift it on their own. Resilience is a muscle. If you do the reps for them, they’ll never build it. Don’t rob them of the struggle.
What self-care practices would you recommend for parents to maintain their own resilience while going through the everyday challenges of raising children?
Laughter. A friend who doesn’t flinch when you admit you’re on the verge of losing it. A group chat where no one’s pretending to have it all together. Time spent doing something that has nothing to do with parenting; you existed before they did, and that version of you still matters.
Self-care isn’t spa days and silence. It’s breathing room. It’s finding ways to stay grounded when everything around you is chaos.
5 Strategies to Raise Children with Resilience and Emotional Strength
Here’s the truth no one likes to say out loud: most kids who’ve experienced trauma are already resilient. They’ve had to be. Survival demanded it.
But even outside of trauma, life throws plenty of nonsense at our kids. Disappointments, pressure, failure, rejection; it’s not a matter of if struggle will show up in their lives, it’s when. And when it does, resilience isn’t about powering through at all costs. It’s about learning to feel hard things and keep moving forward anyway.
So, whether you’re parenting a child who’s been through something big, or just trying to raise a human who can handle the real world with empathy and strength, the goal is the same: raise a kid who knows they’re not alone when things fall apart.
Here are five ways to start:
1. Don’t try to fix it. Just sit with them.
Sometimes your presence IS the strategy. They don’t need you to make it better. They just need to know they aren’t carrying it alone.
2. Let them fail safely.
Your middle schooler forgets their science project… again. Don’t rush to drop it off or email the teacher. Instead, let them stand in front of the class with nothing to turn in, face the discomfort, and feel the weight of what they left undone. It’s not easy to watch, but it teaches your child something far more important than grades: accountability. When kids feel the weight of small failures in a safe environment, they build the muscle to handle bigger ones later, without falling apart.
3. Normalize mistake-making
Talk about your mistakes. The conversation you tanked. The deadline you missed. That time you cut your own bangs. When kids realize failure isn’t just their thing, that it happens to everyone, they stop seeing it as a personal flaw and start seeing it as a normal part of life. That’s how you take the power out of shame and give it back to growth.
4. Use the phrase “You’re not done yet.”
When a kid says, “I can’t,” reply, “You can’t… yet.” That one word opens the door to possibility.
5. Build rituals of connection.
Pizza Friday. Walks after dinner. Morning playlists on the drive to school. These small, predictable moments become anchors. Resilience doesn’t just grow in big breakthroughs. It grows in the steady rhythm of being known, loved, and shown up for — even when everything else feels uncertain.
How can mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques be incorporated into daily routines to support children’s emotional resilience?
Emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing big feelings. It’s about creating space between the feeling and the reaction. Start small with your child. Help them name what their feeling out loud. Then, introduce simple tools they can reach for in the moment: a five-minute “reset” zone with music, silence, journaling, deep breathing…whatever helps them pause long enough to respond instead of react.
Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve in this area?
Yes — our podcast This is NOW: Parenting Teens Today (shameless plug, but genuinely helpful). It’s where we give parents real tools, common-sense advice, and honest hope for raising strong, emotionally grounded, “resilient” kids in a world that doesn’t exactly make it easy.
I also recommend the Raising Resilient Kids workbook by Muniya Khanna and the Smiling Mind app, both great for building emotional regulation and mindfulness skills in practical, everyday ways.
Is there a person in the world you’d like to have breakfast or lunch with, and why?
Dr. Bruce Perry. His work on trauma and brain development didn’t just shape how I lead — it changed how I see kids, how I parent, and how I fight for healing inside systems that are often more damaging than the trauma itself.
If I had the chance to sit across from him, I’d ask the question that keeps me up at night and drives nearly every conversation with my team: How do we keep hope alive — for ourselves and each other, when the system keeps failing and meaningful change feels painfully slow?
How can our readers further follow your work online?
You can follow us on YouTube and Spotify at @ThisIsNOWParentingTeensToday, where we drop new episodes every other Thursday with real talk, expert insight, and a free downloadable guide in every episode (subscribe, subscribe, subscribe).
You can also follow the work we’re doing with teens in foster care at @ChildrensHarborINC or visit www.childrensharbor.org. It’s not always easy work, but it’s the kind that matters.
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
Raising Resilient Kids: Tiffani Dhooge Of Children’s Harbor On Strategies for Nurturing Emotional… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.