Raising Resilient Kids: Ketan Dattani Of Buckingham Futures On Strategies for Nurturing Emotional Strength in Children
An Interview With Dr. Kate Lund
Encourage Problem-Solving Teaching children to think through problems rather than immediately offering solutions is invaluable. For example, when my youngest (age 6) was struggling with a difficult puzzle, instead of stepping in, I encouraged him to try different approaches, reminding him that frustration is all part of the learning process. Watching him work through it built up his confidence and patience.
In today’s fast-paced world, children face numerous challenges that can impact their emotional well-being. Developing resilience is key to helping them navigate these obstacles and grow into emotionally strong individuals. How can parents, educators, and caregivers foster this resilience in children? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Ketan Dattani.
Ketan Dattani is the Founding Owner and CEO of Buckingham Futures, an award-winning specialist in Environmental Recruitment, offering bespoke, permanent, and temporary recruitment and consultancy solutions for public and private sector clients.
With over 20 years of experience, Ketan is a multi-award-winning entrepreneur highly respected in the recruitment sector. Known for his expertise in Employment Law, Employee Rights, and Career Advice, he has become a recognised voice in the industry.
Above all, Ketan is dedicated to his family. He is married to his wife, Helen, and is a father to five: two sons aged 16 and 12, six-year-old twins (a girl and a boy), and the family’s beloved bulldog, Romeo. Ketan finds great joy in being actively involved in family life.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?
I was born in Leicester in the early 1970s after my parents were forced to flee Uganda due to a military dictatorship. From a young age, my parents instilled in me a strong work ethic, grounded in the resilience and adaptability they themselves had learned through their experiences. Growing up as the child of refugee parents was both a challenge and a privilege. Inside our home, we celebrated a rich heritage of traditions, while outside, I navigated the Western lifestyle to find my place. This blend of two distinct cultures, though sometimes difficult, helped me deeply appreciate the value of diversity and the need for inclusivity.
My passion for the environment grew alongside this journey. I was fascinated by all aspects of nature — plants, animals, ecosystems. When I struggled in school, my love for the natural world motivated me to push through. Eventually, this led me to pursue a degree in Environmental Biology and Environmental Planning and Management. I wanted to combine this passion with my understanding of, and compassion for, the need for greater diversity within the environmental sector — ultimately leading me to found Buckingham Futures.
Despite the challenges I faced growing up — like fitting in and finding my way academically — I am deeply grateful for the lessons in resilience my upbringing provided. Today, I feel privileged to pass on this knowledge to my own children, teaching them the importance of learning from their mistakes and growing through life’s experiences.
Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?
I can still clearly remember the moment when my love for the environment began. It was a warm summer day, and I was spending the holidays with my grandparents in Coventry. Coming from a neighbourhood where caring for the environment wasn’t a priority, evident in the broken streetlights, boarded-up windows, and discarded bottles in the streets. I had never experienced anything like this before. I was struck by the sight of luscious open green spaces, the mesmerising sound of birdsong, and the fresh air around me. That was when my love for the environment truly began. It was a transformative moment, one I will never forget.
When I was struggling academically, my devotion for environmental health was the inspiration I needed to get back into my studies. This new found motivation led me to pursue a degree in Environmental Biology, followed by Environmental Planning and Management. Despite all my hard work and dedication, I still struggled to break into the environmental sector professionally. In need of work I decided to take a detour and joined the recruitment industry.
Through my work I soon discovered a lack of environmental health professionals to fill the employment sector. This sector also seemed to lack diversity, something I was all too familiar with from my upbringing. I knew something had to change, I couldn’t stand by while our planet continued to deteriorate and minorities like me struggled to find opportunities. I made the bold decisions to leave the safety of my office job and set up my own business. I founded a specialist consultancy, Buckingham Futures, with the goal of providing top-tier environmental professionals to both the private and public sectors.
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on raising resilient kids? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to this field?
As a father of four (five, including Romeo), I believe I’m an authority on raising resilient children, not only because I was raised by inspirational parents who shaped my life through their own challenges but also because I have accumulated a wealth of personal experiences that have taught me valuable life skills. Through all the ups and downs in my life I have developed a strong work ethic and emotional resilience allowing me to bounce back from any failures I may face, I believe this is my unique contribution to this field; my upbringing.
I believe my unique contribution to this field is my upbringing. Though fortunately my kids won’t have to deal with the hardships I dealt with growing up, it was those challenges I faced that have given me the knowledge and life-skills I have today. Although my children won’t face the same challenges as I had to, they will still be presented with their own problems, that is why it is essential to be educated on emotional resilience so you can support your children through their decisions.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
My favourite life lesson quote is: “Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.” ~ Rumi
I see a tree as stable, strong, and robust. Its roots grow deeply into the ground, allowing it to stand firmly in its place.Being like a tree means creating a deeper connection with Mother Earth, being present in the now, and continuously growing even when it’s not visible for others to see beneath the surface.Letting the dead leaves drop to me epitomises being open to change and allowing myself to renew.
One experience where this quote really resonated with me occurred in the early days of launching Buckingham Futures. At the time I was still finding my feet in managing my own business however, I still had big aspirations and worked tirelessly to secure a major client I believed would greatly benefit the business.
The day came for me to present my pitch, and although I was anxious, I felt confident and well-prepared. However, despite my best efforts, the client decided not to move forward with me. Initially, I was overwhelmed by a sense of failure. I questioned my decision to leave the stability of my office job and wondered if I had made a huge mistake.
Rather than letting those feelings consume me, I decided to take this as a learning opportunity, something that I can grow from. Instead of holding onto that experience full of regrets I decided to “let the dead leaves drop” in order for me to grow. This then opened up new opportunities for me and allowed my business to thrive.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. How can parents handle situations when a child faces failure or disappointment? What strategies can parents use to help a child bounce back?
No parent wants to see their child face failure or disappointment but unfortunately it is inescapable, the universe runs its own course and oftentimes situations happen out of our control. That is why it’s essential for parents to approach these scenarios with empathy and support to help guide them through the experience in a way that will foster resilience and emotional growth.
I believe one of the most important strategies is to encourage open communication. This will help your children feel comfortable sharing their feelings without fear of judgement. This openness will help them process their emotions allowing them to understand it’s okay to have feelings and to not let them discourage you.
As the parent it is our job to model positive behaviour, we can set an example by showing how we handle our own challenges and setbacks. Demonstrating calmness, perseverance and optimism in the face of adversity will help our children learn healthy methods to respond to challenges
Additionally, it’s important to encourage independence by allowing children to make their own decisions and experience the natural consequences of those choices. This helps them build resilience, as they learn that mistakes are a part of the learning process.
Ultimately, helping children bounce back from failure and disappointment involves creating a supportive environment that allows them to communicate and helps build emotional awareness and resilience. By guiding our children through challenges using these strategies we can equip them with the necessary tools they need to navigate life’s inevitable ups and downs with confidence.
What role does parental modeling of resilience play in the development of emotional strength in children? Can you share an example of a resilient parenting moment that you experienced directly or that you have come across in the course of your work?
Parenting plays a profound role in nurturing resilience in children. It’s not so much what we tell our kids, but what we show them that shapes their emotional strength and ability to bounce back from adversity. Children closely observe how we handle setbacks, stress, and failures — and they absorb these behaviours as a blueprint for tackling their challenges.
I remember a particular moment with one of my sons that illustrates this. He faced a disappointing loss in a school competition and was understandably upset. Instead of dwelling on the loss, I encouraged him to view it as a lesson in persistence. We talked about how setbacks are a natural part of growth, and I shared stories of challenges I had to overcome in my career. The key was to help him realise that resilience isn’t about avoiding failure but learning to rise from it.
I’ve seen that lesson resonate with him. Now, when he faces new obstacles, he approaches them with a quiet determination — a testament to the power of leading by example. Moments like these allow us, as parents, to instil resilience in our children. By demonstrating that life’s challenges can be managed and that growth often emerges from struggle, we equip them with an invaluable toolkit for navigating the ups and downs of their own lives.
What approaches do you recommend to foster a growth mindset in children, encouraging them to see challenge as opportunities to learn?
Helping your kids to foster a growth mindset from a young age will help prepare for the future. Although it’s not easy, being consistent with these approaches will help them to develop an understanding that a challenge is an opportunity to learn.
One approach I find effective, both for myself and for my kids, is celebrating small wins along the way instead of only praising the final outcome. This helps your children learn to value the process and not just the end result. A helpful strategy to implement this mindset is to help your child set small, incremental goals that make the larger goal feel more achievable and rewarding.
Another approach I believe in is normalising mistakes and failures. They’re an inevitable part of life, and if we allow them to dominate our mindset, it can restrain our children’s growth and development. I practise this by being open with my kids, owning up to my mistakes and sharing my own failures with them. This not only demonstrates integrity and accountability but also helps them understand that mistakes are simply opportunities to learn. As long as the intention behind an action or thought is positive, there’s no reason to feel ashamed.
Incorporating the word “yet” into your child’s vocabulary is a great way to encourage a growth mindset. Instead of saying, “I can’t do this”, guide them to say, “I can’t do this YET”. This small but effective change helps them realise that their potential is limitless. Even if they’re struggling with something in the moment, the belief that they can improve with persistence will empower them to overcome any challenge.
In sum, helping your children foster a growth mindset is a constant process that requires patience, reinforcement and consistency. By helping them celebrate small wins, normalise mistakes and failures and enforcing positive language you can prepare your child for any problems they may face.
How can parents balance providing support with allowing their children to experience and overcome difficulties on their own?
Trying to balance supporting your children while also giving them space to overcome difficulties on their own is a delicate but essential process in parenting. It requires great awareness and trust to know when your child is capable of dealing with a situation.
As a parent knowing when to give your child space can be a hard path to navigate. However if we don’t give our children space to think for themselves we can stunt their emotional growth and discourage resilience. That is why we need to learn to offer guidance but avoid stepping in to solve every problem.
One simple step you can take towards this is to encourage problem-solving. Instead of telling your child a solution, help them through the thought process. Guide them with open-ended questions like, “what do you think you could do next?” or “how can you approach this differently?”. This will influence your child to make their own informed decisions.
Ensuring your child has a safe emotional environment while they make these decisions is essential. While you do need to give your child space, they also need to feel emotionally supported. Make sure that they know they can turn to you for some encouragement or support. This balance of emotional safety and independence is what will help your child build confidence and resilience.
In essence, learning the balance of supporting your children but giving them space to grow is no doubt one of the harder aspects of building your child’s emotional resilience. But by providing them a safe space and instilling them with confidence it will soon become a regular occurrence as they grow older and begin making their own decisions more frequently.
What self-care practices would you recommend for parents to maintain their own resilience while going through the everyday challenges of raising children?
As parents we often prioritise our kids’ needs above our own, neglecting our mental well-being. Not only can this be detrimental to our own health but it can also affect our children. If we are feeling stressed or unhappy this can often be reflected through our parenting and sets a bad example for our kids. That is why it is essential to partake in self-care practices daily to maintain our own emotional resilience. Here are some methods that work for me.
I like to have some time in my day dedicated to myself, whether it be going to the gym, walking my dog or journaling . This alone time allows me to put my needs first, it provides me with mental stimulation and improves my physical health. Having this time to myself is a great mental reset and I always come out of it feeling refreshed.
Understandably as parents it can be hard to always dedicate some time to yourself, that is why it’s important to take advantage of any moments you may get. This could be when you are brushing your teeth, in the shower, or just before bed — make the most of these brief periods alone by practising some breathing exercises, grounding techniques and mindfulness.
Another Self-care practice I believe is essential in parenthood is communication and being surrounded by a circle of friends, family and other parents. Having this community around you is great for your own mental health as it makes you feel happier and connected. Not only can this improve your mood, having these connections gives you access to all kinds of support. When you are facing your own challenges, you’ll be able to receive advice and guidance from an outsider’s perspective.
For us to raise resilient kids, we ourselves need to be emotionally resilient. That’s why I believe in these self care practices to maintain and improve my mental well-being so I can set a good example for my kids and support them when they need it.
Can you please share “5 Strategies To Raise Children With Resilience and Emotional Strength”?
As a father of 4 children between the ages of 6 and 16, I’ve learned that nurturing resilience and emotional strength in kids takes a concerted effort. Here are 5 strategies that have worked well for my family:
- Encourage Problem-Solving Teaching children to think through problems rather than immediately offering solutions is invaluable. For example, when my youngest (age 6) was struggling with a difficult puzzle, instead of stepping in, I encouraged him to try different approaches, reminding him that frustration is all part of the learning process. Watching him work through it built up his confidence and patience.
- Emphasise Effort Over Outcome I always tell my children, “It’s the effort that counts more than the end result.” Celebrating effort teaches them that improvement and learning matter most. Once, my 12-year-old daughter didn’t win her class competition, but her preparation had been immense. Instead of being disappointed, we celebrated her commitment and hard work — traits that would serve her far beyond that one event.
- Model Emotional Expression As a parent of teenagers, I know kids must see adults express and manage emotions healthily. If I’m feeling stressed, I openly share my feelings with my family and discuss how I’m handling them, such as taking a walk, journaling, or practising mindfulness. I’ve found this approach helps normalise emotions and teaches them practical coping strategies.
- Teach Adaptability Through Routine Changes Raising a large family means life is often unpredictable, and adaptability is key. We occasionally alter our family routines to show flexibility, whether it’s a last-minute change in plans or a weekend with minimal structure. Over time, the kids (ages 6 to 16) have become more comfortable with changes, learning to approach new situations with curiosity rather than stress.
- Encourage Goal-Setting and Reflection Setting and reflecting on goals is powerful for building resilience. At the beginning of each school term, we sit down as a family and discuss what each of us hopes to accomplish. At the end of the term, we look back on what we achieved, what we didn’t, and what we learned in the process. It’s a simple practice that fosters resilience by focusing on personal growth rather than perfection.
Implementing these strategies hasn’t been easy, but the payoff in seeing my children develop into confident, adaptable young people has been immensely rewarding. Resilience is a skill that will serve them well throughout their lives.
How can mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques be incorporated into daily routines to support children’s emotional resilience?
Incorporating mindfulness into your child’s daily routine is necessary in supporting their emotional resilience.
Try having regular check-ins with your children in the mornings and evenings .You could ask them how they are feeling, if they went through any challenges at school — is there anything they would have done differently. On the other hand, encourage your children to ask you any questions as well, this will allow you to set a good example and promote mindfulness and emotional regulation. Having these conversations with your child helps build a safe space for your children to acknowledge and explore their emotions. This allows them to obtain a better understanding of why they feel a certain way and why they may have made a certain decision.
Educate your children on techniques that promote emotional regulation such as breathing exercises, grounding and journaling. These methods allow your kids to have the space to develop their own personal relationship with mindfulness and emotional regulation.
By incorporating these practices into your child’s daily routine, you are setting them up for success. As they grow they’ll have to make their own tough decisions, but with these tools equipped they’ll be able to make informed choices with confidence.
Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve in this area?
The only book I ever read on parenting was Fatherhood: The Truth by Marcus Berkmann, which I picked up just before the birth of my first son back in 2008. It’s a humorous and honest take on fatherhood, and at the time, it gave me a good laugh and a bit of comfort as I was stepping into the unknown. Beyond that, though, I’ve mostly been learning as I go, figuring things out along the way.
One thing that’s really struck me is just how fleeting childhood is. Reflecting on my own upbringing, I realise the early years we have with our children go by so quickly. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day or to worry about doing everything perfectly, but I’ve found that what truly matters is simply being there — being present and engaged. Those little moments, shared laughs, and just showing up consistently make the biggest difference in the long run.
So, while I don’t have a whole list of resources to recommend, I’d say that focusing on being present and embracing the journey is one of the best ways to grow as a parent.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
If I could have the opportunity to share a private breakfast or lunch with anyone, it would be with Sir David Attenborough. His unwavering dedication to environmental conservation and his ability to inspire countless people through his storytelling have profoundly impacted how we view and engage with the natural world.
In an era where climate change and environmental degradation are at the forefront of global discussions, I would love to pick his brain about his experiences in advocating for sustainability and the strategies he believes can effectively mobilise action at both individual and systemic levels. His unique perspective and insights could offer invaluable guidance as we navigate the complex challenges we face today.
Moreover, discussing how to inspire the next generation to embrace environmental stewardship would be a conversation filled with potential, and I believe we could brainstorm impactful ways to drive change together. One of my prized possessions is a handwritten letter from Sir David Attenborough, and I would cherish the opportunity to learn from such a remarkable leader in person.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
I’m most active on LinkedIn (linkedin.com/in/recruitmentandconsultancy) and Instagram (instagram.com/ketanova).
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
About the Interviewer: Dr. Kate Lund is a licensed clinical psychologist, podcast host, best-selling author and Tedx Speaker. The power of resilience in extraordinary circumstances kept her thriving as a child. Dr. Lund now helps entrepreneurs, executives, parents, and athletes to see the possibility on the other side of struggle and move towards potential. Her goal is to help each person she works with to overcome their unique challenges and thrive within their own unique context.
Raising Resilient Kids: Ketan Dattani Founder Of Buckingham Futures On Strategies for Nurturing… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.