Raising Resilient Kids: Danielle De La Fuente Of Amal Alliance On Strategies for Nurturing Emotional Strength in Children
An Interview With Dr. Kate Lund
Model Healthy Emotional Expression: Talk about your feelings and emotions by introducing an emotional vocabulary that illustrates the wide range of emotions. This openness will provide space for a child to explore their own emotions and the world around them.
In today’s fast-paced world, children face numerous challenges that can impact their emotional well-being. Developing resilience is key to helping them navigate these obstacles and grow into emotionally strong individuals. How can parents, educators, and caregivers foster this resilience in children? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Danielle De La Fuente.
Danielle De La Fuente has vast experience in peacebuilding and diplomatic efforts stemming from her work at the US Department of Defense and multiple embassies. Her passion for achieving sustainable development, led her to form the Amal Alliance. Amal Alliance is an international NGO that provides displaced and disenfranchised children worldwide with education and social development programs to help cope with the invisible scars of trauma, and the learning fundamentals needed to succeed.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?
I’m thrilled to share a bit about myself and my journey with your readers. I was born and raised in San Diego to immigrant parents — my mother is from Mexico, and my father is from Iran. Growing up in such a diverse cultural environment really shaped my perspective and fueled my passion for peace-building. I’ve always had a deep interest in diplomacy and international relations, which led me to pursue a BA in International Relations from Boston University’s Pardee School. Later, I went on to complete an MLitt in Peace and Conflict Studies at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland.
My career in peace-building and diplomacy took off with roles at the US Department of Defense’s Near East South Asia Center for Strategic Studies, and both the British and Argentine embassies. These experiences were incredibly formative, as I got to work on global issues from a strategic and diplomatic angle. But as I continued in this field, I realized that if we truly want to build sustainable peace, we need to address issues at their root causes — often starting with the youngest and most vulnerable populations.
This realization drove me to start the Amal Alliance, a nonprofit that provides displaced children and disenfranchised youth with social development programs. Our focus is on helping them cope with the invisible scars of trauma while also providing them with the learning tools that guarantee a better future. I’ve had the privilege of advocating for displaced children’s right to education and play at institutions like the World Bank, the United Nations in both New York & Geneva, the Clinton Global Initiative, and across numerous panels, conferences, and international coalitions. It’s a cause that’s deeply personal to me, as I believe every child, regardless of circumstance, deserves a chance to thrive.
Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?
While working with the US Department of Defense, I had witnessed high ranking government officials from different countries pivot their viewpoints as they came to learn and share with one another. It planted a seed inside of me and I often wondered, “what’s stopping us from teaching children at a young age how to learn and connect in ways that fosters understanding and prevents conflict? Why is it that we so often wait for adulthood to hone in on this fundamental life skill and what would happen if we didn’t wait?”
A few years later, at the peak of the Syrian crisis, with families fleeing to safer ground, I found myself visiting a refugee camp. I spent days on end speaking to children, hearing their stories, and trying to empathize with the horrors they had experienced at such a young age. How were they to cope with the aftermath of what they had endured?
I decided to apply what I had seen across nations, and introduce the concepts of peace with young children. On the surface, it didn’t seem intrinsically connected, but peace is only achievable if individuals learn to communicate, to express themselves, and take the perspective of another. These social skills are critical to one’s mental health and ability to cope with challenges. I saw a clear correlation with strengthening children’s social and emotional skills from an early age and creating more peaceful communities; for when you introduce diversity, compassion, and empathy, you augment social awareness and diffuse hate.
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on raising resilient kids? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to this field?
As the founder of Amal Alliance, I’ve dedicated my career to enhancing resilience in our children, particularly in vulnerable communities. Our mission is to help children who have faced extreme hardships — whether due to displacement, conflict, or crisis — develop the social-emotional skills needed to overcome challenges. Through our evidence-based programs, I have gained deep expertise in the youth mental health space, witnessing firsthand the transformative power of equipping children with tools to navigate life.
One of our flagship programs, Colors of Kindness, stands out for its holistic and innovative approach to resilience-building. This program leverages play, movement, art, and storytelling to help children explore key social-emotional themes, such as empathy, self-regulation, conflict resolution, and emotional well-being. Unlike traditional methods, Colors of Kindness uses a child-centered framework, encouraging experiential learning and active participation, making it accessible to children of diverse backgrounds, including those in refugee camps or underserved communities. Our program is designed to be adaptable across cultures, which has allowed us to scale globally and impact children in different environments.
Winning the Morgan Stanley Alliance for Children’s Mental Health Innovation Award in 2024 is a testament to the impact and innovation of our work. This recognition highlights our ongoing commitment to improving youth mental health by not only addressing immediate emotional needs but also fostering long-term resilience, which is key for their future success and well-being. With the support of the Innovation Award program, we are introducing Colors for Kindness as a pilot program in the United States to support children here who have faced hardships.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
I adhere to two life quotes: 1) Where there is a will, there is a way, and 2) Never give up. Through the course of my career, I’ve found that nothing is impossible. It is our limiting beliefs that make us question our ability to overcome and persist when things get difficult. When motivation is intrinsic, we can move mountains and find creative solutions to even the most dire circumstances. But, people tend to give up quickly. They don’t challenge themselves to think outside the box, or seek guidance from those that may find creative alternatives. I’ve always been a forward thinker, and thrive through failure. It has been in times when no options seemed possible that I’ve been forced to go back to the drawing board and reinvent a solution, that I came up with the best ideas. For example, our multi-award winning program, Colors of Kindness, was born out of the pandemic. It was born out of the need to find a solution during a time of crisis. The pandemic created a variety of difficult variables to work around that lead to Colors of Kindness coming to fruition.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. How can parents handle situations when a child faces failure or disappointment? What strategies can parents use to help a child bounce back?
When a child faces failure or disappointment, it’s important for parents and trusted adults to create an environment where the child feels safe to express their emotions. Acknowledging and validating their feelings is the first step. Instead of rushing to solve the problem or minimizing the situation, allow the child to share how they feel. This helps build emotional literacy, a key part of resilience. At Amal Alliance, we emphasize the importance of empathy and active listening as foundational tools in supporting children during tough times. Parents and trusted adults should resist the urge to shield children from every setback. Instead, they can guide them through problem-solving and reflection.
One effective strategy is encouraging children to view failures as learning opportunities rather than permanent setbacks. For instance, helping them reframe the situation with questions like, “What can we learn from this?” or “What could we do differently next time?” shifts the focus to growth. Building this kind of mindset early helps children develop grit and perseverance, skills we nurture through our Colors of Kindness program.
Additionally, engaging peers can be incredibly valuable. Trusted peer relationships offer children a network of support outside their immediate family. Encouraging kids to share their experiences with friends or in peer groups fosters a sense of belonging and mutual understanding. Ultimately, creating a balanced network of emotional support — through parents, peers, and trusted adults — helps children bounce back from failure and disappointment stronger and more resilient.
What role does parental modeling of resilience play in the development of emotional strength in children? Can you share an example of a resilient parenting moment that you experienced directly or that you have come across in the course of your work?
Parental modeling plays a crucial role in the development of emotional strength in children. When parents demonstrate resilience in their own lives, they set a powerful example for their children to follow. Children learn by observing how their parents handle stress, setbacks, and adversity. When a parent calmly navigates a difficult situation, acknowledges their emotions, and takes proactive steps to move forward, they provide a living blueprint for resilience. This is particularly important for children in challenging circumstances, as it shows them that they too can overcome hardships with the right mindset and strategies.
One moment that comes to mind from my work at Amal Alliance was with a refugee mother who had fled from conflict with her young children. Despite the overwhelming trauma and uncertainty, she remained a model of strength and hope for her children. Instead of hiding her emotions, she communicated with her children about the difficulties they were facing, while also emphasizing the importance of staying hopeful and working towards a better future. Her ability to show vulnerability while also demonstrating perseverance helped her children develop a more resilient mindset themselves.
This example illustrates how trusted adults, not just parents, can play a vital role in nurturing emotional strength. Whether it’s teachers, caregivers, or community leaders, modeling resilience in everyday actions equips children with the tools they need to face challenges head-on, fostering not only emotional strength but also self-confidence and adaptability.
What approaches do you recommend to foster a growth mindset in children, encouraging them to see challenges as opportunities to learn?
Fostering a growth mindset in children involves encouraging them to view challenges and setbacks as valuable opportunities for learning and personal growth. One of the most effective approaches is to praise effort over outcome. When children are recognized for the hard work, persistence, and strategies they use, rather than just the final result, they begin to understand that growth comes through effort. It shifts the focus from innate ability to a belief that their abilities can improve with dedication and practice.
Another approach is to normalize failure as part of the learning process. When children encounter challenges, it’s essential to help them see that making mistakes is natural and that each failure brings them closer to mastery. Adults can model this behavior by sharing their own experiences of overcoming setbacks and discussing what they learned along the way. By doing so, they help children understand that obstacles are not roadblocks but stepping stones toward success.
Encouraging curiosity and problem-solving is also key. Asking open-ended questions like, “How could you approach this problem from another angle?” invites children to think critically and embrace new strategies. Teaching children to set small, achievable goals helps them focus on progress, building confidence with each success.
In our Colors of Kindness program, we incorporate these principles by providing interactive activities that challenge children to stretch their thinking and try new approaches. Children learn that their abilities are not fixed and that with time and effort, they can improve not only academically, but socially and emotionally as well.
How can parents balance providing support with allowing their children to experience and overcome difficulties on their own?
Striking balance between knowing when a child needs support and guidance, and when to allow them to navigate the situation independently, is difficult. It’s tough to recognize when to step in, and when to play a more active role. Some strategies that can assist in finding this balance is by asking questions. Instead of offering up a solution, try asking what they think they could do in this situation? It gives the child an opportunity to think critically through options. You can also try role playing different scenarios. This will help boost their confidence in how to approach the matter.
Ultimately, it is important to be ready to be an emotional support. Whether that is by actively listening, or simply acknowledging their feelings, this provides the child with a safety net. They will know they can always come to you for support when feeling overwhelmed, and this environment of trust gives them space for reflection.
What self-care practices would you recommend for parents to maintain their own resilience while going through the everyday challenges of raising children?
Maintaining resilience as a parent or trusted adult is essential to effectively supporting children through everyday challenges. Yet, how can one maintain that necessary strength when faced with turbulence? Self-care practices can help us recharge and remain emotionally balanced, ensuring we can offer the support that children need. First, prioritizing mental and physical health is key. Simple activities like regular exercise, mindfulness practices, therapy, or even just taking a few moments of quiet reflection can help parents stay grounded. These small acts of self-care contribute to mental clarity and emotional regulation, which are essential when responding to the stressors of parenting.
Second, building a strong support network is crucial. Parents and caregivers should hold space to share their experiences, whether it’s with family, friends, or a community of other parents. Talking openly about challenges helps normalize the struggles of raising children, and receiving advice or simply being heard can be deeply restorative. Programs like ours, encourage caregivers to connect with one another and foster a community where they can exchange support, share ideas, and relieve some of the pressures they face.
Finally, self-compassion is an often overlooked but vital part of self-care. Recognizing that parenting is full of uncertainties and that it’s okay not to have all the answers at every moment is important. Giving yourself permission to make mistakes and learning to forgive those missteps can prevent burnout. When caregivers show themselves grace, they model the same behavior for children, fostering an environment where both parents and children grow stronger together.
Can you please share “5 Strategies To Raise Children With Resilience and Emotional Strength”?
1. Model Healthy Emotional Expression: Talk about your feelings and emotions by introducing an emotional vocabulary that illustrates the wide range of emotions. This openness will provide space for a child to explore their own emotions and the world around them.
2. Establish Structure & Routines: It is critical to provide a sense of security and stability to children. By establishing daily schedules for activities, meals, and bedtime, the child knows what to expect and feels safe and secure in their environment.
3. Encourage Social Connectedness: Bullying, social media, and so many other factors can lead to loneliness. We are social beings, and children need to learn to develop friendships and connections with their peers and adults from an early age. Strong, trusting relationships, provide emotional support and a sense of belonging. So, create an environment where children feel comfortable expressing themselves and engaging with you and others.
4. Incorporate Mindfulness and Gratitude as a Daily Practice: You can incorporate kids yoga, mindfulness, and gratitude exercises into a daily practice. The simple act of breathing with movement, or getting to reflect about things you are grateful for, will help children manage their stress.
5. Promote a Growth Mindset: Encourage effort over performance by praising the process of trying hard rather than just the final outcome. You can share your own mistakes and how you learned from them. Be practical in your examples so children can work towards realistic, achievable goals that will give them a sense of accomplishment when fulfilled. And, if they fail, recognize their effort at solving the problem. This will make them feel supported and more willing to give it another shot.
How can mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques be incorporated into daily routines to support children’s emotional resilience?
Begin your day with a few deep breaths or a walking meditation to start off with a positive mindset. Create a Sunny Day jar at home, where you can write or draw something that you are grateful for each day. Take mindful moments to check in with yourself and see how you are feeling. There are lots of mood charts or emoji cards you can buy to give you ideas. Try calming or grounding techniques where children can identify things they can see, hear, taste, and smell. Try nature walks as a family, or mindful eating at dinner where kids focus their attention on the colors and texture of their food. No matter what you do, the key is consistency. And for days where you need to expend energy, bust out in Freeze Dance or Seven Shakes, two common games to get those wiggles out!
Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve in this area?
There are a plethora of phenomenal books that lend insight into raising resilient children. I highly recommend focusing your attention on understanding emotions and feelings. A few great reads include, The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren, Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett, The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel. I would also recommend reading more into the aftermath of trauma with books such as Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl and The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them.
Oprah Winfrey. Oprah is a true testament to the ability to leverage the power of media and communications to foster change. Of specific interest to me, she is now seen as a champion against child abuse, and thoroughly understands the implications of trauma in the most formative years of a child’s life. Her book, What Happened to You, is a must read! It makes the importance of learning how to process feelings and emotions clear, showcasing them as the first, and most importantly, required step towards healing and personal growth. Not only would I be delighted to learn more about her journey, but I think our curious nature and shared interests would provoke a meaningful and fruitful conversation.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
You can learn more about our work at www.amalalliance.org and www.colorsofkindness.org. You can also follow us on social media @amalalliance.
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
About the Interviewer: Dr. Kate Lund is a licensed clinical psychologist, podcast host, best-selling author and Tedx Speaker. The power of resilience in extraordinary circumstances kept her thriving as a child. Dr. Lund now helps entrepreneurs, executives, parents, and athletes to see the possibility on the other side of struggle and move towards potential. Her goal is to help each person she works with to overcome their unique challenges and thrive within their own unique context.
Raising Resilient Kids: Danielle De La Fuente Of Amal Alliance On Strategies for Nurturing… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.