Putting The United Back Into The United States: Ursula Taylor Of Conflict Reimagined On The 5 Things That Each Of Us Can Do To Help Unite Our Polarized Society
Notice your emotional response. Pay attention to the subtle physical signs: a clenched jaw, tight shoulders, a pit in your stomach. Notice irritation, fear, worry, anger, or sadness. Just becoming aware is the most powerful step.
As part of our series about 5 Things That Each Of Us Can Do To Help Unite Our Polarized Society, I had the pleasure of interviewing Ursula Taylor.
Ursula Taylor empowers individuals and teams to navigate and resolve conflicts effectively through strategic, holistic approaches that extend beyond traditional dispute resolution. With a unique blend of intuition, discernment, analytical expertise, and hands-on experience, she helps clients uncover the full scope of conflicts, including their emotional and psychological dimensions. She collaborates with individuals and leaders who value business success, collaboration, and productivity, offering innovative solutions to address and prevent costly, unpredictable disputes.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I grew up in a small town in Southwest Michigan. My father was an attorney, and my mother stayed at home. I’m one of four siblings.
Like many, I experienced complex trauma in childhood — though I didn’t begin to fully understand this until about seven or eight years ago. That realization marked the beginning of a conscious healing journey. It may not be the kind of story that wins beauty pageants, but it is central to who I am and why I’m uniquely equipped for the work I do today. I see trauma, much like conflict, as an opportunity — when we engage it with intention, it becomes a path to deeper self-discovery and evolution. We create the capacity to support others.
What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.
My father was an attorney, and I was drawn to the law early on. I saw knowledge as power — and I wanted to serve.
I was also disgusted by chaos and amplified conflict. I viewed the legal system as a more dignified way of managing disputes. Over time, I came to understand that all conflict — regardless of setting or context — is rooted in human emotion.
While I no longer practice litigation, the skills I gained from law — communication, discernment, storytelling, and investigation — continue to serve me and my clients every day.
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?
Today, I work with individuals, teams, and organizations to better understand and navigate conflict. I also write, speak, and facilitate workshops on the emotional and systemic aspects of tension.
My work helps in a tangible way — conflict is draining, uncertain, and expensive. I practiced commercial litigation for 17 years, so I know what unresolved conflict costs. But there’s also a deeper impact: conflict reveals our emotional blocks. When we address those, we don’t just resolve issues — we evolve.
My broader mission is to support the transformation of our systems — law, politics, healthcare, education — by helping us collectively evolve how we engage with conflict.
None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?
This question gives me pause because the expected answer would highlight a mentor or supporter — and I’ve been fortunate to have those. But the truth is, I’ve grown the most from difficult people and painful dynamics.
To be blunt: narcissists made me who I am today.
I use the term “externalizers” — those who habitually focus outward to avoid internal discomfort. We all do this at times, but some do it chronically. It took me years not just to intellectually understand this behavior, but to develop true compassion for it.
Healing from complex trauma, especially narcissistic abuse, taught me how to deeply connect with myself. That connection allows me to discern emotional patterns in others without judgment. Today, I don’t rely on blame — I see fear and feelings, and I stay grounded.
Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?
I once lost a major arbitration that, on paper, I should have easily won. That experience was a turning point in how I viewed conflict and resolution.
The outcome had nothing to do with facts or law — it was driven entirely by unspoken human emotion. But because arbitration doesn’t create space to address emotion directly, the real issues went untouched. It felt like a high-stakes gamble.
Both sides suffered — financially, emotionally, and relationally. That experience illuminated the limits of formal dispute processes and began my shift toward a more human-centered approach to conflict.
Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle has had a lasting impact on me. He writes about the egoic mind as the source of much of our suffering, and offers presence and awareness as the antidote.
I feel a sense of calm just reading his words, but I’ve also integrated his practices into daily life. When I feel frustration rising — sitting in traffic, dealing with delays — I pause, come into the present, and return to my breath. It helps me stay grounded in what I can control and release what I cannot.
Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does that resonate with you so much? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
One of my favorite quotes comes from Thich Nhat Hanh:
“If we are afraid to touch our suffering, we will not be able to realize the path of peace, joy and liberation. Don’t run away. Touch your suffering and embrace it. Make peace with it.”
So many of us fear grief, sadness, or emotional pain. We try to suppress or control it. But I’ve learned — and lived — that these emotions are opportunities. When we meet them with awareness, they can become pathways to healing and transformation. That’s not just theory for me — it’s the foundation of my work.
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
Leadership is the willingness to identify, feel, and release fear — within yourself — and to create space for others to do the same.
True leaders note their fears so that they can operate from something different. They embrace their own humanness in ways that are honest and inspiring. They don’t shame or divide — they lift. They see problems as opportunity, and mistakes as sources of learning. They do not subscribe to specialness, but they know their strengths. They do not require perfection. But they honor self awareness.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. The polarization in our country has become so extreme that families have been torn apart. Erstwhile close friends have not spoken to each other because of strong partisan differences. This is likely a huge topic, but briefly, can you share your view on how this evolved to the boiling point that it’s at now?
We’ve reached this boiling point because we’re evolving as a species. The systems and behaviors built on fear are being exposed — and that’s a sign of progress. But many of us are still reacting from fear, which fuels more chaos.
The good news is: we’re on the path. We need to see and feel the fear before we can transform it. The polarization we’re witnessing is not new — it’s just more visible now. And visibility creates the opportunity for healing and evolution.
I have no pretensions about bridging the divide between politicians, or between partisan media outlets. But I’d love to discuss the divide that is occurring between families, co-workers, and friends. Do you feel comfortable sharing a story from your experience about how family or friends have become a bit alienated because of the partisan atmosphere?
I grew up in a conservative town, in a family of Democratic politicians. I remember my parents complaining about “those Republicans” — and then going to dinner with them. Where there’s strong community connection, people tend to maintain respect across differences.
But when fear runs deeper — when identity, trauma or painful emotion is on the line — relationships fracture.
Political conflict, like any conflict, is rarely about the topic on the surface. It’s driven by underlying emotion — usually fear and its derivations: guilt, shame, pride, scarcity, unworthiness or the like. Identifying the fear-based emotions we each hold while we are experiencing a tension or conflict is the critical first step to strengthening relationships and connection within families, workplaces and beyond.
In your opinion, what can be done to bridge the divide that has occurred in families? Can you please share a story or example?
How about the workplace, what can be done to bridge the partisan divide that has fractured relationships there? Can you please share a story or example?
The path to bridging divides — whether in families, workplaces, or society at large — begins with individual self-awareness, and is deeply supported by principles found in science.
At the most basic level, everything is energy. Quantum physics tells us that what we perceive as solid matter is, at its core, vibrating energy. Our thoughts and emotions carry distinct energetic frequencies, and these frequencies influence how we experience and shape the world around us.
Emotions like fear, shame, and anger are dense, lower-frequency energies. Emotions like compassion, courage, and curiosity vibrate at a higher, more expansive frequency. The principle of resonance — that like attracts like — applies here. If we respond to fear with more fear, we spread and reinforce it. But when we shift our energy, we interrupt the pattern and create space for something new.
This is not abstract theory — it’s practical. When conflict arises, we can pause and notice the energetic signature of our response. Are we constricted or open? Reactive or present? Before speaking or acting, we can take a moment to raise our energetic state — through breath, awareness, or even simply choosing not to engage from a charged place.
I’ve seen firsthand how this changes conversations. When one person in a family or workplace chooses to shift their own energy, it often diffuses the tension without a word. That’s quantum influence: energy affecting energy, subtly but powerfully.
If enough of us learn to recognize and shift our own emotional frequency, we begin to create coherence — not just in our relationships, but in our shared reality. Real transformation begins with awareness of ourselves.
I think one of the causes of our divide comes from the fact that many of us see a political affiliation as the primary way to self-identify. But of course, there are many other ways to self-identify. What do you think can be done to address this?
The problem isn’t identity — it’s the fear-based energy behind it.
There’s nothing wrong with identifying as a Democrat or Republican, so long as the intention is rooted in clarity rather than superiority or opposition.
We are intuitive beings. Others feel our energy more than they hear our words. If we identify with a group in order to oppose or condemn another, we perpetuate the divisive cycle. But when we identify from a place of grounded intention, we model something different: resolve over righteousness, vision over blame.
Much ink has been spilled about how social media companies and partisan media companies continue to make money off creating a split in our society. Sadly the cat is out of the bag and at least in the near term there is no turning back. Social media and partisan media have a vested interest in maintaining the divide, but as individuals none of us benefit by continuing this conflict. What can we do moving forward to not let social media divide us?
Social media isn’t inherently the problem. The deeper issue is our lack of self-awareness around what it triggers in us.
We’ve been conditioned to avoid or energize difficult emotions — so when we’re activated by something online, we often distract, suppress, or lash out. But those moments are actually powerful opportunities.
If we slow down and face the discomfort — fear, anxiety, insecurity — we can feel it to release it. We must feel the emotion or energy without the drama or story. We release the emotional charge and reclaim our clarity. That’s what allows us to engage with the media (and people) from presence rather than reactivity. When we shift our own energy, we stop feeding the polarization.
What can we do moving forward to not let partisan media pundits divide us?
Once we begin transmuting our own fear-based emotion, we stop getting hooked by the drama.
We’re drawn to political outrage because it resonates with something unresolved within us — fear, shame, scarcity. But when we resolve that internally, the noise loses its grip.
We can still engage, vote, and make informed choices. But we do so from a clearer, more hopeful energy. And that energy is contagious too. We can act from prudence, not fear.
Can you please share your “5 Steps That Each Of Us Can Take To Proactively Help Unite Our Country”.
1. Notice your emotional response.
Pay attention to the subtle physical signs: a clenched jaw, tight shoulders, a pit in your stomach. Notice irritation, fear, worry, anger, or sadness. Just becoming aware is the most powerful step.
2. Pause before reacting.
Don’t send the message. Don’t post the comment. Don’t respond from the emotional state you just observed. Give yourself space.
3. Get present.
Move attention away from your thoughts and into your body. Focus on your breath. Let thoughts come and go. The goal isn’t to suppress them, but note them to stay centered in the present moment.
4. Turn up the emotional volume — without the story.
Feel the emotion fully in your body, but don’t attach to the narrative. This helps release the charge without fueling it further.
5. Be kind to yourself.
This isn’t easy. Most of us have spent a lifetime avoiding our emotions. When old coping mechanisms show up, meet yourself with compassion, not judgment.
I’ve used these steps — formally and informally — over many years. They’ve helped me release layers of fear-based emotion and see people, politics, and conflict through a very different lens. I no longer seek to litigate, blame, or judge. I react much less. I recognize fear for what it is — and help others do the same.
Simply put, is there anything else we can do to ‘just be nicer to each other’?
Yes — by being kinder to ourselves first.
That means slowing down, noticing your fear with curiosity rather than shame, and extending yourself compassion. When we care well for ourselves, we’re less reactive and more open. We can then show up with empathy, even in disagreement. We shift the conversations. We create opportunities for productive dialogue.
We are going through a rough period now. Are you optimistic that this issue can eventually be resolved? Can you explain?
I am. I believe we are in the middle of a major evolutionary shift. The chaos we’re witnessing is not the beginning of the end — it’s the tension before the breakthrough.
We won’t go back to what was. What’s coming will be something new.
The path forward requires that we find and release the emotional blocks — fear, anger, guilt — that limit us. When we do, we unlock more elevated energy: joy, connection, creativity. That’s how change happens — within us first, and then around us.
If you could tell young people one thing about why they should consider making a positive impact on our society, like you, what would you tell them?
Slow down. Take care of yourself. Build your self-awareness.
Young people are often closer to truth than we are — they haven’t yet absorbed decades of conditioning or developed coping habits. That’s a gift. When you learn to recognize fear within yourself, you’ll also recognize when others are acting from fear. You’ll respond with clarity, and eventually, with compassion.
That’s how we shift the world.
Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
Thank you for the offer — but I don’t have a single person in mind. I believe this is a collective responsibility, not a change that can be driven by a celebrity or politician.
Our systems will begin to shift when enough of us shift. That’s where I’m putting my energy — toward a critical mass of people doing this work within themselves. And it’s already happening.
How can our readers follow you online?
You can find me on my website, on LinkedIn, or on Instagram. Each space offers something a little different, and I welcome questions and feedback. Let’s keep the conversation going.
This was very meaningful, and thank you so much for the time you spent on this interview. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
Thank you for your thoughtful questions and for elevating this important conversation. I’m grateful for the opportunity to share with your readers.
Putting The United Back Into The United States: Ursula Taylor Of Conflict Reimagined On The 5… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.