Mental Health Champions: Why & How Rachael Kelly Of HiveSTRONG and HiveSMART Is Helping To Champion Mental Wellness
An Interview With Eden Gold
Put on your oxygen mask first: The only way we can truly help others is by helping ourselves first. Making sure I’m fed, rested, following my health regimen, and nourished helps me be a better mother, CEO, and friend. It’s not being selfish. It’s essential.
As a part of our series about Mental Health Champions helping to promote mental wellness, I had the pleasure to interview Rachael Kelly.
Rachael Kelly is a Dallas-based entrepreneur, changemaker, and survivor who is redefining what it means to lead with purpose. She is the founder and CEO of HiveSMART, a consulting firm supporting national and global companies across a variety of sectors — travel, hospitality, leisure, sports, technology, and B2B. She launched HiveSMART as a dual-purpose venture to transform workplaces and fund her nonprofit, HiveSTRONG, which provides financial, legal, and mental health support to help survivors of domestic violence and human trafficking leave their abusive situations.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit. Can you tell us a bit about how you grew up?
I grew up as the middle child in a barely middle-class family in the Midwest. I experienced a difficult and unstable childhood and adolescence. I have great memories of baking pies and making arts and crafts with my parents. They got a lot right, but they’re also people at the end of the day, and hurt people hurt people. My parents didn’t know how to demonstrate healthy emotions or unconditional love. A lot of times, it felt like no matter what I did, it never seemed to be enough. It felt like walking on eggshells a lot of the time. It wasn’t until much later I realized the full extent of the abuse that had occurred. And school was often no better, where I was bullied. That sense of falling short followed me into adulthood. Throughout these years, I endured physical, psychological, and sexual abuse during my childhood, teenage years, and even later as an adult. I was often anxious and dysregulated, which are both symptoms of ADHD, among other things, but I never had the tools to deal with the issues I was experiencing.
You are currently leading an initiative that is helping to promote mental wellness. Can you tell us a bit more specifically about what you are trying to address?
HiveSTRONG is a nonprofit dedicated to helping survivors of domestic violence and human trafficking leave their abusive situations. We offer wrap-around financial, legal, and mental health support. HiveSTRONG partners with the business community to provide employment opportunities for survivors to help them achieve financial autonomy, which is a critical factor in breaking the cycle of abuse.
Recognizing there is a unique combination of factors — psychological, emotional, financial, and more — that keep victims trapped or returning to their abusive situations, we address the unmet need to get at the root of these issues. We welcome survivors into a safe space of other survivors on their recovery journey, where we provide trauma and recovery education in addition to trauma coaching. National studies indicate it can take a victim 7 attempts on average to leave an abuser, compared to an average of 1.4 attempts with HiveSTRONG. 80% of HiveSTRONG clients successfully leave after just one attempt.
Can you tell us the backstory about what inspired you to originally feel passionate about this cause?
As a survivor of domestic violence, I have experienced firsthand — on numerous occasions — why it is so difficult to leave. The mind control that abusers inflict upon their victims is akin to drug addiction. Over time, victims become further entrenched in these toxic cycles and increasingly self-destructive. The wrap-around services we offer at HiveSTRONG are a product of what I experienced and the types of support I knew I needed to truly break out of these vicious cycles.
I am a strong believer in the importance of radical acceptance. It’s what helped me make the transition from victim to survivor. Taking a step back to realize what I experienced and hearing the stories of others, I knew I wanted to make something out of the pain I experienced with the hope of helping others break free the way I was able to. And I had resources and skills to do something about it.
Many of us have ideas, dreams, and passions, but never manifest them. They don’t get up and just do it. But you did. Was there an “Aha Moment” that made you decide that you were actually going to step up and do it? What was that final trigger?
I got divorced during Covid while leading HR for a mid-sized restaurant company in crisis (as all restaurant companies were), and home schooling two special needs children. It was a 4.5 month-long process during which I also left my home, all of my belongings, built a new home and transitioned my children there. I was able to do this because of the incredible hive around me helping, the professional skills I have, and resources at my disposal. That privilege was not lost on me.
After my own divorce was finalized, I had a very good friend who had been going through a divorce for years, where her husband was trying to pigeonhole her into a very disadvantageous custody agreement. I helped her pay some of the attorney fees with my leftover cash, and we fought back hard. I was happy to not only give her some of the material support she needed in that moment, but I could also be the warm hug or her brass knuckles, depending on what she needed that day. In the end, she received a custody arrangement that was best for the kids and effectively pushed back on some of his problematic proposals.
Getting through my own situation and helping my friend made me realize the power of leaning on others around you during your most vulnerable moments and the ripple effect on children. With the right coaching, resources, and people around you, we can build a community that empowers and lifts each other up. And I felt compelled to use the privileges I have to do it.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began leading your company or organization?
A funny thing happened when I was ready to bring in funding for the nonprofit, I ended up starting a thriving consulting business. I went to NYC last August to ask someone I knew, a business leader, founder, and entrepreneur, for a donation to the nonprofit. Instead he gave me my first consulting opportunity, and HiveSMART Consulting was born. I never got to ask him for that donation, but he knew exactly where the proceeds of my work were going. In those following weeks I met Bridgette Corridan, who became our co-founder at HiveSMART Consulting, a talent executive and sound healer, who initially tried to recruit me for a big private equity-backed, global CHRO job. After reading about her, I hired her to come and co-facilitate the HiveSTRONG inaugural board strategic planning retreat at the Hive Refuge. Right before we started, sitting on the balcony, watching the ocean waves, she asked me what I wanted to manifest. A job? Donors? I paused for a moment, and quickly said, no, I don’t want a job, I want more clients. Within 24 hours our second, and very large client came in, and by Decemeber we were off with 22 consultants, multiple clients. Within 6 months, we were sustainable as a social enterprise, planning our next venture, growing rapidly. I did not see any of that coming. I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to use my business skills to make impact in the corporate world, bringing in the trauma-informed work of HiveSTRONG (which we often do with our business clients) while fueling our purpose through consulting proceeds.
None of us can be successful without some help along the way. Did you have mentors or cheerleaders who helped you to succeed? Can you tell us a story about their influence?
Yes, many. One specific mentor and friend comes to mind. I’ve known him for over 20 years from the business world. He had a successful corporate career and is now a successful entrepreneur. Ivy League educated, somewhat conservative, religious, very heteronormative. He is also an amazing father and grandfather to his kids. He embodies those core values of leadership and how you approach business in a smart and balanced way that I’ve tried to embody at the hive.
Over the years, as I’ve stumbled, failed, succeeded, and been punched in the gut, he believes in me. I can call him at any time, out of my mind in total lizard brain ranting, or on an adrenaline high from some accomplishment, fuming from something that happened, or devastated by a blow. I’ve been told and called a lot of things over the years like, “you’ll never have a career in HR,” “you are unbecoming,” “you are over your skis,” “you don’t know anything about insert something I know alot about.” And he hears that internal tape of mine telling me I’m a piece of shit.
Every time, he reminds me that he believes in me. That I’m amazing. That I can mess up royally, be the version of myself I don’t like, and still be a good human being. His unyielding belief in me over these 20+ years, helps give me confidence in myself in those moments. And as a result, I kept pressing on, picking myself up, making better decisions as a result. His response to my personal inscription on his copy of my book was that “believing in me wasn’t hard, it was getting me to believe in myself that was the work”.
I now remind him of the impact he makes. That people, especially kids, just need one person to believe in them. One person to show them that they are worthy of love. It goes such a long way in our own ability to love and believe in ourselves.
According to Mental Health America’s report, over 44 million Americans have a mental health condition. Yet there’s still a stigma about mental illness. Can you share a few reasons you think this is so?
Fundamentally we want to think of ourselves as human beings with agency, free thought, and control over our own actions. It’s a core part of our identity as human beings. Our thinking tends to be absolute on the matter. It’s why we struggle with understanding coercive control in abuse situations. As a society, we are still learning the science of the brain and how that impacts behavior we see. It’s challenging to understand these conditions and their impact on autonomy and accountability. The issue is not only a lack of understanding the science itself, but our ability to process that insight and learn how to work with that information. How do we use that in our daily lives? We don’t know what to do with it. And finally, the systems designed in our society inhibit our ability to embrace and thrive with this reality, while unwittingly contribute to the issue. How do you as a CEO get the work done, stay in business, and deal with employees that have conditions that affect their work product? How do you as an under-resourced teacher deal with neurodivergent kids who have special needs and trauma’s in the classroom? You aren’t set up for success to do so. It becomes an impairment. And so as a result, we reject, judge, and ostracize what we don’t understand or aren’t capable of handling, and we damage people, making the situation worse.
In your experience, what should a) individuals b) society, and c) the government do to better support people suffering from mental illness?
The first thing is to be curious, not judgmental when seeing behavior you don’t understand. Seek to understand and reflect on the most effective course of action before taking that action. It can be scary or triggering to encounter someone who is struggling with a mental health condition. It’s ok to feel that way. Pause, breathe, explore, then decide the best course. This never means accepting something you shouldn’t, or allowing yourself to be harmed in some manner. It means taking a pause, getting perspective, and engaging your executive functioning to navigate.
From a societal perspective, it’s about bringing in more trauma-informed, even just human-informed, training into our systems. Business, government, legal, and health systems all desperately need more education and training on this science, and how to leverage it to accomplish their professional purpose more effectively. Often people think this stuff is “wooey” and soft and about being “nicer” or “easier” or “woke.” It’s not. In fact, it’s incredibly hard. What I’m talking about is leveraging neuroscience and understanding the brain conditions of the public, so that our systems and institutions are more effective in how they operate, don’t perpetuate the problem, and achieve the goals or purpose of their existence. It’s a results oriented lens on the topic.
The additional component, societally quite critical, is access to mental health resources. There is a pathway to help the population access the care they need to get healthy and stay that way. Mental health, in particular, is insidious as it really impairs executive functioning. That means that the access modes and models of care need to adjust and account for that, to increase the level of care patients actually receive and make real progress on their health. In populations at high-risk of mental health conditions, we need to bring forward culturally competent care to break that cycle.
Government needs to understand not only the science, but the cost and threat it brings to the health of society, how our legislative and governmental institutions contribute to the issue, and how they can impact it. This can include the executive branch bringing in training that increases the safety and efficacy of law enforcement officers through modernized de-escalation models, judges and attorney’s becoming trauma-informed, legislation that removes complications and barriers of access for quality care, and leveraging modern technology. These are all areas that government needs to address to impact this issue positively.
What are your 5 strategies you use to promote your own well-being and mental wellness?
- Put on your oxygen mask first: The only way we can truly help others is by helping ourselves first. Making sure I’m fed, rested, following my health regimen, and nourished helps me be a better mother, CEO, and friend. It’s not being selfish. It’s essential.
- Practice radical acceptance: We cannot control what happens to us, but we can decide how we move on from it. Sometimes it means waking up from the dream of the life we thought we had, and that can be painful. It can flip our world upside down. But only by settling firmly into reality can we start taking the necessary steps to heal from what we’ve experienced and break free. Whether it’s an abusive relationship or a toxic job, there are moments all the time requiring us to accept reality, detach from the related emotions, and move on from it.
- Go to therapy: Finding a trauma-informed therapist was one of the most important decisions I made. Having the support of a professional to navigate some of my toughest moments made all the difference in helping me come out on the other side of hardship more resilient and empowered.
- Engage in mindfulness practices: One of my favorite ways to be mindful is doing sound healing. It’s one of the services we offer through HiveSTRONG as well as my consulting business HiveSMART. Not only is it nice to sit in stillness, eyes closed, focused on your breathing, but the sound waves themselves have healing properties. I always leave sessions feeling calmer and more relaxed. A regulated nervous system is one of the best tools you can have at your disposal.
- Build and lean on your hive: You don’t have to do it alone. It can be vulnerable asking for help. Most of the time, even if you don’t realize it, the people in your life want to help you and be there for you. And there will likely come a time when they need you too. At HiveSTRONG, our arms are open. Our model is built on the reality that everyone brings unique skills and qualities to the table. We’re stronger when we can utilize the collective strength that comes from us all being together.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a mental health champion?
My favorite book of all time is Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. I might be a little different than some on what information I absorb that inspires me to be a mental health champion. I am a huge consumer of articles from Harvard Business Review, Mckinsey Insights, other business and financial publications, and Psychology Today. I follow several areas of interest and read what they are putting out, including from the Creative Institute for Leadership and trauma and mental health forums. I, of course, love Brenee Brown and Mel Robbins. I read the trends in entertainment to see what people are gravitating towards, what that means about the psyche of the public, consume the stories that are being put out (hello “The Pitt,” “The Last of Us,” and everything Nicole Kidman has been putting out in recent years). I read kids books, age appropriate with the boys on these topics before bedtime. But what inspires me the most is watching and reading the news outlets and entertainment that lean in a different direction than where I sit. The ones that I often disagree with and that have a very different paradigm. It really helps me to understand how some people are thinking, why they do what they do, and how I can impact it. I’m also reminded acutely of how important and needed the work is.
If you could tell other people one thing about why they should consider making a positive impact on our environment or society, like you, what would you tell them?
You are already making an impact on our environment and society in what you do and how you do it, we all make ripples. The question is, what do you want that impact to be?
How can our readers follow you online?
You can sign up for our newsletters on our websites HiveSTRONGempower.com and HiveSMARTllc.com. You can find me, Rachael Kelly, along with HiveSMART and HiveSTRONG on LinkedIn. And my book From Trauma to Triumph is available on Amazon.
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
Mental Health Champions: Why & How Rachael Kelly Of HiveSTRONG and HiveSMART Is Helping To Champion… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.