An Interview With Wanda Malhotra
Hope — I don’t think that we can get anywhere without a belief that things can be better. There was a period when I was so beaten down, I didn’t believe that there was any way for me to get out. It was important for me to get around people who had made a change and see that it was possible to for things to be different.
In a world where the journey towards sobriety is often challenging and deeply personal, understanding the pathways and strategies for achieving and maintaining sobriety is crucial. This series aims to provide insight, encouragement, and practical advice for those who are on the road to recovery, as well as for their loved ones and support networks. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Kattie Lail.
Kattie grew up in a home with addiction and spent three years in federal prison for drug-related charges. She works as Director of Operations for Face It TOGETHER, an addiction wellness nonprofit. Quitting meth used to feel impossible, but Kattie now has an amazing life and can’t imagine using.
Thank you so much for joining us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’?
It always feels so weird to just dive into the nitty gritty of my past, but I think it’s important to start from the beginning to get a feel for where I came from and how I ended up with a passion for the work that I do. I grew up surrounded by addiction. My parents both struggled with meth addictions, which led to a discombobulated childhood. While I always had a place to live and my basic physical needs met, things were really chaotic, and I was often left feeling emotionally unsupported and scared. I had three much younger siblings and was responsible for them from late middle school until I was taken away in high school. I had no resources and felt compelled to protect my mom from anyone knowing what was going on in the house.
When I was 15, I used meth for my first time with my mom. That felt great. I finally was able to connect with her and be part of what she had going on. I think that’s what roped me in so quickly — the connection and sense of belonging that came with using. I used until I was 19 and got arrested for me first time as an adult. At this point, I realized this wasn’t the life I wanted to live, and I wanted more than anything to be free of substances in my life. I ended up getting into a relationship with a guy who was also trying to get his life together. As my dependence on him increased, his dependence on substances increased. I found myself trying to control his behavior to the point where I was unwell and irrational and ended up jumping back into the using lifestyle with him. We repeated that pattern for about nine years before everything fell apart. I had been meth free for a few years and he was using again. This time I decided to leave. However, I had never developed any support outside of that relationship. I fell apart with grief and loneliness.
I ended up falling back into the using lifestyle and I was sick of feeling dependent on people. So, I decided that I would try my hand at selling drugs. That in and of itself was addictive. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel like I needed to depend on unreliable people to be OK. I felt in control of my life financially and I didn’t really care what the consequences may be, because I felt empty. About six months after starting to sell drugs, I got my door kicked in by the federal government for conspiracy to distribute 500 grams or more of methamphetamines, which carries a federal mandatory minimum of 10 years. I was scared and this was the point when I finally became willing to do the things I needed to in order to get well. I really invested in myself and my wellness. I ended up having a year before going into prison and turned everything around, met my future husband, and got myself into a good place mentally and emotionally. I ended up spending three years in federal prison.
Once I got out, I knew that I was in a place where I wanted to get back into helping people; I had a bachelor’s degree in human services with a minor in addiction studies. After a few years of being out, I started looking to get back into the field. I had a lot of doors shut in my face due to my felony and I truly think that Face It TOGETHER found me. When I ran across the job posting, I had given up looking, but the job seemed too good to be true, so I had to apply. I started here as a Peer Coach for those struggling with addiction and loved ones. I moved up to Coaching Supervisor and then on to Director of Operations. I am nearing the end of my master’s degree in clinical mental health counseling. I have two young boys, an amazing husband and two Great Danes. I am in a position in my life that I never thought that I would be in and am so grateful to be here.
Can you share with us the most interesting story from your career? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘takeaways’ you learned from that?
I feel like I have learned almost everything from my career! When I entered the addiction workforce, I was a bit lost and trying to find my place in life. I went from a place of depending on others to becoming OK myself. However, if I had to nail down THE most interesting story of my career, I think that I would have to talk about something that happened shortly after I moved into a position of leadership.
Face It TOGETHER focuses on supporting people through their struggles with addiction and reducing shame and stigma. This is something that we also want to work with employers on through our FIT @ Work program. Last year, I had my opportunity to put that into action.
We had a team member who had a recurrence of use (relapse) with meth and overdosed. She let us know the situation and my first thought was, ‘Now we’re going to have to lose this employee.’ Luckily, I have amazing leaders at my organization. The CEO, Wendy White, and I walked through this process in a way that allowed us to support this individual and retain her employment while positively affecting her life and wellness. Face It TOGETHER allowed the employee to develop a wellness plan that included ways in which we could support her. We had her take a step back from coaching and we worked closely with her to get back to a place of wellness.
This was transformative as a leader and a human being. I was able to break away from the old model of penalizing people when they struggle. This experience and her honesty allowed our team to rally behind her in a meaningful way. I often think now about how things would have gone if she had left the hospital after her overdose, only to find out that she also didn’t have a job. This showed me the truly transformative power of supporting someone through their struggles. Not only did this effort have a positive effect on that individual’s life, but it also helped us grow as a team.
You are a successful individual. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Humility — I think humility is an underrated quality. For me, humility is having a realistic view of myself. I know there are things I’m good at and there are things I don’t excel at. This quality allows me to continue to grow and not become stagnant or ineffective. It’s really important in my work and growth as a leader. I value the feedback of my team and realize my views will always be limited to my understanding. I always try to get feedback from others and the opinion of my team to be able to weigh all of that before making a decision. Processes and procedures aren’t my strong suits; I am still learning and developing in that area. My humility allows me to make better decisions because I’m not ashamed to ask for input.
Objectivity — I find it important to try to look at things from all angles. I work really hard to fully understand a situation or individual before jumping to conclusions. I truly believe that it’s more important to understand something than it is to solve something. When you understand something objectively, the solutions start to become apparent. I use this with the individuals I serve and as a leader. If one of my coaches comes to me looking for advice, I will rarely give any, but instead will talk through it with them and try to ask the right questions. Generally, they will develop the answers they need. It’s more about creating a thinking environment than offering my wisdom, or lack thereof.
Determination — It doesn’t matter how hard things get; I just keep going. I think it’s a combination of determination and hope. I have often kept pushing forward and believing in myself and the ability for things to get better if I just kept doing the work. I haven’t always known what I was working toward, but I knew I needed that forward momentum to get to a better place. With the work came direction and with the direction came confidence. This, coupled with some amazing leaders in my life, has brought me to a place that I didn’t think that I would ever be.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that might help people?
In 2024, we’re continuing to expand our reach and impact at Face It TOGETHER, which is so exciting. Face It TOGETHER fights to truly meet people where they are, allowing them autonomy over their own wellness journeys. Face It TOGETHER believes there are many different versions of wellness and many pathways to get there. We embrace all pathways and walk alongside people as they find their wellness. We also have a really amazing program for loved ones of those struggling with addiction. We believe that loved ones can have a positive impact on their person at risk through communication and also caring for themselves, so they are on stable emotional ground.
It’s an honor to hear all the ways we help people. Our members (clients) set their own goals and we help them get there, from rebuilding relationships to finding solutions for their mental health to maintaining long-term sobriety.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s shift to the main focus of our interview. How would you advise individuals who are contemplating the journey to sobriety but might be hesitant or unsure about taking the first step? Are there key considerations or strategies that can make this initial phase more manageable?
Great question! First of all, there is no commitment required for exploring your options. Making any behavioral change can feel daunting, let alone something that is so judged. It can be scary thinking about being forced into doing something that you are not ready to do. However, if you’re thinking about quitting or cutting back, there’s a good chance that it’s not the first time this has crossed your mind. I have never once regretted reaching out for help, but there are many times that I have regretted not reaching out for help.
In my journey, the times I walked into places and was a complete mess, I ended up getting what I needed. I often feel that way with members as well. When people come in and lay it all out there, I really have something to work with. Being honest and not letting shame prevent you from getting what you need is important. People are in helping positions because they care and want to help, so don’t be afraid to let them.
And if you reach out and feel judged or pressured to commit to something that doesn’t feel right, advocate for yourself. There are so many options out there. If one isn’t a good fit, don’t write everything off. Remember that you’re worth it and there is hope!
Sobriety often comes with its unique set of challenges. Can you share insights on how individuals can effectively navigate obstacles or triggers that may arise during their journey? Are there specific tools or support systems that you find particularly helpful in overcoming these challenges?
My first step was to take using meth as a coping skill off the table. I had to come to realize that people made it through worse things than I was going through on a daily basis, and they were able to do it without substances. I had to challenge myself to learn how to do it without that crutch. I viewed this as a skill that I needed to develop, and the only way to do that was to walk through these things and figure out what worked. For me, a big part of that was starting at a healthier baseline. I wanted to make sure that all aspects of my wellness were in check so when things came up, I had a better starting point. I made sure that I had supports in place, that I was getting enough sleep, that I was exercising and meditating and eating properly. That way when things popped up, I had a better chance of maintaining sobriety. I also made sure that I wasn’t living a life where drugs were super accessible to me. I had to put some distance there to give me a fighting chance. Then I began to find people that would offer me support, rather than my next fix. At this point I latched onto anything. I tried every support group that I heard of and just had an open mind until I found the group that was right for me. There are so many options out there, including Face It TOGETHER, where I work. SMART Recovery, CRAFT, Celebrate Recovery, 12-step, The Phoenix — the list goes on. It’s about finding where you feel comfortable and continuing to put yourself out there until you find your people.
Maintaining sobriety is a long-term commitment. From your experience, what are the essential factors that contribute to the sustained success of individuals on this journey? Are there lifestyle adjustments or mindset shifts that prove crucial for the ongoing pursuit of sobriety?
I am a passionate believer in building a life that drug use doesn’t fit into. I can’t even imagine where I would find drugs at this point, and if I did, there is not one aspect of my life where meth use would fit. It’s so much different than when I was living a life where meth use was the norm and getting high didn’t even cause a second thought. So yes, I think that lifestyle changes are paramount. I also think understanding all aspects of your wellness is important. Your emotion, physical, financial, social, cultural, nutritional and spiritual wellness all need to be in a good place. Identifying and monitoring these aspects of your life are crucial. When people talk about relapse, they always say, “It just happened, I didn’t even know it was coming.” However, if you were to really evaluate these things in your life, there are usually signs. That’s why it’s so important to have people who know and care about you in your life. They can point out the red flags we sometimes don’t see.
Based on your research or experience, can you please share your “5 Things You Need To Begin, Navigate, & Sustain Sobriety”?
- Desire — First and foremost, you have to want to make a change. For example, I wanted stop ending up in bad situations over and over again because of my meth use. Everyone’s desire is different. Maybe it’s for your health, relationships, financial reasons — whatever your reason, you need to really remember why you are doing this. If you aren’t solidly set in your why, it’s very easy to lose focus.
- Hope — I don’t think that we can get anywhere without a belief that things can be better. There was a period when I was so beaten down, I didn’t believe that there was any way for me to get out. It was important for me to get around people who had made a change and see that it was possible to for things to be different.
- Patience — In my experience, those who struggle with addiction aren’t the most patient people. They are looking for something that will help them feel better RIGHT NOW. To successfully quit alcohol or other drugs, individuals are going to have to walk through some discomfort, sometimes both emotional and physical. This is a normal part of the journey, and we can’t skip through it. It’s not permanent; we need to be patient and trust that we can make it through. It will get better!
- Self-Acceptance — It is so important that we learn to accept ourselves as we really are. Not the loud, outgoing person we are when we’re drunk or the person living on the edge and always up for adventure when we’re using other drugs. I always wanted to transform myself into the person that I wished I was and forgot to love myself for the person that I actually was. I had a lot to offer the world, but I was so hyper focused on being ‘cool’ that I didn’t even give people a chance to love me for who I really was.
- Support — Humans are social creatures. We don’t function well on an island. A majority of my growth has come through relationships and what is reflected to me from the people in my life. How important is it to have someone to call when we feel like we are going to fall apart? I wanted for so long to do everything on my own, but that just left me stuck with my own understanding, which didn’t get me far.
Community support plays a vital role in the journey to sobriety. How can individuals find and engage with supportive communities or resources that align with their specific needs and goals? Are there online platforms, local groups, or initiatives that you recommend for fostering a sense of connection and understanding during this process?
Having a sense of community and a healthy social life are such important aspects of wellness. However, it is also often one of the more difficult areas for people to get to where they want to be. First, figure out what it is that you would like to get involved in. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try? What’s a hobby you miss? Find out where people are that do that thing and put yourself there. Keep going and begin talking to the people who are there. We often make friends based on proximity, so we have to show up AND we have to talk to people. The rest will fall into place.
Many members find supportive communities in support groups, especially early in their journeys. You’re able to meet like-minded people with similar goals. However, I always think it’s good to have social outlets outside of that as well. There are so many community education classes, volunteer opportunities, churches, leagues, sports or other activities that you can get involved in. The key is getting to know the people there and becoming a part of the group. Sometimes it’s scary to put yourself out there in unfamiliar territory, but it’s through walking through that discomfort that we find the rewards.
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
Face It TOGETHER has an amazing website with lots of great information and resources: wefaceittogether.org.
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.
About the Interviewer: Wanda Malhotra is a wellness entrepreneur, lifestyle journalist, and the CEO of Crunchy Mama Box, a mission-driven platform promoting conscious living. CMB empowers individuals with educational resources and vetted products to help them make informed choices. Passionate about social causes like environmental preservation and animal welfare, Wanda writes about clean beauty, wellness, nutrition, social impact and sustainability, simplifying wellness with curated resources. Join Wanda and the Crunchy Mama Box community in embracing a healthier, more sustainable lifestyle at CrunchyMamaBox.com.
Kattie Lail Of Face It TOGETHER On How to Begin, Navigate, & Sustain Sobriety was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.