Kate Dench Of Diverse Articulation: What I Did to Heal Emotionally and Physically After a Challenging Childbirth
An Interview With Lucinda Koza
Radical acceptance is a therapy term that essentially means accepting things as they are, without the ‘shoulds,’ ‘coulds,’ and ‘what ifs.’ Personally, I’ve heard it used in ways that felt completely dismissive, and in ways that have been incredibly helpful. For example, I don’t believe we should be radically accepting of active situations or issues that we still have the capacity to change. But with time, therapy, and self-compassion, I’ve come to accept the experience I had giving birth to my son. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish it had been different, but I can look back on it calmly.
Childbirth can be a beautiful yet challenging experience that impacts women both emotionally and physically. The journey to recovery is often filled with unique hurdles and personal growth. We would like to feature and interview individuals who have navigated this journey to share their stories and insights on the steps they took to heal emotionally and physically after a challenging childbirth. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Kate Dench.
Kate Dench is the founder of Diverse Articulation, a global content marketing and SEO agency that empowers women writers worldwide. With a varied professional career across multiple industries, Kate has gained extensive experience in leading and mentoring remote teams, navigating the challenges of expat life, and is a qualified Mental Health First Aider. Her personal experiences with difficult childbirth have given her unique insights into the emotional and physical journey of postpartum healing.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you tell us a bit about you and your backstory?
Having grown up in the UK but lived most of my adult life abroad, my career path has been less of a strategic trajectory and more of a convoluted journey with unexpected twists and turns. I qualified as a veterinarian from the University of Cambridge, and went on to establish a career that spanned clinical work with companion animals and conservation medicine in various countries. From there, I took on more advisory and operational roles for conservation NGOs, before deciding to apply my technical and persuasive writing skills to the content marketing industry. This led to me founding my agency, Diverse Articulation, to support and empower women writers from around the world with training and fair work opportunities. In my spare time, I love reading with my son, spending time outdoors, and looking after our small menagerie of pets.
Can you share your childbirth experience and what made it particularly challenging for you, both emotionally and physically?
I’ve always wanted to be a mother, and was fortunate enough to have a smooth pregnancy. I was keen for a natural birth with minimal interventions, so I explored hypnobirthing early on, and engaged a doula to assist with the process. I was ready, but there was one problem: my baby boy did not want to budge. As my due date came and went, the hospital insisted I schedule an induction for the 42-week mark. As it happened, I went into labor at 5am the day before the booked induction, but things were moving slowly. The hypnobirthing exercises were incredibly helpful, and I was able to manage the contractions without medication as the day went on. But after 24 hours I was only 5cm dilated, and the hospital required me to move from the midwifery suite to the labor ward. A stream of interventions ensued: when breaking my waters did not lead to adequate progress within the allotted time, they started pitocin. My contractions, which had previously been manageable, became excruciating, and I requested an epidural; however, the epidural partially failed, and I still had full feeling on the left side of my body. These extreme contractions were also starting to stress my baby, and his vitals became unstable. Although I had dilated to 9cm, my child was born via emergency cesarean section exactly 48 hours after my labor had begun.
Emotionally, it was tough to accept not having the delivery experience I had hoped for. I couldn’t help but feel that if my baby and I had been given more time, things would have progressed naturally. Physically, the 48-hour labor was tough, looking after a newborn after abdominal surgery is not easy. I also had intense stinging in my shoulder, which the medical team blamed on abdominal air pressing against the diaphragm as a result of the c-section (more on that later), which meant shifting position and holding my baby were painful.
What were the first steps you took to begin the healing process after childbirth, and how did they help you cope with the initial emotional and physical aftermath?
Because I’d had a c-section, I had to stay in the maternity ward for three days after giving birth. The nurses were amazing during that time, totally prioritizing the mother-baby bond in those early hours and days. When they came to check on my newborn, who was breastfeeding almost continuously for the first 24 hours, the nurses refused my offer to unlatch him and simply postponed the checks until he had finished. Although a crib was provided next to my bed, they were happy for my baby to safely co-sleep with me in the hospital bed, so we could both get the rest we needed. Their support, along with the fact that visitors were limited and I had a lot of time alone to start to know my new baby, went a long way to help me recover physically and begin to move past my disappointment in my birth experience.
Did you seek support from healthcare professionals, family, or community groups during your recovery? If so, how did their involvement contribute to your healing journey?
While the postpartum midwives and healthcare providers were excellent — for example, ensuring my son’s tongue tie issues were addressed within days — I felt their focus was very much on the baby and less on me. In my experience, the people who contributed the most to my own healing journey were those who had recently had babies of their own, and were able to provide nonjudgmental support for me and my choices. I had great support from my antenatal swimming and breastfeeding group, talking to other mothers who had recently gone through similar experiences, and bonding over stories of leaky nipples, diaper blowouts, and colic. I am also very close to my cousin, who gave birth just three months before me, so we supported each other through those new mother worries and midnight cluster feedings. There are a lot of strong opinions when it comes to what to do with babies, and a huge amount of criticism of mothers, whatever they decide — so finding a way to step away from that environment and surround yourself with your tribe is a key part of creating an environment that you can heal in.
Were there any specific practices, such as mindfulness, therapy, or physical exercises, that played a significant role in your emotional and physical recovery?
From my years in clinical practice as a veterinarian, I was used to being woken up at all hours of the night and called into work, so the sleepless nights weren’t as huge a shock to my system as they might have been otherwise — but the physical and emotional demands of motherhood were overwhelming at times. Having practiced yoga and hypnobirthing exercises throughout my pregnancy, I continued to draw on those calming and self-soothing practices in the early weeks. Later, when my child was several months old, I started therapy which included processing the emotional side of my childbirth experience. I found it very validating, and it also helped me better understand my feelings in other areas of life, so that I could move forwards with more clarity and resilience.
Can you please share “5 Things You Need to Heal Emotionally and Physically After a Challenging Childbirth”?
1. Find your tribe
They say it takes a village to raise a child — and while that might be true, a village full of people who undermine your decisions as a mother or only focus on the baby, not you as the person who gave birth, can do more harm than good. Early motherhood is lonely, and there’s nothing worse than feeling alone in a room full of people. Find your tribe, the people who care about YOU, who support your choices, who you can talk to without fear of judgment. I continue to be grateful for the friends who supported me, not only in those first months but throughout the early years of my child’s life.
2. Listen to your body
Remember the shoulder pain I mentioned earlier? The doctors said it was a side effect of the cesarean, and I accepted that. Over the following days and weeks, I was so busy looking after my baby that I stopped paying attention to my body’s pain signals. Years later, I was diagnosed with a partial tear to a tendon in my shoulder, which had occurred during childbirth. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in what your baby needs that you forget to prioritize your own physical healing. But your baby needs you at your best, so make sure you listen to what your body is telling you.
3. Consider therapy
If you find that your thoughts about your birth experience are bothering you, consider booking some sessions with a therapist to talk them through and learn tools to cope with the emotional healing process. Having a child changes the dynamics across all aspects of your life, and it’s natural to find yourself wondering if you’re reacting in the “right” way. I found therapy incredibly useful, not only for helping me process my feelings about childbirth, but also for helping me objectively understand my emotions about other things I was experiencing and decide what to do.
4. Radical acceptance
Radical acceptance is a therapy term that essentially means accepting things as they are, without the ‘shoulds,’ ‘coulds,’ and ‘what ifs.’ Personally, I’ve heard it used in ways that felt completely dismissive, and in ways that have been incredibly helpful. For example, I don’t believe we should be radically accepting of active situations or issues that we still have the capacity to change. But with time, therapy, and self-compassion, I’ve come to accept the experience I had giving birth to my son. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish it had been different, but I can look back on it calmly.
5. Hold your baby
Holding your baby helps release oxytocin and serotonin, which help settle you both. Your heartbeat is the only sound your child has known for their entire existence so far, and hearing it helps them relax and regulate as they get used to the world outside the womb. Lean into nature’s natural remedies during this time, and prioritize having that close contact with your baby.
In what ways has society supported you as a new mother recovering from a traumatic birthing experience?
As I was self-employed at the time I gave birth to my son, conversations related to maternity leave never really applied to me, and I was able to follow my own schedule as long as I had enough savings to support myself. The healthcare providers monitored my baby’s progress and the healing of my surgical wound, but there was little support offered beyond that. However, the increasing awareness of postpartum mental health meant there were more resources available in general, and I feel that online therapy platforms have been very supportive in enabling new mothers to access care remotely.
In what ways have you felt unsupported, invalidated, or even re-traumatized?
I believe more could have been done to investigate the pain I was experiencing postpartum. While the doctors’ assumption that it was related to the c-section was logical, further investigation would have revealed the actual cause of the problem much earlier and saved me several years of pain. It felt like once the baby was born, my well-being was no longer a priority, which made it difficult to get the help I needed.
I also received unsolicited advice and criticism about my parenting decisions from various angles. Speaking to other mothers, I believe this is something all mothers experience to some degree, but it can be very harmful. At a time when I was trying to do my best for my baby, these criticisms felt intrusive and invalidating.
How did you navigate the balance between taking care of your newborn and prioritizing your own healing needs during the postpartum period?
Looking back, I don’t feel I can honestly claim to have had a great balance during the postpartum period. I prioritized my baby’s needs and didn’t pay a lot of attention to my own. I did try to incorporate some basic self-care practices, like stretching and mindfulness, while breastfeeding or holding my baby. Fortunately, my son loved being in the sling so I was able to keep him close while doing the things I needed to do. I also gratefully accepted help that was offered — simple things like a friend at lunch offering to hold the baby, so I could eat a little easier.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂?
I would love to have lunch with Joanna Martin. Joanna is the founder of One of Many, an organization that empowers women to create change in their personal and professional lives. I admire her approach to leadership that emphasizes balance, resilience, and well-being, as well as understanding and drawing on our natural talents and traits
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would start a movement for free courses and upskilling, available to everyone regardless of gender, age, or background. I believe that financial barriers to education leave people — especially women and mothers — vulnerable as the world of work changes. Providing accessible education programs in high-demand skills can help those re-entering the workforce, transitioning careers, or wanting to broaden their employment options.
How can our readers follow your work online?
You can read about our work on the Diverse Articulation website.
Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.
About the Interviewer: After becoming her father’s sole caregiver at a young age, Lucinda Koza founded I-Ally, a community-based app that provides access to services and support for millennial family caregivers. Mrs. Koza has had essays published in Thought Catalog, Medium Women, Caregiving.com and Hackernoon.com. She was featured in ‘Founded by Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Female Founders’ by Sydney Horton. A filmmaker, Mrs. Koza premiered short film ‘Laura Point’ at the 2015 Cannes Film Festival and recently co-directed ‘Caregivers: A Story About Them’ with Egyptian filmmaker Roshdy Ahmed. Her most notable achievement, however, has been becoming a mother to fraternal twins in 2023. Reach out to Lucinda via social media or directly by email: lucinda@i-ally.com.
Kate Dench Of Diverse Articulation: What I Did to Heal Emotionally and Physically After a… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.