Jamie Mascolo Of Mountainside Treatment Center On How to Raise Children Who Feel Loved and Connected
An interview with Pirie Jones Grossman
Speak Their Love Language. One of the biggest lessons in parenting is realizing that you’re not going to be the same parent to each of your children — because they need you in different ways. One child may crave words of encouragement, while another feels most loved when you spend quality time with them.
Parenting is challenging. We all try so hard to give our all to our children. We desperately want them to feel loved and connected. But somehow there is often a disconnect. Perhaps it’s a generational thing, or that we don’t seem to speak the same language as our children, or just all of the “disconnection” that our kids are dealing with in today’s frenetic world. What are steps that parents can take to help their children feel loved and connected? As a part of our series about “How to Raise Children Who Feel Loved and Connected” we had the pleasure to interview Jamie Mascolo, Family Wellness Clinician, LMSW.
Jamie is a social worker at Mountainside Treatment Center who is passionate about breaking down professional jargon to have real conversations about family dynamics, cycle-breaking, and creating space to heal. She loves to laugh and believes in the power of positive connections and a person-centered approach to support individuals and families.
Thank you so much for joining us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to get to know a bit about you. Can you tell us your “childhood backstory”?
Thank you for having me! I’d love to share a bit about my childhood and how it shaped the work I do today. I’m the oldest of three, with a brother just 18 months younger — my partner-in-crime growing up. We were inseparable, always sharing secrets and mischief. Then, when I was 13, my little sister came along, bringing a whole new definition to being an older sibling. The age gap made our bond both fun and complex, as I balanced the roles of sister and quasi-parent, learning to connect with her in a way that felt completely different from my relationship with my brother.
My parents divorced when I was four, and while they had very different parenting styles — one following traditional Italian cultural norms and the other rooted in Irish Catholic values — they were both very present in my life. Growing up in a split household taught me a lot about family dynamics, resilience, and the power of communication. My mom remarried when I was 12, adding another layer to my understanding of blended families. Though I didn’t grow up with my parents together, I wouldn’t change my childhood. It gave me firsthand insight into how complex and beautiful family relationships can be.
I often hear the term “broken home,” but I don’t necessarily agree with that label. Sometimes, homes can feel more broken when parents stay together for the kids. My parents’ divorce taught me a lot about resilience, adaptation, and the importance of maintaining love, respect, and connection; even when a family looks different than expected.
These experiences, along with witnessing addiction’s impact on loved ones, sparked my passion for working with families. I now help individuals and families navigate relationships, communication, and generational patterns. My goal is to create a space where people feel seen, heard, and empowered to break cycles and build healthier connections.
Can you share the story about what brought you to this specific point in your career?
I’ve always been drawn to the complexities and layers that make up family dynamics. From a very young age, I saw how deeply addiction can affect families, as many of my own loved ones were touched by this disease. I’ve witnessed the struggles, the pain, but also the resilience and strength that families find when they work through these challenges together. This connection to addiction, both personally and professionally, has deeply shaped my career path.
Before stepping into the role of Family Wellness Clinician, I spent several years in the school system, working with students who had a wide range of disabilities, both mental and physical. I was fortunate enough to be part of a diverse community of families with varied needs, and it gave me a deep sense of how different each family’s situation can be. It wasn’t just about the students; it was about their families too, and how crucial family support is for their success.
Over time, I realized that my passion wasn’t just about working with kids but also about helping families navigate the difficult challenges they face, particularly in the context of addiction. I love the multi-faceted nature of family systems — how interconnected every person’s experience is within the whole. I also love how, in my role now as a Family Wellness Clinician, I get to work directly with families, supporting them through the complexities of addiction and its ripple effects on everyone involved.
There’s something deeply rewarding about helping families heal together, teaching them to communicate better, and supporting each person through their own journey. My background in social work has given me the tools to understand these layers and to work with families in a way that is both compassionate and empowering. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to help families find healing, build connections, and, ultimately, find strength in their shared experiences.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the core of our discussion. This is probably intuitive to many, but it would be beneficial to spell it out. Based on your experience or research, can you explain to us why it is so important to forge a strong connection with our children?
The foundation of a strong parent-child connection is vital because it shapes the way children view themselves and the world around them. When children feel secure in their relationship with their parents, they are more likely to develop positive self-esteem, resilience, and the ability to manage emotions in healthy ways. This connection provides a safe base from which children can explore their world, try new things, and face challenges. When they feel loved, valued, and understood, they’re more likely to develop trust and empathy, which will serve them well throughout their lives.
From a social-emotional learning perspective, the relationship between parent and child directly impacts a child’s ability to build relationships with others, manage stress, and even succeed academically. The research behind attachment theory consistently shows that children who feel securely attached to their caregivers are more likely to form healthy relationships and demonstrate emotional intelligence. In short, a strong connection nurtures not just the child’s immediate emotional needs but sets them up for long-term emotional health and well-being.
What happens when children do not have that connection, or only have a weak connection?
When children don’t have a strong connection to their parents, or if that connection is weak or inconsistent, it can lead to a range of challenges. Without that secure attachment, children may struggle with feelings of insecurity, anxiety, or low self-worth. They might have difficulty forming trusting relationships with others or may act out to get attention, sometimes resorting to negative behaviors in an attempt to meet their emotional needs.
The lack of connection can also impact a child’s emotional regulation. They may have a harder time managing frustration or navigating conflict in healthy ways, as they haven’t learned the coping mechanisms that are often modeled through a stable and loving relationship with their caregivers. Additionally, research suggests that a lack of strong parental connection can even affect a child’s physical health, as stress levels remain higher in children who don’t feel safe or supported.
In my experience working with families, I’ve seen how crucial it is for parents to maintain that emotional connection, especially in moments of stress. Kids need to know they are loved unconditionally, and without that anchor, their emotional development can be deeply impacted.
Do you think children in this generation are less likely to feel loved and connected? Why do you feel the way you do?
It’s not that this generation is less loved — it’s that connection has more competition. The demands on parents’ time, combined with the rise of digital distractions, can create unintentional emotional distance.
Dr. John Gottman, renowned for his research on relationships, found that small moments of connection, what he calls bids for attention, build emotional security. When a child says, “Watch this!” or “Guess what happened today?” they are making a bid for connection. How we respond in those micro-moments shapes their sense of love and belonging. The good news? It’s not about more time, but meaningful time. Five minutes of undivided attention — putting down the phone, making eye contact, and really listening can be more impactful than an hour of distracted presence.
We live in a world with incessant demands for our time and attention. There is so much distraction and disconnection. Can you share with our readers 5 steps that parents can take to help their children feel loved and connected? Please include examples or stories for each, if you can.
Sometimes, we think connection has to be big — like a weekend trip or a deep heart-to-heart. But honestly? It’s the little things that count.
1 . Be Fully Present in Small Moments
For example, instead of a distracted “Uh-huh, that’s cool” when your child is excitedly telling you about their drawing, try: “Wow! You worked so hard on that! Tell me about it!” Those tiny shifts — showing genuine curiosity — make kids feel seen and valued.
Gottman’s research shows that responding to a child’s bids for connection (like sharing a story or asking for help) strengthens emotional bonds. A parent who pauses, makes eye contact, and engages — even briefly — sends the message: You matter to me.
2. Create Rituals of Connection
Kids thrive on predictability, and having special little routines strengthens emotional security. Rituals provide children with predictability and emotional safety. This could be a bedtime story, a special handshake before school, or making pancakes together every Sunday. These moments, though small, become a child’s emotional anchor.
One family I worked with started a tradition where, every night, the parents would ask their kids, “What’s something good that happened today?” This small, intentional moment created a safe space for their children to share, and over time, it became a deeply meaningful ritual.
These rituals don’t have to be fancy. They just have to be yours.
3. Validate Their Emotions
It’s easy to want to fix our kids’ problems or brush past tough emotions with, “You’re fine” or “It’s not a big deal.” But to a child, their emotions are a big deal. Imagine your child says, “No one at school likes me.” Instead of jumping to “Of course they do!” (which, while well-intentioned, dismisses their feelings), try: “That sounds really hard. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. Do you want to talk about it?”
Validation doesn’t mean you agree — it means you acknowledge their feelings as real and important. Research in EFT shows that when kids feel emotionally understood, they develop stronger emotional intelligence and resilience.
4. Speak Their Love Language
One of the biggest lessons in parenting is realizing that you’re not going to be the same parent to each of your children — because they need you in different ways. One child may crave words of encouragement, while another feels most loved when you spend quality time with them.
I worked with a family where the older son thrived on words of affirmation — he lit up when his parents told him they were proud. Meanwhile, his younger sister didn’t care much for praise but loved one-on-one time. When her mom started doing weekly “girls’ nights” with just the two of them, their bond deepened instantly.
Understanding that love isn’t one-size-fits-all helps parents create deeper, more meaningful connections with each child — meeting them where they are, in the way that makes the most sense to them.
5. Model Healthy Connection
Children learn connection by watching us. If we want them to be open, empathetic, and emotionally present, we have to show them what that looks like.
This could be:
- Apologizing when we lose our patience (“I shouldn’t have snapped. I’m sorry.”)
- Expressing appreciation (“I love spending time with you!”)
- Being present with them, even if just for a few intentional moments.
Modeling connection isn’t about perfection — it’s about showing up with warmth, humility, and love.
How do you define a “good parent”? Can you give an example or story?
A good parent isn’t perfect; good parents are present and emotionally available. They don’t always get it right, but they show up, listen, and create a space where their child feels safe, valued, and loved.
One of my favorite takeaways from The Gottman Institute is that repair matters more than perfection. It’s not about never losing your patience or making mistakes — it’s about how you reconnect afterward. If you snap in frustration, what matters most is circling back: “I was frustrated earlier, but that wasn’t about you. I love you, and I’m sorry.” That simple moment teaches a child emotional safety, accountability, and the power of repair in relationships.
I’ve seen this in action countless times, but one moment that stands out is a father in a session with his teenage daughter. They had a tense argument, and he reacted more harshly than he intended. Instead of brushing it off, he came back later, sat down with her, and said, “I got caught up in my emotions, and I didn’t handle that well. I want you to know I hear you, and I’m going to work on responding differently next time.” His willingness to repair not only strengthened their relationship but also modeled how to navigate conflict in a healthy way.
At the end of the day, good parenting isn’t about being flawless — it’s about being human, showing up, and teaching through both words and actions that love is stronger than any misstep.
How do you inspire your child to “dream big”? Can you give an example or story?
Kids believe in themselves when we believe in them.
I once had a client whose daughter loved art, but she constantly doubted herself. One day, her mom said, “I love seeing the world through your drawings. You have such a unique way of seeing things.” That simple sentence changed everything. The daughter began drawing more, taking risks, and even entering contests.
Dreaming big isn’t just about telling kids they can be anything — it’s about giving them the confidence to try, fail, and try again.
How would you define “success” when it comes to raising children?
I love this question because something I’ve noticed in working with adult clients, particularly men, is that success is often measured by their outward accomplishments — money, power, awards. Many of them were raised to believe that their worth was tied to what they achieve rather than who they are. And while there’s nothing wrong with ambition, I’ve seen firsthand how this mindset can leave people feeling empty, disconnected, or like they’re never quite “enough.”
To me, success in raising children isn’t about perfect grades, trophies, or prestigious colleges. It’s about raising kids who:
- Feel deeply loved.
- Know how to express their emotions.
- Have the resilience to handle life’s challenges.
- Feel safe coming to you, no matter what.
If they have that foundation — if they grow up knowing their worth isn’t dependent on external success but on who they are as a person — then they’ll have the confidence to define success in a way that feels fulfilling and meaningful to them.
This is a huge topic in itself, but it would be worthwhile to touch upon it here. What are some ideal social media and digital habits that you think parents should teach to their children?
This question is one that will continue to change — especially compared to when I was a child. But the reality is, our children’s world is widely influenced by the digital space, and as parents, we have to adapt to the world they are growing up in, not the one we grew up in.
The goal isn’t to eliminate technology — it’s to teach kids how to use it in a healthy, balanced way. Here are a few key habits to encourage:
- Model healthy boundaries. Show kids that life exists beyond screens; if we’re constantly glued to our phones, it’s hard to expect our kids to do any different. Try designated “tech-free” zones, like family meals or an hour before bedtime.
- Encourage Digital Literacy. Openly discuss online content and help children differentiate reality from highlight reels. Teach kids to question what they see online. Not everything is real, and comparison can be damaging.
- Prioritize real-life connection. Make sure digital interactions don’t replace face-to-face ones. Encourage activities that get them out of the house, connecting with friends in person.
- Be involved, not intrusive. Instead of just monitoring, engage with them about their online world. Ask what they’re watching, playing, or who they’re talking to. This keeps communication open rather than making social media feel secretive.
The digital world isn’t going anywhere, and banning it outright isn’t realistic. But if we equip kids with the tools to navigate it wisely, they’ll grow up knowing how to use it without letting it use them.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a better parent? Can you explain why you like them?
I’ll be honest — I’m not a huge fan of the term “better parent.” To me, it implies that there’s a perfect standard to live up to, and that can be really overwhelming. Parenting is hard, and it’s messy, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. I believe the focus should be on being an intentional parent — someone who shows up, who’s willing to learn, and who values connection over perfection.
My top three resources are:
- The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Daniel Siegel — A must-read on emotional development. This book completely changed how I look at child development and discipline. Plus, it’s full of relatable examples that show how to handle everything from tantrums to teen rebellion in a calm, empathetic way. It’s one of those books I turn to again and again, and I always learn something new!
- Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by Dr. John Gottman — If you’re looking for a book that’s both practical and research-backed, this is it. What I love about this book is how it highlights the importance of parents being emotion coaches for their kids — helping them to label their emotions, understand why they feel what they feel, and find healthy ways to express themselves. It’s a huge shift from the typical “don’t cry” or “just get over it” responses many of us grew up with.
- The Unlocking Us Podcast by Brené Brown — This offers insightful conversations on vulnerability and connection. I’ve found so much value in learning how to model vulnerability for kids — not just as a “teacher,” but as a human. Brené’s podcasts make me feel like I’m having coffee with a wise friend who’s guiding me through the hard, messy, beautiful parts of life.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou
This quote is the foundation of parenting. It’s not about always getting it right — it’s about making children feel loved, valued, and safe.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Through my work with children, one theme I often come across is the power of connection. It’s something that’s deeply rooted in everything I do, whether I’m working with families or guiding kids in their emotional journeys.
If I could inspire a movement, I would start one around intentional connection. In a world full of distractions, I’d love to see families commit to small, daily moments of presence — putting down the phone, making eye contact, and truly listening. These simple acts, often overlooked, can have a profound impact on a child’s sense of self-worth and emotional security that lasts a lifetime.
Connection isn’t just about grand gestures or big moments — it’s the little, everyday interactions that create lasting bonds. A hug, a smile, a shared laugh, or even a quiet moment together where nothing else matters. Those moments are what shape children’s ability to trust, to feel seen, and to know they matter.
Because at the end of the day, connection is what truly matters. It’s the foundation of healthy relationships, emotional well-being, and the confidence to navigate the world.
Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!
About The Interviewer: Pirie is a TedX speaker, author and a Life Empowerment Coach. She is a co-host of Own your Throne podcast, inspiring women in the 2nd chapter of their lives. With over 20 years in front of the camera, Pirie Grossman understands the power of storytelling. After success in commercials and acting. She spent 10 years reporting for E! Entertainment Television, Entertainment Tonight, also hosted ABC’s “Every Woman”. Her work off-camera capitalizes on her strength, producing, bringing people together for unique experiences. She produced a Children’s Day of Compassion during the Dalai Lama’s visit here in 2005. 10,000 children attended, sharing ideas about compassion with His Holiness. From 2006–2009, Pirie Co-chaired the Special Olympics World Winter Games, in Idaho, welcoming 3,000 athletes from over 150 countries. She founded Destiny Productions to create Wellness Festivals and is an Advisory Board member of the Sun Valley Wellness Board.In February 2017, Pirie produced, “Love is Louder”, a Brain Health Summit, bringing in Kevin Hines, noted suicide survivor to Sun Valley who spoke to school kids about suicide. Sun Valley is in the top 5% highest suicide rate per capita in the Northwest, prompting a community initiative with St. Luke’s and other stake holders, to begin healing. She lives in Sun Valley with her two children, serves on the Board of Community School. She has her Master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica and is an Executive Life Empowerment Coach, where she helps people meet their dreams and goals! The difference between a dream and a goal is that a goal is a dream with a date on it!
Jamie Mascolo Of Mountainside Treatment Center On How to Raise Children Who Feel Loved and… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.