Impactful Communication: Sarah Rot Of Healing Embodied On 5 Essential Techniques for Becoming an Effective Communicator
An Interview With Athalia Monae
Practice understanding and meeting your own needs first
I’ll be honest — This is the skill most people don’t like. When clients present their communication challenges to me and ask for advice, what they’re often looking for is a quick solution that will get the other person to understand what they want from them. And while it is important to learn how to communicate in a way that the other person can understand (more on that in the next technique), it’s imperative that you first have a deep understanding of what you’re actually wanting and needing before communicating this to someone else.
In an age dominated by digital communication, the power of articulate and effective verbal communication cannot be understated. Whether it’s delivering a keynote address, leading a team meeting, or engaging in a one-on-one conversation, impactful speaking can open doors, inspire change, and create lasting impressions. But what truly sets apart an effective communicator? What techniques and nuances elevate a speech from mundane to memorable? As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Sarah Rot.
Sarah Rot graduated with her Master of Arts in Dance/Movement Therapy & Counseling from Columbia College Chicago in 2015, and has since earned her Board-Certification in Dance/Movement Therapy. She is also a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state of Illinois, as well as a certified somatic coach. At Healing Embodied, an international somatic therapy and embodiment coaching company, she serves as the Director of Service Delivery, facilitating 1:1 sessions and groups for individuals struggling with anxiety, life transitions, trauma, relationship and communication challenges, and more. Sarah is a co-founder and co-facilitator of the internationally-accredited Healing Embodied Practitioner Training Program, where she train other practitioners in the Healing Embodied Method of somatics and transformative expression.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion about communication, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
My undergraduate studies were in both dance and psychology, and I quickly discovered the healing power of movement and somatic expression. This led me to my graduate studies in Dance/Movement Therapy & Counseling. Post-grad school, I worked in community mental health settings for several years, where I supported individuals of all age groups experiencing a vast range of mental and emotional challenges. I have always been intrigued by the various ways in which humans communicate with one another, and with themselves (inner dialogue, internalized beliefs, how your inner world impacts your outer world, etc.), and this has become a major focus in my current work both as a somatic therapist/embodiment coach, and in my role as co-facilitator of the Healing Embodied Practitioner Training Program.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
This is such a challenge, because almost everything that happens in my career interests me! One of my favorite aspects of my career is getting to be and create a safe place for people to explore the deepest (and, to them, the scariest) parts of themselves.
Hearing my clients say “I’ve never been able to say that out loud before,” or “I’ve never felt safe enough to express that before” is a regular occurrence for me, and it never ever gets old. It is incredibly moving every single time.
Another fascinating aspect of my career is getting to train other practitioners, and witnessing the unfolding journey of their professional identity throughout their time in our certification program. Many students come into this program because they feel a calling to help others through embodiment and somatic healing, but they say “I have no idea what that will look like or if I can even do it.” I absolutely love supporting my practitioner students in uncovering their own unique gifts and magic. What it is that makes them a powerful healer and practitioner. No two Certified Healing Embodied Practitioners are the same, and I feel so honored to be able to support my students in connecting with their deep healing magic.
You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
I would say the three character traits that have been most instrumental for me are adaptability, self-trust, and creativity.
I’ve found it’s absolutely vital to be able to adapt easily. In the business world, things are always changing. The algorithm is changing, the trends are changing, prices are changing, the economy is changing, your clients are changing, YOU are changing. Being able to shift when shifts are needed has allowed me to move with the changing times, versus against them.
Just this past year, my business partner and I decided to make a pretty big shift in the services we offer. This wasn’t just a random shift we decided to make, but was deeply informed by what felt true for us at this stage in our personal and professional development, and what we want to continue to bring into the world through our company. If we hadn’t been willing to make adjustments, we would continue to be stuck in old ways of doing things, which wouldn’t have felt fulfilling or authentic to us anymore.
This also requires self-trust. Growing and expanding your company means there will be more eyes on you, and more people expressing their opinions about your choices. Not all of those opinions will be positive or supportive. To be successful (and stay sane) as a business leader, you have to be able to receive feedback without sacrificing the trust you have in yourself and what you’re building. You need to be able to stay grounded in your knowledge and desires, without being swayed by outside opinions all the time.
When we decided to shift what services we offer over the past year, several people (including some professionals we know well and whose opinion we respect) shared that they didn’t agree with this shift, and felt like we should stick with what we were already doing. We had to be able to hear what they were saying and be open to receiving feedback, without losing sight of our own desires. We had to be able to say “I hear you and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, but I’m going to choose to trust what I’m feeling and desiring right now even if you don’t agree with it.”
And finally, creativity. Things don’t always go according to plan! Expectations aren’t always met, timelines get screwed up, marketing strategies you thought would work might be a total bust. And that’s okay. It’s not about always getting it right, but about being able to get creative with what’s happening. When you’re disconnected from your own creativity, you get stuck much more easily. You get overwhelmed and stressed when something isn’t working, instead of being able to look at the situation through a new lens and say “Hmm, that’s not what I was expecting, what does this situation need?” (another plug for adaptability)!
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. Let’s begin with a basic definition so that we are all on the same page. How would you define an “Effective Communicator?” What are the characteristics of an effective communicator?
To me, being an effective communicator involves being aware of what you’re trying to communicate and why you’re trying to communicate that, being sensitive to the various ways humans communicate with one another, and having the skills to repair when ruptures or miscommunications happen.
An effective communicator knows that our past experiences inform how we communicate. For example, if I grew up in a household that praised emotional expression, but my husband didn’t, my communication style will likely be colored with more emotional language than his. To be an effective communicator, I need to be aware of this, instead of jumping to an interpretation that he is cold, he doesn’t care, or he doesn’t have feelings.
How can one tailor their communication style to different audiences or situations?
Being aware of how the other person communicates is extremely helpful. Some people respond more positively to communication that is direct (ex: “Can you please take out the trash?”), whereas others respond more positively to communication that involves more emotion-focused language (ex: “I noticed that you haven’t taken out the trash yet. It makes me feel really appreciated and supported when you help out with tasks around the house. Are you still willing to take out the trash when you’re free?”).
This isn’t always possible though, especially when you don’t yet know the other person you’re communicating with very well. The most important thing here is to simply pay attention. Notice how the other person is responding; Notice your own interpretations that you’re placing on their responses; Notice if they seem to be responding more positively to certain aspects of your communication style than others. You don’t have to always change your communication style just to accommodate someone else, but active listening and making intentional choices when interacting with someone can go a long way.
Can you provide an example of a time when you had to adapt your communication style to reach a particular audience successfully?
Sure, I’ll share a recent personal example!
I was the lead on a project last year with a coworker who responded significantly better to very direct and logical communication. I tend to be a much more emotion-focused communicator. One time I was trying to ask her to get a project done more quickly. I said something along the lines of “I know this is faster than we agreed upon, and moving the due date up might be really inconvenient or stressful. I wanted to check in about how you’re feeling about the workload, and see if it would feel doable to get the project to me more quickly. I’d love to have it done next week if that’s an option. Thoughts?” For someone like me who also tends to thrive in emotion-focused conversations, this likely would’ve felt validating and supportive, and also left a lot of room for discussion and collaboration.
However when my coworker responded, I could tell that she was feeling really flustered and put-off by my request. She began to name all of the things she still had to do to finish the project, she wasn’t answering my questions, and I sensed hostility in her word choices.
I chose to shift my communication style to more clear, concise, and directive (while still being respectful). I said something along the lines of “I appreciate how hard you’re working on this project, and realize this new deadline puts extra strain on you. It’s vital that we have this project done by next Friday because of [listed the reason]. Please let me know how I can support you in this, and thank you for your flexibility.”
Having a clear reason for the shift, as well as a specific deadline for when I needed the project finished made much more logical sense to her. She was able to understand my request clearly, and was willing to shift to accommodate the change.
How do you handle difficult or sensitive conversations while maintaining open and effective communication?
This is one of my favorite topics! Handling difficult conversations requires a few different skills at once.
One of those skills is being able to regulate your own emotions, and recognize when you’re becoming dysregulated and take a step back in that moment. When we become highly dysregulated, our brains are essentially hijacked, and we aren’t able to hear what someone else is saying clearly. It’s important to be able to remain grounded during difficult conversations. And…we’re all humans! Everyone becomes dysregulated sometimes. It’s very skillful to be able to say “I’m noticing I’m becoming pretty upset right now, and I think I need some time to regroup before we continue this conversation. Can we come back to this tomorrow?”
Another important skill when navigating difficult conversations is to ask for clarification when you’re confused, or when you notice yourself making interpretations about what the other person is saying. For example, your wife may remind you to pick up your child after work, and you interpret that as her not trusting you to remember what needs to be done. This can create defensiveness. In this moment, it’s important to be able to say “I’m noticing that I’m feeling annoyed by that reminder, because I’m interpreting it as you not trusting me to get things done. Is that what you mean?” This allows the other person space to clarify their intentions (which are often not as hostile as our brains make us think they are!), and to get back on the same page when there’s a miscommunication.
In your experience, how does storytelling play a role in impactful speaking? Why do you think stories are effective in communication?
Stories are effective and impactful, because they speak straight to someone’s emotions and lived experiences. They don’t just touch the logical, rational parts of our brain, they touch the emotion centers too. When someone is sharing a story, it allows you to see yourself and your experience vicariously. It paints a picture that you can relate to more deeply, and can help you take the other person’s perspective and empathize with their experience.
What are your “5 Essential Techniques for Becoming an Effective Communicator”?
1 . Practice understanding and meeting your own needs first
I’ll be honest — This is the skill most people don’t like. When clients present their communication challenges to me and ask for advice, what they’re often looking for is a quick solution that will get the other person to understand what they want from them. And while it is important to learn how to communicate in a way that the other person can understand (more on that in the next technique), it’s imperative that you first have a deep understanding of what you’re actually wanting and needing before communicating this to someone else.
Often, people try to express their needs to someone else when they either (a) don’t know what those needs are themselves, or (b) are not willing to meet those needs themselves and just expect the other person to do it for them. It’s absolutely okay to have needs — we all do! — but when we enter conversations attempting to “get” the other person to understand us, it can quickly become a “me versus you” situation. The goal of the conversation is to win, or get the other person on your side, when the goal should really be to listen and understand. All communication is an opportunity to get to know someone else more deeply, and this is most successful when you’ve taken the time to get to know yourself first.
2 . Communicate your needs clearly and openly
The clearer we can be, the more likely it is that other people will be able to understand what we’re needing from them, or the point we’re trying to get across. A great formula to follow is (1) name what you’re noticing, (2) name what you’re needing, (3) name why. Here are a few examples:
“I noticed myself feeling upset after our meeting yesterday when I wasn’t given time to share my report. I worked hard on that report, and I was excited to share it. In the future, can you please let me know if something won’t be a priority in a meeting so I can adjust my timeline accordingly? That will help me feel more supported as a part of this team.”
“It seemed like you got distant yesterday after I brought up our finances. That’s making me feel uncomfortable, and my mind is making it mean that you’re upset with me for bringing it up. Can you tell me more about how you’re feeling so I can make sure we’re on the same page?”
“I’m noticing that I’m feeling anxious today. I think I need some time to myself before we go out tonight. Can you come check on me in an hour and I will let you know how I’m feeling then?”
This is not a one-size-fits-all formula by any means, but it can be a helpful framework for asking difficult questions, voicing a need or boundary, or asking for clarification in times of miscommunication.
3 . Make it safe and enjoyable for others to meet your needs and communicate with you
This is probably where I see communication go wrong most often. Someone will voice a need or desire, and then become upset, hostile, or disrespectful when the response is not exactly what they wanted.
An example of this could be someone (Partner A) asking their partner (B) to cook dinner so they can have a night off. Partner B agrees, but the dinner they make is a frozen pizza (instead of the thought-out, nutritious meal Partner A would normally prepare). Partner A then becomes upset with Partner B, rolls their eyes, and criticizes the meal they chose to make. Partner B now feels hurt and punished, when they were simply trying to do what Partner A asked.
Now, it’s perfectly fine for Partner A to feel disappointed in the dinner Partner B chose. But how that emotion is voiced makes all the difference. A more effective response could be for Partner A to say “Thank you for cooking, I really appreciate you hearing my request earlier and being willing to meet it. It’s important to me to have something with a bit more nutritional value for dinner, that’s something I always consider when I’m planning our meals. Are you open to putting together a salad for us to have with the pizza?”
In this example response, Partner A expressed gratitude, identified their need in that moment, and made a clear request (not a demand). Partner A could also circle back to this topic in the future if it felt important, and have a conversation with Partner B about what sharing meals together means to them, and what Partner A values in this experience so they are on the same page for next time.
4 . Trust others to meet your needs when and how they can
Many of us have had challenging or painful situations in the past where our needs were chronically unmet, communication wasn’t safe or respectful, and self-expression was shamed or ignored. This can often lead to a lack of trust in the present moment when you attempt to open up to others and communicate effectively. When we enter into a conversation already expecting to be misunderstood or ignored, we are far more likely to FEEL misunderstood or ignored (hello, confirmation bias!).
This is a very challenging thing to do, but the more you can practice trusting others to meet your needs when and how you can, the more open and clear you will be in your communication. You won’t be hearing others through the lens of your past pain, and you’ll be able to hear what they’re actually saying (versus any interpretations your brain is placing on what they’re saying).
My advice is to simply start by noticing moments where a lack of trust may be coming in. For example, you ask a friend to do something for you, they agree, and you notice an immediate thought of “They’re probably not going to do that, I don’t know why I bothered asking.” In that moment, see if you can practice extending trust to the situation. “I trust that they will do what they say they’re going to. If they don’t, I trust myself to be able to circle back and have an honest and respectful conversation about it.”
5 . Embrace imperfection in moments of miscommunications
Sometimes, you can be as skillful as possible…and miscommunications will still happen. When this happens, people often shut down, feel hopeless or defensive, and don’t attempt to repair or clarify. Communication is challenging for many reasons, and it’s important to embrace imperfections. In fact, a key part of effective communication is being able to repair, clarify, and move forward when miscommunications and relational ruptures happen.
Here’s an example: Recently, I wanted to have a conversation with my husband about finances. This can be a sensitive topic, so I really thought through what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. I rehearsed ahead of time, I was calm and grounded, I used language that he’s been receptive to in the past. During this conversation, he said something that made me feel upset and confused. Within minutes, it felt like we were having two different conversations at the same time. We ended the conversation feeling confused and disconnected. I was upset that the conversation didn’t go how I wanted it to, and felt discouraged. I could’ve just left the topic alone and moved on, but instead several hours later, we regrouped and came back to the topic. I said “Earlier when you said [his direct quote from earlier], I got defensive because to me it felt like you were saying [my interpretation of what he said].” He was then able to clarify what he meant in that moment, and we were both able to better understand our reactions. We got back on the same page, and had a really loving and supportive conversation.
How do you integrate non-verbal cues into your communication? Can you provide an example of its importance?
Most communication actually occurs nonverbally. I believe it’s said that roughly 80% of communication occurs from the body to the brain (nonverbally), and only about 20% of communication occurs from the brain to the body (verbally).
Such an important part of communication is paying attention to your own (and others) nonverbal cues. Miscommunications and relational ruptures can occur when we’re not aware of how we are using our bodies while communicating. For example, if my friend asks me if I’m okay and I say “Yeah, I’m great” in a harsh, loud tone, while crossing my arms and tensing my jaw…this will be confusing for my friend. My words (verbal communication) are saying one thing, but my body (nonverbal communication) is saying something very different.
Something I work with my clients on is practicing congruence between their verbal and nonverbal communication — meaning that their body and their words are saying the same thing. If they are wanting to communicate in a way that is clear and confident, I have them practice standing up tall, softening their shoulders, spreading their chest, and lifting their chin slightly. If they’re wanting to communicate empathy and compassion, I have them soften their spin, place a hand on their chest, and slow down their breathing.
Nonverbal communication isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing by any means (it’s vital for me as a somatic coach to take into account different cultural norms, neurodivergence, and other factors), but these are a few general examples of ways I may practice nonverbal and verbal congruence with my clients.
How has digital communication changed the way you convey your messages? Are there any specific challenges or advantages you’ve encountered?
Public speaking is a common fear. What techniques or strategies do you recommend to manage and overcome stage fright?
I work almost entirely remotely, so I’ve had to adapt to digital communication quite a bit. I notice that, as a somatic therapist facilitating sessions on Zoom or other video platforms, I am a bit more mindful of my nonverbal communication. Often, all my clients see is my upper body. I have found myself becoming a bit more expressive through my hands, torso, and facial expressions than I may have been several years ago. One advantage I’ve found is that having the “buffer” of the digital communication platform (email, text, phone call, Zoom call, etc.) can actually help people communicate more effectively in some situations. In-person conversations can be very vulnerable for many people, and it can be difficult to know what to say in the moment (especially for more sensitive topics). Being able to take some time to think through your response, type it out, and read it back, can actually help some people get their point across more clearly.
When it comes to the fear of public speaking, I always recommend what I call embodied behavioral rehearsals. This essentially means practicing what you want to say out loud before you say it. This gives you a chance to ‘get used to’ the discomfort in your body ahead of time. Simply hearing yourself say the words out loud, and practice how you wish to hold your body ahead of time is extremely helpful. (This is a great skill for any challenging conversation, not just public speaking!)
I also suggest small grounding practices before, during, and after public speaking. Placing a hand on your chest and take several deep breaths, reminding yourself that you are safe (even if you are uncomfortable) is my go-to.
What additional resources do you recommend for individuals looking to improve communication skills?
Anything that has a live, hands-on component to it! It’s one thing to learn communication skills in a blog, video, or book…it’s another thing entirely to actually practice them with another living, breathing human. Look for communication skills groups in your area (or online) and dive in!
There is also a strong emphasis on communication and connection in the group program that I facilitate (Wholly Human) and our practitioner certification program, which I share more information about below.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
In all honesty, I feel strongly that my business partner and I HAVE already started this movement! We recently launched a new online program called Wholly Human, which is a program meant to support you in reclaiming the art of being human. It is a space to bring ALL parts of you — the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between. It is a space where all of your human experience is welcome; where you can reconnect with your sense of creativity, expression, self-trust, and body.
In my work, what I have seen over and over again is people who have disconnected from certain parts of their human experience, because they have been taught that it makes them bad, wrong, or unworthy. Inner shame and judgment becomes the lens they see themselves through, and the lens they see others through. Wholly Human is about rewriting these narratives, and coming home to who you always have been.
I believe deeply that this world would be a massively different place if more people healed the shame and judgment that many of us walk through the world with. That is our goal for this group program — For it to feel safe to be yourself again. This is so much more than just a group program to me — it truly is a movement. A way to change the outer world, by first changing your inner world.
How can our readers further follow you online?
Readers can find me on Instagram @healing.embodied, and @healingembodiedpractitioner.
You can learn more about working with me individually, as well as Wholly Human and the Healing Embodied Practitioner Training Program at www.healingembodied.com.
You can also reach out to me directly via email, at sarah@healingembodied.com.
Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
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