Impactful Communication: Olga Kipnis On 5 Essential Techniques for Becoming an Effective Communicator
An Interview With Athalia Monae
Start with the Resourceful Mindset
We first need to center ourselves and be grounded, entering a resourceful state. Negative emotions and the stories we tell ourselves — about others, circumstances, and even about ourselves — filter how we listen. When we are not in our best state and have not addressed the voices in our heads (which may not be supporting us), no amount of training or knowledge of the best techniques will fully guide us. Knowing what to say (or not) and how to show up will be far more effective when we take care of our mind and body.
In an age dominated by digital communication, the power of articulate and effective verbal communication cannot be understated. Whether it’s delivering a keynote address, leading a team meeting, or engaging in a one-on-one conversation, impactful speaking can open doors, inspire change, and create lasting impressions. But what truly sets apart an effective communicator? What techniques and nuances elevate a speech from mundane to memorable? As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Olga Kipnis.
Olga Kipnis is like a smoothie — as she likes to say: a blend of cultures and a uniquely wide mix of specialized knowledge and experience, all stirred together with love and the belief that we can live our best lives, every day.
What is the key to that? Effective communication.
Olga’s perspective on effective communication is shaped by her experience living in three countries and mastering the art of building relationships across diverse cultures and languages. She has more than 25 years of experience leading large-scale institutional change initiatives and supporting individuals and teams through resistance and transformation. Adding to the smoothie ingredients, Olga holds a Master’s in Management of IT from the McIntire School of Commerce, further enhanced by years of training in business education and a range of life coaching certifications.
This combination of experiences and expertise enables her to help individuals communicate more effectively in their daily lives, empowering them to live their best lives, every day, and maybe enjoy some great smoothies along the way.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion about communication, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
It is my pleasure and many thanks for inviting me to this interview series.
This is such a deep question, and my answer feels truly aligned today, especially now that I finally know who I want to be when I grow up! 😊
A few years ago, though, it didn’t feel that way.
Let me take you back to my twenties: I pursued a degree in mathematics and computer science for two reasons: it didn’t require much language, and at the time, I was still settling into a new country. It also promised a solid paycheck, which was important since we had just immigrated. I got a job as a software engineer — not something I was passionate about, though I was good at it and advanced quickly in the role. I soon became a manager and discovered that working with people was something I genuinely appreciated.
After working for a large tech company for seven years, we moved to the U.S., where I transitioned into higher education. Thanks to my specialized knowledge, I was able to assist with large system implementations and process improvements within various business functions. I felt a deeper connection to this work because I have always believed that people could have much better experience working in an administrative setting — improving how we do what we do.
Still, there was a sense that something was missing, and I couldn’t quite pinpoint what that was, nor could I integrate my heart with my vision of what it could be.
“When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” Life coaching came into my reality, and I realized that engaging with people one-on-one, in a group setting, and incorporating coaching into my speaking and professional development was exactly what I needed. Yes, needed. I committed myself fully to receiving the best training and practice available.
As I fell deeper in love with the work, another challenging question arose:
Had I wasted years of my life doing more analytical work?
This question initially brought some pain, but I stayed with it, and ultimately found my answer:
No, I did not waste that time.
Everything I did — was in complete alignment with my commitment. I have always engaged with people to help them live their best life — first through improving their work environment and now through improving their experience throughout the day — at work and outside of work.
I am grateful to finally know who I want to be when I grow up 😊 — exactly who I am today, constantly learning and evolving. My career path has been a beautiful evolution, and it’s now all about helping people live their best life, every day.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
As I reflect on this question, a personal story comes to mind that I trust will serve the audience — if nothing else, it might be funny! I tend to do better with humor when it comes to personal anecdotes.
We had just moved to the U.S., and my younger daughter was one year old. We had recently started potty training her, and after a few days, I went to pick her up from preschool. The teacher looked at me and said, “She is out of diapers.”
I interpreted “out” as her being potty trained — meaning, she no longer needed diapers.
Naturally, I responded with excitement, saying, “Thank you! How did you do that so quickly? Thank you so much!”
Can you imagine the teacher’s face?!
Looking back now, I can only guess what she was thinking! But she kept her tone steady and continued repeating, “She’s out of diapers.” After a couple of rounds of me expressing my excitement, it dawned on me that my reaction was not landing as I thought it was. That’s when I realized, she meant we needed to bring more diapers!
So, what does this story teach us? — I am curious to hear what the readers might take from it.
For me, it highlights an important lesson: we often hear things differently. Whether it’s due to a language barrier or not — even when there is no language barrier at all — yes, we interpret words through our own lens.
Curiosity and grace go a long way in bridging those gaps.
You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Commitment and Discipline:
Since about 2012, I have been able to maintain a daily exercise routine, something that wasn’t even part of my life before. In fact, I didn’t realize how important it was. I have also managed to study and earn professional certifications while balancing a full-time job and raising young children. The key to all of this was setting clear goals, assessing what was needed, planning my time, and taking consistent action. It’s often easy to avoid what we know we should be doing — how many times do we really want to work out or study? This is where discipline, and commitment, have been crucial in helping me achieve what I set out to do.
Self-Awareness:
I have learned to be open to assessing my own skills, understanding what matters to me, and identifying the gaps in my knowledge and ability. Once I recognized these gaps, I sought out organizations and individuals with specialized expertise who could support my growth. I also surrounded myself with communities where we could grow together and support one another. One of the pivotal moments in my growth was discovering the company Influential U, which provided not only business education but also an environment of ambitious, like-minded individuals. When the time was right, my journey continued with coaching programs through the Co-Active Training Institute, Positive Intelligence, and Genius Unlocked — all of which played a huge role in advancing who I am today.
This naturally leads to the third character trait:
Continuous Learning:
Following through on the awareness of where I need help and growth. Continuous learning doesn’t have to involve certifications or additional degrees, though it absolutely can. It’s about staying committed to personal growth through listening, reading, studying, practicing, receiving coaching, mentorship, or therapy — whatever is necessary to stay in alignment with the best version of yourself.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. Let’s begin with a basic definition so that we are all on the same page. How would you define an “Effective Communicator?” What are the characteristics of an effective communicator?
Effective communication is when the message lands exactly as intended, resulting in a positive transformation for everyone involved. An effective communicator is someone who can facilitate this process with ease.
How can one tailor their communication style to different audiences or situations?
Tailoring your communication style to different audiences or situations can be approached from several angles. If I had to choose the most important aspect, it would be — activating your curiosity and empathy.
Ask yourself: What’s happening right now that might impact the audience? What does their world look and feel like? What are their fears and desires, thoughts and emotions? If you were them, how might you complete this sentence: “I feel… because…”?
By pausing to reflect on these questions or seeking answers, you can tap into your inner wisdom for how to structure your communication for that specific audience and situation. This reflection will not only shape the words you use but also influence the delivery.
And, honestly, I could go on for much longer with more elements…this is where it all starts.
Can you provide an example of a time when you had to adapt your communication style to reach a particular audience successfully?
In addition to practicing speaking faster in certain situations 😊, there are certainly times when I adapt my communication style.
People who know me well often compliment me on how they feel seen and heard during our conversations. They say it’s helpful how I relate to them, and I am grateful for that, as it usually comes naturally to me without conscious effort.
That said, there are moments — especially in personal settings — when my desire to help someone out of “whatever they are swimming in” (which clearly isn’t serving them) can sometimes come across as non-empathic. I remind myself that everyone has their own journey, and it’s not my role to “fix” what I think should be fixed.
My true commitment is to stay present and hold space for their journey — offering inspiration, motivation, and skill development. At the same time, it is about being in touch with my inner wisdom, ensuring I don’t push someone to move in the direction I see for them, when it may not be their current path.
How do you handle difficult or sensitive conversations while maintaining open and effective communication?
I love that this question focuses on “difficult conversations” rather than “difficult people.” I don’t believe there are difficult people, though, yes, we certainly have plenty of difficult conversations.
So, how do I handle them? There are two key things, both directly related to the first elements of the five essential techniques:
- I take care of myself — physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I make sure I am as grounded, centered, and calm as possible before entering a sensitive conversation. In fact, I might decline/reschedule a conversation if I feel that I am not at my best. Let’s remember that we always have that choice 😊.
- I ask myself — If this dialogue goes well, what do I want to walk away with? What do I want the other person or group to walk away with? How do I want to transform our lives, our relationship? I get really clear on what that essence is.
By doing this, I ensure that, while challenges are inevitable, I am as strong as possible and aligned with my true north. This clarity helps me reorient myself and guide the conversation in a meaningful direction. No training can cover all the infinite possibilities of how a conversation may unfold, but these practices help me stay anchored no matter what happens.
In your experience, how does storytelling play a role in impactful speaking? Why do you think stories are effective in communication?
I love this question — it takes me back about ten years. At the time, I was working at the University of Virginia with an incredible group of research administrators to improve and automate our clinical research administrative processes. We were preparing to kick off a project and had invited a large group of people who would essentially be volunteering their precious time to contribute their expertise toward successful design and implementation.
What often happens in these situations, especially with such large, complex initiatives, is that we get so caught up in the goals, tasks, timelines, risk management — that we may forget the deeper purpose of our work. The purpose was not just to follow through on tasks. It was to bring clinical trials to fruition faster, to improve and save lives — the lives of people in our families, communities, and across the nation.
We showed a brief video of a patient with their family member sharing the positive impact that the research and clinical trial had on their daily experiences. Watching that video inspired and energized the audience in a way that no task list or project plan could. It reminded everyone of the real reason behind the work: to help people live better lives.
Today, I feel the same sense of alignment and gratitude at Washington University in Saint Louis — witnessing many of these life-energizing stories, reminding us why we do what we do.
What are your “5 Essential Techniques for Becoming an Effective Communicator”?
When most people think of effective communication, they think about communicating with others. Yes, that is important, and the success of communication with others starts with effective communication with ourselves.
If I had to narrow it down to the five essentials, the first two focus on ourselves. Here are my recommendations:
1. Start with the Resourceful Mindset
We first need to center ourselves and be grounded, entering a resourceful state. Negative emotions and the stories we tell ourselves — about others, circumstances, and even about ourselves — filter how we listen. When we are not in our best state and have not addressed the voices in our heads (which may not be supporting us), no amount of training or knowledge of the best techniques will fully guide us. Knowing what to say (or not) and how to show up will be far more effective when we take care of our mind and body.
How?
Self-care — taking care of your body. In addition, at a minimum, incorporate some mindfulness in preparation for the dialogue. Take a few deep breaths, drink a sip of water, or become present to a physical sensation of touch — perhaps touching your hands. These simple acts, even for a few moments, can activate your inner power, giving you easier access to all the techniques and clarity. The same moments of mindfulness will also support you during the dialogue, helping you respond with presence, empathy, and curiosity, fostering a more meaningful conversation.
In addition to my daily self-care practice, I take 2–5 minutes of mindfulness before any highly consequential conversations to ground myself.
2. Connect to Your True North
Before entering any highly consequential dialogue, get clear on what’s truly important to you and how you want to leave the conversation. Without clarity about your core values or goals, any challenge — especially an unanticipated one, during the conversation could weaken your prepared scenarios and messages. Stay anchored to your true purpose in the discussion.
I still remember a phone call with a dear family member when we were navigating an incredibly challenging family dynamic. Given the heaviness of the situation, my deep desire to resolve it, and knowing the conversation would not be easy, I asked myself, “What is most important to me?” The answer was clear: to leave the conversation with love, knowing that nothing mattered more than our love for each other. I still remember the moment when I was hijacked by my emotions and almost wanted to hang up. But that clarity about my true north gave me the strength to pause, take a breath, and speak in a way that allowed us to continue the conversation and reconnect as a family.
3. Understand Their Position
Often, we operate at a tactical level — wanting others to do something or offering what we would do. It may be hard to agree to this level of detail. When this is the case — elevate the conversation by asking, “What’s important to you about…?” “What matters the most?” “What will become available to you or your team once we accomplish this?” “What does not matter to you here?”
This shifts the dialogue to uncover motivations, leading to a deeper understanding.
Notice I prefer not to use “Why” questions as they can put the other person on the defensive.
When we inquire more deeply about the other person, it may activate their empathy toward us as well — which in turn brings more resourcefulness to everyone involved.
If they don’t ask about our goals, let’s take responsibility and invite them to hear.
4. Share What Matters to You
As you listen and learn about the other person’s goals, invite them to continue the dialogue by sharing your own. For example, I might say, “May I share what motivates me to…?” Or, I might say, “Here is what matters to me…” By sharing your perspective, you invite openness and deepen mutual understanding and desire to solve things together.
5. Clarify and Change Assumptions
People often assume the worst when things are unclear. Don’t leave room for misinterpretation. Consider the thoughts and emotions your audience may have. Think about what they might be concerned or afraid of, and if these assumptions are incorrect, clarify or correct them. In addition, voice whatever positive and obvious to you. For example, you might say, “I don’t want this message to be interpreted as rude. I am sharing this because I care about…” This helps prevent misunderstandings and opens the door to a productive dialogue.
I remember a situation where I raised my voice in frustration when calling a local business owner, asking him to fix my garage door without charging me, because he had already come twice in a short period, and I had paid both times. The business owner wasn’t ready to engage with me in that moment. Luckily, he picked up the phone when I called again after cooling down. I began by saying that I respect his business and time, and that I didn’t mean to come across as rude. I was honestly frustrated and hoped he would understand why. He listened, sent someone to fix the garage door, and didn’t charge me for it.
How do you integrate non-verbal cues into your communication? Can you provide an example of its importance?
I think in today’s world, with constant distractions all around us, the most important non-verbal cue is simply to be present. It sounds simple, and it’s not always easy — I get that. Look at the person when you are having a conversation, whether in personal or professional settings. If you can’t face them directly (which happens to me often when my kids come to talk while I am cooking or organizing), I might say, “I’m still giving you my attention,” or at least offer some acknowledgment 😊.
In virtual settings, I often notice people looking off-screen. I understand that many have setups with multiple monitors, and this might work well for them. Still, from my perspective, it can come across as less than fully present — whether we realize that impact or not.
There are plenty of helpful resources on body posture and appearance, and I believe the main thing comes back to your energy when engaging. Check in with yourself: How do you really show up? How do you want to show up? The rest will follow naturally.
How has digital communication changed the way you convey your messages? Are there any specific challenges or advantages you’ve encountered?
Digital communication, especially virtual meetings, has given me the opportunity to read from my notes more easily. However, I realized that by doing this, I had stopped practicing and investing in my delivery. Recognizing this, I was able to shift and recommit myself to that discipline. My audience deserves the best message and delivery I can offer, whether I am speaking virtually or in person. And honestly, I still prefer in-person presentations. 😊
Public speaking is a common fear. What techniques or strategies do you recommend to manage and overcome stage fright?
It goes without saying that thorough preparation of content and delivery is key. To take care of the fear often represented by that inner voice we all have, and how our bodies react to that, I return to moments of mindfulness and self-care. Whatever you need that day — sleep, nutrition, movement — make sure you prioritize it.
Just before your public speaking event, take a few minutes to focus on one physical sensation, commanding your mind to stay present without thinking. It could be your breathing, the touch of your hands, or focusing on an object while paying close attention to its colors and shades. For me, I also tune into my movements and the feel of my feet during the few steps I take from where I am waiting — to the stage. Even these brief moments help me recenter myself.
This approach is rooted in mental fitness practices, and there is plenty of research available through Positive Intelligence. What I love about this practice is how powerful it is, and that it often only requires a few minutes to support us.
What additional resources do you recommend for individuals looking to improve communication skills?
Thank you for asking! From my perspective, two organizations have specifically supported me the most in improving communication skills. First is Positive Intelligence, which helps strengthen mental capacity for all areas of life — both personal and professional settings, including communication. Second is Influential U, a business education platform offering an incredible body of study and practice focused on specialized skills for management, effective communication, and so much more.
I encourage people to explore these resources and see what resonates with them.
If I had to choose just one book, it would be ‘Influence’ by Robert B. Cialdini.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
The movement is about becoming the Chief Life Officer of Your Life. I am delighted and grateful to share more about it very soon on my social media.
How can our readers further follow you online?
Many thanks for asking. I invite people to follow me on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/olgakipnis.
Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
Impactful Communication: Olga Kipnis On 5 Essential Techniques for Becoming an Effective… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.