Impactful Communication: Dr Elia Gourgouris On 5 Essential Techniques for Becoming an Effective Communicator
An Interview With Athalia Monae
Authenticity is another key factor. In today’s world, where attention spans are short, it’s crucial to be genuine. Speaking from the heart, rather than presenting a polished, perfect persona, helps build trust and rapport with your audience.
In an age dominated by digital communication, the power of articulate and effective verbal communication cannot be understated. Whether it’s delivering a keynote address, leading a team meeting, or engaging in a one-on-one conversation, impactful speaking can open doors, inspire change, and create lasting impressions. But what truly sets apart an effective communicator? What techniques and nuances elevate a speech from mundane to memorable? As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Elia Gourgouris.
Dr. Elia Gourgouris, Ph.D. in psychology, is the author of the #1 Amazon best-selling books ‘7 Paths to Lasting Happiness’ and ‘7 Keys to Navigating a Crisis: A Practical Guide to Emotionally Dealing with Pandemics & Other Disasters’. He is the President of The Happiness Center and a Founding Partner at The Global Institute of Thought Leadership. His motto “Happiness is a choice!” has led him to become a leading authority in happiness and corporate wellness and a highly in-demand speaker at conferences and universities around the world. Over the last 25 years, he has helped thousands of people achieve happiness and fulfillment, both in their professional and personal relationships through his coaching and keynotes.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion about communication, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
I was born and raised in Athens, Greece. At 10 years old, my family moved to America, specifically Santa Monica, California, where I received all my education. I graduated from UCLA and then got my Master’s and PhD in Clinical Psychology.
In the first half of my career, I was in private practice working with thousands of people dealing with relationship issues, addiction recovery, women’s issues, depression, anxiety, and teenagers, and I loved it. But at some point, I got burned out, and that led me to exit the psychology field and move more into Executive Coaching and Leadership training and development.
I ended up writing a book on happiness, “7 Paths to Lasting Happiness,” which much to my surprise, became a #1 bestseller! This opened up a lot of doors for me and became my business card in many ways. I’m now an international keynote speaker, focusing on happiness and corporate wellness.
On a personal note, I’ve been married to my best friend for now in our fourth decade. Our kids are raised, and they’re doing well. My family is one of the things I’m most proud of.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
In my private practice, after retiring as a psychologist, I learned that the typical duration of a psychologist’s career is 10 years, with an average of 25 patient hours a week considered full-time. I did it for 18 years and was seeing up to 45 patients per week. Things were going well until I started experiencing health issues in the last couple of years.
Despite numerous doctor visits, the cause remained unclear. Life’s challenges hit hard when you experience enough pain, be it physical, emotional, or mental, it eventually brings you down to your knees. This happened to me, leading me to question why I was facing such pain despite trying to do good in the world. The answer I received was crystal clear: “I’m trying to take you in a different direction. You’re not listening to me.” Unfortunately, instead of listening to that voice, I actually ignored it. Not the smartest move on my part.
Ignoring this voice led to further deterioration. Six months passed, and my pain intensified, leading to frequent hospital visits with no clear diagnosis. My desperation grew, and I questioned why this was happening again. The response echoed the previous one: “I’m trying to take you in a different direction. I want you to spread the light to a lot more people.”
This message struck me, but financial concerns arose as I wondered how to sustain myself and my family. The final wake-up call came with a stark warning: change your ways or face consequences by the time you’re 50. I chose to change my life, a process that took months as I gradually shut down my practice.
Unfortunately, my health deteriorated to the point of emergency hospitalization and two surgeries, signaling the urgency of change. Following a miraculous recovery, I sought to understand the lessons learned. I realized the importance of listening to one’s inner voice and embracing discomfort as a catalyst for growth. Today, two decades later, I am healthier physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, despite being 20 years older. This experience taught me never to ignore that quiet voice of intuition, which always guides me in the right direction.
Now, I trust that voice completely, no longer questioning why but instead acting on its guidance. This has been the most significant lesson from my journey, emphasizing the importance of the mind-body connection and stepping out of one’s comfort zone for growth and fulfillment.
You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Honestly, I have a unique love. I genuinely care for people and see it as a gift. Being able to recognize the best in others, even when they can’t see it themselves, is important to me. For instance, when working with addicts, they often introduce themselves as “an addict,” but I challenge that perception.
I remind them that they’re more than their addiction, they’re individuals who have experienced trauma and have many roles in life. They are fathers, husbands, brothers, sisters, friends, and professionals. It’s crucial to see people at their best and help them realize their potential. This perspective, along with love, forms the foundation of my approach.
Also, I don’t see the glass as half full or half empty; I see it as full and overflowing. I approach life with gratitude and positivity, believing that things will work out in the end. Despite facing hardships and crises like everyone else, I’ve maintained a positive outlook. This gratitude has led to happiness and resilience, even during challenging times.
In summary, my philosophy revolves around love, seeing the best in people, and being grateful, even in the midst of adversity, which fosters positivity and happiness.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. Let’s begin with a basic definition so that we are all on the same page. How would you define an “Effective Communicator?” What are the characteristics of an effective communicator?
To be an effective communicator, it’s crucial to ensure your message is clear and easily understood. Clarity prevents misunderstandings, keeps your audience engaged, and ensures that your points are conveyed accurately.
Additionally, adjusting your messages to suit your audience’s needs and expectations is essential. Understanding your audience’s background, interests, and level of knowledge allows you to tailor your communication style and content effectively. This customization makes your message more relevant, relatable, and impactful, ultimately leading to better understanding and stronger connections with your audience.
How can one tailor their communication style to different audiences or situations?
You can give the same talk multiple times, but you need to adjust it to the audience to make it more personal. An effective communicator is also a storyteller. This means you use stories with the information you present to make a point. Stories are what stay in people’s minds.
If you don’t tailor your communication to different audiences, there will be a disconnect. People will feel that something is off. Knowing your audience is the first step. You need to cater your message to that particular audience. Even if it’s the same talk you’ve given many times, make adjustments based on who is receiving the message. If you don’t, people will sense the disconnect.
Can you provide an example of a time when you had to adapt your communication style to reach a particular audience successfully?
For example, last year, I got to speak in Dubai at a Future Leaders Challenge. The audience consisted of young people from the Middle East and Africa in the hospitality industry. This was a very specific and unique group, unlike any other I had spoken to before.
The day before my talk, I realized that I needed to tailor my message to inspire them. The hospitality industry isn’t typically a childhood dream job like being a doctor or a lawyer. I had to highlight the importance of the hospitality industry in breaking down cultural barriers.
I gave an example of traveling to Costa Rica. The attitude there is “Pura Vida,” meaning pure life. Everyone in the hospitality industry, from hotel staff to taxi drivers, was so loving, polite, and kind, making us feel incredibly welcome. The beauty of Costa Rica was enhanced by the warmth of its people.
When we returned to the United States, we became the best marketers for Costa Rica’s tourism. So my message to these young future leaders was clear — ‘working in the hospitality industry isn’t just a job; it’s an opportunity to break down cultural barriers and bring people together.’
This higher purpose resonated with the audience. Many young people came up to me over the next few days, saying I had inspired them. They hadn’t seen the industry in the way I described it and were now excited to be part of it. That was an effective and successful communication example.
How do you handle difficult or sensitive conversations while maintaining open and effective communication?
One approach is using H.O.T. communication, which stands for Honest, Open, and Transparent communication.
There are two ways to handle difficult situations. One is by being brutally honest, almost like hitting someone with a baseball bat over the head. However, a more effective approach is to communicate from a place of love and care. By doing so, you’re still being honest, open, and transparent, but in a manner that is considerate and compassionate. This helps the receiver stay open and lowers their defenses, making the conversation more productive.
In your experience, how does storytelling play a role in impactful speaking? Why do you think stories are effective in communication?
Storytelling is another crucial element of effective communication. Without stories, even the best speaker can come across as boring. Stories create a connection with the audience, making your message more relatable and impactful. They inspire, provoke thought, and most importantly, evoke emotions.
What are your “5 Essential Techniques for Becoming an Effective Communicator”? If you can, please share a story or an example for each.
- To effectively communicate, it’s crucial to know your audience. My preparation involves having an outline rather than a full script. This approach allows flexibility to adapt the content based on the audience’s reactions and needs. You must be a subject matter expert but also adaptable enough to tailor your message dynamically.
Part of my preparation involves mental and spiritual readiness. Before each talk, I take a moment to pray or meditate, asking for guidance to deliver the message that the audience needs to hear the most. This practice makes each talk unique and often deeply resonates with individual audience members. It’s not uncommon for someone to approach me afterward, saying a particular point felt like it was directed at them personally, even in a large group.
2. Including personal stories in your talks is essential. Stories create an emotional connection and leave a lasting impact on the listener. They make your message relatable and memorable.
3. A sense of humor is also important. Humor lowers people’s defenses and makes them more receptive to your message. I try to make my audience laugh early on, which helps establish a connection and gain their attention.
4. Authenticity is another key factor. In today’s world, where attention spans are short, it’s crucial to be genuine. Speaking from the heart, rather than presenting a polished, perfect persona, helps build trust and rapport with your audience.
5. Finally, being vulnerable is important. Allow your audience to see you as a human being who has faced struggles and made mistakes. This authenticity and vulnerability make your message more powerful and relatable.
In summary, effective communication involves knowing your audience, preparing mentally and spiritually, incorporating personal stories, using humor, and being authentic and vulnerable. This approach helps create a meaningful connection with your audience and delivers a lasting impact.
How do you integrate non-verbal cues into your communication? Can you provide an example of its importance?
I think the nonverbal cues are crucial. When you speak from your heart and share personal stories of overcoming different challenges, sometimes you get choked up. I get choked up sometimes. I have a lot of emotions, and sometimes those emotions can take over my thoughts, but it’s okay to pause.
You don’t have to be talking the whole time. It’s okay to pause even for a few seconds and connect with the audience. When something emotional comes up, don’t try to suppress it. Allow that emotion to go through you. When the audience feels your emotions, they bond with you as a speaker. It’s okay to spend 10 seconds in silence and just allow the energy between you and the audience to flow. That’s nonverbal, but it’s more powerful than verbal communication.
How has digital communication changed the way you convey your messages? Are there any specific challenges or advantages you’ve encountered?
Yes, during the pandemic, when all my speaking engagements worldwide got canceled in one week, I had to make adjustments and begin speaking online through Zoom. The funny thing is that I spoke to more people worldwide online than I ever had in the first year of the pandemic. I probably spoke to 50 to 60 thousand people, many in India. That’s the advantage of digital communication — it allows you to talk to audiences all over the world without traveling.
However, I’m a people person and I feed off the energy in the room. I would always rather have a live event than an online one, but I understand that in today’s world, you have to be open to both. If it’s an online event, you still have to bring the same energy and do the same things we talked about. It’s more difficult, but not impossible. My preference is always live, but sometimes online events can be just as effective.
For example, after my second book came out, I did an online event with 1,000 Bank of America employees in New York at the peak of COVID-19. It was so effective that they made the talk available to all 200,000 employees of Bank of America. The topic was navigating a crisis while maintaining engagement, wellness, and happiness, especially relevant as employees were working remotely and dealing with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. The company asked for help because their employees were struggling, and the talk was so effective it was shared with the entire company. Even though it’s challenging to do it online, you can still be very effective.
Public speaking is a common fear. What techniques or strategies do you recommend to manage and overcome stage fright?
This fear comes only if your ego is involved. If your heart is involved, there’s no fear. What I do specifically is meditate before my talk and invite the spirit to come into my heart. This calms me down and gets me settled, and I feel ready to go. No ego, just heart.
Meditation and prayer before a talk help me a lot. Another strategy is to remember that you’re the expert they asked to speak. You know more than the audience does about your topic. Keep that in mind. They wouldn’t have asked you to speak if you weren’t knowledgeable. For instance, I wouldn’t be asked to speak about an engineering project. I’m asked to speak about things I’m good at, so I know my stuff.
What additional resources do you recommend for individuals looking to improve communication skills?
If you want to improve your communication skills, I recommend hiring a coach. A coach can provide valuable feedback and help you practice in a structured and effective manner. They can identify your strengths and weaknesses, offering personalized advice and strategies to enhance your abilities.
Moreover, consistent practice is essential. Regularly engaging in exercises and real-life communication scenarios will help you build confidence and refine your skills over time.
Additionally, being open to feedback from others is crucial. Constructive feedback from peers, colleagues, or mentors can provide new perspectives and insights that you might not have considered. This openness to feedback will accelerate your learning process and help you master your communication skills more effectively.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I’ve started a kindness movement, dedicated to promoting acts of kindness around the world. This fall, I will be speaking in Palermo, Italy, at the World Kindness Movement conference as one of the keynote speakers. Representatives from over 50 countries are expected to attend, making it a significant platform for spreading the message of kindness globally.
In addition to the conference, we are developing The Kindness Factor podcast and The Kindness Factory TV show, which will further our mission of encouraging kindness.
Together, these efforts will help create a more compassionate and understanding world, one act of kindness at a time.
How can our readers further follow you online?
You can check out my website, my LinkedIn, or my Instagram.
Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
About the Interviewer: Athalia Monae is a product creator, published author, entrepreneur, advocate for Feed Our Starving Children, contributing writer for Entrepreneur Media, and founder of Pouches By Alahta.
Impactful Communication: Dr Elia Gourgouris On 5 Essential Techniques for Becoming an Effective… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.