Impactful Communication: David P. Otey Of Speaking of Solutions On 5 Essential Techniques for Becoming an Effective Communicator
An Interview With Athalia Monae
Learn to be a better listener. I was only successful at leading that massive training effort after going out into the field and listening to the concerns of the people being affected by the technology change.
In an age dominated by digital communication, the power of articulate and effective verbal communication cannot be understated. Whether it’s delivering a keynote address, leading a team meeting, or engaging in a one-on-one conversation, impactful speaking can open doors, inspire change, and create lasting impressions. But what truly sets apart an effective communicator? What techniques and nuances elevate a speech from mundane to memorable? As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing David P. Otey.
Speaker, coach, trainer, and author David P. Otey has helped thousands of people on three continents in their quest for personal and professional growth. A former engineer, Otey understands how to reach and move the quantitative/analytical mind. He is known for his highly interactive programs, both in-person and on-line, that give his participants confidence and practical results.
Otey holds a BA in Radio-Television-Film and Physics from Trinity University (San Antonio, Texas, USA) and both an MA in Communication and an MBA from the University of Texas at Austin. A native of Texas, he currently resides in the Denver area.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion about communication, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
Starting in Texas, I had a 25-year career in broadcast engineering. That eventually led me to Colorado, where word of my expertise in a certain communication technology led to my being tapped to head up a massive training effort that ultimately impacted more than 10,000 broadcast-news professionals. Once that was done, I headed in a new direction as a speaker, trainer, and ultimately a speaking coach.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
Probably the most interesting thing was a pivotal event that shifted my thinking about training and speaking as a career. While still in broadcasting, I was asked to moderate an industry summit, convening senior executives of all the most powerful companies in TV news. They were trying to find a way past a logjam that was holding up a half-billion-dollar, industry-wide adoption of a new technology. My solution was to weave a story throughout the day as I was moderating all the other presentations. I am convinced the subtle influence of that storytelling is what sold the ultimate solution to the problem.
You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
First is self-awareness. I am convinced this is absolutely essential for leadership, and I’m not totally convinced that it can be taught (although it can be developed). I had to develop a lot of self-awareness — some of it very uncomfortable — in the course of my recovery from severe depression about 20 years ago. However, I don’t recommend depression as a strategy!
Second is open-mindedness toward the ideas and experiences of others. I have learned, when someone stakes out a position at odds with my own, to turn from judgment to wonder. Instead of “How on earth could they think that?” I ask, “I wonder what in this person’s experience has resulted in that point of view?”
Third and perhaps most important is curiosity. I have made the mistake, early in my career in broadcasting management, of making others feel less valued for not knowing something that seemed obvious to me. That was a painful lesson in humility. Now I realize we are all ignorant, only in different areas. Ignorance is not the problem; lack of curiosity is. In fact, I have a hard time tolerating lack of curiosity in others. Very often, the most valuable person in a discussion is not the one who claims to have all the answers, but rather the curious person who is making sure the right questions are being asked.
Let’s begin with a basic definition so that we are all on the same page. How would you define an “Effective Communicator?” What are the characteristics of an effective communicator?
An effective communicator is one who is able to connect with others where they are and then make a difference for them. This requires curiosity about one’s audience, awareness of the desired outcome of the communication, and a rare quality: deep knowledge coupled with humility.
How can one tailor their communication style to different audiences or situations?
When I coach speakers, I always encourage them to ask these three questions before putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard:
- Who is your audience and why are they there to hear from you?
- How will your message change their situation in some way?
- What do you want them to think, do, or feel differently when you are done?
The answers to these questions will vary according to the audience and situation.
Can you provide an example of a time when you had to adapt your communication style to reach a particular audience successfully?
The first attempt I made with my team to create a training curriculum on that new technology I mentioned failed miserably. Looking back, I know it is because I didn’t ask those three all-important questions. We had been driven by our information and not by our understanding of what the audience needed from us. We were only successful later, after I undertook first-person research and realized the problem we needed to solve was not lack of information, but rather fear of obsolescence. That realization caused us to take a completely different approach to the training design — the one that successfully reached more than 10,000 people.
How do you handle difficult or sensitive conversations while maintaining open and effective communication?
The short answer is: with utmost respect and emotional intelligence. I have to be aware of my own emotions as well as the speaker’s. I have to be sure the speaker feels safe sharing with me. Active listening and reflecting what I hear are essential.
In your experience, how does storytelling play a role in impactful speaking? Why do you think stories are effective in communication?
I am 100% committed to the effective use of storytelling in speaking. That’s why it was the subject of my first of three books for speakers. Story is the most basic unit of human interaction. I only truly know who you are when I know your story. Science has shown that a well-crafted story increases the brain’s expression of oxytocin, the neurotransmitter responsible for creating empathy. In short, sharing stories is quite literally the root of all human relationship-building.
What are your “5 Essential Techniques for Becoming an Effective Communicator”? If you can, please share a story or an example for each.
1 . Learn to be a better listener. I was only successful at leading that massive training effort after going out into the field and listening to the concerns of the people being affected by the technology change.
2 . Be aware of how your ego and your desire to control the conversation get in the way of doing #1, becoming a better listener. This is a special challenge, for example, for people who tend to value their problem-solving ability. Don’t listen to solve someone; listen to make them feel heard. Never treat a person as a problem to be solved.
3 . Practice audience awareness. Who is your audience and what difference are you going to make for them? Be purpose-driven in your communication, but be sure the purpose relates to serving your audience. See my previous story for the best example I can give you.
4 . Learn to avoid starting-point error. This is what happens when you don’t first ensure you understand your listeners’ level of background knowledge. Start too high and you lose them; start too low and you bore them. The best communicators know how to find that “just right” starting point.
5 . Put connection before content and empathy before evidence. This is where stories come in. Connecting with your audience and getting them to relate you is so much more important than impressing them with what you know! Neuroscience has shown that the brain filters out what it considers boring. That doesn’t mean you have to give a song and dance. The opposite of boredom is not entertainment; it is engagement. Stories are the best way to engage the audience — as long as they relate to your point and are not inserted merely for entertainment value.
How do you integrate non-verbal cues into your communication? Can you provide an example of its importance?
The best way to ensure your non-verbal cues are congruent with your words is to be fully present. For example, don’t just retell a story — relive it! When you relive that experience, your movements and facial expressions will be authentic. Whatever you do, don’t follow the example of those who commonly misinterpret the message of the Mehrabian study. It’s not that your message is 93% non-verbal. What is true is that non-verbal cues can undermine your message when they are not congruent. To a large extent, the saying, “It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it,” is true.
How has digital communication changed the way you convey your messages? Are there any specific challenges or advantages you’ve encountered?
Humanity is still humanity, and stories are still the key to connecting. We have seen that to be true over many generations of new communication technologies, and the digital revolution is no exception to that pattern. What I find truly exciting now is the ability I have to connect with others without regard to time or distance. Imagine a time when I would have had to wait weeks to get a letter across the ocean to my sister who lives in Europe! When she first moved there, she was poor and phone calls were expensive. Now WhatsApp is free. (I should still call more often!) Global reach and immediate gratification — I think those are the biggest changes.
Public speaking is a common fear. What techniques or strategies do you recommend to manage and overcome stage fright?
Focus on what you are there to do for your audience, not on how you look or sound. Our fear is not speaking; it is being judged by others who might shun us. This is a serious, deep-rooted fear from the time in our development when being forced out of the tribe could mean death. When you focus on what you are there to do for others, this fear will become more manageable.
Also, be aware of your own physiology and how you can bring that anxiety under control with relaxation of breathing techniques.
My third book addresses all this: The Speaker’s Quick Guide to Presenting with Confidence (David P. Otey, 2021).
What additional resources do you recommend for individuals looking to improve communication skills?
For everyone looking to improve how they use stories as a communication tool, I recommend The Speaker’s Quick Guide to Telling Better Stories (David P. Otey, 2017).
For those who give technical presentations, I recommend The Speaker’s Quick Guide to Technical Presentations (David P. Otey, 2019).
All three books are available in paperback and e-reader formats.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
The movement would be a massive effort to bring people together and hear each other’s stories. No judgment. No ego. Just a lot of good listening.
How can our readers further follow you online?
They can find me on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidpotey/), where I publish a newsletter on communication skills titled “Engineer Your Speaking TM.”
I also have a YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@DavidOtey
Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
Impactful Communication: David P Otey Of Speaking of Solutions On 5 Essential Techniques for Becom was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.