I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Isaac Hayes Of Healing of the Soul Ministries On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling Unsatisfied & What We Can Do About It
An Interview With Drew Gerber
Determine what your basic needs are. Depending on where you live, how many people are in your family, and what you are trying to accomplish, this will vary. The least common denominator is Maslow’s needs of enough food, water, shelter, resources, employment, property, family, and friendship that can sustain a comfortable standard of living. Often, we confuse nice-to-have with need-to-have, and that’s when dissatisfaction sets in.
From an objective standpoint, we are living in an unprecedented era of abundance. Yet so many of us are feeling unsatisfied. Why are we seemingly so insatiable? What is going on inside of us that is making us feel unsatisfied? What is the brain chemistry that makes us feel this way? Is our brain wired for endless insatiable consumption? What can we do about it? In this interview series, we are talking to credentialed experts such as psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, brain science experts, as well as spiritual and religious leaders, and mind-body-spirit coaches, to address why so many of us are feeling unsatisfied & what we can do about it.
As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Rev. Isaac Hayes.
Rev. Isaac Hayes is the founder of Healing of the Soul Ministries and author of “Men After God’s Heart:10 Principles of Brotherly Love.” He is also an Assistant Pastor at the Apostolic Church of God in Chicago, Illinois, and a doctoral student at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. Follow Rev. Hayes on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram at @RevIsaacHayes.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to know how you got from “there to here.” Inspire us with your backstory!
Drew, thank you for this opportunity to share with you and your readers. My story is one of perseverance. I grew up on Chicago’s south side with aspirations of being a professional baseball player. I was immensely talented but lacked the discipline to develop my skills as I should have. After graduating high school, I began to hang with the wrong crowd and found myself getting into trouble. It was at that time that my girlfriend suggested I leave Chicago to join some of our friends at Illinois State University. It was there that I began to understand the impact I could have for the good of others, having been one of the leading voices on campus for African American students.
After graduating from college, I started as a data entry clerk for a doctor’s office, sold DSL for COVID Communications, worked in mortgage servicing for ABN AMRO, and landed at the Apostolic Church of God. During this time, I also became an ordained minister, received my Master of Divinity in pastoral ministry, became an assistant pastor at one of the nation’s largest megachurches, and started Healing of the Soul Ministries.
What lessons would you share with yourself if you had the opportunity to meet your younger self?
Whew! There are a lot of lessons I would share, but here are a few. First, I would tell myself to start investing money in your retirement because it is difficult to try and make up for lost time. Second, I would tell myself to read books because they will equip you to be more effective in life. Last, but not least, I would tell myself to stay faithful to God because He has a plan for your life that is bigger than your wildest imagination.
None of us are able to experience success without support along the way. Is there a particular person for whom you are grateful because of the support they gave you to grow you from “there to here?” Can you share that story and why you are grateful for them?
As I stated earlier, my story is one of perseverance. One person comes to mind who played a pivotal role in my life: my eighth-grade teacher, Mr. Cramer. In seventh grade, I began to cut class and did not perform as well academically as I normally did. In fact, my state assessment score did not improve in reading — and that was embarrassing. But in eighth grade, I was determined to redeem myself, and Mr. Cramer was there to succor me in that endeavor. This white guy teaching at a predominantly black school affirmed me in a way that was desperately needed. Because of his encouragement, I was the salutatorian of my graduating class.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think it might help people?
It’s interesting that you ask that, because I am. I just released my first book, “Men After God’s Heart: 10 Principles of Brotherly Love.” It will help men in particular, but everyone in general, better understand some of the dynamics of true friendship. It is an exploration of how to develop healthy male relationships. The research shows that men have a difficult time maintaining friendships for any number of reasons: we tend to bond around experience and not emotions, we don’t like to share what’s going on in our lives, and we prioritize work and family over friendships. Therefore, we find ourselves being alone when we really need healthy relationships to help fuel our human flourishing. While it is written specifically to men, women have shared with me that the principles in my book apply to them as well.
Ok, thank you for sharing your inspired life. Let’s now talk about feeling “unsatisfied”. In the Western world, humans typically have their shelter, food, and survival needs met. What has led to us feeling we aren’t enough and don’t have enough? What is the wiring? Or in other words, how has nature and nurture played into how humans (in an otherwise “safe and secure” environment) experience feeling less than, or a need to have more than what is needed for basic survival?
At the heart of your question is the issue of identity — Who am I? The feeling of dissatisfaction with life, despite the measured comfort or prosperity that we have, speaks to our inner awareness that life is more than the clothes we wear, the cars we drive, the houses we live in, or the companies we work for. It is an anthropological question with theological roots.
We are human beings, created by God to be in relationship with Him and each other. God’s original design was that we would find complete satisfaction from being in relationship with Him, and the material aspects of life would be the extras we were able to enjoy as an ancillary benefit. But when the first humans, Adam and Eve, chose to live independently of God, they soon discovered that the benefits are not as enjoyable without the Benefactor.
Although we have progressed in so many ways from the societal amenities of early humanity, we remain equally unfulfilled because we are attempting to find absolute fulfillment in life without God. Some argue that God has placed that void in our life to intentionally nudge us back to Him. Yet, He doesn’t compel us but gives us the freedom to pursue Him or reject Him.
At the end of the day, if all the amenities of life haven’t brought us the satisfaction we desire, the logical conclusion must drive us to say, “Maybe I need to reach out to God.” He’s there waiting for us that He might fill the empty spaces of our hearts.
How are societies different? For example, capitalistic societies trade differently than communists. Developed nations trade differently than developing nations. In your opinion, how does society shape a human’s experience and feelings of satisfaction?
We live in what is called the postmodern age. The idea is that cultural mores are local and contextual. Postmodernism rejects universal norms and argues for community-based norms. While I do not fully embrace postmodernism, its proponents highlight a key principle: those closest to us have more influence over us.
Having said that, the American Dream has been so imbued in us, at a macro level, through the advent of the advertising industry which uses our screens — televisions, computers, tablets, cell phones — to transmit the mores of the macroworld into our microworld. By that, I simply mean, we have been socialized to feel lack, insignificance, and dissatisfaction because American society says you must be physically attractive, rich, and famous to be important. Think about it for a moment; it is the suave gentleman with the beautiful woman on his arm, the beautiful woman who attracts the business mogul, and the titan of industry who owns the $40 million mansion that are the benchmarks of success. As for the rest of us chumps, we’re just a bunch of losers.
As a result of the post-World War II advertising campaign that gaslit us into trying to live like the rich and famous, our debt has increased, our savings have decreased, and we now find less satisfaction in life. When you add in the accelerator of social media, with its photoshopped and professionally edited content, the results have been increased feelings of depression and suicidal ideation.
So society shapes our experience and feelings of satisfaction by suggesting to us what will satisfy us, only for us to discover that those things never do.
With a specific focus on brain function, how has the brain and its dominion over the body and beliefs been impacted by the societal construct?
In Christianity, there are those who believe humans are tripartite beings as it relates to function — spiritual, psychological, and physical. I am in this camp. The human spirit regulates the human psyche, and the human psyche regulates the human body.
In God’s design, His Spirit would influence our spirit, which in turn would influence how we think, choose, and emote, which would influence what we do with our bodies. But when the first humans disobeyed God, they lost the influence of His spirit over their spirit, thus subjecting the spirit of all mankind to the influence of the culture.
Society impacts our beliefs by suggesting what is and is not acceptable, good, or desirable. And here is where the societal construct informs our brains, consciously and subconsciously, through the images, behavior, and content that is communicated and celebrated. The goal is to socialize us into embracing and accepting society’s beliefs and behaviors as normative. In order to be in compliance with the social construct, we must conform to its prescriptions, which requires the active engagement of minds.
Do you think the way our society markets and advertises goods and services, has affected people’s feelings of satisfaction? Can you explain what you mean?
I do. As I said a moment ago, the advertising agency was born out of the post-World War II concept of the “American Dream.” We were gaslit into consuming and enjoying the amenities that only a privileged few previously experienced. The ads suggest that we are missing something in our lives and by purchasing the company’s goods or services, we will experience happiness and bliss. I mean, who wants to live the boring life of a loser when we can experience all that the images and sales pitches promise us?
Again, God intends for us to find satisfaction in relationship — our relationship with Him and with our family and friends. Thus, satisfaction is relational, not consumable. But our relationships suffer at the expense of our pursuit of a vapor we will never be able to grasp with our hands. This leaves us miserable, unfulfilled, and frustrated because we feel cheated in life. What God offers us is a fulfilling relationship with Him, rooted in His unconditional love for us. It costs us nothing but the desire to pursue a relationship with Him.
I’ll close with this: Jesus extends an invitation to everyone who is wearied and burdened by the pressures of life to be in a satisfying relationship with Him. He only asks us to come to Him.
How is the wiring of the brain, body, and beliefs shaped by marketing, language, and how humans trade?
Here’s what I can contribute to this dynamic: the gates to our brains are our sensory perceptions. That is, what we see, hear, taste, touch, or smell. When I was in my late teens, I used to work at a famous popcorn shop in Chicago. During the spring through fall months, we would open the door so the smell of the cheese and caramel popcorn would permeate the streets and woo unsuspecting customers into our shop. This is exactly how marketing works. Our brains are wired in such a way that our five senses absorb data from our physical environment that is then processed by the brain. The taste test in the grocery store, the sample of the perfume in the department store, and the crisp sound of the stereo in the electronics store are the drugs that satisfy the pleasure centers of our brain and entice us to spend our money to satisfy the addiction the marketers have created.
I work in marketing so I’m very cognizant of this question. In your opinion, how do you think marketing professionals can be more responsible for how their advertising shapes humans’ health and experience of happiness overall?
It’s simple: don’t promise happiness. But that would be counterproductive to the goal of marketing which is to exploit people’s desire for significance and satisfaction in life. Having said that, marketing professionals can simply tell the truth and not over promise. If you have a great tasting burger, market it, but don’t give the impression that eating your burger is going to win me a date with a supermodel. Or don’t tell me that if I take your pill, I’ll have a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminator. So don’t oversell your product or service.
For you personally, if you have all your basic needs met, do you feel you have enough in life?
Your question touches on the heart of the problem concerning this issue of satisfaction — feeling we have enough. How much is enough? It is very subjective. But the Christian faith informs us that God will make sure that we have food to eat, clothes to wear, and the basic necessities of life. In fact, one contributor to the Scriptures says, “Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.” We see in Agur this struggle for a balanced life — he wants enough not to be tempted into falling into the trap of destructive behavior, but he also doesn’t want to accumulate so much that he falls into the trap of living life without a relationship with his Creator.
In response to your question, I share the same philosophical approach as Agur. I want enough to provide for myself and family, to maintain my quality of life in retirement, and to be able to help others. I think this should be the material goal of us all. It will vary from person to person, but the fundamental principle is that we find satisfaction in God as He partners with us to meet our basic needs and help meet the needs of others.
Okay, fantastic. Here is the main question of our interview: Can you share with our readers your “5 things we can each do to address the feeling of not having enough.” Please share a story or example for each.
Sure. First, pursue satisfaction in God. I would be derelict in my duty as a Christian pastor to not speak to the importance of us finding satisfaction in our Creator. Like every manufacturer knows the innerworkings of its products, God knows us intimately because He created us. If we are ever to find true satisfaction in life, it can only be experienced by being in relationship with our Maker. He knows what we need and how to help us acquire it, but it will not happen outside of Him.
Growing up, I was fortunate to have food and shelter, but I couldn’t afford to do the things I wanted. I remember going to the corner store or McDonald’s with my friends and being the only one not to purchase anything. I always felt less than because I didn’t have the name brand clothes or couldn’t do the other things my friends did. But even when I was able to do some of those things, I still felt no better than I did before. It was not until I decided to get serious about my relationship with God that I began to feel better about myself. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m much more content today than I was back then.
Second, examine what is the underlying reason for your dissatisfaction. Our displeasure in life is not because we don’t have the latest gadgets or live in the most luxurious neighborhoods. Our dissatisfaction is the result of shameful experiences from our early childhood that continue to resurface as similar events trigger those same feelings of shame. We must do the difficult work of sorting through those painful experiences in life to begin the process of healing and wholeness. Dr. John Erickson says there are three needs that we all have that lead to our dissatisfaction when left unfulfilled: to be respected, valued, and loved. When our shame is triggered, it is because we don’t feel one of those three.
I was always aware that I had feelings of insecurity and inadequacy but could never pinpoint the source of those feelings. When I took a class with Dr. Erickson on Managing Organizational and Personal Conflict, I learned that the source of those feelings was triggered by my need to be respected, valued, and loved. It’s about emotional intelligence. Today, when I feel my shame being triggered, I know to assess which of my core emotional needs are being challenged.
Third, determine what your basic needs are. Depending on where you live, how many people are in your family, and what you are trying to accomplish, this will vary. The least common denominator is Maslow’s needs of enough food, water, shelter, resources, employment, property, family, and friendship that can sustain a comfortable standard of living. Often, we confuse nice-to-have with need-to-have, and that’s when dissatisfaction sets in.
As I touch my toenail on age fifty, I am beginning to think about the quality of life I would like to have in retirement. We all want nice things, and there is nothing wrong with desiring them. Yet, I also must weigh what my priorities are. That is, what do I need to live a comfortable life? If I can save more money today and have greater certainty for the future by living modestly, then it will bring me greater satisfaction than blowing my money on depreciating assets. So this phase of life reflection and reorientation has been a stabilizing force for winnowing luxuries from necessities.
Fourth, find your purpose in life. Each of us is put here on earth for a reason and a season. Our primary purpose is to attribute worth and value to God through our living. Our secondary purpose is idiosyncratic to His plan for His world. This means that you and I are not accidental but intentional. We are here to make life for the rest of humanity better in some way. Living our purpose fuels our satisfaction in life because we find enjoyment in being who we were created to be and doing what we were created to do. Two pointers to our purpose are passion and productivity. If I’m passionate about what I’m doing and am able to produce positive results, there’s a good chance that it’s a part of my purpose.
Most of us have visions of grandeur. We imitate Michael Jordan hitting the game winning shot to become NBA champ. We imitate Sec. Hillary Clinton engaging in diplomacy with world leaders. But in each of these instances, we are attempting to live vicariously through others who are living out their purpose. I began to find my purpose in college when I became one of the leading voices on campus for African American students. It was a defining moment for me because it demonstrated my passion for and productivity in advocating on behalf of others. That purpose has continued to express itself in the work I do as a pastor by advocating for the spiritual and social wellbeing of others.
Finally, make time to serve others. This point ties in to point four, but it really involves thinking about someone other than yourself. Our discussion has been me-focused, but we don’t live in a cloister; we belong to a family, community, and world. There are more of them than there is of us. It’s a one-to-many relationship. Consequently, we must engage the many for their good by finding ways to use our talents, abilities, and resources to make other people’s lives better. When we do, we will discover that helping other people helps us and brings us satisfaction.
Some of the most rewarding moments in my life have been in service to others. Whether it was feeding homeless people, visiting the sick or victims of violence in hospitals, or talking to inmates in prison, I knew I was making a positive difference in the lives of others. Service is not just the gift we give but the gift we receive. Knowing I have helped to make someone’s life better brings me the joy and satisfaction that I am a value-add to our society and world.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have inspired you to live with more joy in life?
You are probably not going to be surprised by my answer, but my favorite book is the Bible. Here’s why: The Bible is a spiritual book about our relationship with God. At the same time, it is a book about how to live human God’s way. As our Manufacturer, He knows how we are supposed to function and has given us the Owner’s manual. In it, He teaches us about parenting, marriage, business, public service, law, friendship, and so much more. That’s why I am able to live with more joy in life because I have the blueprint for how it can be done successfully.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would start a movement to end racial and ethnic division. Just yesterday, I saw a clip about Nigerian students in one country being attacked by a mob of people. Even here, in America, we can cut the racial and ethnic tension with a knife. The truth is, we all lose when we hate. There is no gain by oppressing or discriminating against each other. It is the mosaic of races and ethnicities that accentuates the community we were intended to be. The suffering and hardship caused by these divisions are incalculable. We only harm ourselves when we hurt others because of the color of their skin or their ethnicity.
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
Thanks again, Drew, for giving me this opportunity to share with you and your readers. They can learn more about me at hotsministries.com and at @RevIsaacHayes on all social media platforms.
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.
About The Interviewer: For 30 years, Drew Gerber has been inspiring those who want to change the world. Drew is the CEO of Wasabi Publicity, Inc., a full-service PR agency lauded by PR Week and Good Morning America. Wasabi Publicity, Inc. is a global marketing company that supports industry leaders, change agents, unconventional thinkers, companies and organizations that strive to make a difference. Whether it’s branding, traditional PR or social media marketing, every campaign is instilled with passion, creativity and brilliance to powerfully tell their clients’ story and amplify their intentions in the world.
I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Isaac Hayes Of Healing of the Soul Ministries On Why So Many Of Us Are… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.