I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Efren Delgado Of The Opposite is True On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling Unsatisfied & What We Can Do About It
An Interview With Drew Gerber
GRATITUDE: You will never feel you have enough if you regularly look over the fence to see what others have. Articulate the small and large items in your life (material or meaningful) that you are grateful for, and it will fuel your satiety. GRATITUDE will grant you access to humility.
From an objective standpoint, we are living in an unprecedented era of abundance. Yet so many of us are feeling unsatisfied. Why are we seemingly so insatiable? What is going on inside of us that is making us feel unsatisfied? What is the brain chemistry that makes us feel this way? Is our brain wired for endless insatiable consumption? What can we do about it? In this interview series, we are talking to credentialed experts such as psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, brain science experts, as well as spiritual and religious leaders, and mind-body-spirit coaches, to address why so many of us are feeling unsatisfied & what we can do about it.
As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Efren A. Delgado.
Efren is a former FBI Special Agent, with 25 years of national security, law enforcement, and private protection experience, and a lifelong student of human behavior.
He has identified distinct patterns within human motivation and interaction, which he applies to his threat assessment and consultation clients and explains to his audiences and readers.
As a speaker and the author of THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE, Efren reveals a counterintuitive blueprint for understanding yourself, others and how to achieve meaningful success — exposing how true strength lies in humility — not oppression.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series!
It’s an honor to be invited and a pleasure to participate in such a noble and ambitious project like this series, getting us to the bottom of understanding today’s lack in personal life satisfaction in the West. I’m confident I have an explanation which is founded in the behavioral patterns that illustrate our humanity.
Before we dive in, our readers would love to know how you got from “there to here.” Inspire us with your backstory!
Okay. Let’s do it. The seed was planted years ago when I was a small child. I experienced relatively minor bullying by a second grader, who was about one year younger than the other children — which is a significant difference both physically and cognitively at that age. Though I didn’t understand it at the time, this adversity prompted me to ask the question “Why would someone be mean, when they could simply be nice?” (The Fundamentals of Psychology) And more specifically, “Why do bad people do what they do?” (The Fundamentals of Criminology!)
Looking back, three major behavioral epiphanies (likely more) grew out of this seed, which became revealed, corroborated and instinctive throughout my childhood, adulthood and my varied careers combatting spies, terrorists, criminals and tyrants. These principles also apply to those not-so-nice “friends” or relatives; the elements are human.
- Predators victimize targets whom they perceive as weak, because they are weak.
- Humility is the only path to wisdom, because fruit grows in valleys — not on mountain tops. &
- Adversity is the catalyst for purpose, action and success!
My drive to protect people from the bad guys has continued since childhood, but has evolved and been refined through study as well as firsthand experiences.
My book, THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE: Discover Your Unexpected Enemies, Allies & Purpose Through the Eyes of Counterintuitive Psychology, is my magnum opus guide for the good guys to understand the true nature of The Wizard of Oz, by pulling back the counterintuitive curtain.
What lessons would you share with yourself if you had the opportunity to meet your younger self?
I would encourage my younger self to have confidence in my instincts about people. I would tell him to persist in my short and long-term goals, despite the naysayers’ negativity. And I would push him to stretch my comfort zone, to risk failure and to do so often!
None of us are able to experience success without support along the way. Is there a particular person for whom you are grateful because of the support they gave you to grow you from “there to here?” Can you share that story and why you are grateful for them?
I can frankly say it has not been one standout person that I’m grateful to, but rather a special few. Jesus has sent many people my way at just the right time, particularly at times when I’m drowning in a sea of discouragement from the Negative Nancys who prefer a safe and ordinary trajectory. Ironically, the Negatives envy the risk-takers and, thus, throw stones at anyone daring to live beyond mediocrity. That envy devolves into some degree of conscious or subconscious hate and results in criticism, passive aggression or outright attacks.
Though I contend that most people should not be part of your wolfpack and you should often fly toward your North Star like an eagle — alone — we absolutely need others, but not just any others. Those few who express support through their actions, not merely words, and those who convey knowledge and substance from their own results and those who are consistent in their wolfpack duties are rare.
Genuine selfless supporters are a rarity and thereby — by definition — special. I’ve been blessed by this special few throughout my life in various contexts, and I attribute those angels to God. So the one person I’d narrow my comprehensive gratitude to for my lifelong support and ongoing lifeline of rescues is Jesus Christ.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think it might help people?
I’m excited to announce that I’m writing a fictional book series that continues the story from an old literary classic. I’m confident my readers will appreciate this project. Though it’s fiction, the character arch of my protagonist, his support characters and the antagonists, along with the overarching plot (and a couple of subplots) absolutely parallel the principles that are layered in THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE, my already available nonfiction. My fictional book series will also, through subtext, reflect the cultural and political insanity we are seeing on our television screens and computer screens today. Though I’m not ready to reveal the title of the original classic or my sequels to its storyline just yet, I expect to release the first book in the series next year in 2025.
Ok, thank you for sharing your inspired life. Let’s now talk about feeling “unsatisfied”. In the Western world, humans typically have their shelter, food, and survival needs met. What has led to us feeling we aren’t enough and don’t have enough? What is the wiring? Or in other words, how has nature and nurture played into how humans (in an otherwise “safe and secure” environment) experience feeling less than, or a need to have more than what is needed for basic survival?
In the Western world today, most humans do have their ‘shelter, food, and survival needs,’ as you say. But that was not always the case.
In our not-too-distant past, people were physically enslaved by tyrants seeking the financial and intoxicating benefits of free labor in the United States. More recently, humans were incarcerated, starved and mass murdered throughout Europe. Poverty struck the Western world hard during The Great Depression. Communism has murdered and incarcerated many throughout Europe and Cuba, creating adversity to a degree most Westerners of our time could not fathom. The West was humbled.
But the consistent pattern that I have identified is that adversity is the catalyst for purpose, action and success — not comfort, conformity or complacency. It’s ironic, but true. You must fight gravity to withstand the weight and tear a muscle to increase strength.
Though obstacles and struggles require effort, humility and persistence, they ironically also provide fulfillment through authentic meaning!
Neurologist, psychotherapist and Holocaust Survivor, Viktor Frankl, observed similar patterns in his practice and during his imprisonment in a Nazi concentration camp. He concluded that people need meaning to live fulfilling lives.
As I stated in chapter 14 of my book, THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE, “Frankl found that many of his patients complained of a ‘total and ultimate meaninglessness of their lives.’ He explained, ‘They are haunted by the experience of their inner emptiness, a void within themselves; they are caught in that situation which I have called the ‘existential vacuum.’”
I wrote, “When you’re not struggling to survive or to help others survive, you must psychologically find meaning elsewhere. When you can’t, you become susceptible to adopting any ideology-regardless of its merit — in an effort to belong. This sense of poorly thought-out belonging creates a false substitute for, and a delusion of, meaning!”
I continued, “for those in the unfortunate circumstance of fighting a war, hunting for food, or hustling for a paycheck, their focus is clear — survival. But when you live in a relatively safe context with no bullets whizzing by, a full belly, and plenty of time on your soft hands — where does your passion come from?”
So to get back to your specific question, the reason so many Westerners who have all of their needs met, yet remain “unsatisfied,” is because they have no imminent struggle, no obvious adversity to combat or enemy to target. So they create it, typically in unhealthy ways!
The “unsatisfied” deceive themselves with fictitious causes to advocate for, delusional disparities or ailments, in order to gain sympathy from others. Receiving pity condones or enables their delusional substitutes of meaning. Ironically, their hypersensitivities cause them real pain, due to their lack of resilience from actual hardships. Why then are these illusions of meaning not effective? My answer is that they lack authenticity — a vital component for meaning.
Then why would the modern unsatisfied Westerners invent artificial meaning instead of seeking authentic meaning? Well, frankly, because it’s easier. Though artificial meaning is unfulfilling, it is the path of least resistance. And truth requires real effort and genuine risk. How so? I’m glad you asked.
You must inconvenience yourself in someway — give something of yourself — including mere empathy or appreciation, to find meaning. Serving others makes life satisfying! However, when you are atrophied from a life void of grit, seeking a real challenge or risking adversity or failure, becomes less and less appealing. Meaning is hard.
It is my humble opinion that genuine meaning is selfless and sacrificial to some degree. You might describe true love the same way, but we’ll leave that for another article.
It would be a disservice to answer your question without also mentioning the following. G. Michael Hopf wrote in his postapocalyptic novel Those Who Remain, “Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, weak men create hard times.” Hopf’s statement rings true and offers us a broader generational perspective which illuminates my points above. Life fulfillment always boils down to meaning. Happiness happens to be an accidental byproduct of serving others.
How are societies different? For example, capitalistic societies trade differently than communists. Developed nations trade differently than developing nations. In your opinion, how does society shape a human’s experience and feelings of satisfaction?
I think a human’s life experience and their feelings of satisfaction directly depend on their access to freedom and their ability to embrace humility (the only path to wisdom).
Therefore, I contend that a society’s financial structure and the degree to which they are developed versus developing contribute significantly to their society’s access to freedom and their individual ability to embrace humility. The freer a society, the more its people are able to explore, expand and develop their human potential — which grants us humans feelings of satisfaction and fulfillment. These societies tend to thrive more easily without the heavy constraints of tyrannical governments utilized by communists.
In a free society, like the original intention the founding fathers had for the United States of America as articulated in our Declaration of Independence and implemented by our Constitution, the infrastructure, laws and enforcement of those laws serve the best interests of the people, the proletariat, as opposed to the government leaders. And capitalism, theoretically at least, is an extension of that liberty, which promotes free trade among the people. This free market system, characterized by capitalism, suggests the people have ownership rights to land, competition in the marketplace, low corruption and stability of laws, all of which promote opportunity for the individual member of a free society.
In a communist society, however, where the government serves the interests of those in power above the proletariat, the people are dependent on their governments and have little to no decisive powers over their own lives. Tyrannical governments must have absolute control over their people to avoid a rebellion, which is first achieved by discouraging critical thinking and, secondly, by physical and structural restraints — the opposite of freedom.
Unfortunately, totalitarianism begins to invade its corruption into a free society by initially ingratiating itself with promises of prosperity without effort, gifts in exchange for power, until that power swells into socialism and devolves into communism. Communism dulls the minds of the proletariat with manipulation, propaganda and indoctrination and later with physical chains, slave labor and death (figurative and literal).
Regarding developing societies, they are ironically more humbled and, therefore, more easily able to value the little things in life. The poor have natural access to gratitude and to discover the wisdom of selflessness.
I went on a two-week mission trip in 2007 to help build cement classrooms for a small Christian school in San Martin, a tiny village in a bosky forest outside of Lima, Peru. I noticed a plump caged turkey contained in a special area near one of the classrooms. I asked the pastor of the church and school if that was a pet for the children. In Spanish, he answered that they were saving that turkey to feed us, the Americans helping them with their construction. I learned that this community only ate meat about once a month, but personally witnessed genuine joy in giving this meal to their guests. Through my tears, I was still able to see their immediate access to gratitude, generosity and fulfillment.
I reflected on how often I and my American brothers and sisters tended to grumble about the comical inconveniences of living in our developed nation. “My latte is cold!” “Why is this guy merging into my lane?” Though the sociological factors can be complex, the general patterns are relatively simple when you are willing to look.
As a fan of humanity — in spite of our flaws — I endorse any society that values liberty so that its members can discover the counterintuitive benefits of humility for themselves through innovation, exploration, and freedom of expression via art, literature and collaboration! The freedom to endorse and expand the uniquely human gift of critical thinking among the people will directly lead to the satisfaction and prosperity of any society. And liberty is worth dying for those who love humanity.
With a specific focus on brain function, how has the brain and its dominion over the body and beliefs been impacted by the societal construct?
As I illustrated above, the more free a society the more the human mind is allowed to create, communicate and collaborate. And the opposite is true. The more oppressed a society, the more confined the human mind will be, and biological brain function will follow suit.
Similar to an atrophied muscle from lack of use, if a mind is not allowed to think, the brain will deteriorate. As an illustration, learned helplessness is a phenomenon I discuss in my book, THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE.
I wrote in chapter 16, “I recall an experiment that I read about in my undergraduate textbooks, where a dog was placed in a metal cage. The cage was electrified when a bell rang, and the dog would understandably freak out from the stimuli. Of course, later, the ring of the bell alone would cause the canine to jump because the relationship between both stimuli was quickly linked. What stood out as significant from this experiment was that when the cage was repeatedly electrified, the dog’s reaction to the negative stimulation actually waned. These researchers witnessed the phenomenon of giving up.
“Eventually, as the dog was persistently shocked by the cage, the pup lay helplessly without any reaction — accepting the reality that he could not avoid the pain.” Learned helplessness is an established cause of chronic depression. Thus, it is my opinion that the more restrictive, authoritarian or tyrannical a societal construct, the more it will negatively impact brain function and lead to an epidemic of societal depression, as depicted in North Korea today.
Do you think the way our society markets and advertises goods and services, has affected people’s feelings of satisfaction?
Emotion is the spark that ignites every human decision.
Can you explain what you mean?
Of course. What I mean is that where we apply reason or logic to our decisions determines whether we make healthy choices, but absolutely every decision is fundamentally made by the fuel of emotional energy. Therefore, if the consumer fails to apply the effort required to properly think through or assess a given advertisement or marketing campaign, they will succumb emotionally to it.
Unfortunately, I agree with Henry Ford’s famous quote, “Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.” Emoting is the path of least resistance over thinking, which is an uphill endeavor. Powerful institutions, agencies and governments take advantage of this truth, in an effort to suck the energy out of the battery cells of the people, particularly their target market.
Because the majority of society absorbs the manipulative marketing tactics of these powerful entities without bothering to properly assess their content, they are easily swayed in whichever direction the marketer wishes. If the marketing product or service is benevolent, the people will be satisfied by default. However, if the marketer is promoting malevolent propaganda or a deceptive product or service, the consumer will suffer.
I my book, I compare the turret on the top of a military tank to emotion and logic. The power of emotion is like the blast of a tank’s gun. Thinking or assessing the circumstances is illustrated by ensuring that the turret is pointed in the right direction. If you blast the energy of emotion without properly assessing the context, you will certainly cause major damage to yourself and likely others. However, if you take the time to examine the scenario and point your blast in the right direction, you will thrive in your decision-making abilities.
Success is not the path of least resistance.
How is the wiring of the brain, body, and beliefs shaped by marketing, language, and how humans trade?
We are wired for survival, an emotional mechanism. If humans perceive (accurately or not) that a product will benefit their literal or figurative survival, they will purchase. Regardless of their specific assessment, the consumer’s decision to purchase or not will absolutely be emotional-based.
I work in marketing so I’m very cognizant of this question. In your opinion, how do you think marketing professionals can be more responsible for how their advertising shapes humans’ health and experience of happiness overall?
Motive is everything.
If you’re selling snake oil and seeking a quick bucketful of shekels so you can move on to your next sale, consumers will feel it. If your marketing entices the market with empty promises that sound fantastic but fall flat in the end, you will lose customers. Your marketing goals should to some degree be repeat customers.
On the other hand, if your audience — the consumer — can immediately sense authenticity, perceive a clear solution to a problem they relate to and are impacted emotionally by your “hook,” you (and your product or service) will connect with them. They might not act immediately, but that seed will be planted, not discarded. I would expect them to heed your Call to Action after hearing your message a couple more times.
The reason authenticity, concise solutions and emotionally impactful marketing works is precisely because those three elements are relevant and meaningful. As we discussed earlier in this interview, meaning is what we humans require to obtain healthy fulfillment. Your product or service presumably will help get them a step closer to that noble aspiration.
If marketing professionals are intrinsically motivated to contribute to the health and happiness of society, they should apply authentic emotional hooks to illustrate the counterintuitive benefits of selflessness, service and gratitude to their target audiences. Ideas, products and services that celebrate the beauty of humility will promote human satisfaction via authenticity.
For you personally, if you have all your basic needs met, do you feel you have enough in life?
No. I fundamentally need a mixture of 78% nitrogen, 21% oxygen, 1% argon, 0.04% carbon dioxide and 0.5% water vapor to breathe. I need water to drink, food to eat, shelter and a means to pay my bills (you get the idea), in order to exist. But for me, stubborn, flawed yet ambitious Efren A. Delgado, I need a lot more to live — not merely exist.
I’m human like the rest of us, and I succumb to the same pressures and comforts to coast down the path of least resistance. But that downhill trajectory leads to complacency and mediocrity, and oftentimes to evil.
Living requires risk, effort, innovation and the big one — action! Otherwise, you are simply sucking up that list of gasses above with nothing to show for it. And for me, that sucks. I’d rather be hated, bruised and broken and live a meaningful life that impacts others positively and productively than merely exist in comfort. We are all food for worms, so I believe we might as well make our lives count for something meaningful.
The illusion — the lie — that comforts are the path to happiness is our human default. However, anything worthwhile requires effort. Your readers know this, but accepting it and living it requires additional commitment.
Though I personally enjoy my seasons of comfort to regroup, I’ve committed to climbing my mountain riddled with thorns, mudslides and other obstacles, to eventually reach my purpose at the summit. Persistence is required.
Can you share with our readers your “5 things we can each do to address the feeling of not having enough.”
- NORTH STAR: To be satiated, you cannot rely on the sugar spike deceptions from candy or donuts. You require actual nutrients to fuel your cells, body and mind. Similarly, when you distract yourself with short-term spikes of dopamine through various channels, like television, alcohol or vacations, your meaningful purpose is put to the side. When you envision your long-term meaningful goal — like a NORTH STAR — and chop up your journey into manageable short-term steps, you will discover life satiation.
- ASSOCIATION OSMOSIS: As I state in my book, the people you spend the most time with will certainly rub off on you through a phenomenon I call ASSOCIATION OSMOSIS. “The wise utilize this fact to their advantage as a fundamental life practice; they just don’t talk about it.” Reality is true, regardless of how it makes us feel. Winners embrace reality so they can learn to manage and overcome it. Those who prioritize comfort over certain uncomfortable realities, distract themselves with pleasure, to avoid the pain. The warm and cozy social affirmation of groupthink is a prime example. Even if reason dictates a group’s stance is erroneous, the emotional sense of belonging is so powerful that its enticement will lead most to run in unison over the cliff, like a herd of wild buffalo, before they would articulate a logic-based objection and risk expulsion from the group. Akin to my #1 to this question, truth lives in reality, not in denial, comfort or delusion. Think of the winners you admire, versus those who choose to exist in mediocrity. I contend that using ASSOCIATION OSMOSIS strategically by setting boundaries away from those who blame, sulk and deny, while embracing the productive realists who risk, and persist will aid you in the authentic satisfaction of meaningful accomplishments.
- HUMILITY: Humility is the only path to wisdom. My #3 is cheating a bit because it encompasses three methods to proactively seek humility, which I contend is necessary to avoid “that feeling of not having enough.” You must proactively seek humility in order to be fulfilled, which is first accomplished by ACKNOWLEDGING A HIGHER POWER. Just as a painting cannot materialize itself by chance, a building cannot be designed or built without a designer or builder. The complex, but perfect, design of our universe, our planet and our species cannot realistically have come into existence by chance either. ACKNOWLEDGING A HIGHER POWER is less of a leap of faith, and more of a small step in logic.
- GRATITUDE: You will never feel you have enough if you regularly look over the fence to see what others have. Articulate the small and large items in your life (material or meaningful) that you are grateful for, and it will fuel your satiety. GRATITUDE will grant you access to humility.
- SERVICE: We often feel we do not have enough when we are stuck in our own heads, like a firecracker in a bank vault! Do yourself a service by serving others. You will discover the counterintuitive, selfish benefits of selfLESSness! Like the turkey meal served to us by the village people of San Martin, SERVICE blesses you with the gift of humility — the only path to wisdom.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have inspired you to live with more joy in life?
The Bible is life’s most authentic manual, which could never be overread. The Bible Audio app is a great resource for searching and listening to the good book at no charge.
East of Eden, by John Steinbeck, is an insightful depiction of the human condition in story format.
The Obstacle is the Way, by Ryan Holiday, will motivate you to navigate every obstacle with confidence.
There are several podcasts I enjoy for various reasons, such as the BookThinkers podcast with Nick Hutchison for learning about new reads for the best life list. This Past Weekend with Theo Von for down-to-earth and comical conversations with a broad spectrum of guests. I’m also a fan of The Joe Rogan Experience for deep discussions with particular guests I’m interested in learning more about.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I specifically wrote THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE with this in mind, because I do not like the bad guys getting away with so much in our fallen world. As I said before, I’m a fan of humanity.
Most truths are counterintuitive and paradoxical, yet they are encouraging when you understand our human interaction and motivation. For example, when you make yourself vulnerable, you actually make yourself stronger — like stressing a muscle for increased strength. The chihuahuas bark at the doorbell because they are weak — not because they are brave and powerful. Bullies, criminals and tyrants are weak, so they intimidate, attack and oppress. The courage required to be humble and generous reflects true strength.
I encourage your readers to consider reading the first few pages of my book. They will likely be surprised how they recognize these counterintuitive truths and the practical methods I describe to live a life beyond mediocrity.
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
Your readers can learn more about me at EfrenDelgado.com. My blog, The Roundup Rag, my bio, social media links, email subscription list and my contact page can all be found there.
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.
All my best to you and your readers. As your readership can appreciate, living a life worth living requires effort, but that effort makes life deliciously fruitful in every way.
I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Efren Delgado Of The Opposite is True On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.