An Interview With Wanda Malhotra
Build a strong support network.
Addiction and alcoholism can be extremely isolating. In recovery, it’s important to take the opposite approach. Join a local recovery community and build a network of sober friends. A therapist with knowledge of recovery can be an invaluable resource. If you’re comfortable, let family and friends know that you are on this journey and ask for their support. Remember, you don’t have to be alone anymore.
In a world where the journey towards sobriety is often challenging and deeply personal, understanding the pathways and strategies for achieving and maintaining sobriety is crucial. This series aims to provide insight, encouragement, and practical advice for those who are on the road to recovery, as well as for their loved ones and support networks. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Emily Kirstein.
Emily currently works at Hotel California by the Sea. She spent seven years in her active addiction. She now has over three years of sobriety, and helps addicts and alcoholics recover on a daily basis.
Thank you so much for joining us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’?
I struggled with drug addiction and alcoholism for over 7 years before finally getting sober in August of 2020. My story, like many others, was progressive in nature. I began partying and drinking with friends like a normal teenager. At some undefinable point, I started drinking and using substances more often than my friends. The people in my life could see that it was problematic, but I couldn’t.
Throughout the majority of my life I have battled with depression and anxiety. After a series of psychiatric hospitalizations, I began using substances to self medicate. I used prescription pain medication to run from the emotions I was experiencing. When that became unsustainable, I turned to heroin as a cheaper and more available alternative.
At 18 years old, I found myself homeless and strung out on heroin. My drug abuse had escalated to the point where I was unwelcome among friends and family. In retrospect, the progression makes sense. At the time, I didn’t understand how I got there. Now I can see that it was a series of decisions I made to feed my addiction.
I first started trying to get sober at 18 years old. I entered a treatment center with no idea of what was to come. Unfortunately, that would not be my last attempt at recovery. I was searching for relief from my thoughts in any way I could. Substances only ever put a bandaid on my problems. After attempting to find alternatives, I would find myself miserable and addicted over and over again.
After many failed stints of sobriety, I found myself at an impasse. I could not picture my life with drugs and alcohol and I could not picture it without. It was an incredibly lonely place to be. This position seemed impossible to overcome. I did not know that it would be the key to the beautiful life awaiting me.
The difference between this last rehab and the ones before it is my willingness to accept help. I spent so much time fighting everything to continue to live my life the way I wanted to live it. I desperately needed someone else to help me make the right decisions for me, as I could not do it on my own.
I let my therapist and case manager make the decision for me to move to sober living after inpatient treatment. I got a sponsor and followed her direction. I closely watched all of the women around me who had somehow come out of the abyss and maintained long term sobriety. They showed me what they did to stay sober, and I followed in their footsteps. As a result, for the first time in my life, I have maintained not only sobriety, but inner peace. Life is infinitely more fulfilling now than it ever was before.
I take a multifaceted approach to my recovery today. My regular attendance to fellowship meetings helps keep me accountable to my peers and community. Therapy has become a regular part of my routine. I try to carry this message of hope to the women struggling to find sobriety. Most importantly, I remain teachable. I am always trying to grow throughout my recovery. As a result of this, I have become the woman I always dreamt I would be.
Can you share with us the most interesting story from your career? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘takeaways’ you learned from that?
When I initially began working in treatment, I worked as a house manager for a sober living. We lived in the same housing as our clients in order to provide round the clock care. Because of this, I gained a lot of experience with late night interventions! I was also able to help the women on a personal level and walk alongside them in their journeys.
The most notable experience I had was with one specific client. She came to us unsure about getting and staying sober. She was facing jail time due to her three DUIs. She followed the suggestion of her clinical team. I got to watch the light come back on in her eyes. Her whole perspective on life changed, and she blossomed into a beautiful person.
Once she completed treatment with us, she had to go back to her hometown and face the legal repercussions of her DUIs. The court sentenced her to 60 days in jail. She faced the judge with her head held high and accepted the consequences of her previous mistakes. For the duration of her jail time, she stayed sober. She was released and came back to our recovery community as a sober woman. She now works as a case manager in a treatment center, and has multiple years of sobriety.
Her story serves as a powerful testament to staying sober regardless of the challenges life throws at you. People from all walks of life can get sober and stay sober regardless of their past. There is nothing you can’t walk through in this life, as long as you place your recovery first.
You are a successful individual. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
In my life, I had to display honesty, open mindedness, and willingness. These were (and are) the building blocks to my recovery.
In order to begin my recovery journey, I had to get honest about the reality of my life. I had to accept that I was never going to be able to use drugs or alcohol without consequences. From there, I was able to ask for and accept the help I needed.
Nowadays, I have to remain honest with myself and my peers. It’s important that I ask for help when I need it in all aspects of my life- not just drugs and alcohol. I can’t let my pride back me into a corner that I feel I can’t escape from. When I am struggling with something, I honestly ask for assistance or guidance. I don’t lie to the people around me anymore. This has deepened and strengthened all of my relationships (both personal and professional).
Open mindedness keeps me teachable. I have always been hard headed and stubborn. When I remain open minded, I am able to take suggestions and grow from them. Being open minded has led me to wonderful opportunities, even if they were initially met with hesitation. I do not limit myself to what I think I am capable or incapable of doing.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”- E.M. Forster.
Willingness gave me the ability to humble myself and accept help. Managing my life myself had been going poorly for a very long time. When I became willing to accept a life different than the one I had been living, I opened myself up to endless possibilities. I am able to take suggestions and try new things, even if I don’t understand why at first. This has landed me in countless circumstances that have greatly improved my life.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that might help people?
Currently I’m working on spreading awareness on different signs of drug and alcohol abuse. When I was younger, I started abusing a multitude of substances. I didn’t necessarily look or act like an average teen drug abuser. My hope is that the younger generation will be able to receive the help they need before they end up in a situation like mine. I have worked with high schools in their reform programs and continue to do so whenever possible.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s shift to the main focus of our interview. How would you advise individuals who are contemplating the journey to sobriety but might be hesitant or unsure about taking the first step? Are there key considerations or strategies that can make this initial phase more manageable?
If you’re considering sobriety but find yourself hesitant, that’s completely understandable. The idea of staying sober for a lifetime can be very overwhelming! The first step is always the hardest one. Remember to take it slow, don’t be hard on yourself, and reach out for support. If
you decide sobriety isn’t for you, you can always go back. If you feel your relationship with substances is problematic, getting sober is the beginning of a wonderful life!
Inpatient treatment was a crucial step for me. I needed a place of accountability and stability to begin my recovery journey. I was able to get support from my peers and resources from staff that were and are instrumental in my sobriety. I highly recommend an inpatient treatment stay if you are considering it.
Instead of trying to plan for the rest of your life, set yourself up for daily success. Create small, achievable goals and try to reach them on a regular basis. Try not to start out with big plans immediately, like going back to school or getting a new career. Sometimes setting these huge goals can lead to disappointment if they don’t end up working out.
While planning for the future is important, in early sobriety it’s crucial to place your recovery first. Without our sobriety we can’t have anything else in life. As long as your recovery is the most important thing in your life, the rest will sort itself out.
I found it imperative to have a strong support network when I got sober. I attend 12-step meetings for mine. They have given me a community of peers unlike anything I’ve ever had before. The women with more time sober than me have shown me how to stay sober, and that is invaluable. I also have some of the best friends I’ve ever had because of this program. The like-minded mentality in these fellowships is so important to stay sober.
Sobriety often comes with its unique set of challenges. Can you share insights on how individuals can effectively navigate obstacles or triggers that may arise during their journey? Are there specific tools or support systems that you find particularly helpful in overcoming these challenges?
When I got sober, part of me had to grieve the idea that one day I would be 100% normal and just like my peers. However, once I accepted that fact, I was placed in a position to entirely recreate my life. Acceptance is a huge part of my recovery journey. Knowing that I will always have to maintain my sobriety first and foremost enables me to deal with the ups and downs of recovery.
In the beginning I did my best to avoid situations that I knew would bother me. I chose not to “test my strength” by being around people using substances. Instead I threw myself into helping other alcoholics and addicts in any way I could. This took the focus off of myself, my problems, and any temptations.
I put myself in the middle of my recovery community in order to build a sturdy foundation for my sobriety. It’s not a matter of if life will have challenges, it’s when. By immersing myself in a supportive environment, I was able to walk through those challenges. I no longer have to face life alone. The women in my life have carried me through some of my most difficult times. I firmly believe that the 12-step program I am a part of is the reason I have stayed sober.
Always remember to reach out for help if you’re struggling in sobriety. No one can help you if they don’t know that something is wrong. Building a supportive community from the beginning enables you to have connections you can lean on when you need help.
Maintaining sobriety is a long-term commitment. From your experience, what are the essential factors that contribute to the sustained success of individuals on this journey? Are there lifestyle adjustments or mindset shifts that prove crucial for the ongoing pursuit of sobriety?
If you would’ve told me three years ago that I would not only get sober but stay sober, I wouldn’t have believed you. I truly believed that I was a hopeless case. That mindset was honestly the biggest blessing. It made me willing to do what others told me would keep me sober. I never looked at my sobriety as a long-term or forever thing. Rather, I figured if I did the same things today that kept me sober yesterday, I might stay sober. This mentality carried me each day, week, and then year. I try not to get consumed by the fear of the future.
People who I see maintain long term sobriety often have a similar approach. They continue to work on their sobriety each and every day. They’re an active part of their recovery communities. Whenever possible, they try to help others on their journeys to sobriety. It was instilled in me that my recovery had to come first in my life- and those with significant amounts of time sober led by example.
I had to accept that I would never be “normal”. I would not be able to drink with my friends or do recreational drugs. I react differently to them than others do, and I use them despite consequences in my life. My life needed to be entirely re-created, as the model I had clearly wasn’t working. This sobriety is the first time I have ever listened to others’ suggestions. As a result, it’s the first time I’ve ever had long-term sobriety.
Based on your research or experience, can you please share your “5 Things You Need To Begin, Navigate, & Sustain Sobriety”?
- Ask for help.
I had a hard time admitting I needed help. I can be very stubborn and proud. When I finally let down my walls and allowed others in, I was able to receive help where I needed it. Don’t be afraid to lean on your friends when you’re struggling. They can’t help you if they don’t know that you’re hurting.
2. Build a strong support network.
Addiction and alcoholism can be extremely isolating. In recovery, it’s important to take the opposite approach. Join a local recovery community and build a network of sober friends. A therapist with knowledge of recovery can be an invaluable resource. If you’re comfortable, let family and friends know that you are on this journey and ask for their support. Remember, you don’t have to be alone anymore.
3. Show up every day.
The foundation for my sobriety is keeping a consistent routine. I wouldn’t have been able to stay sober if I hadn’t shown up every day regardless of what I was going through. This also applies to when things are good. Showing up loses priority when things are going well in life. You may feel as though you don’t have to worry about your sobriety. This couldn’t be further from the truth. My addiction requires treatment every day, regardless of circumstance. I keep myself accountable by regularly attending 12 step meetings, fellowshipping with my peers, and working with a therapist. All of these aspects give me a well-rounded recovery.
4. Be open to suggestions.
My willingness to listen to others enabled me to grow as a person. I had run my life on my own ideas for a long time. Because of that, I was going in circles. When a woman approached me with suggestions on how to rebuild my life, I listened. She had maintained long term sobriety through doing the same. She gave me new and invaluable information. As a result, I too was able to recreate my life.
5 . Help others.
Helping other alcoholics and addicts has been one of the greatest gifts of my sobriety. Witnessing their recovery journey is truly a blessing and gives me so much gratitude. Being of service offers camaraderie and community. We all share a common ground and can help raise each other up when we need it. It also builds accountability amongst your peers, which is crucial in early recovery.
Community support plays a vital role in the journey to sobriety. How can individuals find and engage with supportive communities or resources that align with their specific needs and goals? Are there online platforms, local groups, or initiatives that you recommend for fostering a sense of connection and understanding during this process?
One of the easiest ways to build a recovery community is through attending 12 step meetings. If you’re afraid to attend a meeting alone, you can always bring a trusted support person with you. If they don’t identify as an addict or alcoholic, just make sure the meeting is open. Open meetings are able to be attended by anyone. They are usually marked with an (O) next to the meeting title.
To find a meeting near you, Google “meetings near me” and select whichever website aligns with the fellowship you want. There is a large variety to choose from! Do your research into the different 12 step programs (or non 12-step) and see which coincides with what you’re looking for.
Online meetings have gained popularity since COVID. If you google “Zoom meetings” followed by your fellowship of choice, you’ll find a variety to choose from. You can even attend meetings happening across the country! They also offer 24 hour marathon meetings, which you can attend based on your schedule.
There are also recovery forums that you can participate in if you’re unsure about getting sober. These are primarily user-run, so you can receive feedback from your peers. You can find these with a Google search as well.
If you are trying to come off of an addictive substance or heavy alcohol dependence, it is wise to seek medical treatment. Some of these detoxification processes can be dangerous and even deadly. Appropriate medical care is crucial. If you are using insurance for this process, you can call the customer support number on the back of your insurance card. They can help you find facilities in-network with your plan.
When looking into an inpatient or residential treatment stay, make sure to research the programs/therapies they offer. Evidence based treatment leads to the highest success rates. If you are dealing with any specific mental health struggles, you’ll want to make sure that the facility you’re considering treats co-occurring disorders.
If you don’t have insurance, you may want to look into a hospital stay. Private pay options are available through some programs. There are also shelters and state-funded facilities that can offer help. While this may be a more expensive route, no dollar amount is more important than your life.
Sobriety is no easy feat. It takes work, dedication, and a lot of personal growth. If you decide to embark on this journey, know that you are not alone. You will always have someone in your corner, so long as you reach your hand out for help. Sobriety is the biggest gift you can give yourself. A beautiful life awaits you!
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
To stay connected and follow my work online, readers can explore the informational articles I write on our website about various topics. I can be found on Instagram as well at @hotelca, and am able to answer questions there. Your continued support and engagement are greatly appreciated as we embark on the journey of sobriety together!
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.
About the Interviewer: Wanda Malhotra is a wellness entrepreneur, lifestyle journalist, and the CEO of Crunchy Mama Box, a mission-driven platform promoting conscious living. CMB empowers individuals with educational resources and vetted products to help them make informed choices. Passionate about social causes like environmental preservation and animal welfare, Wanda writes about clean beauty, wellness, nutrition, social impact and sustainability, simplifying wellness with curated resources. Join Wanda and the Crunchy Mama Box community in embracing a healthier, more sustainable lifestyle at CrunchyMamaBox.com .
Emily Kirstein Of Hotel California by the Sea On How to Begin, Navigate, & Sustain Sobriety was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.