Awkward and Proud: Bob Grant Of RelationshipHeadquarters On How Embracing Your True Self Can Be Your Social Superpower
An interview with Dr. Bharat Sangani
Stepping outside your comfort zone can be exhilarating and incredibly revealing. One aspect of discovering your true self is that it is constantly changing. Your likes, desires, and talents have been growing since you were a child.
In a world that often pressures us to fit in, embracing quirks and authenticity can become a unique advantage. Leaning into what makes you different, even if it feels awkward, can foster genuine connections and unlock personal empowerment. In this series, we we would like to explore how embracing one’s true self can transform social interactions and become a powerful tool for building meaningful relationships. As a part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Bob Grant.
Bob Grant is a relationship expert, former therapist, podcaster, and bestselling author of The Woman Men Adore. He’s the founder of Relationship Headquarters, where he specializes in helping women emotionally connect with a man, attract true love, get married, and, for those in a relationship, get unstuck and begin connecting as a couple.
Over the past 25 years, Bob wrote seven books on relationships, understanding men, and parenting. His upcoming podcast, RelationshipHeadquarters showcases popular topics around how to understand what men really want, the dos and don’ts of dating, and balancing career success with attracting quality men and a fulfilling, happy relationship.
His book, The Woman Men Adore sold over 100,000 copies, and his online training programs and communities support over 19,000 women around the world.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’ and how you got started?
Thank you so much for having me! I’m excited to share my story with you.
Growing up, I faced the unique challenges of having a learning disability. School was difficult, and many of my teachers assumed I was just lazy; they didn’t realize that I simply had a different way of learning. When my mother suggested I get tested in my senior year of high school, I still remember the relief I felt that someone believed me.
After testing, the psychologist worked with me and showed me I had a unique way of learning. I’ll never forget her kindness. From then on, learning became fun, and I went on to earn a Master’s degree in counseling from Georgia State University. I loved working in hospital settings, where I learned that almost any problem — even ones as abstract as depression, anxiety, or a broken heart — could have a solution.
I had a career-defining experience with a mother who brought in her 18-year-old son diagnosed with schizophrenia. Every expert told her to institutionalize him, but she insisted he could still live independently. I was the fifth counselor she had seen, so I felt I had nothing to lose.
I drew on my own experiences with nontraditional learning and approached his treatment from a fresh perspective. Three years later, that young man enrolled in college, and the impact of his mother’s unwavering conviction remains with me to this day. It was a profound moment when I realized my learning disability had given me a gift: the ability to see problems differently.
As I transitioned into relationship coaching, I didn’t set out to work primarily with women, but they seemed to find me. Sitting across from clients, sometimes in tears, sharing their gratitude for finally experiencing love, I’ve come to understand how deeply this work resonates with my own journey.
Many of the women (and men) I work with try so hard, just as I did growing up. The breakthrough comes when they see how to use their past to create empathy and openness.
None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person that you are grateful for, who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?
My father was a physician, an endocrinologist — the doctor you go to when no one else can figure out a problem, like House (the TV show). Growing up, I always felt his belief in me.
He didn’t really care what I chose to do for a living; he only cared that I never quit simply because something was hard. He and my mother never allowed me or my brother to quit a sports team we joined, whether we played a lot or didn’t get to play much at all. He insisted that others were counting on me and that once I committed to something, I was obligated to follow through.
Whenever difficult career obstacles came up, I realized I literally didn’t know how to quit. At the time, I simply accepted his instructions, only later realizing what a gift he had truly given me.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
- Resilience:
Anna was a single mom with 4 children under 10 years old. After a difficult divorce, she felt overwhelmed with lonely. Yet, every week she faithfully kept our coaching appointment. In spite of many disappointing dates and well-intended friends telling her dating was hard, she knew what she wanted.
Even after a year of fruitless dating she never gave up. 2 years after her divorce the woman who dared t dream of a new love walked into my office and flashed her beautiful engagement ring. I was so moved by her story she was the inspiration for my book The Woman Men Adore.
2. Persistence:
Years ago I borrowed money from a friend to invest in a real estate deal. He unexpectedly needed the money back sooner than we agreed. I had 3 days to come up with $15,000.
For 3 days the only question I allowed myself to ask was, “How can I get John his money back?” On the 3rd day, after calling everyone I knew to borrow money, an idea popped into my mind to go to my bank. I was just 25 years old, fresh out of graduate school, and didn’t think I’d qualify for a loan but I had nothing to lose. The bank manager told me that I could get an increase on my credit cards because my credit was good. I received the funds I needed.
3. Leading with empathy:
I have a learning disability and found a college that had a tutoring program. On Friday, I took a test for my history class. I didn’t attend my tutoring session later in the day because there wasn’t anything to be tutored on after the test.
On Monday, Mrs. Chandler, the head of the tutoring program, sent for me. I listened as she was firm and angry with another student in the program who had not been attending his required tutoring sessions.
I walked in, expecting the same treatment, and prepared to defend myself. Instead, she softly asked me, “Bobby, did you not make your Friday tutoring session?”
“No,” I replied. “I had a test and didn’t think there was anything to study. I just assumed I didn’t need to go.”
To my surprise, she simply said, “I understand. The tutors count on you showing up to get paid. Let’s don’t skip any more sessions, ok?”
I’ve never forgotten her response. She listened to my reason and understood my intentions and I’ve never felt so understood in my life. To this day I’ve always remembered how I felt understood when it would have been easy for her to simply scold me.
Being able to relate to someone who’s had a similar experience is easy. You remember how it felt when you were treated the same way. Real empathy is when you consciously choose to put yourself in someone else’s shoes when you can’t relate. That’s why empathy isn’t easy, nor is it a natural quality. Empathy is a character trait that someone chooses for themselves.
Can you recall a moment when embracing your awkwardness led to a meaningful personal or professional breakthrough? What shifted for you in that experience?
I remember in graduate school reading The Courage to Be Imperfect by Alfred Adler. It fascinated me. I began to reflect on how I had learned to have a quick response whenever something embarrassing happened to me. One of my friend’s father told me I was like Teflon — nothing stuck to me.
The problem was I didn’t let anyone get close either.
One evening I was playing pool with friends and I lined up my shot with everyone watching. I slowly took the pool stick back and fired it away at the cue ball. I mishit it so badly that everyone burst out laughing.
Without even thinking, I found myself laughing too. It was the first time I remembered my emotional wall not coming up instantly. I suddenly realized that who I was didn’t change based on whether something awkward happened to me.
I found allowing myself to feel uncomfortable actually allowed me to relax emotionally. In my coaching practice, this enabled me to fully listen to clients, even when they were angry or sad. Clients started to work with me longer and began opening up more in our sessions. Because I wasn’t afraid of their uncomfortable emotions, they began to experience the freedom to be themselves, even when it felt uncomfortable.
Many people feel pressure to ‘fit in’ socially. What advice do you have for someone struggling to be their authentic self in a world that often rewards conformity?
Find people who “get” you. That can be parents or friends. It’s certainly hard when you don’t fit in. Let’s also take a look at “WHY” you’re not fitting in. Is it because of something you’re avoiding, like taking responsibility for your actions? If so, that’s address that.
Is it perhaps you’re more creative and committed to growth, while others around you seem to be stuck in the same old behaviors? It’s important to realize that fitting in is not necessarily the right path to take if it means stunting your personal development.
Jim Rohn says “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with”. It’s important that you are intentional about cultivating your inner circle. Spend time with the kind of people who live the kind of life you aspire to.
How do you think embracing your quirks and imperfections can enhance connections with others, especially in professional or high-pressure settings?
People who work in leadership positions often feel the pressure to wear a “professional mask” and are afraid to let their true personality show. Living this kind of “double life” and only following your intuition in your free time creates a chasm that can make it difficult to get promotions and even to connect with others authentically.
Sometimes we feel like we need to wear this mask because we want to keep boundaries with co-workers, not allow them too close, and especially not get involved in an office romance.
The issue is, if we don’t allow ourselves to behave authentically, it makes it much more difficult to attract the right romantic partner even when we think we’ve let our guard down outside of the office.
Being authentic means accepting ourselves as we are, even the parts that we’d like to change. Certainly, let’s work on improving ourselves, but we want to connect with others who “get” us, not try and become what is appealing to everyone.
What role does vulnerability play in transforming awkwardness into a superpower? Can you share a time when showing vulnerability opened doors or strengthened relationships?
In college, my dormmates came up with a dare. Everyone on our floor had to ask out a girl they were dying to go out with. The catch — you couldn’t know her. The other catch, once you said you were going on our group date you had to go, no matter how many girls you had to ask.
3 days later there she was, walking straight toward me on the campus sidewalk. I was totally unprepared as she passed by me and all I could think of was to say her name, “Tiffany.” She said “hi” and kept her head down.
I stopped and called to her a little louder, “Tiffany,” and she turned around. That’s when it hit me. I began with my name and some mention of our dorm doing a group date and then my speech became slurred. It felt like an out-of-body experience as I just kept mumbling, not really knowing if I was making any sense or not.
When I was done, she smiled at me and said, “Sure, that sounds fun.”
That day I realized I could feel awkward and pursue what I wanted at the same time. As a rule of thumb, I remind myself if I never feel awkward or nervous in pursuing something, I’m probably not taking a risk in going for what I really want. I’m instead settling for what I already have.
What are “5 Ways To Embrace Your True Self”?
- Feed your soul
Feeding your soul is essential to embracing your true self. It’s about engaging in activities that uniquely make you feel a joyful connection with yourself. Whether it’s painting a canvas with vibrant colors, playing soul-stirring melodies on the piano, or simply taking a serene walk at sunset. Every week carve out time to do something that makes you feel alive, as Julia Cameron describes in The Artist Way.
For me, playing golf is a nostalgic journey that reconnects me with cherished memories of my father. Each swing brings back the scent of fresh grass under the summer sun. Every time I step onto a course the sounds of birds and gusts of wind refresh me fresh my creative juices for the coming week.
2. Live In The Moment
Living in the moment isn’t just a trendy mantra; it’s a practice that roots you firmly in the reality of the now. Most anxiety is caused by thinking about the future. What will happen if… How will I feel when…
Part of embracing our true selves is accepting where we are currently. It helps sweep away the clouds of comparison and doubt. When you fully immerse yourself in the present, you’re not worried about that meeting next week or what someone said yesterday. You’re here, now, breathing and living. We can’t control what pops into our minds, but we can control how long we dwell on those thoughts.
One of my clients started actively practicing mindfulness in her daily routine and noticed a significant decrease in her stress levels. She also noticed an increase in contentment with her life as it is, not as she thinks it should be.
3. Be Kind to Others and Yourself
Kindness isn’t just about making others feel good; it’s also a reflection of how we see ourselves. When my client, Jennifer shared with me how hard it had been to control her weight, I noticed how harshly she described her efforts.
“I’m so lazy when it comes to my diet. No guy is going to want to date me unless I lose 15 pounds.” This went on for about 15 minutes until I ask her, “Do you talk that way to your friends?”
She paused and replied, “No, I’d never say that to a friend; it would be mean.” I paused and let her words sink in before stating the obvious, “So you treat yourself with contempt but give your friends grace?” Over the next few weeks she began to consciously choose to give the same kindness to herself that she did others.
Within a month, first dates led to more invitations to second dates. Soon after, she was in a committed relationship.
4. Spend Time with People Who Love the Real You
Surrounding yourself with people who appreciate and love you for who you truly are can be incredibly affirming. These relationships build a mirror of truth around you, reflecting your innermost self back through smiles, acceptance, and support. My friend Anna, who always felt a bit out of place in high-powered social settings, found her tribe in a book club. Here, she could share her passion for literature and ideas without judgment, enhancing her self-acceptance and authenticity.
5. Try New Things
Stepping outside your comfort zone can be exhilarating and incredibly revealing. One aspect of discovering your true self is that it is constantly changing. Your likes, desires, and talents have been growing since you were a child.
Without growth, you will be the same person year after year. As appealing as not having to take risks sounds, this approach leads to a life of regret. Jane got married, stayed home with the kids and achieved her lifetime dream — becoming a mom. After a few years she found that her routine became a little boring, and predictable. She still loved being a mom and the freedom she enjoyed having a husband provide for her, but something was missing.
When she shared this with her husband, he immediately understood and suggested she begin writing out ideas of anything that might sound appealing. Anything new, or different that crossed her mind. One week later Jane found herself doing volunteer work with a sense of purpose that had been rekindled.
Do you believe that celebrating awkwardness can inspire innovation and creativity? How has staying true to yourself influenced your approach to problem-solving or leadership?
Awkwardness means we are doing something new. When we feel comfortable, we’re staying within our comfort zone, not stretching out beyond what’s familiar. Feeling awkward doesn’t mean you are abandoning who you are, it means you are expanding your abilities.
Growing up, I noticed that my perspective was different than most kids my age. There wasn’t Internet so I had to wait for Sundays to watch football. I created a fantasy football league with crayons, weekly scores, and states.
I learned that even if there wasn’t a known solution, I could create one if I just stuck with it. I did the same thing when it came to writing my first book, The Woman Men Adore. I’ve always struggled with grammar and editing so writing a book the traditional way would have been daunting.
One day it dawned on me. I could simply dictate my book and have someone transcribe it. Then edit the transcription until it becomes a book. I used this method to write 7 books and sell over 100,000 copies. People care about the message, and it’s our responsibility to do what we can to share our insights with those we have the opportunity to help.
How can our readers further follow your work?
Learn more on www.relationshipheadquarters.com and
follow me on Instagram www.instagram.com/relationship_headquarters
or on Facebook facebook.com/groups/womenmenadoregroup
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
About The Interviewer: Dr. Bharat Sangani is a cardiologist and entrepreneur with over 35 years of experience, practicing in Gulfport, Mississippi, and Dallas, Texas. Board-certified in Internal Medicine and Cardiology, he specializes in diagnosing, treating, and preventing cardiovascular diseases, including heart disease and hypertension. In 1999, Dr. Sangani founded Encore Enterprises, a national real estate investment firm. Under his leadership, the company has executed transactions exceeding $2 billion, with a portfolio spanning residential, retail, hotel, and office developments. Known for his emphasis on integrity and fairness, Dr. Sangani has built Encore into a major player in the commercial real estate sector. Blending his medical and business expertise, Dr. Sangani created the Life is a Business mentorship program. The initiative offers guidance on achieving balance in health, wealth, and relationships, helping participants align personal and professional goals. Now based in Dallas, Texas, Dr. Sangani continues to practice cardiology while leading Encore Enterprises and mentoring others. His career reflects a unique blend of medical expertise, entrepreneurial spirit, and dedication to helping others thrive.
Awkward and Proud: Bob Grant Of RelationshipHeadquarters On How Embracing Your True Self Can Be… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.