Happiness and Joy During Turbulent Times: Peter Andersen On How To Live With Joie De Vivre, Even When It Feels Like The Whole World Is Pulling You Down
The first would be to find your “thing,” whatever it is. My Dad taught me that if you have something you love to do, and that you’re good at, and that somehow makes a contribution to society, then you’ve hit the jackpot and you can probably devote your life to doing that. I was very lucky to know from a young age that my thing was writing.
It sometimes feels like it is so hard to avoid feeling down or depressed these days. Between the sad news coming from world headlines, the impact of the ongoing pandemic, and the constant negative messages popping up on social and traditional media, it sometimes feels like the entire world is pulling you down. What do you do to feel happiness and joy during these troubled and turbulent times? In this interview series called “Finding Happiness and Joy During Turbulent Times” we are talking to experts, authors, and mental health professionals who share lessons from their research or experience about “How To Find Happiness and Joy During Troubled & Turbulent Times”.
As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Peter Andersen.
Peter is a retired journalist and author who spent 30 years at Microsoft. His latest book is Damn Good Things — Small Moments That Make A Big Difference. He’s also the founder of Andersen Life Stories, a Seattle-based company that helps people record their life stories in video, audio, and print.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
My greatest achievement was choosing good parents. They were terrific 1970’s parents — giving my brother and sister and me lots of opportunities but not spoiling us, encouraging us to follow our ambitions without smothering us, and maybe most of all giving us the freedom to live our lives while still knowing they were there for us. We had a relaxed and happy home, something I didn’t really appreciate until I got a little older.
What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.
Well, in addition to my parents, I was lucky to have some very artistic friends and teachers. I’ve always been a writer, and along the way certain people really noticed that and encouraged me, which was huge. It’s funny, but one name that stands out is Ray Bradbury. My 5th grade teacher, Mr. Hovis (whom I reconnected with later in life and was a dear friend) had us all read The Martian Chronicles. It totally blew my mind. Up to then I’d been reading Mr. Popper’s Penguins and Encyclopedia Brown (which everyone should read, by the way!) and nothing prepared me for the imaginative world of Ray Bradbury. Reading his short stories showed me how unlimited a writer’s world can be, and how an author can transmit their passion to an audience through their work. Ray Bradbury was kind of a literary Jimi Hendrix for me — I get excited just thinking about his work.
None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?
I had a great friend up the street named Brien. In addition to being hilarious and fun, Brien was famous on our block for owning EVERY Beatles record, something we all admired and envied. His mother, Lynn Martin, was very intellectual. She’d been a journalist and had lived in Paris working on the International Herald-Tribune, which is still regarded as the gold standard of journalism. She took an interest in my writing, and asked to read a lot of my work. I was maybe in 9th grade at the time. She encouraged me, but not in a rah-rah sort of way. What she really did was to take my writing seriously, and to talk to me like I was an adult, like I was already a writer. That was huge for me, and I still feel that bond. Brien and I are still friends, and even though we have families and live on opposite sides of the country, we still talk frequently, and we still listen to the Beatles.
Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?
I was the editor of a neighborhood newspaper in my 20’s, and in one issue I wrote a front page headline saying a local leader was a “roll model” (r-o-l-l instead of r-o-l-e). It was my Dad who politely pointed out the error and I’m still embarrassed about it. The great lesson was that I’ll always have mental blocks here and there — I still have words I always need to look up — and that sometimes being a great big newspaper editor just means your great big mistakes are seen by a great big audience. Never ignore the details!
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?
So far I’ve been amazed at the really positive reponse I’ve gotten on my book Damn Good Things. I mean, I like the book, and I’ve been around long enough to know it’s not a dreadful book, but people are getting more excited than I’d expected. I see these funny little things during the day that I find kind of interesting, and I thought everybody else saw those things, too. Turns out they don’t, and some people have really enjoyed learning about them, and learning how to see them. A “Damn Good Thing,” by the way, is my name for a moment or an experience where you feel fully alive. We see them all the time, but our survival-oriented brains don’t allow us to remember them. After reading the stories in the book, people tell me they’ve started seeing Damn Good Thing in their own daily life, too, which is awesome.
Another thing I’m really excited about is helping people record their life stories and preserve them for their families. I’ve recently started a business doing this locally. I’ve done it as a hobby for years with friends and relatives and people really love it. I’ve been interviewing a friend recently to help him write a memoir, and he gets SO excited when we talk! After our first few sessions he told me he was remembering things that had been forgotten for decades, really meaningful things. He and I sit across a table and talk, and it’s a normal conversation, but I can see doors opening in his mind and then I hear these stories and impressions come out and it’s just incredible. Before we started, I made a list of questions I wanted to ask him. We’ve had half a dozen sessions now and I haven’t looked at my list once.
Perhaps even more important than hearing and preserving life stories is celebrating them. Every human being lives a remarkable life — every human being. And while some of those lives live on in memories, pictures, letters, and things, those all go away too, and even they don’t tell the whole story. So many people leave this world and take their precious, unique, remarkable story with them.
My goal is to have conversations with people, listen to their stories, record them, and also be that edge-of-the-seat audience that every one of us deserves to have. They say there’s an epidemic of loneliness, especially among our senior citizens. Everyone deserves to tell their life story to an attentive and compassionate audience, and that’s what I try to do.
I’m constantly reminded of how everyone has a story to tell. I was walking my dogs the other day, and a woman was out in front of her house washing her car. It was one of those big old Buicks from the 1980’s and it was just beautiful. I made a friendly comment as I walked by, not even slowing down, but before the dogs and I could get past, she said excitedly, “This was my Grandpa’s car — he kept it in perfect shape and always drove it to go golfing in.” And we just stood and chatted for a few minutes about her Grandpa and his car. It obviously meant so much to her, from admiring her Grandpa’s car care when she was a little girl, to now being the adult steward of the car herself.
It’s amazing what people will tell you if they know you’re listening.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Gosh, calling it success kind of puts me on the spot — I’d say the jury’s still out on that one! But there are some things that have helped.
First, whenever I meet someone I’m immediately curious about what I can learn from them. We all have so many life experiences and we learn so much along the way. I see each new person as a source of cool things that they’ve learned and I haven’t.
Second is what a great old manager of mine called “oiling the machine.” Be civil to everyone, even difficult people. You don’t have to love them (although you can try), but do remember that you’re in a finite work environment. You’re going to see the same people again and again. Don’t burn your bridges. Oiling the machine takes a little work, but it’s worth it.
Third, I try to look at the people around me as experts. Maybe it’s because I’m a youngest child, but I’ve never felt comfortable just telling people what to do, whether it’s in management or other types of leadership. People tend to know what they’re good at, and I find it more useful to respect that and concentrate on setting goals and removing obstacles.
For the benefit of our readers, can you briefly let us know why you are an authority about the topic of finding joy?
The only thing I can say is that I was born this way.
As a kid I walked seven blocks to school, and almost never got there on time because there was so much to see in those seven blocks! The school had to call my Mom and ask, “Mrs. Andersen, has Peter left home yet?” And I left the house in plenty of time to walk seven blocks before the bell rang, but I dawdled and explored and found wonderful things.
So the Seattle Public School system wasn’t too enamored with my dawdling, but I learned later in life it’s been one of the keys to my happiness, to my work, and even to my identity. And I like to think my Mom knew that. Back in those days, in that neighborhood, kids could walk safely to school so that wasn’t a real issue.
Slowing down, noticing the little things we’re not required to notice, being mindful of the world around us — it’s possible to find a lot of joy in doing these things.
Ok, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the main focus of our interview about finding joy. Even before the pandemic hit, the United States was ranked at #19 in the World Happiness Report. Can you share a few reasons why you think the ranking is so low, despite all of the privileges and opportunities that we have in the US?
It might have something to do with all those privileges and opporunities themselves! I think it’s easy to have too much stuff, too much activity, too much noise, to allow us to be happy.
I washed windows one summer, and I remember being in this incredibly opulent apartment, with gorgeous furnitue and artworks, right out of a magazine. And I was in this one room and the owner of the place burst in one door, hurried through the room making angry grumbling sounds, and burst out the other door. Now we all have bad days, and I don’t know what he was going through. But I remember standing there with my squeegie and my towel, thinking “If I’m ever lucky enough to be surrounded by all the beauty this guy has, I will NOT just walk past it in a huff!”
What are the main myths or misconceptions you’d like to dispel about finding joy and happiness? Can you please share some stories or examples?
It’s been my experience that looking for happiness doesn’t really work, because happiness is the result of something else, so THAT’S the thing to look for. When I look back at different stages of my life, it’s clear that my happiest times all share certain qualities — doing work I was passionate about, being with people I love and admire, being challenged, those kinds of things. Those aren’t happiness, but for me they sort of generate happiness. So that’s what I look for.
In a related, but slightly different question, what are the main mistakes you have seen people make when they try to find happiness? Can you please share some stories or examples?
I think the biggest mistake is doing too much; trying too hard. When our daughters were little, we went to a lot of birthday parties. I mean a lot! I watched a lot of kids, and I learned something — what most kids really want on their birthday is to have fun with their friends, with some sort of reminder that they’re special. No more, no less. There’s a sweet spot. The room-sized teddy bear or the real pony probably won’t make them happy. Time and again I’m reminded that much of what we need is right in front of us.
Can you please share with our readers your “5 things you need to live with more Joie De Vivre, more joy and happiness in life, particularly during turbulent times?”
1. The first would be to find your “thing,” whatever it is. My Dad taught me that if you have something you love to do, and that you’re good at, and that somehow makes a contribution to society, then you’ve hit the jackpot and you can probably devote your life to doing that. I was very lucky to know from a young age that my thing was writing.
2. The second thing is to go for it. Robin Williams said something amazing in an interview once. He said when he was young, he thought tapping into his talent was the name of the game, and that once you’ve done that you can relax. Then he learned that no, that’s when the real work begins! And coming from a guy with his genius, that’s pretty amazing. But it’s true — he was always pushing his limits, always getting better at what he did. So once you find your thing, buckle up because the ride has just begun. And that’s how it should be!
3. Third — and this is the hardest one for me — is to get out of your comfort zone. I decided early on in life that I’d never make a comfortable living being a writer, so I found another career instead, and wrote on the side. That worked well, but maybe too well, because it meant I could write all I wanted and without putting my work out there to face the readers and the critics. I wrote for myself, so of course everything I wrote was brilliant, ha ha! It took years to reach the point where I could put my work out there, and I’m so glad I’ve done it now.
4. Fourth is to learn how to deal with negative people and negative things. It’s hard. One thing that helps is knowing that their negativity probably has more to do with themselves than it does with you. This is really hard though, so if you figure out how to do it well, please let me know!
5. And fifth is to go easy on yourself! The comedian Tom Papa has a Netflix special called, “You’re Doing Great.” He basically reminds his audience that the world puts too much pressure on us to be perfect, and we go along with it, and it makes us miserable. He encourages us to look at our lives, however quirky or unexpected they may be, and embrace them as our own because THAT’S what’s perfect. It’s very heartwarming and reassuring and also really funny.
What can concerned friends, colleagues, and life partners do to effectively help support someone they care about who is feeling down or depressed?
Listen. Be there. I think there’s a Winnie the Pooh story where one of the characters is sad and wants to be alone, and another one, maybe Piglet, says that’s okay, I’ll just sit here and we can be alone together. Don’t be afraid to be there for people, be real, be yourself. Don’t try to fix them, or cheer them up. Just let them know you’re there and see where that take things.
Ok, we are nearly done. You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
I would love it if everyone reading this would commit to sitting down with a family member sometime over the next year — preferably an older one, maybe a parent or grandparent — and then asking them questions about their lives. Think of questions ahead of time. Listen to what they say, and ask follow-up questions too. If you do that for one hour, it could change your life and theirs too. Or come back and do it again a week later. Do it until they ask you to stop! Chances are nobody’s taken the time to ask them about these things, and it will mean a lot when you do it. Granted, some people don’t like this, so don’t force it. But I’ve done a lot of this, and it’s my experience that people are so excited once they get into it. People tend to talk about what they love, and when we all share what we love with each other, we change the world.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we both tag them 😊
I’l be real original and say Oprah! When it comes to generating massive appeal that’s still highly personal and completely genuine, no one in this period of history does it better than Oprah Winfrey. I’d love to discuss my book Damn Good Things with her, and also talk with her about the benefits of listening to and recording the life stories of our elders. Getting a nod from her could really get these ideas out there, and that could make the world a better place.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
My website is https://peterandersen-author.com. Check it out!
Thank you for these really excellent insights, and we greatly appreciate the time you spent with this. We wish you continued success and good health!
Thank you, and all the best to you as well!
Happiness and Joy During Turbulent Times: Peter Andersen On How To Live With Joie De Vivre, Even… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.