Discovering Your Life’s Purpose: Mark Federman Of Reengagement Realized On How to Align Your Goals with Your True Self
An interview with Dr. Bharat Sangani
Do more of what you love and less of what you don’t. When you are able to enact your intentions from a place of joy and gratitude, your True Self is likely to show up more often than not. Because you are living your life with awareness and intention, you can live it more fully, bringing your True Self and your Best Self to your endeavors. In my own case, there are many aspects of being a professor that I certainly do not love. In discovering my intention, understanding my why, and making deliberate choices about how to create the effects I intend throughout my world, I have been able to do more of what I love about serving my students as their professor, more of what I love about serving my clients as their coach, and less of what I don’t — marking papers and exams notwithstanding!
Finding and living in alignment with your true purpose can be a transformative journey. Yet, many struggle with identifying their life’s purpose and aligning their goals with it. In this series, we aim to explore how individuals discover their purpose and create a life that reflects their authentic selves, leading to greater fulfillment and success. As a part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Mark Federman.
Dr. Mark Federman creates great environments of engagement that help people achieve their intentions beyond what they may have previously thought possible. He has a successful private coaching practice working individually with mid-to-late career professionals, and facilitating healthy organizational teams experiencing transition or transformation. Dr. Federman is an adjunct professor teaching Qualitative Research in Psychology, and Business Communication and Team Dynamics in a major business school in the Greater Toronto (Canada) Area. He earned his Ph.D. at University of Toronto at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education with research in Organization Theory and Contemporary Leadership. He is also a West Coast Swing dancer, and met his wife salsa dancing.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’ and how you got started?
Thanks for asking about my backstory — it comprises my own journey of discovering my True Self and figuring out how to align my life accordingly. I was in the IT [Information Technology] industry long before it was called that. I had a traditional corporate career out of university working, and later managing, in a mainframe data center. I then assumed a sales role for that same company. I subsequently moved to one of the three, dominant mainframe companies at the time, in sales, finally ending up running an applied research and development business unit for that company. Then, one month before my 40th birthday, I had a heart attack. As I lay in the hospital bed with wires and tubes and monitors galore, I realized that I couldn’t bring myself to return to a traditional corporate role. I didn’t know what I would do; I just knew it would not be that again.
This became a personal crisis for me. What I realized during this time was that, had I not survived the heart attack, the effect in the world would have been the same as what happens when you take your finger out of a bucket of water: Nothing happens to the bucket of water. No hole. No gap. No effect. Your finger is wet and cold, of course, but beside that, nothing. I realized that throughout what appeared to be a successful professional career, I had made no lasting, sustainable contribution or effect on anyone or anything. Although I didn’t know how I would accomplish it, I resolved that the next time I was face-to-face with my mortality, the same would not be true.
I professionally wandering around for several years, doing some consulting, working with a couple of startups — nothing really consequential — and trying to figure out what I would be if I grew up. I connected with some people who were involved in the work of the late Marshall McLuhan — he of “the medium is the message” and “the Global Village” fame. I came to understand that in his 1964 book, Understanding Media, McLuhan had predicted the effects of what thirty years later became known as the Internet. I became fascinated with the question of how he could have predicted these effects with such accuracy. I set out to discover the method behind his thinking, which led to my 2003 book (with Derrick de Kerckhove), McLuhan for Managers: New tools for new thinking.
I spent several years working with Derrick at the McLuhan Program in Culture and Technology at the University of Toronto. With his encouragement, I took up a question of how we understand the roles we play throughout our lives (and especially in workplaces) according to the effects we create. This led to my master’s work at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education at University of Toronto, followed by my PhD in the same department proposing a new theory of organization with implications for management and leadership for the 21st century.
None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person that you are grateful for, who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?
There are three people who are key to the success I’ve enjoyed, and more importantly, to the way I am able to understand the world and human relationships in it. The first is Derrick de Kerckhove, who provided me an opportunity at the McLuhan Program to pursue this study of effects beyond what he or Marshall McLuhan had done. Early in our friendship, Derrick pooh-poohed some of the ideas of McLuhan’s so-called Laws of Media that enable you to understand effects that may be hidden, yet have enormous influence on social dynamics. I pointed out to him how the Laws could enable a person (in McLuhan’s words) “to predict the future by anticipating the present” and gave him a few examples. At the end of that lunch, we had an agreement to co-author McLuhan for Managers, and I had an invitation to teach at the McLuhan Program.
The second person is my master’s and doctoral supervisor — and friend — Marilyn Laiken. She supported my admission to OISE and later, direct admission to the PhD program despite the fact that I hadn’t yet completed my master’s thesis. Marilyn trusted some of my crazy ideas about questioning the very nature of contemporary organization. These questions gave rise to new insights about the relationships and effects that we all experience in our workplaces and other places and spaces throughout our lives.
The third person was the late Bonnie Burstow, who taught me the art and science of qualitative research (which I now teach to psychology students). Bonnie inspired me to observe the world through lenses of analysis I hadn’t even realize existed. She embodied the view of Greek author, Níkos Kazantzákis (Zorba the Greek, The Last Temptation of Christ, among many others): “Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.” Her eyes were always sharp, critically focused, and above all, humanistic and empathetic, especially toward those who are among marginalized populations.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Such a valuable question! I like to think in terms of character strengths rather than traits per se. Drawing from the principles of Positive Psychology, by character strengths, I specifically mean how one’s values manifest in action.
For me, the first is Inventiveness and Creativity. In my work with clients and students, I’m presented with all sorts of challenges from their real lives. As their coach, I can’t simply tell them what I would do in their situation and send them on their way. I’m fortunate to have a large collection of ideas in organization and leadership theory, management practices, human psychology, team dynamics, and other disciplines from which to draw. During a conversation with a client, I’m able to invent a new approach or technique in real time that is uniquely suited to their situation. They can then try it out and learn from that experience how to overcome their challenges.
The second strength is the combination of Deep Listening and Powerful Questioning. Many times, especially early in a new coaching engagement, clients have a lot to tell me, including many disparate stories that seem incredibly important for them to tell me. Being able to hear them, authentically acknowledge what they are actually telling me through their stories, and coming up with one or two incisive questions is extremely powerful. Deep Listening and Powerful Questioning enable them to realize the breakthrough insights that are the thread running through and connecting all of their stories. To them, it seems almost magical. The foggy mirror through which they observe their life suddenly becomes perfectly clear.
The third is the Power of Gratitude and Deep Appreciation. It is a privilege to be invited into another person’s life and to walk with them on their life’s path for a while. I strive to help that person achieve what they never thought possible. Being truly grateful for everything that has enabled me to earn that privilege keeps me grounded and connected to my humanity in all that I do with my clients, my students, and others in the world.
Ok, fantastic. Let’s now turn to the crux of our interview. Was there a defining moment or experience in your life when you felt a clear sense of your purpose? How did it influence the goals you set from that point forward?
Actually, I’m not a big fan of the idea of one’s life’s “purpose,” and I’m not a big fan of setting specific goals. For many people, these concepts become unhelpful rather quickly. Let’s face it — the world is too complex, volatile, uncertain, and ambiguous for any specific purpose or goal to sustain for long enough to guide one’s life. Instead, in my work with clients and students, I prefer to think about helping them discover their life’s intention — the effects they want to bring about in their world through living the life they choose to live. In my life, the turning point was the vivid realization I had after my heart attack: the wet finger taken out of the bucket metaphor. I resolved that my survival was an invitation to live so that I would matter to other people for the rest of my life. The question was, of course, how to accomplish this? I can remember the moment I realized at least the attributes of my life’s path. I was sitting in downtown Toronto on a bench in David Picot Square describing that bucket metaphor to a friend. It was at that moment when I realized that anything I would do from then on would be either interesting, important to me and others, or simply fun, and preferably all three. Those three attributes — interesting, important, and fun — characterized what would become the trajectory of my life’s intention in service of enabling others to achieve what they never thought possible.
What practical steps can someone take to begin uncovering their life’s purpose if they feel lost or unsure about their direction?
Another really great question and I’m so glad you asked it because that is the theme of my forthcoming book, The Reinvention Project. There are two early exercises from the book that might be useful to share to help people on their way towards realizing their life’s intention. The first is called the Eulogy CV. It’s an idea first introduced by David Brooks in his fascinating book, The Road to Character. We’re all familiar with a professional CV listing our roles, responsibilities, and accomplishments throughout a career. Yet, at one’s funeral, the person delivering the eulogy would likely not talk about bringing in projects on time and on budget, or exceeding sales quotas, or managing three departments with however many headcounts. Instead, a person delivering the eulogy would focus on the sustaining effects of the person, how they mattered to others, the influence they had, whose lives they touched, and how. Your Eulogy CV is the document you would hand to the person who will deliver your eulogy at your funeral. It reflects the sustained effects that you want to create among others in your world. In other words, it describes how you changed the world simply because you were here and you lived into your intention. When you think deeply about what you would want to describe in your Eulogy CV, you begin to conceive of your life’s intention.
The second exercise answers the quintessential cocktail party question, “what do you do?” Instead of responding with an ambiguous and often amorphous job title, think specifically about what you accomplish in service of the job title, and what the effects of those accomplishments might be. In other words, what happens (or doesn’t happen) because you accomplish those things? Then ask yourself, “who cares about those effects, and why?” Finally, check in with yourself on how you feel about those effects and how you feel about who else might care about them. When you discover effects that energize and motivate you, effects that bring about a sense of wellbeing and excitement, you’re probably onto the path towards your life’s intention.
How do you differentiate between external pressures — like societal expectations — and the inner calling that aligns with your true self?
That’s an important question and speaks to the issue of showing up as your True Self. If we are able to understand and appreciate who we are in the world and what effects we intend to create among our various relationships, it becomes easier to show up in any situation as our True Self. Other’s societal expectations become less problematic and less pressing when we know who we are, what we are, and most importantly, why we are.
Can you share an example of a time when you adjusted or abandoned a goal because it no longer aligned with your deeper sense of purpose? What did you learn from that experience?
When I returned to graduate school at midlife, I ultimately wanted to become a tenure-track, and later tenured, professor. After nearly 70 job applications to various universities across North America and an equal number of rejections, I began to ask myself, what is important to me about becoming a full-time professor? The answer that I discovered (not surprisingly) had to do with understanding the effects I wanted to create — in other words, my intention — through the vehicle of tenured professor. I then asked a follow-up question: Can I create the same effects through other means? The answer was yes. I abandoned the goal of tenured professor and pursued my intention to create the life and effects I wanted to live. Funnily enough, in pursuit of my intention, I discovered opportunities to teach as an adjunct professor, enabling me to do more of what I love — in this case, teaching and advising students — and less of what I don’t in the role of professor.
What advice would you give to people trying to pursue their purpose while managing the demands of day-to-day life, such as work, family, and other responsibilities?
Live true to your intention and be mindful of the effects that you create among work colleagues, family members, friends, and others in the world. If you are creating and enabling effects consistent with your intention, do more of that. If you are unable to connect day-to-day life demands with effects that serve your intention, you might want to reconsider what you are doing, or at least how you are doing them.
What are “5 Ways to Align Your Goals with Your True Self”?
- The first step in this process of aligning what you achieve in life with your True Self is to discover your life’s intention. You want to connect what you do with the way you intend to change your corner of the world — the effects that you will enable and create. This is especially true with respect to your interactions with others. This connection is a process that unfolds over time. There was a young woman I coached years ago whose job was to edit government documents that would later become printed brochures and pamphlets to be distributed through various agencies. She went to work each day completely unmotivated. When we were able to discover the larger effects that her editing had on the individuals who ultimately were going to read those brochures and pamphlets, her enthusiasm, motivation, and sense of purpose skyrocketed. So, the first step is to connect what you do with the effects you would love to create.
- Next, understand what’s important to you about each aspect of your intention — the specific effects that we’ve been talking about. Some people describe this as “finding your why.” Once you’ve established your intention and what’s important to you about those effects, you’ll likely realize that you have opened up a larger realm of possibilities. That is, you now have found more possible paths to achieve the important aspects of your intention than the one or two specific goals you may have previously identified. Let me tell you a story about that. I used to do some work with the leaders of an advocacy group who, one year, set specific goals to engage more youth in their programs. We talked through what was important about these goals relative to the communities they served. At the end of the year, they were dismayed to realize that they had achieved not a single one of those goals. Yet, the active involvement of youth as demonstrated in the sheer number that showed up to their annual meeting was off the charts! They had more young members than ever before. The original goals turned out not to have had the effect they thought they would, nor truly served the “why” underlying their intention. Instead, by “finding their why” — focusing on what’s important about the goals rather than the goals themselves — they opened a new realm of possibilities. They now had many more paths through which they could achieve their true intention. So, the second step is to fully explore and understand what’s truly important to you about your intention; in other words, find your why.
- In deciding what to do in any given situation, you have choices. An abundance of choices often makes a decision challenging, especially if you want to be true to your True Self. For any decision to be made, ask yourself how well this choice or that choice serves your intention for your life. Choose the one that best serves your intention. Should it happen that an otherwise appealing choice does not exactly serve your intention, you might want to think twice or three times about whether or not to make that choice. It could turn out that you choose the decision that does not best serve your intention. That’s okay too and in either case, you will have made the choice with full awareness and intention rather than simply stumbling or sleep-walking into a decision. The third step, then, is make decisions primarily according to how well they serve your intention, and in any case, with awareness.
- Several times a week, reflect on what has gone well in your life and why. Specifically, dig down into understanding what enabled those things to go well. Over time, you’ll start to recognize patterns of behaviors, choices, and circumstances that seem to bring good outcomes that serve your intentions. Do more of those things. Make more of those sorts of choices. Create and enable more of those circumstances. When you do so, you’ll find that things will tend to go well for you far more often than not. And as you become more able to serve your intention with good outcomes, remember to give gratitude each day for the things that are going well in your life. Whether it is something large or something small, whether the rest of the day has been amazing or it’s been “one of those days,” always find something to be grateful for, be it for something you are, something you have, or something someone else has done on your behalf. Step four is to understand why things go well for you, and to give gratitude each day, no matter what.
- Finally, do more of what you love and less of what you don’t. When you are able to enact your intentions from a place of joy and gratitude, your True Self is likely to show up more often than not. Because you are living your life with awareness and intention, you can live it more fully, bringing your True Self and your Best Self to your endeavors. In my own case, there are many aspects of being a professor that I certainly do not love. In discovering my intention, understanding my why, and making deliberate choices about how to create the effects I intend throughout my world, I have been able to do more of what I love about serving my students as their professor, more of what I love about serving my clients as their coach, and less of what I don’t — marking papers and exams notwithstanding!
What advice would you give to people trying to pursue their purpose while managing the demands of day-to-day life, such as work, family, and other responsibilities?
In addition to what I mentioned previously — being mindful of serving your intention through everything you do and giving gratitude daily — always be mindful of what will sustain over the long term that is truly valuable and then make your choices accordingly.
How can our readers further follow your work?
I’m on LinkedIn @drmarkfederman. I post my ideas on TikTok @dr.mark.reinvention. Recently, I switched over to the Bluesky platform @markfederman.bsky.social. And please watch for my upcoming book, hopefully to be out in 2025, The Reinvention Project: Change your story, change your life.
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
About The Interviewer: Dr. Bharat Sangani is a cardiologist and entrepreneur with over 35 years of experience, practicing in Gulfport, Mississippi, and Dallas, Texas. Board-certified in Internal Medicine and Cardiology, he specializes in diagnosing, treating, and preventing cardiovascular diseases, including heart disease and hypertension. In 1999, Dr. Sangani founded Encore Enterprises, a national real estate investment firm. Under his leadership, the company has executed transactions exceeding $2 billion, with a portfolio spanning residential, retail, hotel, and office developments. Known for his emphasis on integrity and fairness, Dr. Sangani has built Encore into a major player in the commercial real estate sector. Blending his medical and business expertise, Dr. Sangani created the Life is a Business mentorship program. The initiative offers guidance on achieving balance in health, wealth, and relationships, helping participants align personal and professional goals. Now based in Dallas, Texas, Dr. Sangani continues to practice cardiology while leading Encore Enterprises and mentoring others. His career reflects a unique blend of medical expertise, entrepreneurial spirit, and dedication to helping others thrive.
Discovering Your Life’s Purpose: Mark Federman Of Reengagement Realized On How to Align Your Goals… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.