Surayya Walters Of iDEIntity On How to Go Beyond Your Comfort Zone To Grow Both Personally and Professionally
Surround yourself with others who are already doing what you want to do.
It feels most comfortable to stick with what we are familiar with. But anyone who has achieved great success will tell you that true growth comes from pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. What are some ways that influential people have pushed themselves out of their comfort zone to grow both personally and professionally? As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Surayya Walters.
Surayya Walters is a social entrepreneur, motivational speaker, life coach, writer, and advocate from New Rochelle, NY. She is the founder of iDEIntity, a nonprofit centered on diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI); and Purposeful Professional Media, a media initiative dedicated to helping people launch purposeful careers and lives. She enjoys listening to music, cooking, dancing, podcasting, and embracing all that life has to offer.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I was born in the Bronx, NY; and raised in New Rochelle, NY; a suburban oasis right outside of New York City. My upbringing was filled with love, faith, family, and adventure. I was raised the middle-child, one year younger than my older sister; and four years older than my younger brother. My parents emigrated to the United States from Jamaica. Growing up, my sister had autism; which made me hyper-aware of neurodiversity and its impact on a family. Between my faith, cultural background, and family life — I gained an early crash course in the importance of a strong work ethic, compassion, loyalty, and authenticity in terms of personality development. Being surrounded by such diversity — in culture, neurodiversity, and more, helped me to understand the importance of diversity and of embracing and celebrating the differences in our lives. This helped me gain a healthy desire to learn, grow, and explore.
As a child, my parents described me as honest and brave. My mother always says that I was unfiltered and refreshing in my speech. I spoke without fear, and often provided a witty remark or insightful observation to the phenomena that surrounded me. I, however, would describe myself as curious and energetic. Even as a child, I loved to talk, dance, play with dolls, and be involved in the thick of things. Maybe it’s the middle child in me, but I grew up right in the middle of everything. It was only natural that I’d develop a curiosity and a willingness to stand in my own voice and my own truth. Furthermore, I was a bossy advocate. I would boss my siblings around; often to their annoyance. If my mom needed anything, she knew she could depend on me, I was her “helper” that she called on to get my siblings together. I loved speaking up, leading, and getting things done. Little did I know these early personality traits would lay the foundation for who I’ve become today.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
My favorite “Life Lesson Quote” is a Japanese proverb that says “fall seven times, stand up eight.” I first encountered that quote during my freshman year of college, when I was struggling with homesickness and adjusting to a new reality. As a big fan of other Japanese concepts like ikigai, I loved the rich meaning behind this quote. The essence of the quote is that we should never give up on the path to manifesting our dreams. If I continuously tell myself to “fall seven times, stand up eight,” I remind myself that quitting and giving up on my dream is not an option. Yes, in life, we fail. I can’t tell you how many times I was denied an opportunity I wanted, or when things became more disappointing than I originally anticipated. Falling, failure, rejection, denial — these are the ugly parts of life that we cannot avoid. I love this proverb because it reminds us that even when we fall, if we are alive to see another day, we have the strength and will to get up. I’m not the type to get a tattoo, but I always said that if I did get one, it would be this quote. I love how it embodies resilience and the power we have inside of us to always push forward. The only failure in life is a failure to continue pushing. We can always commit to standing up again after we fall, and continuing on the path to a fulfilling life, trusting that we will eventually get there if we do not give up.
Is there a particular book, podcast, or film that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
A particular book that has made an outsized impact on me is “More Than Enough” by Elaine Welteroth. Elaine is someone I look up to, she is my role model in my head. I can relate to her story of being young, Black, ambitious, and a trailblazer. She is the very embodiment of what it means to be a courageous yet compassionate leader. I read her book after my freshman year of college, during a very challenging time in my life. It was 2019, so it was before our increased emphasis on diversity and inclusion. I had big aspirations to be a leader and make an impact, but I was unsure of how I’d get there, or if it was even possible for someone who looked like me. I was attending a prestigious university at the time and I didn’t have many role models or visions of success who shared my identity and culture. Furthermore, I had yet to encounter a leader who shared my love for writing and all forms of communication with my love for business and entrepreneurial spirit. I never saw a leader who so closely modeled my own multipotentiality, so I was intrigued.
Reading Elaine’s book helped me to feel “seen” as a young woman in my early college years. She was everything I ever aspired to be — creative, powerful, futuristic, passionate, and generous. Her leadership was characterized by a shift in Teen Vogue’s core magazine programming, moving the magazine from its position as a fashion magnate and into discussing broader social justice and cultural issues. She gave Teen Vogue its access into today’s cultural zeitgeist — helping to raise a generation of women that were just as stylish as they were independent, progressive, and informed. Elaine’s story speaks for many of us; who dream of doing something more, and being more than we presently are. However, the paradox of her journey is that she first had to embrace that she was “More Than Enough” before she attracted the “enough” or the abundance needed to truly have an emotionally and spiritually rich life. Reading Elaine’s book at a crossroads in my adulthood helped to set me on the path that I am today. It helped me to recognize and see the power in my own vision and ideas, the ability to own my voice and opinions, and the importance of speaking on the topics that matter to me. In fact, serendipitously, after reading Elaine’s book; I became a columnist for The Daily Pennsylvanian, Penn’s premier student paper, sharing op-eds on the ideas that challenged myself and others to think about our place in the world and where we fell on hot-button social issues.
Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Let’s start with a basic definition so that all of us are on the same page. What does “getting outside of your comfort zone” mean?
“Getting outside of your comfort zone” means to step out of what is known and venture into the unknown in hopes of reaping a reward on the other side of your risk. In tangible terms, it’s committing to trying things you’ve never done before; in hope that you will gain fulfillment and/or success through your efforts. When I’m in my comfort zone, I am doing what’s comfortable for me. I’m doing what’s simple, predictable, and makes sense. Oftentimes, my comfort zone is what others have learned to expect from me. My comfort zone is the default. When I step outside of that, I am not in default mode. I’m no longer cruising through life on autopilot. I’m taking the time to apply for opportunities that I might not be fully qualified for, I’m taking risks to forge new connections and partnerships, or I’m even laying the foundation for the pursuit of a new idea or venture. Being outside of your comfort zone is often awkward and can even be scary. You get questions and stares from people who don’t understand or even comments from those who will remind you that ‘this is not typical of you.” Of course, it isn’t typical of me because it’s comfortable. Growth is the opposite of what’s expected and routine. Growth is the opposite of comfort.
Can you help articulate a few reasons why it is important to get out of your comfort zone?
Your comfort zone is not the level that you are meant to live at. Everyday, we are here to grow, change, and evolve. One of my favorite quotes is that “the only constant is change.” By staying within our comfort zone, we operate under our full capacity and fail to achieve our fullest potential. There are many reasons why it is important to leave your comfort zone. First and foremost, your comfort zone isn’t a place of growth. Recently, I heard someone say that “if you surround yourself with people who think exactly like you do, you aren’t in the right rooms yet.” That quote embodies the importance of surrounding yourself with people who are not like you, because that is where growth lies. Second, your comfort zone is often your boredom zone. When we get comfortable, one of two things usually happens: we rest in stability or we become bored and begin to crave something different. For many of us, a mixture of variety and stability is the perfect recipe for a life well lived. Humans tend to seek stability from familial ties, relationships, etc. Why not make the other aspects of our lives exploratory? We can embrace living in different locations or countries, try different careers — the opportunities are endless. When we leave our comfort zone, we leave boredom behind and embrace adventure instead.
Is it possible to grow without leaving your comfort zone? Can you explain what you mean?
You can grow without leaving your comfort zone. However, the answer to this question depends upon how you view the concept of a “comfort zone.” My life is an example. After college, I was forced to return home due to my inability to find a full time job. At first, this was not my intended outcome. I envisioned myself having a full time role to look forward to. I also envisioned myself moving to a new city and starting anew. Returning to my childhood bedroom and facing my parents without a clear plan or “next step” was a bit nerving to me. As a recovering perfectionist, there is this small part of me that feels I always have to “plan” for the next thing. However, there was something grounding and humbling about returning to my roots and where it all began. Sitting in my bedroom connected me with the seventeen year old I was before college. She was fierce. She had moxie and nerve. She had big dreams and a vision board plastered with all of her goals. She knew her purpose in life and was determined to go after it. She would’ve responded to a slew of job rejections by taking fate into her own hands. She would’ve seen rejection as something that was pushing her further to who she ultimately wanted to be — an entrepreneur. I always say that I honor that seventeen year old girl everyday in my work. She would be proud of the woman I’m becoming, and that keeps me going. She would cry tears of joy, and cheer me on everyday. Each day, I am becoming closer to the woman I’ve always dreamed of being, and that is a true honor.
Seeing me return home from college, especially after attending business school, looked like a demotion to most. However, it was an upgrade mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Living at home has taught me to find beauty in routine and discipline. Waking up at a certain time, exercising daily, cooking my meals; all of these things have provided me with the patience and fortitude to navigate the ups and downs of entrepreneurship. Furthermore, balancing life in a household of six with building a company has taught me to be flexible, laugh off the small things, and learn how to juggle it all. For some, my home represents a “comfort zone” of sorts, a return to the familiar and what I know. However, living at home has been my greatest blessing yet my hardest lesson. To navigate entrepreneurship and building a company in the proverbial “startup garage” is an exhilarating experience, one that both humbles you and helps you build resilience. Humility is needed at the beginning of any venture, as you will have to navigate the doubters and haters that don’t believe you can succeed. This requires you to develop a miner’s work ethic, to stay low and grind until everyone believes and understands what you’ve always known to be true.
Can you share some anecdotes from your personal experience? Can you share a story about a time when you stepped out of your comfort zone and how it helped you grow? How does it feel to take those first difficult steps?
One major way I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone is by starting my women’s entrepreneurial collective called Innovanoire. The name is an amalgamation of the root word “innova” and “noire,” which means innovate and Black and/or of color. When I started my journey as an entrepreneur, I was 22 and had virtually no entrepreneurial peers. I went to a school where the majority of my peers obtained corporate and full-time roles. I found myself walking along a different path, and I prayed to find friends who were like minded and on similar trajectories. Suddenly, I started meeting so many women of color who were just like me; young, entrepreneurial, and hustle-minded. I decided to take a leap of faith and start a new community for women of color who are entrepreneurial and desire innovative careers, inviting the new individuals in my network to take part. Today, we are a year in and still pre-launch, but I’m excited for all that is to come as I commit to lifting others as I rise.
What are your “five ways to push past your comfort zone, to grow both personally and professionally”?
My five ways to push past your comfort zone are as follows:
- Work backwards from your intended goal into concrete steps.
When you have an ideal state for yourself, it helps to break achieving that state down into concrete steps that can help you to move forward in a less intimidating way. Large goals can seem very daunting, so it helps to break them down into solid steps and move forward from there. Taking small steps can help build confidence over time.
2. Surround yourself with others who are already doing what you want to do.
We are the sum of the people we surround ourselves with. If we want to go far, we have to go with others. It helps to make sure that you are in rooms with people who expand you. Become friends with people who have taken the risks you want to take — whether starting a business, going back to school, etc. Watch their fearless spirit rub off on you as well.
3. Talk yourself out of your fears — the same way you’d encourage a friend.
One thing I’ve noticed about most humans is that we are kinder to others than we are to ourselves. The next time you want to take a risk, talk to yourself the same way you’d speak to a friend. I guarantee you, if you really love your friend, you want what’s best for them. If you want what’s best for them, you want them to grow and evolve. Be the same friend to yourself — the friend that says “go for it, you never know what will happen!”
4. Practice self-compassion and embrace a growth mindset.
Aligning with being your own best friend is the concept of self compassion. When we are compassionate towards ourselves, we can forgive ourselves when we make mistakes. On the path to a life that transcends comfort, there will be missteps, failures, and “oops” moments. Self-compassion will get you through and help you to focus on progress > perfection.
From your experience or perspective, what are some of the common barriers that keep someone from pushing out of their comfort zone?
Common barriers that keep someone from pushing out of their comfort zone:
- Fear of judgment or failure
Fear of failure seems to be the #1 reason why we don’t escape our comfort zone. The “what ifs” seem to be too daunting, then we won’t try. We have to develop an impermissible spirit when it comes to navigating a fear of failure. Fear needs to be conquered — including the fear of humiliation of others’ judgments.
- Desire to conform to expectations instead of transcend boundaries
Humans want to be like other humans. Our comfort zone often relies on the safety of what we know and what others expect from us. To leave our comfort zone, we have to be comfortable with transcending boundaries and challenging the status quo, even if it’s just the status quo of our lives or immediate circles.
- Fear of outgrowing or transcending relationships
Some relationships lie in our comfort zone. We develop a comfort in having people in our lives who do no challenge us, or who do not speak to our higher selves. We shrink ourselves to accommodate others — to not appear too ambitious or passionate. To leave our comfort zones, we have to embrace the transient nature of relationships and stay the course. You never outgrow those who are truly meant to walk with you.
- Finding safety in the predictability and routine of comfort
Lastly, some of us are addicted to routine. We like knowing what to expect of each day. Our growth zones are the opposite of routine. We have to get “comfortable with being uncomfortable.” That’s the only way we can make it happen.
There is a well-known quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt that says, “Do something that scares you every day”. What exactly does this mean to you? Is there inherent value in doing something that pushes you out of your comfort zone, even if it does not relate to personal or professional growth? For example, if one is uncomfortable about walking alone at night should they purposely push themselves to do it often for the sake of going beyond their comfort zone? Can you please explain what you mean?
Eleanor Roosevelt is speaking about the inherent power of moving past fear, and what it can do for our lives when we say “yes” to new opportunities and challenges instead of shying away from them. In my faith, there is a verse that says “perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). After hearing this verse, I recognized that fear is the opposite of love. If I love myself, and want to develop a greater capacity for loving others; I need to dispel fear. At the core of what Eleanor Roosevelt is saying is a profound belief in the power of love to transform our lives. When you move past fear, you are actively practicing self-love. You are expanding your self-concept and opening yourself up to seeing the world in different ways. As Elaine Welteroth so eloquently says “when the world tells you to shrink, expand.” You are refusing to limit yourself or be beholden to others’ opinions or doubts of your skills and talents. You have a self-belief that pushes you to take risks. That is exactly why she tells us to “do something that scares us everyday.” It’s through casting out fear that we find our ability to love. Yes, this involves us doing new things that don’t necessarily relate to our personal or professional growth. For example, I love trying new recipes. I love learning how to bake and cook new dishes. Does this overwhelmingly add to my personal growth? Maybe not, but the act of trying something new and learning enriches my life. It helps me to love my cooking more, which in turn helps me to love others through the act of sharing tasty food.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
Honestly, it would be a movement to get people to integrate their life purpose into their existing work. When I was in college, I learned about a concept called “job design” in one of my management classes. It fascinated me. This concept speaks to the fact that individuals can design and shape our own professional experiences to align with our closest interests. For example, if I am a teacher who loves art, I can integrate artistic elements into my class to speak to my love for art and creation. I work in the career development field, and one of the things I often see is a lack of joie de vivre when people speak about their work. People just aren’t passionate about their jobs anymore. We spend most of our lives working, and many of us have signed up to a spiritual life sentence for a check. I’m not trying to be funny, but more so prove a point that people are unhappy with their jobs. Whether it is because their employers don’t see them as humans or because they are slowly sacrificing parts of themselves to align with workplace standards — many of us are professional zombies. We’re just going through the motions and trying to survive, forgetting that we were created for more than just survival — we were created to thrive.
Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!
I would love to have lunch with Oprah Winfrey. She is an inspiration to me, and someone I deeply admire. I love how she has shamelessly defined her own lane, and how she is a brand in herself. Growing up, people would call me “Oprah” when I said something insightful in our classes. I have memories of people calling me “Oprah” in my history, government, life skills class; or any class where you’d explore various social issues and humanistic topics. At first, I was a bit embarrassed. My sixteen year old self did not want to be compared to a much older woman. However, as I became older and learned more about her life, I began realizing how much of a trailblazer and pioneer she is. We share a trailblazing spirit and willingness to push boundaries. Her life story — alone — is an inspiration to me. It couldn’t have been easy to become who she is, and I would love to sit and learn from her. I have so many questions for her, and I just want to learn from her journey. She’s always been my “mentor in my head,” so I’d guarantee we’d have a good time. I’d love to visit her home, meet Stedman, and talk about my favorite OWN TV shows — like Ready to Love. I have it all planned out in my head — we’d have so much fun and I’d leave with a new auntie!
How can our readers follow you online?
Readers can keep up with my work by visiting my website, www.surayyawalters.com; with links to my ventures and engagements. They can also follow me on LinkedIn here.
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
Surayya Walters Of iDEIntity On How to Go Beyond Your Comfort Zone To Grow Both Personally and… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.