An Interview With Edward Sylvan
I believe we are all here to help one another in any way we can. Just a smile to someone can change their day or even life. Imagine what building group homes does?
As a part of our series about stars who are making an important social impact, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Steve Tyler.
ACTOR: As a widely respected actor with a versatile onscreen demeanor, Steve Tyler has been cast as the quintessential straight man by the Farrelly Brothers in more of their films than any other actor in Hollywood. He can be seen in King Pin, Something About Mary, Me, Myself & Irene, Shallow Hal, Stuck on You and The Three Stooges.
ACTIVIST: Born in Brookline, Massachusetts, and now residing in Los Angeles, Steve Tyler continues to be an effective force in philanthropic and political arenas. As well-known off screen as he is on, Steve Tyler was the national spokesman for Big Brothers of America for five years and spent 22 years as the national spokesman for Jewish Big Brothers of America.
PRODUCER: Using his status as an established actor/activist, with over 40 theatrical productions to his credit, Steve Tyler has produced theatrical fundraisers that include: Ellen DeGeneres LIVE in Concert, The Ellen DeGeneres Show benefit, and star-studded staged readings of Boys in the Band and Valley of the Dolls.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Can you share with us the “backstory” that led you to this career path?
Thank you for inviting me; I am happy to be included. I started working in front of the camera as a toddler in Boston on the local television shows. My big break was “Romper Room” at the tender age of four. From my earliest memory, I wanted to be an actor. I appeared in “Skittle Alley,” “Boomtown,” and “Zoom” all in Boston. I always remember being comfortable in front of the camera, because I could pretend to be someone else. I took acting classes all through junior high and my freshman and junior year at Copley High School in Boston. When my family moved to Tampa, I lucked out as my new high school had an excellent Drama teacher, Vincent Petti, who helped me focus with a good foundation of history and the classics. “Saturday Night Live” was the rage, and we all wanted to be those characters of that original cast. Mr. Petti talked us into doing Comedia del’ Arte. It was Shakespeare, plays like Romeo and Juliet, but performed in sketch comedy style.
Okay, let me backtrack a bit to when I was 10 years old in Boston. I was a museum helper at the Children’s Museum of Boston, founded by the world-renowned pediatrician Dr. Spock and his son. Every weekend I would volunteer for four hours. I took the public transit system and got there before the museum opened; I was thrilled to put on my volunteer apron with the name tag. I enjoyed helping so much they allowed me eight hours each weekend, and I became a Junior Curator. As a JC, I got to choose two areas that would be my focus. I decided on Living Things, the live animal exhibit, and The Sit Around, where we did plays and shows. I had an idea to bring an animal from Living Things to the Sit Around and do animal demonstrations with the visitors. I got the most joy teaching physically and mentally challenged children about an animal. I let them touch a giant python or boa constrictor; it was, of course, the first time for them. I loved to watch their excitement for those that liked it or to help ease someone’s fear of snakes. An activist was born. It felt great to be helping people. It was something I could count on, something I had a little control over and a little say.
Can you share the funniest or most interesting story that occurred to you during your career? What was the lesson or takeaway that you took out of that story?
You don’t get, if you don’t ask. I’ve met and worked with a lot of stars both in front of and behind the camera. Jim Carrey in Me, Myself and Irene. Ben Stiller in Something About Mary, Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, and Dane Cook in Stuck on You. Woody Harrelson and Bill Murray in King Pin… you get what I am saying. Although I had incredible experiences working with them, I was never “star-struck.”
At some point, I became well known for raising a lot of money for charities to me. I love acting but sometimes it can be less than gratifying. Between us, I love to clean my house and cars too, just for that immediate satisfaction that we never get as actors. We have to wait until it comes out or on. And theater is even worse, we have weeks or months or even years playing the same character. Back to fundraising. I love using the natural resources we have in Los Angeles. Our most significant resource is celebrities and stars. It seems like I am now able to get any celebrity I want. I’m sure it is because I treat people like I wanted to be treated, and every penny raised goes to the charity or politician, because I would get everything donated. Everyone was paid the same thing, including myself — nothing. Billing was in alphabetical order. I think celebrities and donors knew that’s the way I roll and it became easier to raise money because of the resources and connections I had cultivated. I started asking celebrities to participate, and they were more than happy to help.
I have been friends with Betty DeGeneres for over 25 years. When Ellen DeGeneres was about to come out, I wrote her a fan letter — thanking her for being brave and all the great things she was doing for humanity and the LGBTQ Community. I didn’t even meet Betty until a few months later. A couple of months into our friendship Betty started telling Ellen about me and my events and the money I was raising. I heard Ellen was about to go on tour with her new stand-up show. I had not even met her yet; I asked Betty if Ellen would start her tour by doing two performances to benefit The Victory Fund, the only national organization dedicated to electing openly LGBTQ people who can further equality at all levels of government. She immediately said yes. Guess what I forgot? I have never produced a stand-up comic. I know nothing about that genre. And here I am, starting it with Ellen. Oy! A couple of days before the first show, I was anxiously making sure every seat was filled and that we had nice things in her dressing room to eat. I called her assistant and asked what kind of drinks she liked. He yelled ‘Hey, Steve wants to know what you want to drink in the dressing room.’ Ellen said water. I nervously answered what kind of water. He said, what do you drink? I said Arrowhead, and he said, okay, get her a little bottle of that. Working with Ellen was a delight. Her celebrity friends like Brooke Shields and Gillian Anderson were backstage with her. We would seat them after the lights went out to hide them from the audience. She went on stage at the Renberg Theater in Los Angeles. I asked my friend Joely Fisher to introduce her and asked Bruce Cohen to introduce Joely. Ellen got a standing ovation. Several ideas came to me during and after that show that I had to put into action for night two. We all had dinner afterward and I said nothing about what I would change for the second show.
I left Ellen a message that the second night we would have a hosted bar. That way the audience loosens up and they laugh more. Even with the standing ovation and cheers from the crowd opening night, I still had some old donors in the front row that just didn’t laugh much. So the second night, it was free drinks for all our guests and I put all of my friendly laughers in the front row. The evening was a smash! Ellen left me a message that all my ideas for the second night were spot on. We went on to do several fundraisers together in the years following. Those are just a few of the lessons I learned.
What would you advise a young person who wants to emulate your success?
Acting you must LOVE acting, and you must LOVE the cause you are helping. If you believe and are passionate about the cause, your knowledge and excitement will be organic and infectious. Most often, it is your passion and understanding that what you are doing is so important. It makes people donate, even occasionally get money from a Republican to give to a Democratic candidate. While we are discussing politics… The rule that everyone seems to live by is “Don’t discuss Politics or Religion.” I bet you have heard that one. Let us discuss both vehemently but do it with your mind and heart wide open. If we did more listening than talking, this country would not be so divided. I am a Democrat; while many of my Democrat friends were ‘Un-friending” their Republican friends, I took my Republican friends out for dinner. I love to hear someone else’s point of view. Agree to disagree but listen. The best actors are the best listeners. The next film you see, watch how the best actors are listening and getting more coverage. Imagine if everyone did that? No more racism, no more violence. Discrimination and violence are both fear-based. We, humans, fear what we do not know. Make it your business to seek out people unlike yourself and listen carefully when they speak. Be open-minded.
Passion for what you do in life goes an exceptionally long way. Stick to your principles. A few of my basic rules are used both as an actor and activist: 1. Don’t discuss someone else’s money; just because they say no to everything you ask for does not mean that they do not give or should give. It is no one’s business but theirs. 2. Handwritten thank you notes to each donor or casting director no longer exist. So, let’s you and I make it fashionable again. Thanking someone that gave you an acting opportunity or money for your charity deserves a handwritten note. You will stand out in the crowd. I can almost guarantee that the casting director will bring you in again and that donor will donate again. And write it that day and mail it. It cultivates relationships that will support your dreams. If you say 100% of the proceeds benefit the charity or politician, be sure that it does. That means getting everything donated. You would be pleasantly surprised how easy asking becomes. And like auditioning for an acting job in fundraising, I get more no’s than yesses. I cherish the “no’s” that get me closer to a “yes.” I believe that I developed a reputation for delivering the goods in a fun and creative way, while still being professional and getting their message out there.
Is there a person that made a profound impact on your life? Can you share a story?
Yes, and utterly unrelated to what I ended up doing. I was a fry cook at Long John Silvers in Tampa when I was 15. By the time I was 18, I was manager, and at 20, won ‘Manager of the Year’ in the country. Before receiving that award, they promoted me to district manager with five restaurants to oversee in our franchise of eight. I got better pay, a company car, office, and secretary. My boss at Long John Silver’s, Don Czepyha, believed in me from the start. He saw something in me that would be successful. His confidence in me gave me confidence in me. The work ethics I developed at LJS stayed with me in every aspect of my personal and professional life.
How are you using your success to bring goodness to the world? Can you share with us the meaningful or exciting causes you are working on right now?
Currently, I am the Board of Directors Co-Chair at Alcott Center for Mental Health in Los Angeles. Alcott Center is 40 years old and has a great mission and track record for helping so many people. I knew we could do much more. A few months after I started, our Executive Director retired, and we promoted the next in command, Nick Maiorino. Nick, his staff, and our current Board of Directors have made the organization soar. I have had the best time producing video clips for the website, completely designing and implementing a new website and donor program and working my magic by conceiving events like our “All-Star Staged Reading of Valley of the Dolls” and “PAJAMA JAM,” our internet fundraiser starring Joely Fisher and Brad Garrett (now Board members) along with 40 other celebrities chiming in. I’ve put Holiday Wish Lists together to support our clients that live in our group homes, getting more people involved to shine a light on Mental Health and Homelessness in Los Angeles. Also, to remove the stigma attached to mental health.
We have raised over a half-million dollars and attracted a lot of press and grants. Alcott went from 19 employees to over 100 on staff today. We have three group homes called Bridge Housing. When incarcerated, men get released from prison or jail primarily for petty non-violent crimes. Many of these men have mental health issues that have never been addressed. Our FISHER PLACE bridge house has 46 of these men. We get them a therapist and a social worker, and we house them for six to nine months — enough time to ensure that we found permanent housing and a job for each. The men are thriving there, so we opened two more homes, and have plans for permanent housing soon. Our group homes keep men from being homeless and/or jailed again. They so appreciate everything we do. FISHER PLACE is named after actress/performer Joely Fisher and her generous family.
Can you share with us the story behind why you chose to take up this cause?
Yikes, I should have known that would be the next question. Over the last 40 years, I have raised a lot of money for politicians, various human rights, and equality organizations. I will always root for the underdog. It is just my nature. Also, I cannot sit on the sidelines and watch our fellow humans be treated less than others. I had friends dying of AIDS, and the government did nothing. I went into action and have not stopped since. I started with getting qualified openly LGBTQ people running for office and heterosexual allies all for equal rights. I was a big brother in Big Brothers of America twice, done a lot to support women’s causes, children, and displaced teens. When I was 13, I tried to commit suicide and was committed to a State Hospital in Massachusetts. I turned 14 there. I have been battling depression and anxiety from childhood abuse traumas my entire life. Those traumas never go away, I discovered recently. I could not fix myself, but I can learn and practice dealing with the feelings in a healthier way. What I can do is make the best life I possibly can. Had I not been abused, I most likely would be healthier in my mental state, but my childhood trauma I believe gave me empathy for other children and teens. And one thing about me is idle hands are the devil’s workshop. I like to keep busy helping others. Each morning I pray for guidance on where to go, what to do, who to help, and what to say when I get there. I TRUST that voice, my instincts now, and they have not let me down. I believe we are all here to help one another in any way we can. Just a smile to someone can change their day or even life. Imagine what building group homes does?
Can you share with us a story about a person who was impacted by your cause?
No single person comes to mind. I do know that while I was helping LGBTQ political hopefuls get elected, we went from 11 openly gay elected officials nationwide to over 200 at all levels of government. Watching the two generations behind me enjoy the freedoms and liberties that I was not afforded fills me with pride. Watching women take charge of their lives, careers and bodies is wonderful. I am currently helping the black community more than before. The day that George Floyd was killed live on television, I went to my computer and donated to my favorite African American charities but went further. In my research, I found a list of 75 things white people can do to help our black brothers and sisters in everyday life. Simple things like supporting black-owned businesses, voting intelligently, and most importantly talking about our feelings thoughtfully and listening to others when they tell you what they think and feel. No matter how empathetic I am or sympathetic I will never know what it is like to be black. I have felt discrimination in other ways, but not like being black in America. My former girlfriend was black, she still is black. She would say “walk a mile in my shoes.”
Gay people can legally marry and have children. It was not that long ago that gays could legally be fired from their jobs if they came out or be evicted from their homes. Most of those laws are gone now, replaced with equality and hate crime laws to protect them. Funny, it is when I watch TV that I see every show has gay characters; there are same-sex couples appearing in television commercials. The LGBTQ community wanted a seat at the table, and now they fill those tables. I love watching kids these days take same-sex marriage for granted and go to the high school prom and get elected on their merits, not their sexual identity. It should be taken for granted. I stood on the shoulders of those that fought at the Stonewall Riots in New York against discrimination over 60 years ago, and of course Harvey Milk.
Are there three things that individuals, society, or the government can do to support you in this effort?
Now that question I love! Absolutely! Vote, Vote Smart, Vote for Candidates that will be helpful on issues that are most important to you. (2) Do a little something every day to make the world a better place. (3) Raise money, Raise awareness, Raise your education on the issues. (4) Volunteer, at any level, for something that you care about. I guarantee at the end of the day; you will feel fulfilled. (5) Be kind. Kindness alone will destigmatize issues like mental health. (6) Be the person, you want to be. It sounds corny or cliché, but honestly, it has worked for me for several decades
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why? Please share a story or an example for each.
- Those “No Parking” signs you see everywhere are truthful. Read the fine print. Parking tickets accumulate regardless of the state your tags are from, and they will find you, and your car will be towed and impounded. (so, I have heard). Plus, interest charges, penalties, late fees, interest on that, towing fees, storage fees, and everything must be paid in cash (I have heard) HA!
- Find other interests than acting. Of everything I have done in my life I am most proud of myself for becoming a Big Brother twice and a Mentor. My second little brother, Shaun, I have had since he was eight. He is now married with two kids of his own. I was 27 when we were matched. There were many days I would drive to pick him up, either tired from work or upset over something stupid that happened that day. The minute he would get in the car all of my troubles disappeared and I got to play with a kid and help him navigate things that I did not get help in. We became the national poster boys for Jewish Big Brothers of America — on their brochure cover and videos. We are still close and still go to a church or synagogue or class to speak about our relationship. Shaun and I have turned many “wanna-be’s” into Big Brothers and it feels great!
- Get into a great voice-over class. It’s very competitive but very lucrative and nowadays you can audition from your home and computer and send it in. If you watch the credits of cartoon series you will see every star and celebrity does them. Same thing with radio ads and television voice-overs. If I could do it over again, I would have done this, and also find a loop group. Those are groups of talent that do the voices of crowd scenes or that you can hear in the background. Great money and you are sharpening your listening skills.
- Your instincts are your best friend. Trust them in everything you do. I still have to stop and listen, and if I trust those instincts, I am a winner. It goes back to what I said about meditating, sometimes to get to my instinct it takes a deep breath. Remember to breathe.
- Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. Lord, some of the things I beat myself up over I would never let anyone do or say to me. Life is hard enough, why make it harder on yourself. When you have any audition or fundraiser or are standing up for someone whose voice is not being heard, congratulate yourself, celebrate yourself, if it turns out crummy and lots of things in life do, you at least gave it your best shot and celebrate that.
You are a person of enormous influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Be a leader. If you believe in what you are doing and doing it for the right reasons, everyone else will believe in it too. Kindness. Spread kindness everywhere. There seems to be a shortage of thoughtfulness and kindness these days, and there is a huge demand for more. That’s it by George, I think I will start a Kindness and Thoughtfulness Group. Join my group?
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you explain how that was relevant in your life?
It is from Oprah. All the good stuff is from Oprah. “Everyone shows you right up front who they are and what they are about. Whether you choose to see it or not is entirely up to you.” For example, you are sitting in a coffee shop waiting for your internet date to arrive. They come in sit down and say, “I am so sorry for being late, I am always running late.” No matter how hot this person is, which part of “I am always running late” are we not really paying attention to.
We are blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Politics, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world or the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might see this if we tag them 🙂
I need two, but this dynamic duo are best friends. Oprah and Gayle. Oprah is a genius and gift from God. She is brilliant and extraordinary. From where she came, to where she went is a miracle that she made happen. She rarely takes credit for her success. Gayle has her own thing going on and it’s all good. Watching her first thing every morning is a great way to start my day, I have a massive crush on Gayle, and she gets more beautiful with age. Oprah has Stedman. Set me up to have a meal with Gayle, and I promise not to ask for anything ever again. ?
Stars Making a Social Impact: Why & How Actor Steve Tyler Is Helping To Change Our World was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.