An Interview With Maria Angelova
Even though you love what you do, there will still be days where it feels like hard work and the only way you will succeed is if you create healthy habits and routines to push you forward.
As part of my series about “individuals and organizations making an important social impact”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Calan Breckon.
Calan Breckon is a business coach & consultant, speaker, and one of the hosts of the Gay Men Going Deeper podcast all about personal development, sexuality, and mental health. Calan hosts the podcast alongside Michael DiIorio and Matt Landsiedel and together they also run a peer-support group for gay men (trans/genderqueer inclusive) working on personal development and mental health topics. Gay Men Going Deeper was recently nominated by the People’s Choice Podcast Awards as one of the top 10 LGBTQ+ podcasts of 2022.
In his business life, Calan has had the honour of doing wellness presentations for companies such as Canada Life as well as working with entrepreneurs such as Amy Porterfield and serving as an advisor to her Digital Course Academy students in 2022.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path and point in your life?
Yes, thank you so much for having me! I feel like the last few years have been a bit of a whirlwind since launching the Gay Men Going Deeper podcast in 2020. Back before we had launched anything I had seen a YouTube video where my colleague and co-host Matt Landsiedel was talking about all of the frustrations he had with the gay community. I had experienced a lot of similar feelings and really wanted to create a space where the community could drop all the facades and talk about some of those deeper things. I reached out to Matt after seeing his video and asked him to be a guest on the podcast I was hosting at the time, which he agreed. We got on so well during the interview that afterward we kept chatting and Matt brought up the idea of creating this community. About 9 months passed after the interview and we were just entering the onset of the pandemic when Matt messaged me saying he’d created a Facebook group and wanted to talk about turning it into the community we had previously spoken about. Matt then introduced me to a few other key people, like our other co-host Michael DiIorio and we began creating this community of gay men who wanted more than just the surface level stuff.
From there the Gay Men Going Deeper podcast was born and we’ve now aired over 115 episodes and show no signs of slowing down. We also have over 6,ooo members in our Facebook community and continue to build recourses and programs for them like our Building Better Relationships course, our Healing Your Shame course and our flagship Coaching Collection program built specifically for gay men and the unique experiences we struggle with.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began leading your company or organization?
I guess the most interesting and wild story was probably when Shangela from RuPaul’s Drag Race (and most recently Dancing with the Stars) reached out and sent me a private message on Instagram saying, “Great voice for a podcast, and a great message too.” It’s these little things that show me and the team that we’re doing good work and all we need to do it just keep on walking in the right direction. You really never know who might be listening and who’s life you might be effecting with your message.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
I also firmly believe that mistakes are just lessons to be learned for growth. We’ve made many mistakes along but I’m not sure any of them have been funny. I’m the “tech” one of the group so I’m mostly working behind the scenes to make sure that podcast episodes get uploaded and released on the right days, emails get sent out, website, etc.
I will say one of our best lessons is that you should always have at least two of you recording the episode. We use Zoom to record our podcast for both Audio and video for YouTube and there have been times when one person’s recording doesn’t happen for whatever reason or someone’s wifi drops them out so it’s always good to have backups of all the recordings.
Can you describe how you or your organization is making a significant social impact?
The only real way we can measure our impact is when we get comments or feedback on the podcast. YouTube is the best place for comments, and we tend to get quite a few now on each episode, which tells me we’re growing our reach.
I think because of the content and topics a lot of people tend to just listen because they’re craving this content, but they aren’t so ready to talk about it or share it. We know this because we have over 15,000 subscribers across all platforms and get around 20,000 downloads a month and these numbers keep growing each month. So, people are clearly listening and liking what we’re talking about but because of the topics maybe they’re still too shy to say anything.
We go into super deep topics like depression, therapy, loneliness, etc., and even though they are topics the community needs to talk about I think we are just seeing the tip of the ice burg in regard to who’s actually willing to step out and share it on a large scale.
Inside our Facebook group it’s a bit easier to see what people are saying because it’s a safe, enclosed space, so we see a lot more talking and sharing happening in there with many along the lines of “I’m so glad I found this podcast and group! I’ve been looking for something like this for such a long time!”
We also offer a free group Zoom on the last Thursday of every month to anyone inside our private Facebook group so that everyone can work on building community with others who are interested in talking about these deeper topics. We’ve been doing them for over two years now and everyone always leaves feeling seen and heard.
Can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted or helped by your cause?
As the work we do is very personal and private I won’t share any personal stories of any named individuals, but I will share one of the most recent reviews we received on Apple Podcasts as that is a public space:
“This podcast has helped me unpack so much and taught me to recognize the value within myself. It’s a big part of what’s given me the courage to come out this year (at 26) and start to build and re-build secure and burden free relationships. Thank you for changing my life ❤”
This is one of the most magical parts about having a podcast. You never know who’s on the other end, listening to things that may change their life forever and help them in some small or massive way.
Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do to help you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?
- Talk about mental health more. The more conversations we have, the more people feel comfortable about talking about their own struggles and can find the help they need.
- Stop being the crabs in the bucket. What I mean by this is, when you see someone trying to better themselves and their life, don’t try and pull them back down by shaming them. We need to support people on their journey and cheer each other on, not bring each other down and keep each other small.
- Make therapy something that is covered by the medical system. In Canada we get our doctor visits covered, the same should be for therapy. I know the USA is different but if therapy and mental health support was more accessible then we could solve so many of the problems we see today.
Are you working on any new or exciting projects now? How do you think this might help people?
We are! Since we’ve got a solid foundation under our belt with the podcast and programming we are looking to amplify our message and reach in 2023. We’re going to be focusing a lot on marketing and building our listenership numbers so more people can be part of the conversation.
We will be looking for influencers and other professionals in the LGBTQ+ community to partner with so that we can continue to grow as a community together.
What you are doing is not easy. What inspires you to keep moving forward?
Someone has to do it. It can be really hard being the first or the different one that steps out of the norm and says “hey, the way we’re doing things is messed up and we need to start changing them” because people hate change. Herd mentality is real and the fear of being ousted from the safety of the group is more than enough to keep people from voicing their true opinions.
We’ve always had the belief among the three of us that we wanted to be the change we wanted to see in our community and that meant we had to be the ones brave enough to step out and speak up. We definitely get our fair share of hate mail and groups attacking us, but we’ve learned that over time, as long as we just keep going that the love and truth we speak is louder than the hate they throw our way and eventually if we just ignore them they always end up going away because they aren’t getting the attention they want from us.
I personally want to be part of a LGBTQ+ community that is actively doing the work to heal all the traumas we’ve collectively gone through and continue to go through. No family is ever perfect and never will be, but we’ve always been leaders in the world, breaking down walls and demanding equality. Now that the world is more aware of mental health and its importance I want to be part of the movement that changes things for the next generation so that they don’t have to carry all the heavy baggage we’ve had to. I don’t want them to suffer because we did, I want them to enjoy all the hard work we did because that’s why we did it. I want us to put down the baggage, not pass it along, which can only come from doing the inner work.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why? Please share a story or example for each.
- You’re choosing the hard path, walk it anyway.
Being an entrepreneur is never going to be the easier path. You need to learn how to both be the manager and the employee and wear all the hats. You need to set up your own goals and then set up systems and habits that will help you achieve those goals. There is so much to learn along the way that it’s overwhelming a lot of the time. I wish I’d had a mentor from the start who could have mentally prepared me for everything. I still would have failed a lot but maybe they wouldn’t have been so hard had I known ahead of time? I’m much more mentally prepared for the long-haul now but this is why so many startups and entrepreneurs fail. We have a lot of energy to start with but then we lose steam because we don’t see results fast enough. It’s going to take years and years to be truly successful, so strap in and burn all the bridges back to “normal” otherwise you’ll surly go back over them.
2. People will judge you, do it anyway.
There will always be people who judge you for being “outside” the normal. They may praise you and say you’re brave, but then you’ll hear whispers, or the “caring” friend or family member will say things like “well, maybe just as a backup plan…” Judgements will come from all sorts of people and in many different ways and some are going to be really hard to hear. But if this journey is one you need to go on for your own soul, do it anyway. It’s not your job to make those other people feel better. It’s not your job to care about what those people think. It’s your job to follow your heart.
3. People can be unkind, choose to be kind back anyway.
On top of the judgement, some people will be flat-out awful to you. You trying to grow and improve will shed light on the fact they aren’t doing the same. I call this the crabs in the bucket. They will always stay stuck because they’re always grabbing the ones trying to get out and pulling them back down. Don’t let people pull you back down with hurtful things they may say to you or about you. If you’re doing good work, keep doing it. Even though they may be unkind to you and judge you, choose to be kind back. Their unkindness says more about them than it does about you, even if they’re trying to make it about you. Choose kindness and focus on your actions and not on their words. It will still suck. It will still sting. It will still hurt. But strive to always choose kindness, even when they make it really hard for you.
4. Seek out mentors sooner to help you on your journey.
I wish I had found mentors way earlier. To be fair, it can be really hard to find them and search them out through programs, but it’s possible. I used to think I could do everything on my own, but that was a lie I was telling myself. I now recognize that I can only succeed with others helping me and mentors is one of the best ways to do that. They have years of knowledge I don’t have yet, and they have helped me avoid pitfalls along the way. I still stumble and make mistakes and it’s still hard, but they’re there to remind me that it’s ok and to just keep going because they can see me moving in the right direction. Mentors are an invaluable asset to your growing business or organization, actively seek them out.
5. Even though you love what you do, there will still be days where it feels like hard work and the only way you will succeed is if you create healthy habits and routines to push you forward.
No matter how amazing your job is or how much you love it, we all have those days where we hate it. This is the same for entrepreneurs and people who create their own jobs. There is still work to do and sometimes you’re going to hate it. The only way you will manage to stay on track and get things done is to create habits and systems for success. I use a program called Asana now to map out my whole calendar and it’s the only reason I ever get anything done. You can’t live life and be successful from a place of “feeling like it,” that’s just not how it works. You have to plan, work, follow through, project, and make things happen in a timely manner. Adopt a better routine for getting things done as early on as you can because it will set you up for success in the future. Like doing this interview, it was on my calendar, the day came, I wrote it all out, and checked it off the list.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
I have two:
- “You can never outperform your self-image and what you believe about yourself.”
- “You need to be ok with being the villain in some people’s stories.”
The first one is something my therapist said to me one day. It just hit me. I’ve always been someone who works really hard, and I think a lot of that came from a deep belief that I “wasn’t good enough” or that I was less than. That being gay meant I had to work harder because the world has taught us that we aren’t good enough just as we are. I now use it as a reminder that I am good enough just as I am and I don’t need to hustle for my value in this world, just being me IS my value to this world.
The second one is something Matt, my co-host, said to me one day in a podcast episode and it blew my mind. I think most people care about what others think of them and we go out of our way to do it sometimes. I had just had an incident with a person that left me feeling shocked because what they were saying about me wasn’t true and I couldn’t’ believe they would say such things without even really knowing me. Then Matt shared his quote and I was like “ok, I have to make peace with this.” Because honestly, not everyone is going to like you, and sometimes they are going to not like you simply because you exist. So, if that means I’m the villain in their story, so be it. If that’s going to help them grow (hopefully), then I will play that roll and keep them at a distance because the work I am doing is too important to get wrapped up in other people’s beliefs about me.
Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
Kelly Clarkson! I’ve been a fan for life, from the moment she walked into that audition room all those years ago. I love that she went into the music world not knowing anything and got pushed around but that she was able to then learn from her experiences and then stand up for herself and her career and be completely unapologetic for it. Her road wasn’t an easy one, but she’s worked hard for everything she has today, and she still makes amazing music and brings joy and laughter to people all over the world. She’s also a huge LGBTQ+ supporter and ally and I can only imagine that she’s the same person both in front of and behind the camera, she’s a real deal kind of gal.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
About The Interviewer: Maria Angelova, MBA is a disruptor, author, motivational speaker, body-mind expert, Pilates teacher and founder and CEO of Rebellious Intl. As a disruptor, Maria is on a mission to change the face of the wellness industry by shifting the self-care mindset for consumers and providers alike. As a mind-body coach, Maria’s superpower is alignment which helps clients create a strong body and a calm mind so they can live a life of freedom, happiness and fulfillment. Prior to founding Rebellious Intl, Maria was a Finance Director and a professional with 17+ years of progressive corporate experience in the Telecommunications, Finance, and Insurance industries. Born in Bulgaria, Maria moved to the United States in 1992. She graduated summa cum laude from both Georgia State University (MBA, Finance) and the University of Georgia (BBA, Finance). Maria’s favorite job is being a mom. Maria enjoys learning, coaching, creating authentic connections, working out, Latin dancing, traveling, and spending time with her tribe. To contact Maria, email her at angelova@rebellious-intl.com. To schedule a free consultation, click here.
Social Impact Heroes: Why & How Calan Breckon Of Coaching with Calan Is Helping To Change Our World was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.