An Interview With Edward Sylvan
There is a real problem with the archaic systems in place that are underfunded, not protected, and inconsistent regarding domestic violence. There are many voices out there — we are collectively unheard. Real and permanent changes need to occur to ensure that victims and survivors of Domestic Violence are protected and safe. The impact is changing how we look at DV and respond. It is everyone’s issue.
As part of my series about “authors who are making an important social impact”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Lara Sabanosh.
Lara Sabanosh, author of Caged, has dedicated her life to helping others. Beginning in her youth as a volunteer and continuing throughout her career, she has counseled families, individuals, and children — civilian and military — in finding and reaching their emotional, educational, or professional goals. All while undergoing her own struggles with domestic abuse. While serving as Director for Fleet and Family Services during her time in Guantanamo Bay, she felt blessed to have assisted others in the journey of becoming their best selves.
Throughout her career, she has found solace and joy in her civil service. Although Lara has since retired, she hopes to help others again by sharing her story and giving voice to the topic of domestic abuse and the broken system that desperately needs repair.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I used to think I was a normal kid growing up. Until I began working with families in different settings and seeing just how “abnormal” my “normal” was. I grew up with an extremely close family; my parents, younger sibling, and myself. My dad was an honorable Vietnam veteran who went on to become an engineer. My mother worked in the school system with special needs kids. Both valued education, for us as individuals, and helping us learn to be objective thinkers in life.
When you were younger, was there a book that you read that inspired you to take action or changed your life? Can you share a story about that?
I loved reading when I was younger and even belonged to library reading clubs. Across genres, I found the information and characters leaping off the page inspiring. Whether I was reading Wizard of Oz or historical biographies, I found value in them all.
Can you describe how you aim to make a significant social impact with your book?
There is a real problem with the archaic systems in place that are underfunded, not protected, and inconsistent regarding domestic violence. There are many voices out there — we are collectively unheard. Real and permanent changes need to occur to ensure that victims and survivors of Domestic Violence are protected and safe. The impact is changing how we look at DV and respond. It is everyone’s issue.
Can you share with us the most interesting story that you shared in your book?
There were defining moments and changes that occurred for me. Many would be elusive to an outsider. For someone living in a world of domestic violence and living in the roller coaster of the abuser’s behavior, there are certain moments a victim can count on — the abuser will never change.
Late Fall 2011. My husband saw my new position in GTMO as a great publicity opportunity with the added financial gain. Soon after the offer, we attended a friend’s birthday party, attended by a large gathering of people (some we did not yet know). He stood up, interrupted conversation, and made a loud announcement that I had received a GS position. His over-the-top gesture appeared genuine to others, but deep down, I knew it was more about him than me. People just cooed over his supportive nature and how lucky I was. What they did not know — and he did — was that I loathed public displays. I had hoped that GTMO would be a salvatory response for an already broken marriage, he would be better, we would be better. Like many other moments, the first few months were like a honeymoon, but at this moment I knew the husband I feared was back.
What was the “aha moment” or series of events that made you decide to bring your message to the greater world? Can you share a story about that?
A few years had passed since my husband died and yet the same reporting continued, the same social media attacks continued….and no matter how I tried to correct the information, who I talked to, my daughters and I continued to be pushed aside. As if to pat us on the head like children, we kept hearing “it would be best if you just said nothing,” “just be patient,” “it is not worth it,” and so on. While it did not stop us from talking, those who listened suggested getting it down on paper; not trying to respond to every media, blog, or social media, but craft one message and with a voice to help others who may be struggling.
It was then I realized, my “life” was put out on display without thought or consent. Now I had a chance to bring impact by providing what had not been given before in many of the salacious or fabricated pieces regarding my late husband and our life together. I could open the metaphorical door into our house of the last 20 years, places the outside world was not privy too. It was then, I realized, this was not just my truth to bring…this was also an opportunity to show the need for change in an archaic system failing to protect victims and survivors of domestic violence, as well as to depict the mindset of abuse to educate.
Without sharing specific names, can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted or helped by your cause?
I have a small network of three women. Each has played an invaluable role in the place I am today. What they have in common is nothing. They have never met each other and live in various parts of the country; however, they all know who the other is. Each woman has been supportive without judgment of my process, my healing, insightful with the need to bring more awareness to Domestic Violence issues. Each of these women are amazingly different and their wisdom catapults my abilities in so many ways.
Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do to help you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?
Listen. I have watched subcommittee hearings and media press releases. I have read the National Defense Act. Politicians are not listening. Politicians are either getting lost in arguing over the details of the issue or placate their constituents on issues such as this. At a result, it’s still not getting fixed.
Get Organized. The message and solutions come from the top. The convoluted paperwork (and money) from Washington never trickles down to the place it needs to be implemented correctly. This is also the same for the attitudes. Until a clear, concise message is delivered as to domestic violence, and it is carried through and modeled everywhere, then nothing will change. We cannot change mindsets and behaviors, if we cannot agree with domestic violence protections, laws, and so on.
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
Leadership is a model of work expectations. For myself, a good leader will ensure their team is doing well; a great leader will do that and want their members to advance (even if that surpasses the leader). Sadly, I have worked with leadership that views mobility as potential competition, cherry picking or questioning an individual’s motives for a desire to “move up.”
As I am now retired, I have stayed connected in one form or another with former staff in various places I either managed or directed. They were all wonderful to work with, so it is easy and rewarding to see the advancements.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why. Please share a story or example for each.
- Calendar Journal. I have always kept calendars; however, I cannot say how many times I have looked back and wish I had more than the event or name in the calendar. Today, a lite journal entry is invaluable to be able to go back to.
- Separate email accounts. Do not co-mingle email accounts. Have a professional, personal, and so on. Know whatever you chose for an email could be for the long haul. I have an account that is over 20 years old.
- Update your resume. No matter where you are in life, update your resume every 6 months. Saves you time when you need it at a moment’s notice.
- Burn the bridge. Fear when I was younger to accept inappropriate ethics or behaviors, I chose to move on. Knowing you’re leaving not because the job you did was not done well, but because a clash in the environment should be made known. Change will never happen if people never talk.
- Define your passion. There is a difference between a job and a career. A job is what we need for the obligations in our life; a career embraces the passion that motivates us. It is not up to someone to define your passion or make you feel inclined to stay in a job for obligations. It was when I found my passion that I engaged my career, which then ignited my own personal journey for balance.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“Nobody understands another’s sorrow, and nobody another’s joy.” Franz Schubert
Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
President Joe Biden. When I was in high school, I was asked to do a project with a similar concept. I chose to reach out to former President George W. Bush and ask him about education initiatives. He responded. I was 16 years old and that response reminded me just how connected and impactful we can be and are.
While I was graduating high school, President Biden was working on the 1994 legislation Violence Against Women’s Act. He has been quoted as saying, “The worst imprisonment in the whole world is to be imprisoned in your own home,” (Biden, 2009). There seems to be a disconnect between what has come out from the top, what gets implemented, and what trickles down.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Readers can follow me at www.LaraSabanosh.com. Links on my website will take them to my social media, as well how to purchase the book and what events I have going on.
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
Social Impact Authors: How & Why Lara Sabanosh of ‘Caged’ Is Helping To Change Our World was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.