There is no failure, only learnings, and lessons. Failure has such a negative connotation that it stifles our creativity, paralyzes our innovation, and constricts our growth. When we consider what we learn from failure, though, we realize that the solution and answers are directly on the other side of what we glean from that experience and reconstruct with a new commitment to build. Fail forward. Fail big. Because when we do that, we get our greatest lessons and learn to redirect and innovate.
As part of my series about “authors who are making an important social impact”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Ian L. Haddock.
Ian L. Haddock (he/they/any pronouns used respectfully) serves as the Founder and Executive Director of The Normal Anomaly Initiative. Haddock is a contributing columnist for Outsmart Magazine and has written for The Grio, Logo/NewNowNext, Houston Chronicle, and The Statesman. Haddock has appeared on The Jennifer Hudson Show and is a GLAAD Media Award Recipient.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
My name is Ian L. Haddock and I grew up in a rural Texas city named La Marque. La Marque has a population of about 14,000 and is separated by one main road from Texas City. La Marque at the time was a powerhouse in sports and the creative arts. So, weekends were spent watching or playing football and attending culturally curated events at church and venues across the town. I am the youngest of three children by my single mother but was raised in the same schools as my other two siblings who were the same age on my dad’s side. Always considered as weird and soft by the community, my mother sheltered me from a lot of the drugs, poverty, and addictions that surrounded our home. Church was my safe space and that’s where I found community.
When you were younger, was there a book that you read that inspired you to take action or changed your life? Can you share a story about that?
There were many books when I grew up that gave me hope of a world outside my place. My Aunt Cynthia, who everyone calls Meme, was into romantic fiction novels about the African-American experience and would give me books after she had finished reading them when I was in high school. She fell in love with the groundbreaking author E. Lynn Harris’s novels which had a huge following from women, but as I read, gave me insight into what I was experiencing as I was understanding my queerness. In written form, it was the first time I had seen myself and it uncovered and opened up so much perspective for me. Invisible Life was the one I started with first and from that moment on, I read everything he put out.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
The funniest mistake I made starting was when I had the opportunity to write an article for Logo/NewNowNext. I had started a blog and written for some smaller publications, but this was one I knew would expand my reach and credibility. So, I sat down with the prompt and began to type out what I thought was an incredible narrative. Happy about the content, I hurriedly sent over the document to the editor expecting to get rave reviews. His quick response was “Too much meandering, complete rewrite.” That crushed my spirit and sent me into spiraling thoughts about inadequacy and incapabilities. After quick reflection– and countless rewrites, I realized that the best writers are ones who are amazing editors and accepting of critical insight. The piece turned out to be one of my favorite published works.
Can you describe how you aim to make a significant social impact with your book?
Black, queer stories deserve to be told. This is not simply from the perspective of us being marginalized and remembering how powerful it was to see myself in any written work as a high school child; this is because our stories are just like the rest of the world. They are filled with heartbreak and hope, journeying and joy, travel and trajectory, longing and love, and everything in between. I hope that Kid. Man. Child. helps people see themselves no matter their race, color, sexuality, or creed. I hope that it illuminates a space of empathy for all people and allows people to realize we are much more alike than different.
Can you share with us the most interesting story that you shared in your book?
As I alluded to earlier in the interview, my father was not around when I was growing up. Though I went to school with my siblings on my father’s side, I didn’t know him or even truly know them. After the sudden and tragic death of one of my best friends, it awakened a deep grief in me that reached back to me losing my mother and grandparents almost a decade before. This, made me want to connect with family again. So, I reached out to my sister and, for the first time as an adult, we had a conversation via phone. Since then, she has been super supportive of who I am and what I do; soon enough, she and her mother will be accompanying me in the Pride Parade as the Grand Marshal.
What was the “aha moment” or series of events that made you decide to bring your message to the greater world? Can you share a story about that?
After starting the blog and writing for some amazing publications, I ventured into digital storytelling for awhile. The stories I heard made me want to start a nonprofit organization called The Normal Anomaly Initiative to change those narratives and give people hope. For the next couple of years, I would find myself building the organization and creating programming that could do my part in cultivating change. People started to see me as a success story, but I knew that it was the people around me and the journey of growth that was leading the charge and not necessarily my desire to be influential. As life started happening, I would journal here and there about my experience. One day, I was crying at the computer after weeks of devastating blows, and, the more I cried, the more I wrote. Before I knew it, this journaling had become a part of my therapy. Once I realized how much it helped me, I knew it would help other people. My friend and coach, Jotina Buck, says, “If it changes you, it will change people.”
Without sharing specific names, can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted or helped by your cause?
This year I was at a conference. After speaking, I stepped out to get some fresh air. This one young man who is participating in a leadership development cohort that I speak about in the book came up to me with tears in his eyes. He asked if he could give me a hug which I humbly accepted. As he was softly sobbing, he told me, “Thank you for your words in your book and today. I needed that freedom.” When we think about writing, we often think about the impact it can have on people as a culture and society; there may be aspirations of being a best seller somewhere or winning a certain award for the impact it has had in the political atmosphere. For me, writing has always been about healing the broken parts of myself and finding a little more liberation after these expressions. So, to hear that my words gave someone freedom was all the impact I will ever need.
Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do to help you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?
There are a myriad of things the community, society, and politicians can do to help address the root of Black LGBTQ+ marginalization. The three things that are the most paramount are:
- Love us as you love yourself. This is a hard one because we know self-love is a journey, but overwhelmingly, people attempt to love themselves the best they can. If we spread that love in actionable ways while considering how we would want to be treated, seen, and uplifted we would all be better for it.
- Stop silencing hard realities. Oftentimes, it seems as if we conflate reality with truth. Truth is something that needs to be proven while reality is hardly affected by external forces. Just because you don’t believe something is true, doesn’t make it less of a reality for the people experiencing the disparity.
- Leveraging privilege. I don’t think it is realistic for people to completely sacrifice privilege for the benefit of other people. Still, leveraging it allows for people to be able to benefit from the access, influence or other social capital your privilege allows.
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
My definition of leadership is the balance of guiding people to implement the vision of the collective while being decisive in adhering to the mission and vision of the entity in which you work. As a leader of a nonprofit organization, I have often made the mistake of trying to adhere to the staff’s desires while forsaking the vision of the collective. The work (mission and vision) should be the lighthouse by which the organization is guided and the people are torchbearers along the journey ton get us there.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why? Please share a story or example for each.
I wish I was told when I first started:
- That ease and grace shouldn’t be conflated with easy. Throughout this journey, enabling has been a stronghold for the communities I serve and the people I lead. It has allowed them to have easiness in their work and their lifestyle, but many times they are called on to be “bigger” or “more”, they get angered by the fact that the work isn’t easy. Ease and grace, on the other hand, leave room for everyone to be helped without being entitled to something that comes without grit and determination.
- Consistency wins the race. Scripture says, “The race is not given to the swift or the strong, but the one that endures to the end.” It’s very simple: if hundreds of people are doing the same thing that you are doing, but you continue to refine, sustain, and build and end up being the one that gets the closest to the finish line, you will have the greatest legacy.
- Find your soft landing. As a person who found themselves scared of heights, I noticed that most of my fear came when there was an opportunity to fall. Soon I realized that it wasn’t heights that I was afraid of, but falling hard and not being able to manage the collision. Finding a soft landing was a necessary tool for my continued sustainability. This landing could look like a lover, a therapist, a nest egg, a hobby, etc.: anything that gives you the space to give yourself ease and grace.
- There is no failure, only learnings, and lessons. Failure has such a negative connotation that it stifles our creativity, paralyzes our innovation, and constricts our growth. When we consider what we learn from failure, though, we realize that the solution and answers are directly on the other side of what we glean from that experience and reconstruct with a new commitment to build. Fail forward. Fail big. Because when we do that, we get our greatest lessons and learn to redirect and innovate.
- To relentlessly pursue your desires. So many times, I have been told “No,” without asking any follow-up questions. It is important to understand why you are delayed certain opportunities such that you can ensure a better ask in the future. Further, when you are absolutely committed to what you desire, and you relentlessly pursue it, there is little opportunity for the universe to consistently and repetitively deny you without cause. Delay and denial aren’t the same thing; learn that difference and pursue your deepest desires as if your life depends on it– because in a lot of ways, it does.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
My favorite quote right now is, “We are the answered prayers of our ancestors.” My mom couldn’t have imagined the life that I live now. If she was here in the flesh, she would be exuberantly next to my side as she experienced the amazing things God has given and gifted to me. I am blessed to have a passion, purpose, belonging, and tribe that supports me in ways that I can’t fully comprehend. She didn’t have the tools or the vision to imagine that this could happen for me, but more importantly for her.
Still, I would hear her and my grandparents pray for me to be amazing, loved, stable, and sane. They would cry out to God for my siblings’ protection and safety. One of the barriers to acceptance I found with my family was their fear of how I could be impacted by being a Black, queer man.
Today, I realize there is no complete safety nor protection, and sanity and stability is a journey, but the life I live is a testament that their prayers were and are being answered in this very moment and, God willing, the future.
Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
There are two Black, queer men that I think are trailblazers in their own right that I wish I could just sit down and chat with. Karamo Brown is undoubtedly the epitome of what I would consider Black, queer excellence. Earlier in the interview, I spoke about how E. Lynn Harris changed my life in written work. Visually, Karamo Brown did the same thing for me in his appearance on The Real World in my junior year of high school. His continued work over the last two decades is an inspiration to Black, queer men like me to stay visible because visibility is advocacy. Secondly, Jerrod Carmichael. I have been following Jerrod Carmichael since The Carmichael Show aired in 2015. Talking to my friends, I would always tell them how I thought his comedy was smart and nuanced in a way that broke down barriers and caused people to be extremely introspective. When he came out as gay in Rothaniel, I was so proud. He reminds me that we can show up fully as ourselves while not having to fit in or out of any boxes.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
You can purchase my book, Kid. Man. Child., on any online platform, and follow me on Instagram @ianlhaddock.
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
Social Impact Authors: How & Why Ian L. Haddock Is Helping To Change Our World was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.