…Who you marry is perhaps the biggest determinant of your life. I didn’t fully grasp this in high school when my math teacher had a sign listing the top 10 most important things in life, with “Who you marry” at the top. At the time, it felt abstract and almost irrelevant — if not condescending to my feminist sentimentality. But as I’ve grown, I’ve come to understand that your partnership is the foundation for everything else. It’s not just about love; it’s about the dynamic you create together — the ability to face challenges, support growth, and build a shared vision for your future. It may sound a bit cheesy or cliché but it couldn’t be more important and real.
Your partner’s mindset, energy, and values either amplify or diminish your own. Are they encouraging? Are they aligned with your goals? Do they challenge you to grow, or do they hold you back? These aren’t just romantic considerations — they’re life design questions…
As a part of my series about “authors who are making an important social impact”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Elina Teboul.
Elina Teboul is the author of Feminine Intelligence: How Visionary Leaders Can Reshape Business for Good. She is a leadership expert who coaches influential leaders globally. Elina holds advanced degrees in psychology and law from Columbia University.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I was born in Russia, and my family left in 1992 when I was six, right at the fall of the Soviet Union. This was a pretty traumatic life experience for me, which has shaped a lot of my identity. When we moved to the U.S., we settled in an area of NYC called Brighton Beach — sometimes known as “Little Odessa by the Sea” because that is where many immigrants from the USSR moved. Think of it like Chinatown or Little Italy. Brighton Beach was always “special” — grandmas selling warm pirogis and pelmeni outside the local shops. Even the local Starbucks signage was in Russian. I never realized how insular that community was until my parents moved to Connecticut when I was 15. That was a real culture shock!
I grew up as an only child to very busy immigrant parents, so I was alone a lot. Moving to a new country without knowing English and without siblings to rely on for emotional support was certainly challenging. I became deeply interested in understanding people, so I learned to make friends as quickly as possible. Adaptability and curiosity are a central part of who I am to this day.
Another important aspect of my childhood was a lack of spirituality or religion. My parents are Jewish but had no ability to practice their faith in antisemitic Russia. They did not explore their roots even upon moving to New York — which is surprising given it would have been the perfect place to do so. My mother was interested in different Eastern traditions and spiritual teachers, but without a community to support it, and she didn’t find a way to expose me to her inner world — so I was left pretty spiritually disconnected.
Strangely, I was always told things by adults like “you are an old soul” or “you are wise beyond your years” — things I intuitively felt were true. Growing up alone, without much access to nature or spirituality, and in a community that was less than inspiring, made me a dreamer. It made me yearn for a sense of adventure, belonging, and discovery — a connection to the divine, a sense of magic and enchantment. Perhaps it is why I was then and continue to be always seeking knowledge and experience and am eager to challenge the status quo.
When you were younger, was there a book that you read that inspired you to take action or changed your life? Can you share a story about that?
I didn’t become a bookworm until later in life when I discovered my passion for psychology. One book that has made a huge impact on me as an adult is Conscious Capitalism by Raj Sisodia and John Mackey, the founder of Whole Foods.
My first job was as a corporate lawyer, a role I found increasingly unfulfilling. I struggled with a deep sense of confusion and an existential crisis about the true purpose of work. This was especially challenging because, within my friend group, I was always seen as “the smart one,” and I felt like I was failing to live up to that expectation. I left legal practice to work for Allan Gray, a philanthropist and visionary entrepreneur, whom I often consider the original conscious capitalist. He taught me so much about his vision of business that contributes to the wellbeing of society. But the ideas weren’t clear in my mind until I read Conscious Capitalism. While Allan showed me that there are real economic reasons why businesses need to be an expression of love, not just profit-driven machines, Conscious Capitalism broke down how and showed me that there are many conscious leaders out there. And wow, what would it be like to work for a company like that!
I was fortunate to have Raj write the foreword to my book. His ideas have influenced me greatly.
Another book that had a huge influence on me is The Heroine’s Journey by Maureen Murdock. Maureen was a student of the great Joseph Cambell. It turns out though, that Joseph Cambell did not believe that women make the archetypal “Hero’s Journey” — which infuriated Maureen quite a bit! She went on to document the cycles of a woman’s personal and spiritual development and its cyclical nature (rather than the linear journey outlined in Cambell’s version). In essence, this work says that women disconnect from the feminine in their youth as they try to go into a world fashioned by and for men. They supress their inner nature and put on a mask. It is only after a painful descent and dissociation that women begin to reconnect to their feminine wisdom and find ways to integrate it into their lives. Certainly, I feel that my own journey has fit this pattern perfectly.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
This is more of a full failure story than a mistake. After I finished writing the first draft of Feminine Intelligence, I felt energized to put my ideas into action, so I decided to start a chocolate company. But not just any chocolate company — a super healthy and environmentally conscious one! I was determined to create something that would combine health, sustainability, and impact — an expression of conscious capitalism.
For anyone reading Feminine Intelligence, I want you to know that I deeply understand the difference between talking about leadership and actually doing it. Starting this business wasn’t just about creating a product; it was about putting myself in the shoes of the people I write for — really feeling the push and pull of competing priorities and hard decisions. I wanted to live the experience of navigating those challenges firsthand, to truly understand what I’m asking others to do when I speak about conscious leadership. And so predictably, I quickly faced the realities of balancing environmental goals with business demands. I refused to compromise on my vision of sustainability, which made it nearly impossible to move the business model forward. In the end, I couldn’t make it work.
While it was hard to accept at the time, this failure was also clarifying. It forced me to ask myself what kind of impact I wanted to make in the world. I realized that instead of trying to build a single product company, I could amplify my impact by supporting environmental initiatives like the Earth Law Center (a nonprofit for which I sit on the Advisory Board). I also found my purpose in inspiring other leaders to take meaningful action through my coaching and speaking. That multiplier effect is what I find really exciting!
The lesson: Know your why and don’t compromise on it.
Can you describe how you aim to make a significant social impact with your book?
I see social impact as something that starts at the individual level and radiates outward to organizations, communities, and ultimately the planet. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of coaching some of the most incredible entrepreneurs, executives, investors and creatives. Their personal breakthroughs would ripple through their organizations as theyset the culture and tone — creating conscious businesses. The book is a way to speak to so many more people than I could coaching alone. It’s intentionally packed with coaching questions following every chapter, so it really feels like an individual process for each reader. Because it all starts on the individual level — and we cannot have conscious businesses or economic systems without conscious individuals.
Secondly, while the book is not written exclusively for women, a major goal is to empower women to fully own their power. When women shed “good girl” narratives — those silent constraints woven into patriarchal norms — and embrace their feminine intelligence, it’s transformative not just for them, but for society at large. I’ve seen this through my coaching work repeatedly — women finding their voice and using it to advocate for, invest in line with, and champion their values.
Lastly, none of this matters if we fail to protect our shared home. Our relationship with the feminine is profoundly linked to our relationship with nature: the life-giving, creative force that sustains us. By reclaiming and empowering the feminine archetype we awaken a deep, protective love for Mother Earth. In my book, I share examples of how this is possible, featuring interviews and case studies from organizations like Faith in Nature and the Earth Law Center, for those seeking practical ways to make a difference. My hope is that this renewed reverence for the feminine will catalyze meaningful action on the climate crisis, so that my children– and all our children inherit a planet that is vibrant and alive.
Can you share with us the most interesting story that you shared in your book?
One of the most powerful stories in Feminine Intelligence comes from the chapter where I explore how intentional, safe, and guided psychedelic experiences help us connect to feminine intelligence.
I share the details of a psychedelic experience I had personally that connected me with nature like never before.
“I sat with my guide on the bare ground. She had brought a jar of dried “Hawaiians” with her — beautiful mushrooms that look a lot like the young portobello mushrooms you find in the grocery store. She encouraged me to pick out a few, so I slowly and carefully selected the ones that spoke to me, ones that somehow seemed to have a wise and enchanting vibe. While they didn’t taste great, they were chewy, earthy, and surprisingly pleasing to eat.
I sat and waited, quietly staring at the soft blue sky above. After about 30 minutes, I turned my eyes to the Earth and watched in awe as I saw her moving. She was alive — and she was breathing. Wanting to get closer, I laid my whole body down and soon found myself sobbing. In that one singular yet infinite moment, I was deeply aware of the Earth’s nurturing spirit and felt wrapped in her limitless love. At the same time, I began to feel what she was feeling. I felt her strength, her vitality, and, paradoxically, her vulnerability. I felt her disappointment about the way she is treated. Then, unexpectedly, I felt the full weight of her grief and her simmering rage.
A torrent of emotion overwhelmed me, and I dissolved into more tears. I felt in tune with Earth’s breath; it was an ethereal connection that transcends conventional understanding. I felt the palpitations of the ground; I resonated with her rhythms; her gentle ebb and flow echoed within me. Her powerful pulsation, akin to a silent whisper of the planet, was a testament to her living essence. Each inhalation was a manifestation of life’s vibrancy; each exhalation was an affirmation of relentless resilience.
The experience was both heartbreaking and enlightening. It shook me to my core yet filled me with a profound awareness of the bond we share with our planet. It was a poignant reminder of the interconnectedness of all life forms, of our collective responsibility to safeguard our celestial home, and of the urgency with which we need to act to mend our strained relationship with her. (And she really is our Mother.)”
The result of this experience was a realization that I wanted to become more actively involved in environmental advocacy. This led me to join the Advisory Board of the Earth Law Center, aligning my legal expertise with my newly ignited passion. It is that symbiotic relationship between the feminine and nature that has been the seed of ecofeminist philosophy.
What’s most important about psychedelic experiences is not just the journey itself but how you integrate the insights back into your life with purpose and intention. A safe, guided, and beautiful experience can be deeply transformative, but true impact comes from translating that transformation into meaningful action that benefits society.
I am deeply passionate about how safe, guided, and intentional use of psychedelic experiences can foster feminine intelligence. Fortunately, there are now jurisdictions where this can be done legally — such as the Netherlands, Jamaica, Australia, and various other places.
What was the “aha moment” or series of events that made you decide to bring your message to the greater world? Can you share a story about that?
In my leadership advisory practice, I work with many ambitious and brilliant women. They naturally want to find their strengths, their voices, and use them to make a difference. But time and again, they share stories of bringing bold, purposeful ideas to their organizations or family offices, only to be shut down in the name of shareholder returns or short-term profits.
It is heartbreaking — and maddening. These aren’t failures of skill or conviction; they are symptoms of a system that prioritizes masculine principles like efficiency and profit at the expense of the feminine principles that nurture connection, joy, and purpose.
After hearing many different versions of this same story, I realized I needed to give a name to this tension.
Then, I met the co-founders of FemmeQ, an organization advocating for the feminine principle through various events and trainings. When I heard the phrase “feminine intelligence,” it was the “aha moment,” and I knew it was the name I had been searching for! It perfectly captured what I had been trying to articulate: that it’s not about men versus women, but about helping leaders of all genders access the feminine principles within themselves — so that they could find the courage to lead differently.
What was interesting is that when I started using the language of the feminine, many of these same brilliant women pushed back! One prominent female politician in the UK declined an interview saying she didn’t believe in such a concept, and many echoed her sentiment. Many women I spoke with would deny this part of themselves — they felt that focusing too much on such a “controversial” subject would threaten the equality and respect they had worked so hard for so long to achieve.
When I understood this irony — that while we are groomed to be feminists, we are simultaneously conditioned to be afraid of our femininity — I knew I hit the mark because of its harsh truth. And I also understood that relegating feminine intelligence to only a “women’s issue” would harm women by pigeonholing them and not changing the values of the system as a whole. We need all leaders, regardless of their gender, to value feminine strengths and values.
Without sharing specific names, can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted or helped by your cause?
Let’s call him James. He was the CEO of a fast-growing tech startup, brilliant in his field but struggling to connect with people. James carried a lot of unresolved traumas from childhood, and it was showing up in ways that hurt his leadership. He was sort of a narcissist, often dismissing input from his team and alienating those around him. His board was close to firing him if he didn’t make a serious change.
When we began working together, James was sceptical, but over time, he started to open up (slowly!). Together, we explored the roots of his behaviour, uncovering how his childhood trauma was influencing his need for control and his dismissal of others. A turning point came when he began to respect the concept of feminine intelligence — learning that leadership isn’t just about dominance or results, but also about listening, connection, and care. This shift really changed his behaviour, especially with the women on his executive leadership team, whose insights he had often overlooked or minimized. It also made him lighter, happier, and actually fun!
As James began to listen more and dominate less, his changes created a trickle-down effect throughout the company. Team members who were on the verge of quitting began to thrive under his new style of leadership. Trust was rebuilt, and people felt valued and empowered. The board didn’t fire him after all!
Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do to help you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?
I want to focus on one because it’s really important, and I want to give it the weight and respect it deserves. It’s also controversial so requires a bit of explanation: Legalizing psychedelic assisted therapy and removing the barriers to accessibility, under certain conditions.
Here’s the truth: contrary to widespread misinformation and alarmist propaganda, a substantial body of scientific research now demonstrates that, with appropriate protocols and practices in place, psychedelics are generally safe, with instances of harm being extremely rare. I find it mind boggling that it is possible to legally purchase a bottle of vodka and a rifle in the same shop at the same time in some states in the U.S. — but clinically proven medicines remain criminalized.
In a very real sense, psychedelics are upstream from every other issue. They help people heal from their traumas on a profound level, connect authentically with themselves, with others, and with nature. This kind of transformation is essential if we are to confront and address the immense challenges of our time. We are disconnected from ourselves, our natural world, and those around us. This spiritual bankruptcy is the root cause of the many problems we are facing — both personal and systemic.
Legalization is a complex issue, and there are many questions I don’t have answers to. Psychedelic experiences certainly aren’t for everyone, particularly those with a family history of certain health conditions (such as schizophrenia). If pursued, they should take place in a therapeutic environment with proper preparation, integration, and a reliable support system at home. An experienced and well-trained guide is crucial, but that’s only the beginning.
Respect and reciprocity toward indigenous communities — who have carried the generational wisdom of certain psychedelic substances — are equally important. Simply because these substances might become legal doesn’t mean everyone should have easy access to them. This is by no means an exhaustive list of the precautions and conditions necessary for legalization, but it underscores just how multifaceted this conversation truly is.
The thing is, there is a big underground network facilitating these experiences — and this is not safe. Without legalization, there is no regulation — of the therapists, of the substances, or of the setting. Many instances of harm would be eliminated if the right structures and formalities were created to allow those seeking such experiences to safely and legally have them.
If we’re truly committed to addressing the root causes of society’s challenges, we need to consider policy changes that acknowledge the proven therapeutic potential of psychedelics while also safeguarding people through proper education, regulation, and community support. That’s the one transformative step I’d like to see from our community, society, and politicians: a thoughtful, responsible path to legalizing — and normalizing — psychedelic-assisted therapy.
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
A conscious organization cannot exist without a conscious leader. Real leadership starts with the self — it’s autobiographical. The leader is a tool, the conduit through which vision, culture, and change flow. If the leader is disconnected from their values or their purpose, that disconnection will ripple through the organization. Conversely, when a leader is self-aware and aligned, their authenticity and clarity create a powerful foundation for the entire system.
As a coach, I’ve seen leaders whose unresolved personal challenges — whether it’s a need for control, fear of failure, or difficulty trusting others — manifest in ways that limit their effectiveness. The point is, you can’t separate leadership from the person. Leadership is an extension of the inner world. This is why self-awareness is so critical. To be a conscious leader, you have to continually reflect on your stories, your patterns, and how they influence the way you lead.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why?
1 . Productivity isn’t about time spent; it’s about results.
When I started my career as a corporate lawyer, everything revolved around billable hours — down to 6-minute increments. It didn’t matter if you completed a task efficiently; what mattered was how much time you could charge the client. This system conditioned me to equate time with value, programming me to think that working longer meant working better. Looking back, this mindset was entirely wrong and deeply counterproductive.
It wasn’t until I read Tim Ferriss’s The 4-Hour Workweek that it hit me so clearly — true productivity is about outcomes, not hours! Tim emphasizes focusing on effectiveness — prioritizing tasks that deliver the most impact — rather than being busy for the sake of it.
Two principles he highlights are critical:
- 80/20 Rule — 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts so identify the small efforts that generate the biggest results; and
- Parkinson’s Law — work expands to fill the time we allow it — so set shorter timeframes for tasks and batch similar tasks together to minimize your workload (unless I guess you are a corporate lawyer billing your clients!)
Many of us wear “business” as a badge of honour, and frankly, it ruins our lives. Spending time on your health, travel, your family, your hobbies — this is all possible. Just stop wasting your time on being (and “acting”) busy.
2. The power of having a sponsor or mentor.
Growing up, I didn’t have mentors or much parental guidance, so I never learned how to seek out someone who could truly guide me. Despite having many strong relationships in my life, finding a sponsor or mentor has always been something I’ve struggled with. This made me realize just how much I had to figure out on my own — and how different things might have been if I’d had someone advocating for me or offering insight when I needed it most.
As an executive coach, I’ve seen firsthand how transformative a mentor or sponsor can be to people’s careers. They aren’t just there to teach you — they open doors, challenge you, and push you toward opportunities you might not even see for yourself. The right guidance can accelerate growth in ways that are hard to replicate on your own. My advice is to build relationships with people who can teach you and advocate for you. Their influence will shape your path in ways you never imagined.
If you don’t have a coach or a mentor, seek one out immediately! Don’t be afraid to reach out to people you admire. You will be surprised how responsive people can be to a thoughtfully crafted personal message. After all, what’s the worst that can happen?
3. Who you marry is perhaps the biggest determinant of your life.
I didn’t fully grasp this in high school when my math teacher had a sign listing the top 10 most important things in life, with “Who you marry” at the top. At the time, it felt abstract and almost irrelevant — if not condescending to my feminist sentimentality. But as I’ve grown, I’ve come to understand that your partnership is the foundation for everything else. It’s not just about love; it’s about the dynamic you create together — the ability to face challenges, support growth, and build a shared vision for your future. It may sound a bit cheesy or cliché but it couldn’t be more important and real.
My husband and I have done a lot of intentional work to strengthen our relationship — therapeutic, spiritual, and deeply reflective. We’ve invested time and effort because we understand that our connection is the bedrock for everything else we hope to achieve, from raising our children to pursuing ambitious careers. This intentionality has been critical, especially when balancing the demands of parenthood and professional aspirations. Managing both requires the right dynamic — one where you can truly rely on each other, communicate openly, and evolve together. A strong partnership doesn’t just happen; it’s built, nurtured, and continually reimagined as life unfolds.
Your partner’s mindset, energy, and values either amplify or diminish your own. Are they encouraging? Are they aligned with your goals? Do they challenge you to grow, or do they hold you back? These aren’t just romantic considerations — they’re life design questions.
Shoutout and gratitude to my love Jeremie — he will be excited to see it in print!
4. Don’t believe everything you think.
One of the most liberating lessons I’ve learned is that your thoughts aren’t facts — they’re manifestations of your emotions, shaped by your beliefs, biases, and filters. We all carry these invisible mental frameworks that color how we see the world, often without realizing it. Your inner dialogue might feel like absolute truth, but it’s often just a reflection of past experiences, fears, or unresolved emotions. The empowering part? You can change it. By questioning your thoughts and challenging your assumptions, you can create an entirely new narrative for yourself.
This shift isn’t just mental — it’s reality-bending. Reality is subjective; what we perceive as “true” is filtered through our beliefs, and when we change those beliefs, the world around us transforms too. You can start small: notice the stories you tell yourself — I’m not good enough, I’ll fail, Things always go wrong for me — and ask, Is this true? By reframing your inner dialogue, you begin to see new possibilities, take different actions, and ultimately shape a different reality. It’s not magic — it’s rewiring. The mind is incredibly powerful, and when you align your beliefs with the life you want to create, the world starts to shift to meet you there.
5. Play to Your Strengths
Why do so many people spend their time trying to improve their weaknesses instead of building on what they’re already good at? I always say that you cannot judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree — if you are a fish, focus on your swimming technique. Lots of research from the field of positive psychology shows that focusing on your strengths leads to greater happiness, productivity, and overall success. Most people overlook this approach, getting stuck in a cycle of self-criticism rather than leveraging their natural talents. That is why in my coaching practice one of the first things we always do with clients is to work on identify their strengths — and some of those techniques are mentioned in Feminine Intelligence, so I encourage readers to actually go through them with pen and paper!
Personally, I excel at generating creative ideas, building strong relationships, and bringing a vibrant energy to everything I do. On the other hand, getting bogged down by small details and spending too much time alone just wasn’t my style, which made the demanding environment of a law firm particularly challenging for me.
Instead of pushing myself to fit into a role that drained my energy, I decided to pivot to a career that aligns with my strengths and passions. This shift has been incredible — it’s not only more meaningful and fun, but it also requires much less effort because I’m doing what I’m good at.
If you’re tired of trying to fix what’s wrong with you, take some time to identify your strengths and build your life around them. You’ll find that your life starts to flow with ease and joy.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
One of my favorite quotes is “You can have it all, but not at the same time.” I believe that I first heard said by Sheryl Sandberg, though its origins are widely debated. Regardless of who first said it, the message is powerful — especially for working moms who constantly feel the pressure to “have it all.”
As a working mom myself, I’ve experienced the tug-of-war between building a meaningful career and being fully present for my family. There’s this myth perpetuated in our culture that we should be able to juggle everything perfectly: thriving professionally, parenting flawlessly, maintaining friendships, staying fit, and still having time for ourselves. The truth? It’s impossible to excel in all areas simultaneously without sacrificing our well-being. God knows I’ve tried!
This quote reminds me that life is cyclical. There are times when my career takes center stage, and other times when my focus shifts more fully to my family or personal growth. Instead of chasing an unrealistic ideal of balance, I try to be intentional about where I place my energy and give myself permission to prioritize what matters most in the moment.
Many of my clients have told me they found great freedom in this perspective. It’s not about having to do it all at once — it’s about choosing what’s most important now and knowing that there will be space for other priorities later. It’s a lesson in grace, self-compassion, and redefining success on our own terms.
Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
I’d absolutely love to have a private breakfast — or, let’s be honest, a marathon laugh in some faraway place — with Esther Perel. Her influence on modern relationship therapy, her frankness about intimacy, and her deep empathy make her a colossal presence in the field of mental health.
Both being Jewish and having spent large chunks of our lives in New York City, we share a certain cultural flavor. We’re both deeply engaged in supporting clients’ mental and emotional well-being. Esther has mastered bringing emotional nuance into public conversation and redefined how we talk about intimacy and sexuality.
I’m also inspired by her curious spirit — one that leads her from festivals like Harvest to soul-shifting journeys in the Amazon. That adventurous drive to seek out new perspectives resonates with me.
When I think of the professional I want to become — a thought leader and communicator who acknowledges that we’re all messy and glorious at the same time — I think of Esther Perel. She embodies a blend of cultural sensitivity, innovative thinking, and unapologetic honesty that I find captivating. She’s my north star.
So, if we’re tagging the inimitable Esther Perel: Here’s a giant “thank you” for your inspiration — and an open invitation for an authentic connection in some place just as vibrant and extraordinary as you are.
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This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
Social Impact Authors: How & Why Elina Teboul Is Helping To Change Our World was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.