Social Impact Authors: How & Why Author Alexis Lenderman-Black of ‘Redefining Normal’ Is Helping To Change Our World
An Interview With Edward Sylvan
During the writing process of our book, I had a friend of mine send me photos of her after her encounter with domestic abuse. After being covered in bruises and broken physically and emotionally, she began to describe the actions that were done to her. Tears poured down my face reading her messages. She concluded her text by saying, “Girls like me need your book more than ever…”. Immediately, I grabbed my computer and felt inspired to tell my story of sexual, physical, physical, and emotional abuse. For days I had writer’s block and attempted to avoid detailing my most vulnerable pains. Her words fueled inspiration and responsibility.
As part of my series about “authors who are making an important social impact,” I had the pleasure of interviewing Alexis Lenderman-Black, a serial entrepreneur, award-winning, bestselling author, and speaker. She currently co-operates 5 companies with her husband and published the bestselling book Redefining Normal: How Two Foster Kids Beat The Odds and Discovered Healing, Happiness and Love. She hopes to continue the conversations on breaking generational patterns and healing to help others live a life worth living.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
Before becoming a teenager, I persevered through mother’s death and father’s imprisonment. As I journeyed through the foster care system, I began to internalize the abuse and neglect I experienced. have been able to analyze how trauma has been normalized in families and in their upbringing. With a change in perspective and approach to building relationships, my mission is to advocate and help to restructure environments where individuals, families, and communities can grow and establish a healthy foundation. Those who’ve experienced trauma have continually passed down unhealthy generational patterns that require awareness and intentionality about redefining the normal. Currently, my husband and I co-operate five companies and have published the award-winning, bestselling book Redefining Normal: How Two Foster Kids Beat The Odds and Discovered Healing, Happiness and Love. I hope to continue the conversations on breaking generational patterns and healing to help others live a life worth living.
When you were younger, was there a book that you read that inspired you to take action or change your life? Can you share a story about that?
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. It is a story of shame and redemption that reaches across racial and religious gaps. That no matter your environment, even in war, you can find joy.
I can see this reflected in my own life that no matter what I go through and what my environment looks like, I have the power to choose joy in any situation. This reminds me of the power of our mind and our words and how we can reframe our situations so that we can learn and be empowered from them.
Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?
During the pandemic, the balance between work and personal life has been blurred for many of us as we join Zoom meetings with pajama pants and a button-up dress shirt we found three minutes before the call. During the writing of our book, my husband and I lived with my adopted parents. We are forever grateful for the opportunity to do so. However, they have five children, the majority of them under the age of ten. It was common for one of my younger siblings to burst into our room while we were presenting or joining a podcast. At times, our embarrassment was so high that we simply had to laugh. Others completely understood but it was safe to say this time period was comical.
Can you describe how you aim to make a significant social impact with your book?
The meaning of Redefining Normal stems from the identity that has been shaped by your family, community, and society. As my husband and are I are both foster care alumni, we inherited a culture of ideas that was a reflection of the trauma of our family and community. This became our reality and the image we had of ourselves. Our Redefining Normal book challenges every idea that we’ve been told/shown throughout our lives in order for us to reshape and redefine what it means to pursue happiness, form meaningful relationships, to prosper, and love.
Redefining Normal: How Two Foster Kids Beat the Odds and Discovered Healing, Happiness, and Love was created to help families and communities become intentional about healthy practices and influences. So far, we’ve contributed to strategies and techniques that will allow foster parents, counselors, advocates, school faculty, and others to be proactive and aware of how to support youth who’ve experienced any level ofo trauma. Because of our lived experience in the foster care system, we also provide foster parents and advocates with the necessary resources to surround themselves with in order to be a positive partner in the lives of youth who’ve experienced foster care. Our goal is to help people understand that community healing and growth is a collaborative process. We highlight the components of a healthy relationship as well as the aspect of the community that needed to be formed to establish a prosperous environment.
Can you share with us the most interesting story that you shared in your book?
We believe that our book is filled with interesting, traumatic, and cultivating stories of our teenage, childhood, young adult memories. The most interesting story that we describe is how we met. We were both on a journey of self-discovery and in some ways, pursuing it the wrong way. First impressions are always hilarious, especially as I was a fourth-year junior being approached by a freshman. I love the story of how we meet because we discuss the beginning of how two people who’ve experienced trauma, began to unpack everything on both an individual and relational level.
What was the “aha moment” or series of events that made you decide to bring your message to the greater world? Can you share a story about that?
We had been wanting to write a book since the Fall of 2019. Seeing that we discuss healthy relationships and the absence of them in our childhood every other day, we felt the need to express these ideas. We knew we weren’t experts but we thought our lived experience could help individuals form an identity based on their truth. An identity from outside of the family, community, and societal expectations placed on us. Given that my husband and I have experienced extreme trauma throughout our childhood, we felt that we must resolve the damage that was done together. This book was the outlet to do so!
This also gave me the idea to write a memoir where we had alternating accounts on multiple different perspectives. We have two different individual stories that describe how we both overcame our trauma to become who we are today.
Without sharing specific names, can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted or helped by your cause?
During the writing process of our book, I had a friend of mine send me photos of her after her encounter with domestic abuse. After being covered in bruises and broken physically and emotionally, she began to describe the actions that were done to her. Tears poured down my face reading her messages. She concluded her text by saying, “Girls like me need your book more than ever…”. Immediately, I grabbed my computer and felt inspired to tell my story of sexual, physical, physical, and emotional abuse. For days I had writer’s block and attempted to avoid detailing my most vulnerable pains. Her words fueled inspiration and responsibility.
Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do to help you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?
Communities, society, and politicians all play a role in improving the quality of family. Community members can assist families in skill development and healthy family communication. Both society and politicians can work to ensure that families have the necessary resources to allow them to develop a sustainable foundation. This should consist of policies that focus on households being economically sound, purpose-driven, and conducive for their community while exercising their autonomy.
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
Leadership begins with leading by example. Leadership consists of learning from mistakes in order to pass down information to others, granting them the opportunity to avoid those same mistakes. Leadership also enables followers to take lead and create for themselves. An example would be a CEO or business owner teaching their employees and inspiring them to one day become business owners. Leaders aren’t fearful of losing followers or supporters but motivated by others taking charge and becoming leaders themselves.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why. Please share a story or example for each.
- Appreciate the process
We often get too consumed with the end result that we forget to enjoy the journey of both failure and success.
2. Be patient
Still may seem simple but is actually one of the most difficult things to learn, especially when serving others.
3. Be humble and remove all pride
Within social impact businesses, it is not about our own personal wishes but providing products and services that are best for the people we are serving. This was our approach when creating our book. We reveal personal stories that were often uncomfortable but have inspired thousands of people to grow and be self-reflective on easy to improve themselves as well as their family and community.
4. Study the route of those that came before you
We and to look long and hard for mentors that have had social impact businesses and achieved success. Once we found them, we are international about studying their pathway to success
5. Celebrate your victories
I personally get caught up in working tirelessly without breaks or celebrations. This has caused burnout and mental breakdown numerous times in my life. Take a break and having, at least, a mini-celebration actually motivates me to do more once I return to work.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
My favorite quote is, “You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with.” I experienced a complete mindset switch once I changed my circle of friends and influences. We need to surround ourselves with people who reflect our future and what we want out of life and not the maturities of our past. If your friends aren’t growing and maturing with you then there are serious changes that need to be made.
Transitioning from an abusive relationship that I was in from the age of 13 to 22, I noticed that when my surroundings changed my mindset changed as well. Originally from Flint, Michigan, my identity was a reflection of my friend group as well as the environment I grew up in. My actions and behaviors did me no justice and I had to make a change. It was difficult to make that shift in mindset when I lived in the same environment. My peers would ridicule me if I dared to question their unhealthy habits. After my honest remarks were taken as bitter, I knew I needed a new circle of friends and supporters.
It was time to turn a new page in order for me to make needed adjustments in my life. My foster parents moved to Kalamazoo, Michigan and during my second year of college, I transferred to Western Michigan University where I was exposed to what felt like a whole new world of possibilities. Moving locations allowed my adoptive parents to have a greater influence on my life. I changed my social circle and my group of friends reflected my future and not my past. After making that decision, my life changed drastically.
Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
I LOVE Malala Yousafzai without a doubt. Her fearless fight towards education for girls has been an inspiration for me since I heard her story. She has redefined what was normal for her and thousands of girls around the world. I hope to one day be a point of inspiration for others, especially current and former foster youth. I hope to achieve at least half of what she’s done in her lifetime!
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Readers are more than welcome to follow our journey for Redefining Normal at:
Facebook: @redefiningnormalmemoir
Instagram: @re.definingnormal
Website: re-definingnormal.com
Our book is also available at Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08MDHZ5KZ
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
About The Interviewer: Growing up in Canada, Edward Sylvan was an unlikely candidate to make a mark on the high-powered film industry based in Hollywood. But as CEO of Sycamore Entertainment Group Inc, (SEGI) Sylvan is among a select group of less than ten Black executives who have founded, own and control a publicly traded company. Now, deeply involved in the movie business, he is providing opportunities for people of color.
In 2020, he was appointed president of the Monaco International Film Festival, and was encouraged to take the festival in a new digital direction.
Raised in Toronto, he attended York University where he studied Economics and Political Science, then went to work in finance on Bay Street, (the city’s equivalent of Wall Street). After years of handling equities trading, film tax credits, options trading and mergers and acquisitions for the film, mining and technology industries, in 2008 he decided to reorient his career fully towards the entertainment business.
With the aim of helping Los Angeles filmmakers of color who were struggling to understand how to raise capital, Sylvan wanted to provide them with ways to finance their creative endeavors.
At Sycamore Entertainment he specializes in print and advertising financing, marketing, acquisition and worldwide distribution of quality feature-length motion pictures, and is concerned with acquiring, producing and promoting films about equality, diversity and other thought provoking subject matter which will also include nonviolent storytelling.
Social Impact Authors: How & Why Author Alexis Lenderman-Black of ‘Redefining Normal’ Is Helping To was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.