“Schedule Non-Negotiable Appointments With Yourself For Self-Care” Words of Wisdom With Alyssa Petersel
“Schedule non-negotiable appointments with yourself for self-care. This can be therapy, but it doesn’t have to be, and shouldn’t only be. I do go to therapy every week. I also used to be someone who ran at least 5 days/week. Exercise is fundamentally important to me and has a big impact on my health and mental health.These days, I’m lucky if I exercise 1–3 times per week. If I do not literally book time to exercise in my calendar, I will get swept away with work-related tasks, and I will not exercise. There are two steps here: Schedule the exercise in advance, and honor that appointment. It’s a work meeting, do not cancel it. The endorphins, stress relief, and movement will help you focus on your work otherwise, and will create more creative energy and headspace for you to lead in the best way possible.”
I had the pleasure of interviewing Alyssa Petersel, LMSW, Founder and CEO of My Wellbeing, where she connects therapy-seekers with the right psychotherapist for them in NYC. An alum of Northwestern University and NYU, where she got her Master’s in Social Work, Alyssa is also the award-winning author of her debut narrative nonfiction book, Somehow I Am Different, about identity and resilience in Budapest, Hungary. She now lives in Brooklyn and is passionate about My Wellbeing providing an easier and more personalized process for individuals to get into, experience and enjoy the many benefits of psychotherapy.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! What is your “backstory”?
Thank you for having me! I didn’t always know entrepreneurship had a name, but I’ve been dabbling with creativity, challenging systems, and advocating to improve care for as long as I can remember. I started my undergrad career as a biomedical engineer, aiming to create prosthetic limbs for trauma survivors, and graduated as a psychology and international studies double-major, passionate about healing, storytelling and intercultural dialogue. I found my way to social work after a few years of working in violence prevention, community organizing and advocacy at Strengthening Chicago’s Youth (SCY); leading food tours at Sidewalk Food Tours; researching and writing in Budapest, Hungary; and working as a waitress while editing and publishing.
My commitment to the very real problem of finding the right therapist stems from my own experience seeking a therapist. When I began my Master’s at NYU, I decided it was time to address the years of anxiety and depression I’d wrestled with. I wanted to better understand the experience of therapy-goers, if I was to one day help them as a therapist, and I wanted to have a deeper understanding of my own story and obstacles.
Easier said than done. Two years and many visits to various therapists later, I finally began working with a therapist I trusted. My therapist now helps me gain insight into my thoughts and feelings, and guides me to feeling the most grounded and equipped with self-assurance I’ve felt in a long time. The beauty of therapy is not that the therapist knows all the answers. Almost the opposite. My therapist is honest about not knowing when he doesn’t know. He’s there for me, actively engaged in my story and my needs, and ready to facilitate my connection with my own answers.
So today, I aim to ease this process for others. At My Wellbeing, we connect people looking to begin a therapeutic relationship with a strong therapeutic fit for them. We take many factors into account to make the process as seamless as possible. If the chemistry is off (because rapport and chemistry are responsible for over 70% of why therapy works), we use that experience to inform our next match. My team and I are here every step of the way until someone feels they have connected with a therapist who feels safe, understanding, and like they can help them think and feel better over time.
We pair our matchmaking with curated content, so therapy-goers and others interested in self-care can learn more about therapy, it’s various kinds and benefits, and diverse experiences and findings around therapy and self-care. We also provide community and resource sharing for our therapist community, and look forward to fostering unity in an otherwise siloed and isolating space.
Since starting My Wellbeing, I have experienced the landscape around business and entrepreneurship shifting to focus more and more on mental health. Celebrities like pro-basketball player Kevin Love are speaking up about their experiences with anxiety, mental health and therapy. Leaders like Spotify are launching podcasts like Killing It, a new podcast about founders and their mental health obstacles. The more I learn, the more confident I feel that we are facing an epidemic of chronic stress and existential fatigue, and now is the time to make a change in how we perceive things like asking for help and investing in self-care.
Can you share the funniest or most interesting story that happened to you since you started your company
A few months into starting My Wellbeing, I attended a launch party hosted by a fellow entrepreneur. I went alone and did not yet know anyone else attending.
The party started as most do. I arrived shortly after doors opened and weaved through scattered guests toward the snack table. I arranged a plate of vegetables and hummus, poured a glass of sparkling water, and continued weaving toward a couch on the periphery of the room where a few young women sat. I introduced myself and one of the three women asked me the first of a series of getting-to-know-you questions, “So, what do you do?”
As I shared my brief explanation about My Wellbeing, what we do, and why we do it, her eyes widened.
“Amazing!” she nodded while maintaining direct eye contact. “If I didn’t already love my therapist, I would totally use you. Finding the right therapist can be really hard.”
“If you don’t mind sharing,” I asked, “What is your therapist’s name? I’m always happy to meet more clinicians, particularly when those they’re working with are so pleased with their partnership.”
She assured me she was happy to share, and we both laughed when we realized her therapist was already a part of My Wellbeing’s community. We had never met, we — other than this celebratory event — may not have otherwise had occasion to meet, but in this moment, we were connected.
What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?
My Wellbeing is different in that we’ve prioritized integrating clinical theory and perspective into our strategy from day one. As a practicing therapist and active therapy-goer, I am familiar with what it’s like to be in the room from both perspectives. I understand the joys and challenges from both sides.
We stand out from other resources people use today to find a therapist, like directories or insurance companies, in that we provide fast, directive, detailed and personalized support and guidance. After filling out a 5-minute questionnaire, within 24 hours (and usually much less), therapy-seekers receive information about what kind of therapy and what kind of therapist might be best for them and why. We can help talk through questions about things like out of network benefits, or what one can expect in a first session, and more.
Often, the first response I receive from therapy-seekers is “Thank you so much for responding.” This speaks both to the tremendous issues that exist in our system’s current processes for finding a therapist, and to the relief and support we provide our users.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story?
I cannot emphasize this enough, particularly for entrepreneurs starting a company from scratch: surrounding yourself with the support you need is so important.
I am grateful to my therapist for his dependability and ceaseless curiosity and support. I’m grateful to my family, for humoring my relentless pursuit of relatively irrational career choices and supporting me every step of the way. I am grateful to my friends, for their hand-written notes of support, late night tea sessions, and Skype calls from afar. And I’m grateful to fellow founders I’ve met along the way, who are some of the few people who can truly understand what it feels like to be a founder, and make themselves available to offer insight, advice, and support.
I am especially grateful to my boyfriend, for his understanding me and supporting my ambition and creativity. The funny stories are endless with him. One that is not uncommon is the experience of my reading an email aloud, elated, first thing in the morning, only to read a discouraging email one hour later, only to read yet another encouraging email after lunch, and so on. I can always count on him to remind me, “You’re doing great. You got this.”
How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?
I launched My Wellbeing in June 2017 and have since matched hundreds of individuals and couples in NYC to their therapist match. I’ve also partnered with nearly 10 companies to match their employees with personalized therapist recommendations, and offer stress-management and therapeutic workshops at the office, helping to improve productivity, satisfaction at work, and reduce health-related costs. Hearing success stories and positive feedback from both therapists and clients about the quality of their fit is the reason I do this work.
In the next year, we look forward to tripling the number of people we are able to connect to compatible therapists, and to building a space where we can innovate the experience of therapy from start to finish, infusing the experience with more support, groundedness, and community.
Our vision at My Wellbeing is to do away with stigma around mental health. One in four people in the US report experiencing mental illness, and over 90% of US employees report stress that interferes with their day-to-day. Anxiety, chronic stress, depression, and existential crises are things that plague a vast majority of us. Some symptoms feel immediate, acute, and life-threatening. Others are less intense but more chronic, seeping into one’s experience over long periods of time. Regardless of one’s experience, our mind and our perception of ourselves is our most valuable resource. It’s time we view flexing our mental muscles as a strength and proactive necessity, especially when times are good, to create a foundation of support and insight for when life’s inevitable curve balls come our way. It’s time we reframe seeking therapy as proactively taking advantage of resources that exist to be our healthiest, strongest version of ourselves.
Do you have a favorite book that made a deep impact on your life? Can you share a story?
Goodness, the list could go on forever. Lately, I have been loving Cleo Wade’s Heart Talk, which offers gentle reminders about how powerful each and every one of us are, and how much we deserve to value ourselves and our self-care, and Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score, which is a more scientific look at the impact of trauma on the mind and body and how we can each go about healing in a more holistic way.
When I was younger, my father wrote me handwritten letters and signed them as the Big Friendly Giant, inspired by a Roald Dahl book we read together frequently. I still have some of his drawings and letters in my dresser. For me, books are extensions of another human’s experiences, and are therefore a powerful vehicle for connection and support.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me before I started my company” and why. Please share a story or example for each.
- While rigor, hustle, and responsiveness are must-haves when starting a company, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Break down your vision into tangible, step-by-step goals, and celebrate the small victories.
- Build a team, and do not hire or partner with someone just to avoid being alone. Cultural fit is important and growing with intention will ultimately plant the seeds for an aligned, motivated team.Whatever it is you happen to be deciding today, you are the only one who can make the ultimate decision.
- It is in your best interest to build a trusted network of advisors and fellow founders. Ask for perspective and feedback whenever you can, within reason (don’t overwhelm yourself!). Understand you will often receive conflicting opinions (affectionately coined “mentor whiplash” by my invaluable advisors at the NYU eLab), and ultimately, you need to filter through, weigh various perspectives against your own wisdom, experience, instinct, and goals, and choose.Worst case scenario? You’re wrong. You’ll fix it.
- Schedule non-negotiable appointments with yourself for self-care. This can be therapy, but it doesn’t have to be, and shouldn’t only be. I do go to therapy every week. I also used to be someone who ran at least 5 days/week. Exercise is fundamentally important to me and has a big impact on my health and mental health.These days, I’m lucky if I exercise 1–3 times per week. If I do not literally book time to exercise in my calendar, I will get swept away with work-related tasks, and I will not exercise. There are two steps here: Schedule the exercise in advance, and honor that appointment. It’s a work meeting, do not cancel it. The endorphins, stress relief, and movement will help you focus on your work otherwise, and will create more creative energy and headspace for you to lead in the best way possible.
- It will feel like 90% of your job is networking. Sometimes, this is thrilling. You have the professional responsibility to get out there and meet anyone and everyone who will talk to you about your company. Other times, this is exhausting, and not every connection will lead to fruitful opportunities. It is hard, at least for me and at this stage, to know when and where you will meet that person. That can be very challenging, particularly when you have 100 to-dos on your evening’s to-do list. You just have to keep going.
Some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might see this. 🙂
I would love to sit down with Audrey Gelman and Lauren Kassan, co-founders of The Wing. I believe in their mission: helping individual women advance by bringing women together in a beautiful and productive space. My Wellbeing carries a similar mission, but for therapy. I’d love to learn from their success, and am interested to learn more about their personal and professional journeys.
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for joining us!
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