An Interview With Drew Gerber
Learn to detach from things that aren’t helping you move forward. Sometimes the concern is more emotional rather than spatial. The same goes for time-management — study the areas where you invest the most time then start leaning up your schedule so there is bandwidth to work on things that matter like self-care.
We live in a time of great excess. We have access to fast fashion, fast food, and fast everything. But studies show that all of our “stuff” is not making us any happier. How can we simplify and focus on what’s important? How can we let go of all the clutter and excess and find true happiness? In this interview series, we are talking to coaches, mental health experts, and authors who share insights, stories, and personal anecdotes about “How Simplifying and Decluttering Your Life Can Make Us Happier.” As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Sasha Laghonh.
Sasha is a Strategist and Founder of Sasha Talks, an educational and entertainment platform that integrates self & professional development into nurturing meaningful outcomes. As a speaker, mentor and author, she partners alongside different global clients to capitalize upon their talent. She has also authored books and educational content focusing on business, self-development and spirituality. To learn more, visit www.sashatalks.com.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share your “backstory” with us? What was it that led you to your eventual career choice?
I’ve immersed myself in the business realm since my teenage years. Over the course of time, I contributed to different commercial sectors which permitted me to leverage my business acumen by working for various personalities managing their respective businesses. Transitioning from working for people to partnering alongside them appeared to be a natural transition. The platform Sasha Talks provides prospective clients an opportunity to execute their mission through available consulting, communication and niche custom services.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
As I’ve gotten older, I reflect upon my experiences which appear less surreal and more amusing because I was raised with the mentality that anything is possible if you work hard without imposing expectations on the world. When we have expectations, subconsciously we assign a value to them which sets us up for disappointments because these mental benchmarks have no value in reality. Having very minimal expectations (I’m human after all) in my life has allowed me to enjoy the impromptu moments when I meet people that I grew up watching and listening to on TV and radio, including the business realm. I never imagined that personalities from the national sports teams would seek me out one day. I should stress that the latter is a side effect of my work, not the reason why I pursue my career. I believe when we honor our higher purpose for the right reasons, the outcome of our efforts materialize on their own time. What is interesting about the work I do? Everyday is different which welcomes new people into my life that I can potentially serve if our vision aligns at that moment in time.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
There are many facets to my professional portfolio of work that I’ll be hosting a new endeavor unfolding in the New Year. I’m waiting to receive the green light so I can share more. Presently I’m engaged with third party partnerships where I honor hosting duties, provide editorial reviews and manage brand ambassadorship duties.
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on the topic of “How Simplifying and Decluttering Your Life Can Make You Happier”?
I can speak on this matter from personal and professional life experiences. Growing up in a home with elderly parents who witnessed the Depression while being raised among their respective large families, it became a natural instinct for them to operate from a place of survival by holding on to items without knowing when there would be a future need. I believe most people have good intentions when they ‘claim’ they have a need for an item. It’s tricky in today’s age due to immense channels of available conveniences, society fails to wisely distinguish between needs and wants. It’s important to not mistake one’s desires for needs because this can lead one down a dark hole with no prompt exit strategy. People tend to collect items which provide a false sense of mental and emotional security. When people have items taking up literal space in their life, there is an invisible barrier that will allegedly protect them from the world. People pacify themselves by rationalizing something is better than nothing, even at times when more is detrimental than having less of something. There is a clear difference between collecting items for a purpose versus hoarding. Fortunately, I have not witnessed hoarding in my life. If everything in life holds energy, for better or worse, there is A LOT of energy in items whose purpose have expired in one’s life. Even when we hold on to outdated energy, this translates to negative side effects in one’s overall well being (mind, body, emotions and soul) that impacts one’s life performance. The other extreme of hoarding is the spartan complex which leads people to excessively clear items from their personal spaces. We need to strike a balance that we can live with which doesn’t impede one’s human growth in the process.
The topic of decluttering one’s life, from one’s communication skills to literal life design, is discussed in the books I’ve historically penned — Kashing Karma I and Departures. The excerpts encourage readers to focus on their life objective by redefining their purpose in the present. Instead of worrying about the destination, it’s imperative the individual focuses on their present state by auditing their physical space, their mental state and emotional sphere. In order for the mind to operate efficiently, it needs to be surrounded by a healthy atmosphere which isn’t burdened by distractions and stimuli taking up bandwidth in this person’s life. Extreme cases of literal and metaphorical clutter can lead one to face serious health problems from excessive weight gain, mental health issues, etc. Decluttering our lives challenges us to practice detachment in a healthy manner. When we attract imbalances in our lives derived from our lifestyle choices, it eventually starts to show through how we engage with life around us. Our speech, emotions and actions let us know whether we are responding to life before us, or the invisible issues we’re feeding by keeping the wrong people and things in our paths. No one is an exception to this reality — either one is making better choices, or they are willing to learn how to make better choices that can yield a lighter heart and more life satisfaction. Those who choose to remain stationary in their lives are exercising their free-will to indulge in a status quo which they need to deal with in time.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the main focus of our interview. We live in a time of excess. We have access to so much. But studies show that all of our “stuff” is not making us any happier. Can you articulate for our readers a few reasons why all of our possessions are not giving us happiness?
The concept of access reminds me of — ‘just because we can do something, doesn’t mean we should’. We’re granted access to many things in life whether it is delegated to us, or we invite ourselves into sampling a world where our needs and desires can be met within a click on an app, or a few days for the online shoppers waiting on their next alleged high when the doorbell rings. Everything in life that goes up eventually comes down. Maintaining a false sense of happiness by relying on the external world is a sham. The external world can supplement one’s well-being yet the true root of happiness lives within us, whether or not one is willing to tap within it. This happiness can be accessed by learning to invest time in getting to know ourselves — without distractions (and) without caring what other people think. Often, people can manage their distractions if they are serious about making a change. The part where most people fail to change is where they need to detach their identity from how society perceives them; instead, they need to focus on their sense of self. Society is designed to create and push distractions upon people which falsely sells the idea of individualism when in fact the majority of people are imitating the lifestyle choices of the person next to them. It’s a crazy culture designed to be contradictory at times!
This reminds me of a quote by comedian George Carlin — “Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over the body.” He references extreme consumerism to be the Great American Addiction. According to him, “We’ve added years to life, not life to years”.
We need to focus more on enhancing the quality of life. We need to ask ourselves what would remain in our life if everything was literally wiped out from under our feet. I’ve lived through at least a few natural disasters, outside of my control, which compromised everything I had owned since childhood. This included items which proudly represented my family heirlooms, collectibles, legacy gifts and foremost tokens of my identity which celebrated my life milestones. My parents taught me better which helped me cope with these unexpected events because they had also survived those circumstances. The experiences made me reflect upon my identity and worth without these pieces of ‘evidence’ which once crafted a profile of me. I realized that I had outgrown the past, now I was embracing a new chapter in my life where my work and identity can speak for itself without having to sell myself by relying on my past merit that served its purpose ‘at one moment in time’. That moment had passed, it was time to accept reality.
“It’s only after we have lost everything that we are free to do anything.” — Fight Club
It’s important that we don’t get stuck in the past. Such realities forced me to focus on the present because we come into the world as a clean slate, and one day we’ll leave the world as a clean slate. The above quote from Fight Club resonates with me because losing everything can be the most liberating thing that can happen to a person. It can outright suck when it happens but the rewards that follow are worth it. No one is handing you a plaque to acknowledge your survival, instead we have to make the choice to create a new source of abundance whose value can materialize in reality. This also helped me refine my relationship with the concept of expectations. Expectations can lead people down the wrong path because they fail to recognize expectations exponentially multiply with time, rarely do people lower their expectations because they are cajoled into thinking they are settling for less. I often meet people who have a deluded sense of self-worth filled with expectations, or people who are blunt in sharing that they no longer host expectations of the world. I ask readers to reflect where they reside on that spectrum and why?
What did all these crazy experiences teach me? The substance and value we develop in ourselves goes with us everywhere. No one is perfect, at least I am a work in progress. No amount of luggage, storage boxes and space can hold the value I bring to the table. I encourage people to focus on what matters in their life. Hold on to the right things and people that matter, release the rest.
Toxic circumstances plague the mind, the heart and one’s belief system when wellness goes unchecked. Make an effort to design a harmonious environment where YOU are responsible thus accountable for making better choices. Within my field of work, I refuse working with prospective clients who are toxic victim magnets because they’re a victim of their poor thinking by choice, not a victim of circumstance. It shows in their mindset, their demeanor and presentation. People can tell when one is truly in need of help; as well when one is not comfortable in their skin. Real change begins with a genuine heart seeking knowledge to change, not lip service hoping people will advocate their pity party.
Simplifying your life can work wonders but you have to make this decision then honor it with intentional planning and action to manifest long term results. It’s not a decision that can be outsourced. Everything in life requires maintenance that decluttering one’s path shouldn’t be treated as a destination, instead it should be approached as a lifestyle.
On a broader societal level, how do you think this excessiveness may be harming our communities and society?
More doesn’t mean better in any sense. I view excessiveness as a form of bloating one’s life with choices that consume time, energy and money with no long term return on investment. It may yield a short term return which can last a few hours to a few days but eventually the human mind is conditioned by society to move on to the next ‘it’ thing it must have in order to feel recognized and valued in society. Having nice things and opting for luxury isn’t a bad thing. When it’s exercised to extremes, then the gray area hosting negative side effects are activated because people are trained to maintain a certain degree of equilibrium in their lives (materialistically and emotionally) to have any relevance in society.
If you’re chasing the excessiveness of life, you’ll be chasing yourself into oblivion due to no ends to it. This comes down to one’s self-development in learning what matters to one & how to develop healthy boundaries for self without being devoured by the temptations of life. We’re humans — indulgence is not a bad thing, context matters. When it’s a matter of worshiping such a lifestyle then no one is to blame for a person’s fall because they’re an active participant in feeding an indefinite black hole of desires. This starts impacting one’s self worth, their perception of the world and foremost how the individual interacts with the world around them. Money and materialism are not a bad thing, like many other elements of life they can enhance some degree of living. It becomes a cautionary tale when people are managed by the things they own rather than them hosting a healthy self-regulation in their life. This topic also reminds me of another quote from the movie Fight Club: “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like”. Ask yourself — what is the driving force behind all the decisions you make?
The irony of struggling with happiness in modern times is glaring. In many places in the world today, we have more than ever before in history. Yet despite this, so many people are unhappy. Why is simplifying a solution? How would simplifying help people to access happiness?
It comes down to quality over quantity. For example, when I meet people who share they’re drowning in the items they own, I remind them that it’s all money starting back at them. Regardless of the state of mind and emotions that were present when they paid for these items, it becomes clear to them that they over inflated the value of these items that would make them feel better. Blindly catering to feelings is a dangerous thing because the inner child wants to be fed 24/7 with attention whether one has access to purchasing products and/or services. Most people make purchases that are unplanned, they’re impulsive purchases. It’s great for some businesses because people don’t like to reside in an uncomfortable state of mind and emotions, so what’s the quick fix? Get on the phone, the internet or even drive out to a venue to shop. Click, click, click…reload funds, connecting you to your next consumer high. Excited yet? Well, get excited you’re paying for it.
Every person has different reasons for making investments that yield unexpected returns on their investment. Business and society is not solely to blame for an individual’s lack of discipline which is derived from the lack of focus. Businesses exist to make money. If an individual has a need or want, they are welcome to make a purchase if it falls within their budget. It’s the lack of self-regulation that drives people to unhappiness. If a person doesn’t know themselves well, they will lack the emotional discipline to cope with life. Instead they fall prey to click bait behaviors that are allegedly made to make them feel better. In the midst of their eternal chase, their egos and emotional health take a beating but most people don’t realize it until it’s too late. Unfortunately, some people do not learn at all because they are conditioned to host a false sense of confidence that feeds into their self-destructive behaviors. It’s a choice they’re making which must be respected. After all, they are paying the price by putting themselves through unnecessary emotional turmoil and anxiety when they wake up from this trance. Happiness is meant to breed from within us, not the outside world. If people rely solely on external elements to nurture their happiness, a good portion of the population will be poor (literally and metaphorically) chasing an outcome that doesn’t exist except in Disney movies.
This is reality, life is meant to be tough. Individuals are responsible for learning how to grow up and understand that all life choices have consequences. No one is the bad guy in these stories. Everyone has a mission to fulfill whether we agree with them or not, whether we like them or not. If a person can’t sit still with their own thoughts without relying on people and materialistic solutions, it’s a red flag that needs attention. Because everyone wants to belong in life, are they seeking to belong in the right places for the right reasons? If you’re seeking validation, it’s a no brainer you’ll receive it by those benefiting from your monetary transactions in life, at a minimum. People will say and do things which will make you return for a future transaction. Many people are easily fooled into believing they belong to things because people are nice about it. It’s time for people to reflect upon whether third parties welcome them into their excessive world because they are leveraging off their limited self esteem and worth. People with a healthy sense of worth will know their boundaries by pulling back to work on themselves. This goes for any aspect of life from business to our personal engagements.
Focus on what you need, invest in the quality rather than quantity. It welcomes less mental, emotional and physical baggage into one’s life. There’s more bandwidth to design a life of substance rather than being towered by hoards of distractions that fail to feed one’s higher purpose. It’s time for more people to understand and practice that ‘less is more’.
Can you share some insights from your own experience? Where in your life have you transformed yourself from not having enough to finally experiencing enough? For example, many people feel they don’t have enough money. Yet, people define abundance differently, and often, those with the least money can feel the most abundant. Where in your health, wealth, or relationships have you transformed your life?
All of these referenced areas of my life started improving once I revisited the basics of understanding how the body and mind work. My health started improving at a consistent pace by the time I had taken matters into my own hands to study and apply knowledge that can heal my physical self as I worked on other areas of self. I wasn’t raised around the healthiest role models because most of my childhood was spent watching people react to life rather than respond to it with patience. Healing any aspect of our physical, mental and emotional self demands patience. There is no overnight cure to quality solutions in life. People do the best they can to survive life. There are rare moments in life when we need to extend our efforts beyond a survival instinct to cultivate long term solutions that can make our lives a bit easier. Deficiencies in life provide an opportunity for us to craft custom solutions that align with our needs. It’s important to realize that anxiety and faith can’t reside in the same room because they are polar opposites. If one claims to be a person of faith, then there is no room for anxiety to co-exist. Having a steady heart and mind makes a significant difference when working towards healthy changes in life.
When it comes to relationships, I’ve defined my negotiables and non-negotiables from an early point in life because many people can cross paths with you by monopolizing time with no purpose. We all evolve with time and experiences, it’s important not to compromise one’s identity for a brief moment of external validation. I have a select small circle of friends that I’ve known going back to the age of six. I can count those friendships on one hand. These are people I’ve known in person, we’ve hugged, we’ve spatted and made up, we’re humans with a pulse who care about one another. These relationships are real, when people care there is always a chance of getting hurt. True relationships can transcend distance and time because we always tend to pick up our conversations from where we last left off. Authentic relationships are hard to find but they do exist. I’m particular about defining acquaintances versus friendships. All my friends I know in person. I’m not one to loosely use the term friendship because in a virtual world, everyone is technically a friend for crossing paths thanks to a click. It’s not to sound heartless but many people are not vocal about these realities due to judgment from society. There are people who claim to know me but I haven’t engaged with them more than a few times on virtual record, when in fact they were instead delegated to third parties. To make any relationship viable it’s important to respect oneself first. No one is so important that we need to abandon ourselves at the expense of compromising our health and sanity. If people pursue relationships for the wrong reasons, they will eventually end in hellish disasters which only they are to blame for indulging in selfish choices.
As for wealth, this improved when my health and other areas of life started thriving because my inner core was more grounded by clearing all the things and people that were not vital to my higher purpose. People need to be mindful of riches and wealth being two different things. As a positive side effect, it provided a bandwidth to invest in creative endeavors that would attract the right people and opportunities in my path. With less BS and false pretenses surrounding a person, there is plenty of clarity to guide one forward. When one vows to live a leaner life in essence, it’s easier to remove the life bloat that lives within and around us. This will help with elevating our existence by aligning our true selves with what we’re meant to do in life. We’re not immune from the laws of the universe but our lifestyle becomes more manageable. I was raised in a home where my parents always fed me a dose of reality whether I liked it or not, therefore transitioning into the real world was an organic (and manageable) process for me. Wealth, like success, is defined by the individual in question. Overall, when we simplify our overall life, we’re signaling to the universe we welcome the new blessings in the existing vacuum. The universe doesn’t like vacancy, therefore it will always find to fill one’s cup with pleasure or misery. We get to decide what we create and attract into our lives through our actual efforts — not wishful thinking or a fantasy playlist.
People, places, and things shape our lives. For example, your friends generate conversations that influence you. Where you live impacts what you eat and how you spend your time. The “things” in your life, like phones, technology, or books impact your recreation. Can you tell us a little about how people, places, and things in your own life impact your experience of “experiencing enough?”
I’ve gotten to experience life sufficiently to the point where I can distinguish between experiences I would like to recreate versus letting go of experiences that were good to try but not my cup of tea. The limited company I keep is often generous to share what new activities I can explore because it’s brought joy to their lives. I’ve learned through my diverse relationships that it’s fine to be friends without having similar tastes in everything — it keeps our lives interesting by giving us something to talk about when we meet. All of these experiences to date have created memories which serve as timestamps in our mind and hearts. Perhaps some of these experiences can be replicated but most of them can only be shared through storytelling. Having the privilege to travel has taught me to respect different modes of living. Meeting different people has richened my outlook on life without judgment. In fact, it has matured me in some ways because we as humans are quick to judge things when we subconsciously find an idea to be a threatening proposition, or just the mere fact we don’t know anything about a foreign idea. It was easier to judge it rather than make an effort to understand the reason behind its existence and practice. My relationship with life has changed for the better. Once upon a time I was living life in reactionary mode which eventually transitioned to be an active and responsive samaritan in society. I believe in recent years I’m ‘experiencing enough’ from a healthy distance where I’m more vested in becoming a better listener. There are life lessons we learn when we’re part of the action, then there are lessons we learn by taking a step back by allowing others to also rise to their occasion.
What advice would you give to younger people about “experiencing enough?”
Focus on quality rather than quantity. Most people can justify why they want to seek another thrill even if it’s detrimental to their health and well-being by becoming lost in the noise of society. Living life to the fullest is encouraged as long as mindfulness is present. It’s easy to get lost in the crowd when the times are good, it’s just as important for one to cope when the silence sets in life. Leverage your youth and resources by not taking anything for granted because I often tell people, ‘humpty dumpty can roll off either side of the fence overnight’. Nothing is set in stone, respect and work on yourself. The rest will fall into place. Work on your self-development, don’t be discouraged by the mistakes in your path. Being human is a demanding job. Learn to become a caring member of society by contributing a positive trait to this fleeting life.
This is the main question of our interview. Based on your experience and research, can you share your “five ways we can simplify and declutter our lives to make us happier?”
- Relationships — Learn to manage your relationships. Are you thriving with the presence of people in your life, or are you wilting away from the toxicity fueled by others? Grow a spine and start auditing your life relationships. This includes your family, friends and acquaintances. Most of these relationships were not planted in your path, you brought yourself to these junctures in the road. Rarely do people result in being victims of circumstances. Often individuals are crafting tales in their mind that aren’t unfolding according to their desired outcomes. They become a victim of their poor mindset by enabling their over inflated egos or nurturing their pity parties by unhealthy enablers. People may mean well, it doesn’t mean you need to collect all these personalities and their baggage along the path. Learn to develop a relationship with yourself. You are responsible for yourself before anyone else.
- Communication — This goes beyond inbox zero and hearse hacks for optimizing efficient communication. Mind the language, rhetoric and consumption of correspondence that accumulates through all of your designated channels. Negativity, complaining and empty messages take up emotional, mental and physical bandwidth. Mind what comes out of your mouth and what you permit to be surrounded by in your private spaces throughout the day. Develop boundaries and honor them by censoring unnecessary communication that fails to align with a healthy flow of life. This doesn’t mean to deny reality. It means filter the metaphoric and literal energies that you permit in your mental space. Stop renting out mental, emotional and physical space for free to things and people that aren’t contributing to the best version of you. Stop the excuses from the ‘“buts…” and “you don’t understand….”. Excuses only breed more excuses. When people make excuses, most sane people stop listening to them.
- Health has a purpose. Make an effort to understand how your body works optimally well from the nutrition it demands to how it functions best during the day. Understand your body’s rhythm to maximize results from your daily activities. The body is the temple which needs attention on a consistent basis. Be careful, seeking short cuts in health and wellness can yield more problems by attracting complications. Do your homework by studying legitimate sources that provide solutions to your on-going and situational needs. One size doesn’t fit all.
- Organize. Get clarity on what aspects of your life can benefit from decluttering by taking account of one’’s physical space and time-management. Differentiate between your needs and wants. If there are excessive wants staring back at you, there are a few options to declutter — sell, donate or repackage the items during this phase. Learn to detach from things that aren’t helping you move forward. Sometimes the concern is more emotional rather than spatial. The same goes for time-management — study the areas where you invest the most time then start leaning up your schedule so there is bandwidth to work on things that matter like self-care. For example, spending six hours on Youtube a day while you’re not a Youtube creator is basically giving 25% of your day to an ample activity with limited return on investment. Quantify your time with value to adjust the scales of justice in your favor.
- Balance. This is a tricky term because society conditions us to believe balance is always meant to equate to 50% but it’s open to discussion depending on the context of the conversation. It’s wise to aim for fostering harmony in one’s life by investing our energies on what matters to us. When we’re engaged in things that bring us joy, we’re able to participate in other parts of our lives better. We’re more present and responsive by contributing to our commitments through quality engagement. Figure out what balance means in your life. If scorekeeping is how one survives day to day, it becomes exhausting and sad because that is all the person is focusing on rather than looking at the big picture of life. Withholding your best because others aren’t aligned with you only means you need to seek a better environment with people that are on a similar mission as yourself. Don’t waste time changing people, or trying to be right. Time is finite. Know your balance, your happy medium to do well in life. No one can define the balance for you. It’s your call. Regardless of which path you choose, there are no quick fixes in life.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I encourage people to audit their present life to eliminate two unhealthy lifestyle choices that can benefit them starting today. This can range from eliminating a toxic personality, cleaning out the closet, improving one’s nutritional intake, working on a fear, releasing unhealthy messages on their devices, or any perceived hindrance that is keeping people from taking a healthy risk to become the best version of themselves. When we release metaphorical baggage, it also starts to show in our physical reality by how the universe responds to us.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
People are welcome to connect by visiting www.sashatalks.com.
Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!
Thank you for the inspiring and educational messages you share with readers.
About The Interviewer: For 30 years, Drew Gerber has been inspiring those who want to change the world. Drew is the CEO of Wasabi Publicity, Inc., a full-service PR agency lauded by PR Week and Good Morning America. Wasabi Publicity, Inc. is a global marketing company that supports industry leaders, change agents, unconventional thinkers, companies and organizations that strive to make a difference. Whether it’s branding, traditional PR or social media marketing, every campaign is instilled with passion, creativity and brilliance to powerfully tell their clients’ story and amplify their intentions in the world.
Sasha Laghonh Of Sasha Talks On How Simplifying & Decluttering Your Life Can Make You Happier was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.