Raising Resilient Kids: Tobie Spears Of Be Humanitarian On Strategies for Nurturing Emotional Strength in Children
An Interview With Dr. Kate Lund
Exposing your children to life in a developing country, where kids their age might not have access to education, clean water, or three meals a day, is one of the most powerful ways to build resilience. Watching it on the news or reading about it in a book just doesn’t compare to experiencing it firsthand, even for a single day.
In today’s fast-paced world, children face numerous challenges that can impact their emotional well-being. Developing resilience is key to helping them navigate these obstacles and grow into emotionally strong individuals. How can parents, educators, and caregivers foster this resilience in children? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Tobie Spears.
Tobie Spears is the visionary founder and director of Be Humanitarian, a nonprofit organization dedicated to creating tangible change in the lives of those in need. A dynamic and passionate public speaker, Tobie captivates audiences with her compelling stories of transformative service vacations to Guatemala, where individuals have the opportunity to give back while rediscovering what truly matters in life.
Under Tobie’s inspiring leadership, Be Humanitarian has made remarkable strides in addressing critical issues within a remote Guatemalan community. Her volunteer-run nutrition program, which provides thousands of meals each month, stands as a testament to her unwavering commitment to combating hunger and malnutrition. Additionally, Tobie has spearheaded a program that offers essential educational support to children, teens, and parents, empowering the next generation through knowledge and learning.
Tobie’s holistic approach ensures that the entire community works together to combat childhood malnutrition through comprehensive education and nutrition initiatives. Her dedication and visionary leadership invite others to join her mission of making the world a better place, one community at a time. As a speaker, Tobie not only shares her experiences but also motivates others to take action, proving that collective efforts can lead to profound and lasting change.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?
I grew up in a family of eight children, raised by a single mom who relied on welfare. That upbringing gave me a unique perspective on what life is like for people living below the poverty line. The amazing thing, though, is that because I was born in the United States, we had access to social services that ensured we had a safe place to live and food on the table. Sadly, that’s not the case for billions of people around the world.
From a young age, I knew I wanted to make a difference, particularly in the lives of children. I felt this calling to not just observe from the sidelines, but to really take action, to be in the front seat, driving change. Today, I’m incredibly grateful to be in a position where I can bring hope and share love with these kiddos and the communities we serve.
Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?
The first time my family and I traveled to Guatemala, I had the privilege of meeting a dear friend who has been a mentor to me for the past 12 years. Long before I met her, she had spent decades bringing Guatemalan children to the U.S. so they could experience life in America. That really inspired me. As we traveled and explored Guatemala, I realized I wanted to create that same experience, but for children and families from first-world countries — families who had never seen what life is like in a developing country.
At the time, I didn’t realize I was carving out a career path for myself. I didn’t know that running a nonprofit would mean working 24-hour days! But I firmly believe that the more people we get involved with, the bigger the impact we can make. One of the things I love most is watching individuals see, often for the first time, children living in homes with dirt floors and tin roofs. It’s a huge wake-up call that leaves them with a renewed sense of appreciation and gratitude for their own lives and a sense of duty to support others.
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on raising resilient kids? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to this field?
I’ve had the unique opportunity to lead international humanitarian trips with teens for over 12 years. Through these experiences, I’ve watched them grow, adapt, and learn about life outside of their comfort zones. This has shown me firsthand how humanitarian service instills resilience in young people.
I’ve also had the chance to observe how children handle stress when faced with unfamiliar and challenging situations. Over the years, I’ve had countless conversations with teenagers about the importance of planning for the future while also staying flexible when life throws unexpected changes their way. I believe these experiences have given me a deep understanding of what it takes to raise resilient kids and how to guide them toward that strength.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
I absolutely love life lesson quotes — I have them all over my home. One that stands out to me comes from Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn’s book Half the Sky, where they emphasize the value of traveling to see how others live: “She has taken a path that more Americans should consider. Traveling to the developing world to give back to people who desperately need the assistance.”
I don’t think there’s a better way to teach resilience to teens than through travel. At home, things often go according to plan, and we rarely face unexpected challenges. For example, have you ever seen a child have a meltdown because they got onions on their hamburger at a fast food restaurant instead of just taking them off?
Traveling with teens teaches resilience because there’s always a Plan A, but also a Plan B, C, and often D. It’s important for kids to realize that life doesn’t always go as planned. The bus might be late, the line might be long, there might be no air conditioning or ice cubes, but these are the moments where we all learn to grow. It’s these experiences that truly build resilience.
How can parents handle situations when a child faces failure or disappointment? What strategies can parents use to help a child bounce back?
I believe the best thing we can do as parents is to normalize disappointment and failure. These are everyday parts of life, and it’s important to talk openly about them. Not everyone gets to be the main character, the star athlete, or the top performer, and that’s okay. What matters is how we grow from these experiences.
A great way to help your child bounce back is by sharing your own stories of sadness and disappointment. Let them see that you’ve faced tough situations, too, and still managed to thrive. This helps them understand that even when life doesn’t go as planned, success is still possible.
For younger children, it’s important to get on their level — literally. Look them in the eyes and say something like, ‘I know this hurts right now, but I want you to know I’m here for you. I love you whether you succeed or fail. You are braver than you think, and I’m proud of you for trying.’ Simple, heartfelt words can make a big difference.
Now, with teenagers, communication can sometimes feel a bit more challenging. The key is to show your own resilience so they see it first firsthand and are better equipped to handle setbacks. When your teen faces disappointment, listen first. If you find yourself wanting to chime in, sit on your hands to remind yourself it’s their turn to speak. Sometimes the best lessons come from listening, not talking. Ask questions without sharing. Ask another question and then another question. You can help relieve the stress by helping your teen get the stress off their shoulders.
We also need to be honest with our teens about how life really is — it’s not like what they see in movies or on TikTok. Life has peaks, valleys, and plateaus, and that’s all part of the journey. In my experience, showing children firsthand how people live in developing countries has been far more impactful than simply telling them about it. It opens their eyes to the realities of the world and helps them build resilience in a much deeper way.
What role does parental modeling of resilience play in the development of emotional strength in children? Can you share an example of a resilient parenting moment that you experienced directly or that you have come across in the course of your work?
Parental modeling of resilience is crucial in shaping a child’s emotional strength. Children learn by observing their parents’ reactions to challenges and setbacks. When parents demonstrate resilience — such as coping with stress, overcoming obstacles, and maintaining a positive outlook — it teaches children that it’s okay to face difficulties and that they can recover from them.
For example, I recall a moment during one of our humanitarian trips in Guatemala. A mother who had faced significant hardships shared her experience with her children. They had encountered many challenges, from financial struggles to health issues, yet she remained optimistic and encouraged her kids to focus on solutions rather than the problems. During a particularly difficult day, she said to her children, “It’s okay to feel sad, but let’s think about what we can do to make it better.” Her ability to acknowledge their feelings while guiding them towards resilience was powerful. Watching her children respond positively to her approach reinforced the idea that resilience is a learned behavior, and it inspired me to encourage similar practices in the families we work with.
What approaches do you recommend to foster a growth mindset in children, encouraging them to see challenge as opportunities to learn?
To foster a growth mindset in children, encourage them to view challenges as learning opportunities by praising their effort rather than just their achievements, normalizing failure as a natural part of growth, and encouraging problem-solving through open-ended questions. Help them set specific learning goals instead of performance goals, and model a growth mindset in your own life by sharing your challenges and how you learn from them. By consistently applying these approaches, children will be empowered to embrace obstacles and thrive in their personal and academic journeys.
How can parents balance providing support with allowing their children to experience and overcome difficulties on their own?
Parents can balance providing support with allowing their children to overcome difficulties by adopting a step-back approach, where they offer guidance and encouragement without directly solving problems for their kids. Start by assessing the situation and asking open-ended questions that prompt children to think critically and explore potential solutions. Offer support and reassurance, but resist the urge to intervene immediately, allowing them to navigate challenges independently. Celebrate their efforts and successes, no matter how small, and help them reflect on what they learned from the experience. This way, children build resilience and confidence while knowing they have a safety net when needed.
What self-care practices would you recommend for parents to maintain their own resilience while going through the everyday challenges of raising children?
I recommend that parents prioritize self-care by incorporating a few key practices into their daily routines. First, establish a consistent time for self care, whether it’s a walk, yoga, or dancing, to help relieve stress and boost mood. Second, carve out moments for mindfulness, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, to center yourself amidst the chaos. Third, maintain social connections by scheduling regular catch-ups with friends or family to share experiences and seek support. If you have a partner, make sure that you two create time together to stay connected. Additionally, ensure you set boundaries to protect personal time, allowing for hobbies or quiet moments that recharge your energy. Lastly, practice self-compassion; acknowledge that parenting is a tough job, and it’s okay to take breaks and seek help when needed.
Can you please share “5 Strategies To Raise Children With Resilience and Emotional Strength”?
1. Show your children how life is lived outside of your perfect little world.
Exposing your children to life in a developing country, where kids their age might not have access to education, clean water, or three meals a day, is one of the most powerful ways to build resilience. Watching it on the news or reading about it in a book just doesn’t compare to experiencing it firsthand, even for a single day.
For instance, I’ve had the privilege of working with teens and families while traveling in Guatemala. The impact of being there — seeing children living with so little yet still finding joy — has been transformative for our participants. It’s one thing to hear about poverty; it’s another to stand in the middle of it. This type of exposure brings new perspectives, fosters gratitude, and helps kids realize that life isn’t always easy or fair, but they can grow stronger by understanding the bigger picture.
2. Practice mindful breathing to enhance emotional awareness
One of the simplest yet most effective ways to manage emotions when you’re upset is through mindful breathing. It’s a powerful tool for releasing emotions, especially when you’re feeling sad or disappointed. There are countless breathing techniques out there, but I believe it’s important to find what works best for each person.
Here are a few examples I’ve used:
- Take a slow, deep breath and exhale twice in succession.
- Inhale while counting to 10, then slowly release your breath.
- You can also try breathing deeply for four counts, holding it for four, and then exhaling for four.
The key is to slow down, focus on your breath, and allow yourself a moment to reset. Teaching this to children not only gives them a practical tool to handle tough emotions but also helps them develop self-awareness and emotional control, which are vital for resilience.
3. Keep a daily gratitude journal.
Every night before bed, sit with your child and write down five things you’re grateful for that day. It may feel repetitive or unimportant at times, and there will be days when you or your child would rather zone out. But practicing gratitude daily, even in the smallest ways, does make a big difference.
It could be something as simple as light morning traffic, the bus arriving on time, or enjoying your favorite dinner. Or it could be the feeling of the sun on your skin, the fresh breeze on your face, or just having food in your belly.
When we remember that nearly 30% of the global population doesn’t have adequate access to food and that 9 million people die each year from hunger-related causes, it’s much easier to be thankful for what we have. Writing down these little moments of gratitude helps children shift their focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant in their lives, fostering resilience and emotional strength.
4. Teach and model empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, and it’s a crucial skill for building emotional strength. Show your children how to be empathetic by recognizing and responding to the emotions of those around them — whether it’s sensing someone’s feelings, understanding their perspective, or showing interest in their concerns.
One powerful way to teach empathy is by modeling it yourself. If you’ve hurt someone, let your children hear you apologize. Whether it’s a partner, friend, or even your child, owning up to being wrong sets a strong example. A simple apology like, “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I love you, and I regret what I said. Please forgive me,” can ease sadness and teach children how to acknowledge their mistakes.
Likewise, when your child hurts someone, guide them in recognizing the impact. You could say, “Look at your friend. You’ve hurt their feelings, and no one likes to feel hurt. You need to apologize.” The more they practice, the better they’ll become at understanding and responding to the emotions of others.
5. Speak openly about disappointments
It’s important to talk about disappointments and failures openly because these experiences are a natural part of life. Remember, failure is not a bad word! By sharing your own disappointments with your children or teens, you help them understand that everyone faces challenges and setbacks.
This kind of transparency teaches emotional self-awareness, a skill that will serve your children for the rest of their lives. You can start by sharing your experiences: “You know, I was really hoping to get that job, but I didn’t. It was disappointing, and I felt upset for a while. But I learned a lot from that experience, and I will keep trying.”
Encouraging your children to discuss their feelings about failure fosters an environment where they feel safe to express themselves. This openness not only builds resilience but also reinforces the idea that it’s okay to stumble and learn from those experiences.
How can mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques be incorporated into daily routines to support children’s emotional resilience?
Open communication is essential. Share your own setbacks with your children, having time off denied, like not getting a job, getting a ticket, or even minor annoyances like missing a flight or stubbing your toe.
By discussing these experiences, you demonstrate emotional regulation. For example, you might say, “I felt frustrated when I missed my flight, but I took a deep breath and reminded myself it happens to everyone.” This modeling helps your children learn to navigate their own challenges and reinforces the importance of mindfulness in everyday life.
Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve in this area?
I’ve read numerous books by authors like Jay Shetty, Nicholas Kristof, Sheryl WuDunn, and Elizabeth Gilbert, all of whom have offered valuable insights into the resilience of the human spirit. I believe that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all practice, so I encourage individuals to explore various tools and resources. This can include yoga, breathing exercises, prayer, nature walks, and gratitude journals. Try different approaches and see what resonates with you.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
I have immense respect for the work that Michelle and Barack Obama have done globally. They exemplify a strong marriage while creating a loving family under immense pressure. I admire how they speak kindly about each other and openly acknowledge the challenges of making a marriage work. I also have deep respect for parents who raise strong, independent children. I would love to have breakfast with both of them to discuss humanitarian efforts and explore ways we can collectively make the world a better place.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Readers can follow my work and stay updated on Be Humanitarian’s initiatives through our official website and social media channels. You can find us on platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, where we share stories of the impact we’re making, volunteer opportunities, and updates on our programs.
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
About the Interviewer: Dr. Kate Lund is a licensed clinical psychologist, podcast host, best-selling author and Tedx Speaker. The power of resilience in extraordinary circumstances kept her thriving as a child. Dr. Lund now helps entrepreneurs, executives, parents, and athletes to see the possibility on the other side of struggle and move towards potential. Her goal is to help each person she works with to overcome their unique challenges and thrive within their own unique context.
Raising Resilient Kids: Tobie Spears Of Be Humanitarian On Strategies for Nurturing Emotional… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.