Raising Resilient Kids: Lata K McGinn Of Cognitive & Behavioral Consultants On Strategies for Nurturing Emotional Strength in Children
An Interview With Dr. Kate Lund
Optimism: When they calm down, and there is a space to do so, create optimism about the future. “I know this is hard, or I know it sucks right now, and it is hard to believe that one day things will get better. I know you and feel confident that they will.
In today’s fast-paced world, children face numerous challenges that can impact their emotional well-being. Developing resilience is key to helping them navigate these obstacles and grow into emotionally strong individuals. How can parents, educators, and caregivers foster this resilience in children? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Lata K McGinn.
Lata K. McGinn, PhD is a Professor of Psychology at the Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology, Yeshiva University and is Co-Founder of Cognitive and Behavioral Consultants (CBC), an evidence-based treatment and training center. Dr. McGinn is the President of the World Confederation of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies (WCCBT) and is the Vice-President of the Access Psychology Foundation (APF). Dr. McGinn specializes in the vulnerability, prevention, treatment, and dissemination of anxiety, trauma, OCD, and depression using CBT and has dedicated her career to building mental health resilience and functioning among individuals, communities, organizations, and countries by increasing access to evidence-based care. Her expertise has been highlighted by various media outlets including Elite Daily, NBC News, The Huffington Post, the New York Times, Parents, and Women’s Health among others.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?
I am originally from Bombay, India where I lived until I was 21 years of age. I moved to the US at the age of 21 to pursue graduate school. Since then, I have lived in the US — in DC for the first two years, where I got my first Master’s after which I moved to New York City — where I obtained my PhD at Fordham University, did my internship and Fellowship at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine/Montefiore Medical Center, and then have worked and lived in NY since then. Throughout my career, I have pursued (1) academics — research, writing, and training, (2) clinical practice, and (3) leadership roles overseeing management and strategy for non-profit and for-profit organizations with the goal of spreading the training and practice of mental health treatments that are effective. I have been married to my husband for 31 years and we have two daughters, ages 23 and 27.
Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?
Growing up in India, I was very influenced by Hinduism and Buddhist philosophy, especially as it pertained to the power of our thoughts and actions on emotional suffering. My interest in psychology was sparked by reading about scientific theories explaining how the relationship between thoughts, emotions, and actions can lead to suffering or conversely, build resilience.
I began my graduate studies working towards my first Master’s in a psychology lab with mice because I was interested in understanding and testing the science of why we behave the way we do. However, a new professor — her name was Dr. Dianne Chambless — started as a professor at the university, which changed everything for me. I was a therapist in one of her studies testing treatments in people who suffer from panic disorder and agoraphobia. I was a newly minted graduate student who learned the power of CBT in making a huge difference in someone’s life, to transform their lives in such a short period. I never looked back and applied for and began a PhD program in clinical psychology and began my lifelong career studying and working with people who suffer from adversity and develop conditions. I began to study what put people at risk for mental health conditions and to use CBT in transforming the lives of people who develop anxiety, depression, OCD, trauma, and building resilience in people who experience adversity. I love this field because it is exhilarating to make such a difference in someone’s life, to transform their lives in such a short period.
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on raising resilient kids? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to this field?
My research, training, and clinical expertise since I began my career has been on understanding why some people develop conditions while others don’t, why some people react to adversity and suffer, and why others thrive and are resilient and to both do and develop psychological strategies to help people thrive.
Based on what I learned through my research, through my work treating children and adults with anxiety disorders, depression, OCD, PTSD, and through my work supporting kids and adults who have undergone trauma or a crisis, I have used and developed psychological strategies to help people cope, be resilient, and overcome challenges. My unique contributions to the field are through a consistent focus on my tripartite mission — develop, do, and serve. I have also developed a unified model of what makes people vulnerable to mental health problems and have developed a unique mental health program to
inoculate adolescents and adults against adversity by teaching them the ability to tolerate unpleasant emotions and use mental health skills that help buffer future adversity.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
There are many life lessons I take to heart and have lived by– Nietzsche’s What doesn’t Kill you Makes you Stronger, or Benedict Wells’ quote Life is not a Zero-sum game, it owes us nothing” or Winston Churchill’s quote — A Pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. I am an optimist at heart and believe that change is always possible no matter how hard things are today. For example, my early career was very challenging, but it never occurred to me that I would not overcome it and succeed in my life one day.
My own life lesson quote that I also live by is this — Your superpower is what you think and do.
So you already have the superpower within you — it’s just a matter of learning how to use it, how to harnessing the power of your mind and actions to transform your life. How you see the world and what you do can create suffering or empowerment. I have treated patients who have experienced tremendous disadvantages and adversity — people who are housebound and now managing successful careers, or people who are alone who are now flourishing with others.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. How can parents handle situations when a child faces failure or disappointment? What strategies can parents use to help a child bounce back?
If your child has experienced failure or disappointment, don’t try to stop how they feel or make it go away. This is not easy for parents who are hard wired not to see their kids suffer and would love to make their child’s pain go away. Instead, sit with them, accept, empathize and validate your child’s experience and how they feel. This will help them feel understood, supported and safe, and will improve your relationship with them. It also teaches them important life lessons — that these feelings are normal when one encounters failure or disappointment, and that they are strong and can cope with both their feelings and with the failure they have encountered. This will give them the strength to know they can move forward.
What role does parental modeling of resilience play in the development of emotional strength in children??
Modeling is perhaps one of the most important ways our kids learn — about what matters, about who they are, what they can achieve, and to help them build resilience. Fortunately, or unfortunately for parents, your kids always observe you, and what you do or don’t do matters more than what you say or teach your children. My research shows this. So, show them how you can tolerate emotions, move forward when things go wrong, approach life with nuance, and take care of yourself.
Can you share an example of a resilient parenting moment that you experienced directly or that you have come across in the course of your work
I have always actively tried to cultivate resilience with my kids and the people I work with. As a small example, one of my daughters came into the world dancing and sought out competitive ballet and did it for a long time, it was a deep passion until she was cut from the team, and she was simply devastated and couldn’t imagine her life without ballet. I comforted her and empathized with her, and normalized how she felt, let her be upset, and validated how hard it was to be cut from something so important. When she was calmer, and there was a space to say it, I said to her, I can imagine how difficult this is, and I know today this feels like you will always feel that way. I know that dance will be a part of your life in some way going forward and I can’t wait to see how you do that and I can’t wait to see all the wonderful things you will have a passion for in addition to dance.
What approaches do you recommend to foster a growth mindset in children, encouraging them to see challenge as opportunities to learn?
Saying having a growth mindset can come across as a cliché unless one explains what it is and how to do it as a child. One of the most important things my father taught me is that improvement and change are always possible and that every problem has a solution. This helps your approach be forward-thinking, creates optimism that things can change, and helps you see that you can be the agent of that change. Teach your children to be curious about the setbacks rather than judging because that allows you to learn what went wrong and how to correct or solve it. These are some of the ingredients that are key to creating a growth mindset.
How can parents balance providing support with allowing their children to experience and overcome difficulties on their own?
As mentioned above, the first step is to accept, empathize, and validate your child’s experience without trying to stop their feelings and solve their problem. Let them know that you are there for them to support them emotionally and are available if they want to reach out to solve the problem. This will:
1. Help them feel understood and supported.
2. Strengthen your relationship with them.
3. Teach them that these feelings are normal when encountering difficulties; they are strong and can cope with their emotions and hardship.
4. You have also given them the confidence to move forward, which provides them with the strength to move forward.
5. The confidence and comfort of knowing you are always available should they need it.
What self-care practices would you recommend for parents to maintain their own resilience while going through the everyday challenges of raising children?
- One practice I do every day for ten minutes is Calm breathing, which is slow, deep, and meditative. Breathing correctly for ten minutes daily can transform your daily tension and drastically improve your sleep.
- Describe what is stressing you, and rather than judging what happened, yourself or others if you are stressed or having a difficult time with your child.
- Try to soften any extreme, polarized, catastrophic thoughts you are having.
- Decatastrophize, think in “shades of grey,” rather than think it’s the worst thing that can happen or that it is “either-or” or “us versus them.”
- Think dialectically — can you come to a middle ground? Often, it is the case that multiple truths exist.
- Think of what you can do each day to make change rather than ruminating on what you cannot change why something happened or whose fault it was.
- Remember, when you are having a difficult time with your child, that you can cope with this, and this, too, shall pass.
Can you please share “5 Strategies to Raise Children with Resilience and Emotional Strength”?
1. Provide Comfort, safety, support, and build emotional tolerance. Empathize and validate when they are upset or have faced some disappointment or failure and help them tolerate their emotions instead of trying to calm them down or solve their problem. Instead of saying, “Oh, don’t cry, it will be fine,” or “Why don’t you try this instead,” say, “That’s so tough; I can see how hard this is. It is normal to feel upset when something bad happens. I am here to support you in whatever way you need.”
2. Optimism: When they calm down, and there is a space to do so, create optimism about the future. “I know this is hard, or I know it sucks right now, and it is hard to believe that one day things will get better. I know you and feel confident that they will.
3. Invite empathic problem-solving. When they are ready, invite them to be a curious detective, not a judge, which means to be curious but without judgment about themselves or others to figure out why something went wrong or what can be done to solve it.
4. Let them be the agent of change: Help them see themselves as the agent of change. Don’t solve their problems.
Invite them to ask you what they need. Do you want me to listen or help work this through with you? “I know this is hard, and I have confidence in your ability to solve this problem.”
Even if they invite you to solve the problem, say, “I am more than happy to add ideas that might be helpful. What do you think would be helpful? What do you think you can do or needs to be done?
5. Convey that their minds and actions are their superpowers. Let them know that what they think and do is their superpower.
1. MIND: “Failing a test is hard, and now it seems that you will never do well again. Just keep in mind that those are your worry thoughts and not facts. Can you consider the possibility that this is just something bad that happened and not a sign of the future?
2. ACTION: “Now that you understand what happened and why, what can you do that is in your control to do well next time? What steps can you take to solve it? What do you need, and from whom can you support and help you solve this problem?
How can mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques be incorporated into daily routines to support children’s emotional resilience?
MOOD: Remind them to accept how they feel, to tell themselves that experiencing emotions is normal, just an alarm to do something to survive and thrive, and they have the strength to tolerate feeling unpleasant emotions. Tools like Calm breathing can help them be mindful as well. Both can help regulate their emotions and give them confidence to handle their feelings.
MIND: Invite them to think helpful, coping thoughts. Try to soften any extreme, catastrophic thoughts they are having. Decatastrophize, think in “shades of grey” rather than think it’s the worst thing that can happen or that it is “either-or” or “us versus them. “Think dialectically — can you come to a middle ground? Often is the case that multiple truths exist
ACTION: Invite them to take helpful coping actions
- Invite them to focus on doing something helpful rather than ruminating on what they cannot change or why something happened.
- Invite them to remind themselves that Feeling bad doesn’t mean they can’t cope. How you feel doesn’t have to determine what you do. For example, you can be scared and still speak up in class. You can do something to help yourself and help others.
Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve in this area?
- Feeling Good — David Burns
- Jeff Warren — Calm App
- For parents — the anxious generation by Jonathan Haidt, iGen by Jean Twenge,
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
Interesting question. There are many people I would love to meet in the world — my list is very long from world leaders to philosophers to musicians. Based on what I am reading and listening to at this moment, I would say I would love to meet Derek Thompson, who is an American Journalist, whose podcast Plain English I have been very much enjoying, Jeff Warren is a phenomenal meditation teacher who I listen to each day who I would absolutely love to meet, and Jonathan Haidt, who is a psychologist, who has been writing a lot on the psychology of today’s youth is someone else I would love to meet.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
They can visit my website — drlatamcginn.com, which is the conduit through which they can visit websites of all the work I do. They can also follow my work on my social media channels
https://www.linkedin.com/in/latamcginnphd/
https://www.facebook.com/Lata.McGinnPhD/
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
Thank you, the honor is mine. Thank you so much for inviting me to be on your podcast. It was a pleasure to speak to you.
About the Interviewer: Dr. Kate Lund is a licensed clinical psychologist, podcast host, best-selling author and Tedx Speaker. The power of resilience in extraordinary circumstances kept her thriving as a child. Dr. Lund now helps entrepreneurs, executives, parents, and athletes to see the possibility on the other side of struggle and move towards potential. Her goal is to help each person she works with to overcome their unique challenges and thrive within their own unique context.
Raising Resilient Kids: Lata K McGinn Of Cognitive & Behavioral Consultants On Strategies for… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.