Raising Resilient Kids: Jennifer McConnell Of Pierce Autism Center at Touro University Nevada On Strategies for Nurturing Emotional Strength in Children
An Interview With Dr. Kate Lund
Encourage problem-solving skills
Example: During a playdate, a child might struggle to share toys. Instead of intervening immediately, a parent could guide the child through the problem-solving process. They might ask, “What can we do if someone wants to play with the same toy?” This encourages the child to think critically about solutions, fostering resilience as they learn to navigate social interactions and conflicts.
In today’s fast-paced world, children face numerous challenges that can impact their emotional well-being. Developing resilience is key to helping them navigate these obstacles and grow into emotionally strong individuals. How can parents, educators, and caregivers foster this resilience in children? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure to interview Jennifer McConnell.
Jennifer McConnell is a licensed and board-certified behavior analyst at Touro University Nevada’s Center for Autism and Developmental Disabilities. She has 18 years of experience advocating for and working with the autism population. Jennifer specializes in verbal behavior, imitation skills, social skills, and parent training. She is passionate about empowering parents and caregivers with skills and tools to connect with their children and helping individuals learn skills to live more independent lives.
In addition to her master’s degree from Arizona State University in applied behavior analysis, she is a doctoral candidate in Human and Organizational Psychology. Jennifer is PEERS certified from UCLA. She has worked with toddlers to young adults in school-based, community-based, and clinic settings as a one-on-one therapist and consultant. Prior to joining Touro Nevada, Jennifer was president and co-founder of SWGT, a non-profit organization that advocated for twice-exceptional kids. She believes that collaboration, consistency, and kindness are essential to the healthy development of children.
When she is not at Touro Nevada, Jennifer is an avid runner and loves spending time with her husband and kids.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you’. Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?
My name is Jennifer McConnell. I work as a Board-Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) at The Pierce Autism Center at Touro University Nevada. Over the years I have developed a passion for working with and advocating for neurodivergent individuals. After seeing a desperate need in my community, I started a nonprofit organization that coordinated resources and collaborated with schools for twice exceptional and neurodivergent children. Seeing the difference, the right support fueled my fire to return to grad school and learn everything I could about the science of behavior and what controls and drives us as humans. I am an ABA therapist and am a doctoral candidate in human and organizational psychology.
Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?
I have four children, and my youngest son is on the autism spectrum who struggles with the comorbidities that accompany it, ADHD, anxiety, sensory issues, and OCD. My world became all about understanding and managing behaviors and helping him rebound from related challenges. As a parent I was acutely aware of the lack of education and resources. This desperation led me back to the university to obtain the knowledge and credentials needed to help the neurodivergent population.
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on raising resilient kids? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to this field?
As an ABA therapist, I teach kids the skills they need to navigate their environment. I focus on communication, behaviors, and social skills. Additionally, I make sure kids learn the strategies and tools needed to navigate their emotions.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
“Emotional resilience is not about avoiding the storm but learning to dance in the rain.”
Learning how to find happiness in the hard and knowing that nothing lasts forever is a secret joy.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. How can parents handle situations when a child faces failure or disappointment? What strategies can parents use to help a child bounce back?
Handling a child’s failure or disappointment can be challenging for parents, but it’s an important opportunity for growth. Here are some strategies to help children bounce back:
- Acknowledge Feelings: Validate their emotions by letting them know it’s okay to feel upset. Encourage them to express their feelings.
- Open Communication: Create a safe space for discussion. Ask open-ended questions to help them articulate what happened and how they feel.
- Reframe the Situation: Help them see failure as a learning opportunity. Discuss what can be learned from the experience and how it can lead to future success.
- Focus on Effort: Emphasize the importance of effort and resilience rather than just the outcome. Praise their hard work and determination.
- Model Resilience: Share your own experiences with failure and how you overcame them. This shows that setbacks are a normal part of life.
- Set Realistic Goals: Help them set achievable goals to work towards. This can provide a sense of direction and motivation.
- Encourage Problem-Solving: Guide them to think critically about what they could do differently next time. Encourage brainstorming solutions.
- Promote a Growth Mindset: Teach them about a growth mindset — the belief that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.
- Stay Supportive: Let them know you’re there for them, no matter the outcome. Your support can boost their confidence.
- Encourage Participation in Other Activities: Getting involved in new interests can help shift focus and rebuild confidence.
Connection is proven to be one of the most important factors that affect a child’s ability to rebound from difficult situations. Children who feel psychologically safe and loved are better equipped to weather life’s storms. It’s essential to listen to your child with genuine curiosity and strive to understand their perspective; what may seem trivial to you can feel overwhelming to them. Ensure they have a safe space and a trusted person they can connect with, fostering their resilience and emotional well-being.
What role does parental modeling of resilience play in the development of emotional strength in children? Can you share an example of a resilient parenting moment that you experienced directly or that you have come across in the course of your work?
A parent who models emotional resilience gives their child an invaluable gift. Demonstrating how to own mistakes, learn from them, and find the silver lining in challenges — while letting go of the pursuit of perfection — are essential skills. Who better to teach these lessons than a parent?
My youngest daughter failed her driving test on the first attempt. She was devastated and felt like a failure. We sat down to discuss her feelings about the challenges she faced during the test and identified specific areas where she could improve.
Rather than pushing her to retake the test immediately, I encouraged her to practice more and reassured her that many people don’t pass on their first try. Together, we created a plan that included additional driving practice and mock tests. I shared their own experiences of failure, emphasizing the importance of learning from setbacks.
When she passed her driving test, she felt a sense of accomplishment not just from the success, but also from the journey of growth and resilience. This moment reinforced the value of perseverance and the idea that setbacks can lead to personal growth, illustrating the powerful impact of supportive, resilient parenting.
What approaches do you recommend to foster a growth mindset in children, encouraging them to see challenge as opportunities to learn?
Fostering a growth mindset in children is essential for helping them view challenges as opportunities for learning and development. One effective approach is to praise effort rather than just results, emphasizing the importance of perseverance and celebrating hard work, strategies, and improvements. Modeling a growth mindset is also crucial; parents and educators can share their own experiences with challenges and highlight how setbacks are a natural part of the learning process. Creating a safe environment that encourages risk-taking allows children to feel comfortable making mistakes and discussing the lessons learned from those experiences.
Using language that promotes growth is another key strategy; replacing fixed mindset phrases with growth-oriented language, such as saying, “You can improve with practice” instead of “You’re just not good at this,” can have a significant impact. Setting specific, achievable learning goals focused on improvement rather than performance helps children track their progress over time. Teaching problem-solving skills by guiding children through challenges and asking open-ended questions fosters critical thinking.
Introducing challenges gradually, starting with manageable tasks and increasing difficulty as children build confidence, allows them to see their progression and improvement. Sharing stories of famous individuals who overcame obstacles through persistence reinforces the value of resilience and effort in achieving success. Additionally, encouraging reflection after completing a task enables children to consider what they learned, what they might do differently next time, and how they can apply those lessons in the future. Promoting collaboration through group activities helps children support each other in overcoming challenges, fostering a sense of community and shared learning. By incorporating these strategies, parents and educators can help children develop a strong growth mindset, enabling them to embrace challenges and view them as valuable learning experiences.
How can parents balance providing support with allowing their children to experience and overcome difficulties on their own?
Parents can start by assessing the nature of the challenge; if it poses significant harm or distress, more support may be necessary, but for minor challenges, stepping back can be beneficial. Encouraging problem-solving is essential; instead of immediately jumping in to solve a problem, parents can ask guiding questions like, “What do you think you could do next?” This approach fosters critical thinking while allowing children to feel supported. Setting appropriate expectations is also important; understanding each child’s capabilities and providing age-appropriate challenges helps them face difficulties that are manageable yet still push them to grow.
Additionally, parents should celebrate small wins, acknowledging when children make efforts to overcome challenges independently, thereby reinforcing their ability to handle difficulties. Modeling resilience by sharing personal experiences with challenges demonstrates that facing difficulties is a normal part of life. Open discussions about feelings are vital as well; validating children’s frustrations and fears helps them process challenges without rushing in to fix things. Parents can gradually release support, starting with more involvement and reducing it as children gain confidence, allowing them to build skills while knowing they have a safety net. Teaching coping strategies, such as deep breathing or breaking tasks into smaller steps, equips children to deal with difficulties effectively. Finally, encouraging reflection after facing a challenge allows children to discuss what they learned and how they might approach similar situations in the future, reinforcing their ability to navigate challenges independently. By finding this balance, parents can foster independence while providing the necessary support to build resilience and confidence in their children’s abilities.
What self-care practices would you recommend for parents to maintain their own resilience while going through the everyday challenges of raising children?
Maintaining resilience as a parent is essential for navigating everyday challenges. To support your well-being, prioritize personal time for activities that recharge you, such as reading or hobbies. Establish clear boundaries between parenting and personal time, and practice mindfulness techniques like meditation or deep breathing to reduce stress. Regular physical activity is crucial, so find an exercise routine you enjoy. Build a support network of friends and family to share experiences, and ensure you get adequate sleep. Limit screen time to avoid negative comparisons, engage in positive self-talk, and consider seeking professional support if needed. Lastly, practice gratitude by reflecting on the positives in your life, which can help shift your focus and enhance your overall resilience.
Can you please share “5 Strategies To Raise Children With Resilience and Emotional Strength”?
1. Model Healthy Coping Strategies
Example: As a behavior analyst, I often emphasize the importance of modeling coping strategies. When a child experiences disappointment — like not making the team — parents can demonstrate healthy ways to cope, such as discussing feelings openly, engaging in physical activity, or practicing mindfulness. For instance, a parent might say, “I’m feeling upset too, but let’s take a walk and talk about it.” This not only teaches the child how to handle emotions but also shows them that it’s normal to feel disappointed.
2. Encourage problem-solving skills
Example: During a playdate, a child might struggle to share toys. Instead of intervening immediately, a parent could guide the child through the problem-solving process. They might ask, “What can we do if someone wants to play with the same toy?” This encourages the child to think critically about solutions, fostering resilience as they learn to navigate social interactions and conflicts.
3. Provide Opportunities for Failure
Example: Allowing children to take on age-appropriate challenges, like cooking a meal, can be powerful. If the dish doesn’t turn out as planned, a parent can help the child reflect on what went wrong and how they can improve next time. For instance, they might say, “This didn’t go as we expected, but we can learn from our mistakes. Let’s figure out what to change for next time.” This helps children understand that failure is a part of learning.
4. Establish Routines and Structure
Example: Consistent routines provide children with a sense of security, which is essential for emotional resilience. For instance, a family might have a routine where they spend time together each evening reflecting on their day. During this time, parents can encourage children to share both successes and challenges, promoting open communication and emotional processing.
5. Foster a Growth Mindset
Example: When a child struggles with homework, a parent can encourage a growth mindset by praising effort rather than just success. For instance, if a child says, “I’m not good at math,” the parent might respond, “You’re learning! Remember how you practiced those problems last week? You got better with each one. Let’s tackle this together!” This reinforces the idea that skills can improve through effort and persistence.
How can mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques be incorporated into daily routines to support children’s emotional resilience?
Incorporating mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques into daily routines can significantly enhance children’s emotional resilience. As a behavior analyst, I recommend starting each morning with a brief mindfulness exercise, such as a few minutes of deep breathing or simple meditation. This practice sets a calm tone for the day and helps children recognize their emotional states. Additionally, integrating emotional check-ins throughout the day, such as before meals or after school, allows children to express their feelings more openly. Using a feelings chart can assist younger children in identifying their emotions, fostering awareness and verbalization.
To ease transitions between activities, parents can introduce mindfulness practices, like grounding exercises or taking deep breaths together, especially when moving from playtime to homework. It’s also important to teach children specific strategies for regulating their emotions when challenges arise; for instance, counting to ten or using a stress ball can be effective techniques. Role-playing scenarios where children practice these strategies can reinforce their use and accessibility during real situations. Finally, incorporating a nightly reflection time where parents and children discuss their day can help solidify emotional regulation skills. During this time, parents can encourage children to identify tough moments and how they managed their emotions. This holistic approach not only promotes resilience but also empowers children to navigate challenges with greater confidence.
Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve in this area?
Books
- “The Whole-Brain Child” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson: This book offers insights into child development and practical strategies for parents to foster emotional resilience.
- “Mindfulness for Beginners” by Jon Kabat-Zinn: A great introduction to mindfulness, providing simple practices to help cultivate awareness and presence.
- “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown: This book emphasizes self-acceptance and resilience, offering guidance on embracing imperfections and developing emotional strength.
Apps
- Headspace: This app offers guided meditations and mindfulness exercises tailored for different age groups, making it accessible for both children and adults.
- Calm: Known for its sleep stories and mindfulness programs, Calm provides various resources to help users practice relaxation and emotional regulation.
- Smiling Mind: This app is specifically designed for children and adolescents, featuring mindfulness programs that promote emotional well-being and resilience.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 😊
Brene Brown
How can our readers further follow your work online?
https://www.instagram.com/autismcenter.touronv/
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
About the Interviewer: Dr. Kate Lund is a licensed clinical psychologist, podcast host, best-selling author and Tedx Speaker. The power of resilience in extraordinary circumstances kept her thriving as a child. Dr. Lund now helps entrepreneurs, executives, parents, and athletes to see the possibility on the other side of struggle and move towards potential. Her goal is to help each person she works with to overcome their unique challenges and thrive within their own unique context.
Raising Resilient Kids: Jennifer McConnell Of Pierce Autism Center at Touro University Nevada On… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.