Raising Resilient Kids: Dr Candice Feinberg on Strategies for Nurturing Emotional Strength in Children
An Interview with Dr. Kate Lund
Promote problem-solving and a growth mindset: Encourage children to view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than threats to their self-worth. As an example, reframe math struggles as something that will improve with practice rather than allowing the child to label themselves as bad at math.
In today’s fast-paced world, children face numerous challenges that can impact their emotional well-being. Developing resilience is key to helping them navigate these obstacles and grow into emotionally strong individuals. How can parents, educators, and caregivers foster this resilience in children? As part of this interview series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Candice Feinberg.
Dr. Candice Feinberg is the CEO and director of outpatient programming for ROWI Teen & Parent Wellness Centers, the largest provider of adolescent mental health services in Southern California. An influential clinical psychologist and author of the book, No Parent Left Behind, she specializes in creating family-centered treatment programs that have helped hundreds of children struggling with depression, anxiety, ADHD and autism.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you.’ Can you tell us a bit about your background and your backstory?
From a young age, I was deeply drawn to the field of psychology. Initially, I intended to major in psychology, but my stepfather encouraged me to pursue a liberal arts degree and become a teacher instead. I quickly lost interest and dropped out. However, my passion for psychology never waned. I later returned to college to complete my bachelor’s degree, followed by a master’s and a doctorate in the field.
My internship in juvenile drug court was a pivotal moment for me as I realized the profound impact I could have by advocating for youth. Since then, I’ve dedicated my career to working with adolescents in treatment settings, and I haven’t looked back.
Can you share a story with us about what brought you to your particular career path?
In the early days of my career, I aimed to become a forensic psychologist and work within the court system advocating for children in custody cases. However, I quickly realized that I didn’t have the years of experience required for such a role.
This led me to pivot toward working directly with teenagers in residential treatment, and I’ve been immersed in this field for nearly 30 years. The shift was serendipitous, and it allowed me to focus on what I love most — supporting and guiding adolescents through their most challenging moments.
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on raising resilient kids? In your opinion, what is your unique contribution to this field?
My authority comes from both personal experience and decades of professional practice. I was a resilient child myself, overcoming personal adversity after my parents divorced when I was young. This personal history, combined with 20 years of working with teenagers, has given me a unique depth of understanding. My expertise is rooted in hands-on experience, working with countless families and helping adolescents navigate the complexities of growing up.
My contribution stems from my unwavering commitment to adolescent mental health. I’ve focused exclusively on working with teenagers throughout my career. Mastery in any field requires time and dedication, and I’ve invested decades into understanding and supporting this age group. This deep focus has allowed me to develop a unique approach to helping teens build resilience, emotional strength and self-efficacy.
Do you have a favorite “Life Lesson Quote?” Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
A quote that resonates deeply with me is: “In the end, what matters most is: how well did you live, how well did you love, and how well did you learn to let go?”
This quote speaks to the heart of the work I do with families. Parents and children often struggle with the concept of letting go — whether it’s letting go of control, expectations or past mistakes. Learning to live fully, love deeply and release what no longer serves us is a key lesson I impart to the families I work with.
How can parents handle situations when a child faces failure or disappointment? What strategies can parents use to help their child bounce back?
The most important thing a parent can do is to create a space where their child’s emotions are fully acknowledged and validated. Instead of rushing to fix the problem or minimize their feelings, parents should offer compassion and understanding.
Allowing children to sit with their disappointment or frustration is crucial for building emotional resilience. This validation provides the foundation for the child to process the experience and eventually move forward in a healthier way.
Once a child’s emotions have been validated, it’s important to guide them through a reflective process. Help them extract valuable lessons from the experience and emphasize the importance of effort, growth and perseverance over the final outcome. By focusing on the learning opportunities within setbacks, parents can foster a growth mindset in their children that is essential for long-term resilience.
What role does parental modeling of resilience play in the development of emotional strength in children? Can you share an example of a resilient parenting moment that you’ve experienced directly or that you have come across in the course of your work?
Parental modeling of resilience plays a critical role in shaping a child’s emotional strength. When parents demonstrate calmness, self-compassion and healthy coping mechanisms in the face of stress or setbacks, children naturally absorb and replicate those behaviors. A parent’s ability to manage their own emotions and challenges effectively lays the foundation for their child’s resilience.
One of the most powerful examples of resilient parenting is when parents openly acknowledge their mistakes. It can be difficult to admit an error, especially in front of your children, but when parents are able to do so, it shows tremendous strength. This level of vulnerability and accountability sets a strong example for children about the importance of learning from mistakes and bouncing back.
What approaches do you recommend to foster a growth mindset in children, encouraging them to see challenges as opportunities to learn?
I would focus on encouraging curiosity and a love for learning rather than emphasizing success or perfection. I would advocate for praising effort, persistence and the process rather than the outcome. This approach helps children see challenges as opportunities to grow rather than threats to their self-worth.
How can parents balance providing support with allowing their children to experience and overcome difficulties on their own?
It’s all about creating a safe and open space where children feel they can talk about anything with their parents. While it’s important to offer support, parents must also step back and allow their children to navigate and overcome challenges independently. This balance fosters both emotional security and resilience in children.
What self-care practices would you recommend for parents to maintain their own resilience while raising children?
I strongly encourage parents to prioritize their own well-being and address their emotional needs. Self-care is not an indulgence — it’s essential for effective parenting. By modeling healthy self-care practices, parents show their children that taking care of oneself is a vital part of life, which ultimately contributes to their children’s emotional health as well.
Can you please share “5 Strategies to Raise Children with Resilience and Emotional Strength?”
5 Strategies for Raising Resilient, Emotionally Strong Children:
- Create a secure emotional attachment: A secure attachment forms the foundation for resilience. Children who feel emotionally supported by their caregivers are more likely to take healthy risks and develop strong coping mechanisms. So, if a child is nervous on the first day of school, reassure them that it’s okay to feel anxious and that you’ll be there at the end of the day.
- Model emotional regulation and self-compassion: Children absorb how their parents manage stress, mistakes and emotions. Demonstrating calmness in the face of challenges teaches them how to approach difficulties with grace. If you spill your coffee, for example, acknowledge that accidents happen and move forward calmly without swearing or getting upset.
- Encourage open expression of emotions: I always say, “All emotions are welcome here.” It’s okay to be sad and angry. Allowing children to express their feelings freely, without fear of judgment, fosters emotional strength. For example, if a child is frustrated after losing a game, validate their emotion. Don’t tell them to just get over it.
- Promote problem-solving and a growth mindset: Encourage children to view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than threats to their self-worth. As an example, reframe math struggles as something that will improve with practice rather than allowing the child to label themselves as bad at math.
- Foster autonomy: Encourage children to face and overcome their own challenges, offering support but allowing them to take the lead. This builds confidence and resilience. It’s okay to acknowledge a child’s anxiety about public speaking, for example, while encouraging them to practice and give it a try.
How can mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques be incorporated into daily routines to support children’s emotional resilience?
Being mindful and being present to address stress and emotional challenges is important. Parents can incorporate simple mindfulness practices into daily routines to help children become more aware of their emotions and learn how to regulate them.
Short exercises, such as deep breathing before bed or during moments of stress, can be helpful. For younger children, this might involve activities like “belly breathing” with a stuffed animal on their tummy, teaching them to focus on their breath. Daily moments of shared quiet time or mindful reflection can also support emotional regulation.
Are there any specific tools or resources (books, apps, courses) you recommend for individuals looking to improve in this area?
Absolutely. Hold On to Your Kids by Gabor Maté and The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel are excellent books that provide deep insights into child development and resilience. There are also great apps like Calm and Headspace that can help parents and children practice mindfulness together, building emotional awareness and regulation skills.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world or in the U.S. with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 😉
If I could have a private meal with anyone, it would be Canadian physician Dr. Gabor Maté. His ability to uncover deep-seated trauma in a short amount of time is remarkable — and his insights into human psychology are invaluable. I’ve attended his talks and read his books. A personal conversation with him would be fascinating and would also enhance my understanding of trauma-informed care.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
I’m not highly active on social media as I prefer to focus on my direct work with clients. However, my book offers a comprehensive look into my perspectives and approach to adolescent mental health. Beyond that, I’m always open to sharing insights and strategies through interviews like this one.
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
About the Interviewer: Dr. Kate Lund is a licensed clinical psychologist, podcast host, best-selling author and Tedx Speaker. The power of resilience in extraordinary circumstances kept her thriving as a child. Dr. Lund now helps entrepreneurs, executives, parents, and athletes to see the possibility on the other side of struggle and move towards potential. Her goal is to help each person she works with to overcome their unique challenges and thrive within their own unique context.
Raising Resilient Kids: Dr Candice Feinberg on Strategies for Nurturing Emotional Strength in Child was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.