Putting The United Back Into The United States: Jonathan Bennett of ‘Pickaway Area Recovery Services’ On The 5 Things That Each Of Us Can Do To Help Unite Our Polarized Society
Pay attention to the good- Your brain typically defaults to negative thoughts. So, it’s easy to constantly focus on the negative while missing the good things all around you. You have to train your brain to find the good in your life. You can do this in a few ways. Start a gratitude journal, tell people how much you appreciate them, and find the silver lining in situations. Above all, add more good to your life. Get off social media, turn off the TV, and start doing things that lift your spirit and help others. Take up photography, volunteer at an animal shelter, write poetry, and more.
As part of our series about 5 Things That Each Of Us Can Do To Help Unite Our Polarized Society, I had the pleasure of interviewing Jonathan Bennett. He is the CEO Pickaway Area Recovery Services, a non-profit dedicated to mental health and substance use disorder treatment. He is a certified wellness coach and, with his twin brother David, runs Bennett Twins Integrated Wellness Coaching.
He has a BA in history from Ohio University and an MTS (religion) from Emory University. In his spare time, he enjoys reading, writing, and fitness activities, especially running. He lives in Lithopolis, Ohio and has a 12-year-old daughter, Grace.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I grew up in a small town of a thousand people to a teacher mom and a pastor dad. From the beginning, they instilled in me the value of helping others. My school had passionate teachers, but few resources. I remember the science department having such little money that, for one experiment, each student was allowed only one rubber glove!
I was a creative, energetic kid who pursued his own path. My love of writing and reading started early. My parents especially encouraged this side of me. It led to a lifelong love of learning and self-development.
When I went to college, I began to see how my lack of resources growing up impacted my educational experience. However, it created in me a desire to succeed even when I was an underdog. It took away any sense of complacency. I’ve never lost this drive.
What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.
Throughout most of my life, I struggled to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle. In addition to that, I was overstressed and anxious most of the time. I was a teacher at a private school and enjoyed my job. But, after teaching for five years, I lost my job. This was during the Great Recession and I didn’t get another teaching job for the next year. This threw all my plans into turmoil. I had to face the reality that I’d need to reinvent myself at 32.
I had two choices: give up, be depressed, and “settle” or use it as a chance to start over and pursue a different and better path. Rather than wallowing in negativity, I decided to use this as a chance to better myself.
I watched self-help movies and read articles about personal transformation. I began meditating regularly and practicing affirmations and mindfulness. Too often I had missed the amazing world all around me while staying focused on my own problems and limitations.
I also took control of my physical health. I started a food diary, substituted healthy foods for unhealthy ones, and took up interval training as an exercise. I lost over forty pounds.
I signed up for The Warrior Dash, an obstacle course race, and completed it. I enjoyed it so much that I signed up for other races, including the Tough Mudder, which, at the time, was close to 11 miles. I ended up running 7 Tough Mudders over a 5-year period, as well as doing 5 half marathons.
After transforming myself, I decided to pay it forward and help other people who shared my struggles. I continue to work on self-improvement and make my wellness a priority. I am the CEO of a drug and alcohol addiction counseling agency and have done relationship coaching. I’m now also an integrated wellness coach, which combines all of my interests.
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?
I recently started an integrated wellness coaching business with my twin brother, David. Right now, with the pandemic and governmental restrictions, many people suffer from physical and mental health problems. And, in many cases, they don’t even know where to begin to feel better.
Our goal is to help people improve their overall health through lifestyle changes. I want to share with them the self-improvement techniques I’ve learned and applied in my own life.
We use the term “integrated wellness” because we learned that true wellness goes way beyond just being physically healthy. Wellness encompasses aspects like honesty with yourself and others, purpose, authenticity, cultivating quality relationships, and much more.
None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?
My friend Joshua Wagner was a great influence and mentor to me. He had already taken a journey of self-discovery and happily shared his knowledge with me. When I needed encouragement and guidance, he was always there to help me. He inspired me to pay it forward and share my knowledge with others.
Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?
My biggest mistake early in my career was disconnecting my business ventures from my story. While cold, hard facts can be convincing in some environments, people ultimately have a hard time connecting to that. I realized that whatever you’re doing, it must be authentic and genuine with a personal touch. You can only be yourself and this includes embracing your whole story, vulnerability and all.
Vulnerability is especially important. No one can relate to someone who is perfect. All of our heroes in real life and fiction are overcomers. I realized I couldn’t be afraid to admit my failures and shortcomings along with my successes.
Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
One of my favorite and most influential books is Mark Manson’s “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck.” Although the title is provocative, the book isn’t about “checking out” or not caring. Rather, it teaches the value of detachment in achieving happiness and success. By not letting outside forces bother you, you can free yourself to be your fully authentic self. As someone who had lived “safely” seeking the approval of others, this book and its message transformed my thinking.
Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does that resonate with you so much? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life or your work?
“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength” — Marcus Aurelius
This is similar to the concept of the first and second dart in Buddhist thought. While pain is inevitable (the first dart), how we react to pain or setbacks will determine whether we experience more pain (the second dart). Or, we can use the circumstances to become better people.
Like most people, I’ve experienced tragedy and setbacks. I’ve found that holding onto the pain and focusing on the negative only brought more problems to my life. Mindset plays a major role in everything we do.
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
To me, leadership is grounded in motivation, inspiration, listening, and freedom. When I taught, I had leaders whose style was simply “telling people what to do” followed by intense micromanagement. It didn’t motivate me or anyone else. People don’t respond well to lectures or “discipline.” But, if they feel motivated and inspired, they will give their best effort.
As a teacher, I realized quickly that my students would always conform to the rules with threats of discipline. But, they only acted to ensure temporary compliance. They didn’t really change attitudes and habits. True change came through earning their trust and respect and then leading them to make better choices.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s move to the main focus of our interview. The polarization in our country has become so extreme that families have been torn apart. Erstwhile close friends have not spoken to each other because of strong partisan differences. This is likely a huge topic, but briefly, can you share your view on how this evolved to the boiling point that it’s at now?
I believe that the extreme partisanship occurs because relationships have significantly changed over the last several years. Many people no longer know their neighbors. With the increase of remote work and classes, lots of individuals lack significant face-to-face interaction. Studies also show that people have fewer close friends than in past years. The miles between us aren’t just inches and feet physically separating ourselves. They have created a far worse divide, an emotional disconnect between family, friends, and neighbors that threatens to tear the country in two.
I also think that social media has played a major role in contentious relationships. Social media encourages quick responses without any meaningful follow-up or discourse. In addition, the algorithms highlight whatever generates the most clicks. These are often posts that cause outrage. In addition, most people only see content that the algorithm deems relevant. This allows people to remain in an intellectual echo chamber where they think everyone else is just like them.
These two factors have created a bubble mentality where people are not regularly in a position to meaningfully interact with others who share differing viewpoints. This allows a mentality where people who disagree are treated as “the other” and can be easily stereotyped and demonized.
I have no pretensions about bridging the divide between politicians, or between partisan media outlets. But I’d love to discuss the divide that is occurring between families, co workers, and friends. Do you feel comfortable sharing a story from your experience about how family or friends have become a bit alienated because of the partisan atmosphere?
Two people with whom I attended high school recently had a Facebook argument and ended up defriending and blocking each other. They have always had a friendly and cordial relationship. But, one made a political Facebook post and the other one commented. After a series of arguments that turned into pettiness and name-calling, two friends became “former friends.”
In your opinion, what can be done to bridge the divide that has occurred in families? Can you please share a story or example?
The best way to bridge the divide on family relationships is, I believe, to simply listen more. By having genuine conversations with family members, you can gain insight into their perspectives.
Also, focusing on what you have in common with family members is essential. You have so many shared memories, ties, and experience that bond you together. While differences will be inevitable, the shared bonds should be stronger than any disagreements.
How about the workplace, what can be done to bridge the partisan divide that has fractured relationships there? Can you please share a story or example?
Like with family, co-workers can build bridges through listening and having more understanding. This doesn’t mean agreement, but rather listening and understanding viewpoints, at least to the extent where you can work together in harmony with the other person for a workday.
I do my best to instill values in the workplace, rather than partisan politics. Most people will get behind well-defined, inspiring values. However, a strictly partisan message can alienate those who affiliate with the other side or are on the fence politically.
I think one of the causes of our divide comes from the fact that many of us see a political affiliation as the primary way to self identify. But of course there are many other ways to self identify. What do you think can be done to address this?
If your identity is a commitment to a political party, you can feel pressure to defend and fight for all the positions of that party. With a two-party system, the American political landscape can be very black and white with little room for nuance.
In addition, if you feel like your identity is tied to a political party, then you become highly invested in promoting and defending the thinking of the group. A failure to defend party positions or making compromises can feel like betraying your core values and friends. You might fear that others will question your loyalty or commitment. This can lead people to stake out extreme positions and defend them even at the cost of alienating friends and family.
Much ink has been spilled about how social media companies and partisan media companies continue to make money off creating a split in our society. Sadly the cat is out of the bag and at least in the near term there is no turning back. Social media and partisan media have a vested interest in maintaining the divide, but as individuals none of us benefit by continuing this conflict. What can we do moving forward to not let social media divide us?
While getting off of social media completely is unrealistic for most people, cutting back is a great option. It’s also possible to use social media in a positive way. The algorithms promote what is popular and generates clicks. If more people focused on happy news and uniting topics, then the tech companies would reward such behavior because it would be profitable.
The research of neuroscientist Candace Pert showed that it’s possible to be addicted to negative emotions. Social media plays on this. When we see something outrageous, we get a dopamine hit. It then fuels continued anger and outrage. It takes a lot of willpower to step back from the cycle of outrage and create a cycle of positivity instead.
In other words, if you’re tempted to get involved in a social media fight, the best thing you can do is step back and do something else instead. Pet your dog, call your mom, or take a walk. While this sounds easy, in practice it can be difficult. But, by taking positive action, you’re retraining and even rewiring your brain.
What can we do moving forward to not let partisan media pundits divide us?
While we can’t control the media, we can, however, resist the narrative of division on a personal level. We can befriend people with divergent viewpoints and listen to family and friends and learn more about their views. We don’t have to agree with or even respect their viewpoints. But, by listening, we can understand them at least.
Most people change through patience and mentorship. Even if friends and family hold viewpoints that are extreme, cutting that person off only pushes them more towards people who agree with them, amplifying their ideological echo chamber.
I love the story of Daryl Davis, an African-American man who befriended members of the KKK in the hopes of helping them see the error of their ways. His efforts convinced over 200 Klansmen to quit the group. This is a testament to how listening and friendship, while maintaining your ideological integrity, can change viewpoints. Each Klansman who changed his ways also took that change back to his family and community, making a major impact.
Sadly we have reached a fevered pitch where it seems that the greatest existential catastrophe that can happen to our country is that “the other side” seizes power. We tend to lose sight of the fact that as a society and as a planet we face more immediate dangers. What can we do to lower the ante a bit and not make every small election cycle a battle for the “very existence of our country”?
When anything becomes tied to someone’s “very existence,” the struggles become framed in terms of life and death. When it’s a life or death scenario, it’s easy to label the other side as “enemies.” All sides can lower the rhetoric and not attempt to dehumanize the other side.
Ok wonderful. Here is the main question of our interview. Can you please share your “5 Steps That Each Of Us Can Take To Proactively Help Heal Our Country”. Kindly share a story or example for each.
-Pay attention to the good- Your brain typically defaults to negative thoughts. So, it’s easy to constantly focus on the negative while missing the good things all around you. You have to train your brain to find the good in your life. You can do this in a few ways. Start a gratitude journal, tell people how much you appreciate them, and find the silver lining in situations. Above all, add more good to your life. Get off social media, turn off the TV, and start doing things that lift your spirit and help others. Take up photography, volunteer at an animal shelter, write poetry, and more.
-Listen to those with different ideologies- Instead of assuming someone with a different viewpoint is barely human and your enemy, reach out and find out why that person believes what they believe. Even though you likely won’t come closer to their viewpoint, finding out reasons for their beliefs can build a bridge and begin a conversation that could lead to change.
-Resist the second dart- The world is chaotic and very unpredictable right now. You can’t control that, but you can control your reaction. By changing your mindset towards uncontrollable events, you can react in a way that is grounded in love and kindness rather than fear and division. The choice is entirely yours to make.
-Get involved locally- By being active in your community, you’re exposing yourself to different types of people and gaining perspective. We spend so much energy fighting national battles. But, getting involved locally is the place for real change and to build unifying relationships.
-Encourage and value personal change- People can and do change. They grow up, change views, and become better people. Just because a friend or relative disagrees with you, doesn’t mean you have to cut that person off and assume the worst. Approaching that person with love and friendship with an eye towards change and growth can actually work. Mentorship and understanding work better to change hearts and minds than cancelling.
Simply put, is there anything else we can do to ‘just be nicer to each other’?
Empathy goes a long way in being nice. You don’t have to agree with someone, but you can try to see it from their perspective. If you can begin to understand why people think like they do, you can have a civil discussion.
Also, assume the best. Rather than assuming that your friend, relative, or co-worker with a different position is “dumb” or “evil” or anything else, assume they’re a good person who just needs to gain more perspective instead. We all can use to learn more and grow as people. Rather than writing someone off or “canceling” them, work to increase their resources and mentor them.
We are going through a rough period now. Are you optimistic that this issue can eventually be resolved? Can you explain?
I’m an optimist and believe that the vast majority of people want to be happy and want others to be happy. However, there are many forces that profit and benefit from division, like the media, tech companies, and political parties. It will take effort to overcome these institutional forces. Again, I think the answer lies in bringing people together locally so that they can ignore the noise of the outside national and international forces.
If you could tell young people one thing about why they should consider making a positive impact on our society, like you, what would you tell them?
I would tell them that authenticity is more important than likes. All visionaries started out as non-conformists who bucked the system in some way. Stand up for others, be kind, and express yourself creatively even if it doesn’t make you instantly popular. You’ll be much happier and make more an impact by authentically pursuing your dream than if you act like a fake just to fit in.
Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
I would like to talk with Matthew McConaughey. Although he’s a talented actor, I would mainly like to discuss his vision of unity for the United States. He has taken a lot of heat for his assertion that we need to listen to others and work for unity through a centrist vision. He’s not saying that we have to condone or agree with certain positions. But, we need to understand why people embrace them. I would love to hear his privately held ideas for how we can achieve unity.
How can our readers follow you online?
Instagram- @realbennetttwins
Facebook- facebook.com/bennetttwins
TikTok- @jrbennett96
This was very meaningful, and thank you so much for the time you spent on this interview. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
Putting The United Back Into The United States: Jonathan Bennett of ‘Pickaway Area Recovery… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.