An Interview With Drew Gerber
Eliminate duplicates. If you’re anything like me, you have multiple mis-matched sets of food-storage containers, most of which are probably missing their lids. Get rid of duplicates, non-functional items, or that one lonely sock that lost its counterpart. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.
We live in a time of great excess. We have access to fast fashion, fast food, and fast everything. But studies show that all of our “stuff” is not making us any happier. How can we simplify and focus on what’s important? How can we let go of all the clutter and excess and find true happiness? In this interview series, we are talking to coaches, mental health experts, and authors who share insights, stories, and personal anecdotes about “How Simplifying and Decluttering Your Life Can Make Us Happier.” As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Nicole McDaniel.
Nicole McDaniel is an Atlanta-based Psychotherapist and Life + Clarity Coach. Nicole has nearly a decade of experience helping her clients improve their life satisfaction and happiness through deconstructing what they believe should make them happy and improving their relationships with themselves in order to find clarity in who they are and what they most desire to pursue in their lives.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share your “backstory” with us? What was it that led you to your eventual career choice?
I somewhat stumbled upon my career in mental health and life coaching. As a rising college freshman, I intended to declare an art major and become a graphic designer. Life had other plans for me, however, and during my senior year of high school my parents divorced and during their separation and divorce, we engaged in family therapy together. It was during the family therapy process that I realized how interested I was in human behaviors. Ultimately I developed an interest in helping people understand their own patterns and make realistic adaptations to their behaviors. At that point, I completely pivoted from an art degree to earning my bachelor’s in Psychology and going on to obtain my master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. As a post-graduate, I opened up my own boutique psychotherapy practice, where I have continued to practice for nearly a decade. In 2022, I expanded my offerings to include Life and Clarity Coaching to increase my impact on the world and help more people create a thriving life.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
Well, working in mental health there are many interesting stories that I wish I could share but can’t due to confidentiality. What I can share is that I’ve learned that even if you don’t feel you’re making a difference in people’s lives as a friend, parent, mentor, or professional, you really have no idea the impact you have on others just by being present, engaged, and connected in the lives of others.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
Yes, I am! I am currently offering an amazing coaching package called Made for More. The program is geared toward helping clients increase clarity and commitment to their desired outcomes for 2023. I created this program because the way we currently set goals or resolutions is super unsustainable and many times only results in disappointment and a lack of trust in our abilities to follow through on commitments. The beauty of Made for More is it teaches you practical ways to cut the mind-drama and break off the on-again-off-again relationship with goal attainment so that you can finally reach your desired outcomes with confidence and consistency.
Can you share with our readers a bit about why you are an authority on the topic of “How Simplifying and Decluttering Your Life Can Make You Happier”?
Absolutely, I am so honored to be part of this piece and was drawn to it because I am in the business of helping people create increased happiness and satisfaction in their lives. What I have found through my work as a therapist and coach is that less really is more. I see people spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on material items they think will make them happy but in reality, they’re still left feeling unsatisfied. I’ve built a career on helping my clients minimize excess, improve their relationships with themselves and others, and get clear on what really brings them happiness and I’m thrilled to share my expertise with your audience.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the main focus of our interview. We live in a time of excess. We have access to so much. But studies show that all of our “stuff” is not making us any happier. Can you articulate for our readers a few reasons why all of our possessions are not giving us happiness?
You’re right, we have access to so much stuff and it’s not that stuff is bad, it’s inherently neutral, but it’s our relationship to the stuff that can lead to either healthy or unhealthy patterns. I find that in our consumer society, we treat “stuff” as an elixir to remedy our emotional experiences. For example, the solution to having a bad day, for many of us, is to go buy something to make us feel better. The same with experiencing a good day, we go buy something to celebrate or enhance the emotional experience. When we use stuff as an emotional elixir we diminish our ability to internally self-soothe so we’re caught in a loop of seeking external things to make us feel good.
On a broader societal level, how do you think this excessiveness may be harming our communities and society?
In my opinion, consumerism harms our society by keeping us perpetually focused on what we don’t have. It takes us out of the moment and shifts our focus to the future, what we think we need, what we covet, what we think we can’t live without, etc. It also contributes to overarching wastefulness and increased debt if we do not maintain safeguards around our spending and consumption habits.
The irony of struggling with happiness in modern times is glaring. In many places in the world today, we have more than ever before in history. Yet despite this, so many people are unhappy. Why is simplifying a solution? How would simplifying help people to access happiness?
Throughout my career I’ve observed so many people waste hundreds of thousands of dollars on things they think will make them happy such as cars, shoes, vacation homes, you name it, and they’re still miserable. Why? Because they’re only adding to the noise and chaos in their lives by piling on more possessions rather than addressing what I believe is the real problem, which is their relationship with themselves.
Simplifying is part of the solution because it’s an intentional practice of choice. Simplifying forces us to slow down and connect to ourselves to discover what really brings us joy and satisfaction in life, both materially and intrapersonally. Through the process of simplifying we purposefully choose certain items over other competing objects which I believe increases the value and meaning of the chosen object. As a result, it shifts us away from the use of stuff as an emotional elixir and allows us to recall why that object brings value and happiness to our lives and reinforces the idea that happiness is not found in excess but rather in the meaning we assign to the item.
Can you share some insights from your own experience? Where in your life have you transformed yourself from not having enough to finally experiencing enough? For example, many people feel they don’t have enough money. Yet, people define abundance differently, and often, those with the least money can feel the most abundant. Where in your health, wealth, or relationships have you transformed your life?
When I think about a time when things were difficult or I didn’t “have enough” I’m brought back to when my parents divorced. After they divorced, my mom became my only source of financial stability as a teenager and money was often tight as she adjusted from a two-income household to a one-income household. I ended up working full-time while also being a full-time college student in order to make ends meet and complete my studies. At that time in my life I often felt like I didn’t have enough hours in the day or money in my bank account. Now that I am established in my career, I am fortunate to have much more financial stability and flexibility, which is something I have worked hard for over the years. I find happiness not from buying more stuff but from experiences such as travel with my husband, quality time with family, and connective conversations with friends. To me, these experiences and the memories that I consciously build through intentional connection define enoughness.
People, places, and things shape our lives. For example, your friends generate conversations that influence you. Where you live impacts what you eat and how you spend your time. The “things” in your life, like phones, technology, or books impact your recreation. Can you tell us a little about how people, places, and things in your own life impact your experience of “experiencing enough?”
I feel very fortunate to have friends and colleagues from all walks of life, differing socioeconomic statuses, and a variety of career paths. Because of this, each person in my circle has a slightly different perspective on what “enoughness” means to them which inspires interesting conversations. These conversations provide new perspective and a sense of gratitude for what I have and often encourage me to take pause when deciding if I really need or want something. Additionally, as I have gotten older I’ve become more intentional and selective about where I spend my money. I look for items that are high-quality, can be used or worn on multiple occasions, and are clean/environmentally friendly.
What advice would you give to younger people about “experiencing enough?”
I would encourage young people to not rely on comparison to determine if they have enough. Having “enough” is subjective. You get to define what enough means in your own life, it’s not a viewpoint you need to crowdsource.
This is the main question of our interview. Based on your experience and research, can you share your “five ways we can simplify and declutter our lives to make us happier?”
Five things that I recommend to my clients and even utilize myself are the following:
- Start by removing excess from your immediate environment. Your home and workspace are the environments where you spend the majority of your time and therefore have the greatest influence and impact on your psyche. Focus on eliminating excess such as random clutter as this will increase peace and decrease stress.
- Streamline your wardrobe. With so much access to fast fashion it’s likely you have items in your closet that are worn out, don’t fit right, or you just don’t like. Eliminate items that don’t fit or don’t match your current style.
- Eliminate duplicates. If you’re anything like me, you have multiple mis-matched sets of food-storage containers, most of which are probably missing their lids. Get rid of duplicates, non-functional items, or that one lonely sock that lost its counterpart. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.
- Consider the last time the item was useful for you. If you haven’t used or worn the item in over six months it’s time to part ways.
- Prioritize goods, services, and experiences that truly provide quality and impactful experiences and meaning to your life. Quality is always better than quantity.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I love this question! The movement I would inspire is simple but wildly powerful, and that is to practice kindness toward yourself. As a psychotherapist and coach, I see so many clients whose internal dialogues and self-concepts are incredibly negative and harsh. If we all chose kinder thoughts and words toward ourselves I believe the world would be a better place.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Readers can find me online at: www.nicolemcoaching.com and on Instagram: @nicolemcoaching
Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!
About The Interviewer: For 30 years, Drew Gerber has been inspiring those who want to change the world. Drew is the CEO of Wasabi Publicity, Inc., a full-service PR agency lauded by PR Week and Good Morning America. Wasabi Publicity, Inc. is a global marketing company that supports industry leaders, change agents, unconventional thinkers, companies and organizations that strive to make a difference. Whether it’s branding, traditional PR or social media marketing, every campaign is instilled with passion, creativity and brilliance to powerfully tell their clients’ story and amplify their intentions in the world. Schedule a free consultation at WasabiPublicity.com/Choosing-Publicity
Psychotherapist Nicole McDaniel On How Simplifying & Decluttering Your Life Can Make You Happier was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.