“Professionals of After Loss Services”: Rachel Donnelly’s Big Idea That Might Change The World
Interviewing more than one probate attorney. You’re going to spend a lot of time with this person — be sure you find someone you really connect with. Talk about the process, fee structure, communication styles, etc. Understanding the process and what it’s going to look like day to day is really important. Find someone who’s going to walk alongside you and not talk at you.
As a part of our series about “Big Ideas That Might Change The World In The Next Few Years” we had the pleasure of interviewing Rachel Donnelly.
Rachel Donnelly is a co-founder of PALS (Professionals of After Loss Services), as well as the founder and CEO of AfterLight, which specializes in providing support and coordination to individuals managing through the administrative responsibilities that pile up after the loss of a loved one. Alongside her PALS co-founders, Rachel endeavors to “change the world” by teaching other professionals to become after loss service providers. Each of the PALS co-founders found their way into the world of supporting those grieving the loss of a loved one in their own way, but together, they know that their impact can expand infinitely by growing the industry. Instead of trying to serve every individual, PALS aims to train those interested in becoming after loss pros themselves.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit. Can you please tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
I lost both of my parents at a young age. My father passed away when I was in high school, and I watched my mom struggle with the logistics of things like selling my father’s medical practice and was thereby introduced to the unavoidable administrative tasks of death very early on.
I was propelled into the world of estate settlement myself when my mom died of cancer. She was diagnosed, underwent surgery, and passed away within 60 days. At this stage in my life, I was married with two small kids, and I’d just started a brand new job with no time off in the first 90 days. Soon after, I found myself caring for my mom’s brother and managing his affairs upon his passing. As a busy working mom, I didn’t have time to deal with the logistics of death.
Losing a loved one is one of life’s biggest milestones, and it’s something that we’re all unfortunately going to have to face. Nobody ever thinks they’re going to get into the death business — but I was presented with a set of circumstances in my life that led me to fill a gap in the market by offering logistical and practical support to those dealing with loss.
Can you please share with us the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?
I’m actually currently writing a book, which is a tapestry of stories of my experiences with loss and lessons from working with clients, entitled Late To Your Own Funeral. Most people are so unprepared to become the executor of an estate — many are utterly caught off guard. One of my clients got the shock of her life when she answered a call from an attorney who explained that her ex-husband — who she’d been divorced from for 50 years — had died and named her the executor of his estate. They hadn’t even spoken since the divorce. He’d remarried, had children, and his second wife had also passed away. My client was suddenly in charge of settling the affairs of someone who was, at this point, practically a stranger. This is one of many stories I’ve encountered where someone has no idea they’ve been given this monumental job.
Which principles or philosophies have guided your life? Your career?
My parents always wanted me to do better than they had done. That was hard because they were extremely successful themselves. My dad was a physician and my mom was a research librarian who just had so many interests. They always taught me the value of hard work, and I think my dad being a small business owner himself really instilled a sense of resourcefulness in me. My parents always showed me that you can figure out something else and make it better if you work really hard at it, and that it’s okay to do things a different way. That’s what I’ve wanted in starting this business. Something different and better than the dumpster fire that was handed to me.
Ok thank you for that. Let’s now move to the main focus of our interview. Can you tell us about your “Big Idea That Might Change The World”?
We should be given the permission and ability to grieve our loved ones and not be hamstrung by the administration of their estate. I feel it’s cruel and unusual punishment to expect grieving family members to navigate the very choppy waters of estate administration with no oar out at sea and no light to show the way. We often suffer in silence, put our heads down, and try to figure everything out without asking for help. And we’re so bogged down, we don’t even consider that we deserve something better.
Death is inevitable, and it’s one of the most expensive life events. We ask for help with all the other major milestones — getting married, having a baby, buying a house, changing jobs — but not one of the most universal. That’s what led me to this. My grief journey was severely handicapped by the minutiae of estate administration.
Death is one of the only remaining industries that hasn’t yet been disrupted. That’s because it’s hard for us to talk about — it’s hard for us to even say the word “death.” My idea to change the world is to turn after loss services into a widely available and commonly used service that allows people the space to grieve after a death.
How do you think this will change the world?
I think making after loss services a widely accepted industry could impact the world in multiple ways:
1. Being able to grieve could lead to better mental health outcomes, less stress, better family relationships, and greater life fulfillment and enjoyment. Grief takes a significant mental and physical toll, and not having unresolved grief because you weren’t able to deal with it and instead had to smush it down and keep moving would be beneficial for the individuals dealing with a loss, as well as everyone they encounter.
2. People might take a more proactive approach to getting their affairs in order. If people had a better understanding of how difficult estate management can be for the loved ones they’re leaving behind, they might be more compelled to figure things out in advance. There are various estimates out there — I’ve seen that it can take between 420 and 500 hours for an executor to settle an estate. If people understand that, they’ll be less likely to leave a flaming dumpster fire behind for their families. We can reverse engineer the process.
3. I also hope it’ll help businesses in a wide range of industries understand that they need to do better. I can’t tell you the number of companies I call for clients who, after telling them who I am and what’s going on, ask to speak to the deceased person. Can you imagine how awful that would be for the grieving family member? Even some of the smallest things can be the most laborious — removing a deceased person from a mailing list, for instance, so that their surviving family member doesn’t have to continue receiving mail addressed to their deceased loved one. These processes don’t need to be so complicated.
Keeping “Black Mirror” and the “Law of Unintended Consequences” in mind, can you see any potential drawbacks about this idea that people should think more deeply about?
I really can’t think of any drawbacks to making after loss services widely available. In fact, I believe that our industry seeks to solve what is already a set of unintended consequences that often emerge upon the passing of a loved one. In many ways, the law of unintended consequences completely sums up my journey to this career. I took the lemons I was served in life and turned them into a job. Anytime I talk to someone about what I do, they say, “Oh my gosh, that’s the most brilliant thing I’ve ever heard of. I really could have used this service when my <fill in the blank> died.” It’s the unintended consequences of death that led me to develop solutions.
Was there a “tipping point” that led you to this idea? Can you tell us that story?
I had taken a morning off of my new job in fundraising at a large university. I was still settling my mom’s estate, and my uncle had died and I was opening his estate. I had been at his bank for hours at this point, trying to get his checking account open, going round and round. I was being told things like, “You’re going to have to fly to New York to do this,” (I was in Georgia). “You’re going to need to fill out this form or that form.” At every turn, I was hit with some new bureaucratic red tape. I was so frustrated, I remember going out to my minivan and saying to myself, “Oh my gosh, I’m going to open a consulting business to help people through this because it’s the absolute worst thing I’ve ever experienced.”
What do you need to lead this idea to widespread adoption?
1. People have to be willing to talk about death.
2. People have to understand what a problem this is.
3. People have to know there’s a solution.
What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why.
So I could take this answer a number of ways — things I wish I’d known before I started my own business, AfterLight, or things I wish I’d known before I co-founded PALS (Professionals of After Loss Services, which brings together professionals assisting with estate administration) — but I’m going to answer it in a way that’s universal to every person reading this. These are tips I wish I’d had before I started handling my mother’s and uncle’s estates.
1. Getting organized. Keeping meticulous records and writing everything down is one of the biggest things I teach, both to my individual clients and to professionals looking to become after loss professionals through PALS.
2. Interviewing more than one probate attorney. You’re going to spend a lot of time with this person — be sure you find someone you really connect with. Talk about the process, fee structure, communication styles, etc. Understanding the process and what it’s going to look like day to day is really important. Find someone who’s going to walk alongside you and not talk at you.
3. Understanding the time and effort required of your job as executor. So many people are blindsided — they enlist the professionals who are critical, such an attorney, financial advisor and/or accountant, but don’t realize how much of the legwork is going to be pushed back to them. It’s almost like a part-time job for a little while, and you have to be prepared for that.
4. Not asking for help. I wish I’d asked for more help instead of trying to do it all on my own both times. At that time, my industry didn’t exist, and this set of challenges really led me to become the person that I wish I’d had there to help me.
5. Knowing how many decisions I’d have to make that I didn’t feel qualified, ready, or able to make. When people are grieving, they’re dealing with everything from severe brain fog to PTSD. And on top of the grief, you’re suddenly answering so many questions: What do I do with my loved one’s underwear? What do I do with their car? Their books? The luggage tag that’s written in my dad’s handwriting? When to sell things, who to sell to… there’s a domino effect of decisions, many of which you may have never considered.
Can you share with our readers what you think are the most important “success habits” or “success mindsets”?
Be your biggest advocate. Nobody else is going to promote you the way that you can. Be ready to shout from the rooftops. Be unafraid, fearless, and bold.
There will be moments when things go wrong or you fail. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I try to focus on the things that are going right and gratitude for those things. Keep going. That’s what separates those who are successful from those who aren’t.
Some very well known VCs read this column. If you had 60 seconds to make a pitch to a VC, what would you say? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂
The after loss industry is one of the most overlooked, yet critical, industries in the world. Every year, millions of families are left overwhelmed and confused after the death of a loved one, facing not just emotional grief but an avalanche of logistics — from completing bureaucratic paperwork, to finding accounts to handling digital legacies and personal belongings. That’s where PALS — Professionals of After Loss Services — comes in.
We’re pioneering a new profession, training after loss professionals to provide vital, compassionate support during these difficult times. By educating and equipping professionals through our training programs, we’re filling a critical gap that no other industry has fully addressed. With a growing aging population, the demand for after loss services will only increase.
Backing PALS means investing in an essential, recession-proof industry that touches every family. It’s not just about business; it’s about transforming how society handles loss. Join us in leading this movement and making a lasting impact.
How can our readers follow you on social media?
Personal LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachelbdonnelly/
PALS Social Channels:
https://www.linkedin.com/company/afterlosspros/
https://www.instagram.com/afterlosspros
https://www.facebook.com/afterlosspros
AfterLight Social Channels:
https://www.linkedin.com/company/myafterlight/
https://www.instagram.com/myafterlight
https://www.facebook.com/myafterlight
Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.
Professionals of After Loss Services: Rachel Donnelly’s Big Idea That Might Change The World was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.