Mental Wellness Mastery: Dr Chelsea Sarai of the Brentwood Therapy Collective On Everyday Life Hacks For Optimal Mental Wellness
An Interview With Eden Gold
The third hack is working on your relationship with yourself. This hack requires a lot of work, effort and time, but will positively change your life. Many of us have an inner critic that is extremely loud, negative and a bit not based in reality. This inner critic can have a negative impact on how we see ourselves which impacts everything we do. Developing self-compassion, learning how to grieve disappointments and setbacks versus stewing in them is the first step. Learning how to forgive yourself for not being perfect and being good enough is a great start.
In our modern, fast-paced society, mental wellness is a crucial aspect of leading a fulfilling life. However, for many people, achieving and maintaining good mental health can be a challenging task, with obstacles such as stress, anxiety, depression, and more. That’s why it’s essential to have practical and accessible strategies for mental wellness that can help build resilience, emotional intelligence, and overall well-being. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Chelsea Sarai.
Dr. Sarai is a clinical psychologist and Founder of the Brentwood Therapy Collective, a boutique private practice in Los Angeles. Dr. Sarai is passionate about helping her client’s unravel the assumptions and patterns that undermine their capacity to create the love and work life that they desire. She specializes in supporting individuals struggling with anxiety, low self-esteem, relationship difficulties, trauma, burnout, and new parenthood and helps founders and entrepreneurs achieve their goals while developing a healthy work-life balance. Additionally, she is an expert in providing Adult ADHD assessment, trains and supervises new therapists, and is passionate about supporting her clients in leading fulfilling lives.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion about cultural sensitivity, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
My calling to become a psychologist was deeply rooted in my upbringing. Growing up as a child of Iranian immigrants, I was raised by parents who did not always have the option to pursue their dreams. My mother always wanted to become a psychologist and instilled that dream within me. Fortunately, as soon as I went to college and graduate school, and was exposed to the research and theory of Psychology, I was hooked. A philosophical hunger within me was nourished through my studies of the human psyche. Having a career where I have the privilege of supporting others in pursuing a life that feels authentic and meaningful to them is such a gift and something I do not take for granted.
You are a successful individual. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
1. The first thing that comes to mind is courage. Courage is the special force that allows us to act, despite our fears. Change can be scary, we can’t fully envision what will come and that can oftentimes destabilize us. I believe that the first step in becoming a Psychologist is going through one’s own depth-oriented psychotherapy. Not only are we the clinician’s but we also are the clients. Having the courage to peel back the layers and understand myself in a deep and meaningful way has laid the foundation for how to provide that space for my clients. Having the courage to get to know myself deeper, identify my blind spots while also uncovering my strengths has been one of the most valuable experiences of my life. I hope that my clients can feel that courage in the room with me, and it helps them lean deeper into the work of getting to know themselves.
2. The second trait I can identify is confidence. I try to show up in my professional life and personal life as myself. Trying to be someone that I am not, never feels good and often leaves me feeling depleted and disconnected. I started my career quite young, compared to my cohort. I entered graduate school immediately after receiving my undergraduate degree and completed my doctorate program faster than what is typical. So, throughout the early years of seeing clients, I was grappling with being a young therapist and how that would negatively impact my clients. Eventually, as my caseload grew and I began to be exposed to a diverse clientele, I noticed that my clients were hardly focused on my age, but were much more interested in the connection with me and how I could help them. This inspired me to let go of the imposter syndrome, and truly work on showing up in my sessions as authentic as possible. Working through the insecurity helped me show up as myself which also modeled that to the clients I was working with. Fast forward to the present moment and I am fortunate to have a caseload and group practice filled with clients that align with my specialties.
3. The last trait I want to highlight is abundance. Cultivating an abundant mindset is something I always work on and often don’t have to work too hard when I surround myself with individuals who also cultivate an abundant mindset. An abundant mindset is similar to seeing the glass half full versus half empty. When I was in graduate school, the culture was built upon competition and a scarcity mindset. It was something I really was uncomfortable with and led me to feel disappointed. I couldn’t comprehend that the faculty at our school was making the students feel like we needed to compete with each other versus having us focus on our unique gifts and qualities that will make us great psychologists. Of course, in every field, there will be individuals who think there is not enough, not enough money, not enough clients, etc. Fortunately from the beginning of my career I actively sought out the opposite. I found new mentors and actively sought out colleagues who knew there was enough. This has impacted my work in the most positive of ways and it is something I continue to teach and pass down to my supervisees. A scarcity mindset can cause us to panic. When we don’t believe there is enough, we ultimately will believe there is not enough, which can make our survival instincts go on red alert. This impacts our ability to see the whole picture and use our whole brain to problem-solve.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview about mental wellness mastery. What is one often overlooked daily habit that can significantly improve one’s mental wellness?
There are so many to choose from but let’s just start small. Incorporating a mindfulness practice into one’s daily life is always my first recommendation. It is free, and just requires you. Finding time to be still amidst the chaos, work schedule and constant to-do list can feel daunting at first, however, we often have a lot more free time than we assume. When I was in college, I was a research assistant for a longitudinal study on mindfulness and the findings were extraordinary. This inspired me to begin incorporating a daily mindfulness practice into my own life and led me to write a children’s book on mindfulness for ADHD youth as my doctoral dissertation. Practicing mindfulness offers a multitude of benefits: reducing stress and anxiety, enhancing emotional regulation, and fostering greater self-awareness. It is a free tool that can support us in regulating our nervous system and feeling more connected to the world, ourselves and others.
How do you recommend individuals recalibrate their mental wellness after experiencing a significant setback or failure?
Tolerating and moving through the grief that will inevitably come up. Disappointments are a common experience. Unfortunately, many of us could benefit from strengthening the emotional muscle of learning how to tolerate disappointments and what was lost in a setback or failure. Oftentimes, our defense mechanisms kick in and we do everything we can to brush away the feelings that arise around a setback. Unfortunately, that only makes these feelings stronger and they can get us in trouble when they come up in the middle of the night, as an outburst to a loved one or as an anxious negative loop.
In your experience, what is a common misconception about mental health that hinders people from seeking help or improving their wellness?
A common misconception I see often with clients new to therapy and within our culture is that seeking help is a sign of weakness and failure. In reality, it’s pretty courageous to spend time and money to create a relationship with a complete stranger in hopes of bettering your relationship with yourself and with others. It can be really difficult for some individuals to take seriously that their struggle does not have to be the norm. Many people have become used to their negative self-esteem, anxious thought patterns and dysfunctional relationships and have lost hope in their sense of agency. The negative stigma can deter individuals from seeking the support they need, which ultimately hinders their capacity and deprives them of the opportunity to live a more fulfilling life.
Can you share a transformative moment or client story that highlights the power of a specific mental wellness strategy?
Absolutely. I am really invested in teaching my client’s the importance of vulnerability. One client I saw in my practice, struggled with a deep fear of vulnerability that stemmed from past experiences of rejection and neglect. We began to explore the concept of vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness. This required us to unravel their assumptions around vulnerability that stemmed from painful early childhood experiences. We emphasized the courage it takes to be open and authentic with oneself and others and were able to name the relationships they were already doing this in and how profound that felt. Through our weekly sessions, we were gradually building trust within the therapeutic relationship, creating a safe space for authenticity and vulnerability. As they began to attempt vulnerability in safe spaces and relationships, like the therapy room, they discovered a newfound sense of connection and ease with others. This leads to profound emotional resilience, trust, connection and personal growth. Embracing vulnerability enables us to cultivate deeper relationships and find strength in one’s authenticity.
Based on your experience and research, can you please share “5 Everyday Life Hacks For Optimal Mental Wellness?”
1 . First hack is not as much of a hack but I’d consider it a requirement for your overall health. Get more sleep! Many of my clients when they first start seeing me, are not getting enough sleep. Oftentimes, we tend to prioritize other tasks at the end of the night instead of sleep. I get it, after a long day of work, childcare, commuting, you want to have “me time”. This can show up as revenge procrastination, which is when people put off going to bed to engage in activities they do not have during the day. Basically, trying to find time for leisure and entertainment, however it is at the expense of sleep. So, if you resonate with that, I recommend, trying to increase your hours of sleep by 15-minute increments each night and after a week, see how you feel with having more sleep.
2 . The second hack is cultivating a mindfulness practice. Mindfulness is a form of meditation that focuses on fostering awareness of the present. It typically involves bringing one’s attention to the emotional and physical sensations they’re experiencing in the present moment. I think it is important to demystify mindfulness. It does not matter if you can’t clear your mind, that is not the goal. It is about simply showing up and practicing present-moment awareness on purpose. Your mind will wander, that is not failure, it’s a great opportunity. Gently bring your mind back to the present moment. Each time you do that, you are slowly strengthening the muscle of present-moment awareness. There are a variety of techniques that can be used to practice mindfulness. Cultivating a mindfulness practice is free, you don’t need any fancy equipment and it is one of the most valuable gifts one can give to oneself — the safety to sit with yourself. Mindfulness has a variety of benefits for our physical and mental health such as reducing stress, controlling emotions, cultivating gratitude, improving relationship satisfaction, managing pain, boosting mood and energy and enhancing focus and cognitive flexibility. If you’re interested in beginning a mindfulness practice there are many ways to start. I think Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s guided meditations are a great place to start with many free resources.
3 . The third hack is working on your relationship with yourself. This hack requires a lot of work, effort and time, but will positively change your life. Many of us have an inner critic that is extremely loud, negative and a bit not based in reality. This inner critic can have a negative impact on how we see ourselves which impacts everything we do. Developing self-compassion, learning how to grieve disappointments and setbacks versus stewing in them is the first step. Learning how to forgive yourself for not being perfect and being good enough is a great start.
4 . Fourth hack I’d like to identify ties with the third hack, working on your relationship with others. Humans are social creatures, as much as other people can cause us pain, hurt and drama our relationships can make us feel alive, connected, safe and whole. Relationships require a lot of work and everything we say and do in a relationship can lead us to feeling connected or disconnected, it is just up to us! Setting healthy boundaries sets up your relationship for success. I am not talking about aggressive boundary setting. To me, boundaries are the closest way we can love ourselves and others at the same time. The goal is to promote connection, not separation. However, meaningful, safe and long lasting connection occurs when we honor our needs. Setting and instilling boundaries is hard and humbling work. It requires us to root for the other person to get it, to succeed in their relationship with us! Boundaries can help us gain more connection or separation in our lives, it is up to us to choose.
5 . The last hack I would like to identify is spending time in nature. The average American spends 6% of their time outdoors. Nature can be sitting on a park bench beneath a tree in a park in a city. Nature can be backpacking in the wilderness for four nights. Nature can be walking on the beach. There are countless studies that show how our environments can increase or reduce our stress, which in turn impacts our bodies. One study showed that people who spent two hours a week in green spaces such as local parks, were more likely to report good health and psychological well being than those who didn’t. It is important to name that two hours was a hard boundary within the study. Basically, there were no benefits for people who didn’t meet that threshold. With the technological advances we are experiencing and our unconscious cultural addiction and reliance on technology speaks to the need to counterbalance that behavior to time in a more natural world.
What role does technology play in mental wellness today, and how can individuals leverage it positively without exacerbating mental health issues?
I often tell my clients who are struggling with their relationship with technology that the technology isn’t the issue. Technology is wonderful, it can help us in so many ways. The issue is our lack of boundaries and difficulty with creating a conscious relationship with technology. Excessive use of social media and technology can lead to negative psychological and health outcomes, the literature is out there. Therefore, it’s crucial to begin taking seriously the need to set healthy boundaries to maintain a balanced relationship with technology. There is some great technology that assists in accessibility for mental health. I see many of my clients in my private practice virtually. I live in Los Angeles and am able to see client’s all across the city without them having to struggle with getting to my office, navigating traffic and dealing with parking. Online therapy, virtual communities, and meditation apps are all examples of technology that provide access to professional support and self-care.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Normalizing therapy. If therapy was more understood, supported and funded in this country and throughout the world, I believe that we’d be much better off. We could have a population of individuals who can understand their emotions better which could lead to healthier and empathic relationships, education, politics, and environmental legislatives.
How can our readers further follow you online?
They can find me at my website. If your readers want to work together with me or anyone on my team at the Brentwood Therapy Collective, they can reach out via our site to get started.
Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
About The Interviewer: Eden Gold, is a youth speaker, keynote speaker, founder of the online program Life After High School, and host of the Real Life Adulting Podcast. Being America’s rising force for positive change, Eden is a catalyst for change in shaping the future of education. With a lifelong mission of impacting the lives of 1 billion young adults, Eden serves as a practical guide, aiding young adults in honing their self-confidence, challenging societal conventions, and crafting a strategic roadmap towards the fulfilling lives they envision.
Do you need a dynamic speaker, or want to learn more about Eden’s programs? Click here: https://bit.ly/EdenGold
Mental Wellness Mastery: Dr Chelsea Sarai of the Brentwood Therapy Collective On Everyday Life… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.