Connections/Relationships: I found that COVID took its toll on this strategy and still has a bit of a strangle hold on it. With the work that I am doing with mentoring and mental health connections and relationships are extremely important. Going for a coffee with someone can somehow be very therapeutic. Resorting to virtual coffee sessions is okay but is not the same. With one of my clients that I provide leadership mentoring to, there was a loud cheer when we returned to face-to-face sessions. We now bounce back and forth between virtual and in person with ease.
As a part of our series about Mental Health Champions helping to promote mental wellness, I had the pleasure to interview Doug Lawrence.
He is an international certified mentor who has devoted his life to mentoring and mental health. His 25 years of service with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and his battle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a compelling story that is relatable to so many. He shares his lived experiences as a way to help you on your healing journey.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit. Can you tell us a bit about how you grew up?
I am a farm boy who grew up on the Saskatchewan prairies. Most of my younger years was spent helping my family with farm chores where I developed a strong work ethic. I remember many days of being removed from school to come home and help with the harvest. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police would stop at our farm while on patrols and I eventually became drawn to that as the next chapter in my career. Farming was obviously not for me and I joined the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in 1974. One of the highlights of my career was meeting my wife in one of the remote communities that I was working in. Sadly, I lost her to cancer in 2021. She was a part of my support structure for my mental health challenges.
You are currently leading a social impact organization that is helping to promote mental wellness. Can you tell us a bit about what you or your organization are trying to address?
The support structure for mental health is failing and yet the demand for that support is not being addressed. Organizations do not have a support structure in place which has an impact on employee retention and employee well-being. When employees are not well their productivity declines but yet we don’t want to address that. The stigmatism of mental health and being crazy is still an issue we need to address. We hear stories of first responders dealing with trauma that no one could ever imagine. Police officers that are dealing with life and death situations and then no one they can go to that would help them with how they are feeling. Firefighters hauling people out of burning buildings. Sometimes it is as simple as having a person to talk to — being non-judgmental. I was there and know that feeling of loneliness. I have done a lot of research including my lived experience and see that mentoring can be a huge part of the support structure for mental health. I am currently working with people that are dealing with those challenges and we are making progress.
Can you tell us the backstory about what inspired you to originally feel passionate about this cause?
It follows to some extent the reason why I wrote my first book, “The Gift of Mentoring” in 2014. I was guided by some of my mentors who said that I needed to write a book on Mentoring from the practice of mentoring aspect. Fast forward to now and it was suggested that I write a book about mentoring and mental health. When I began the research that I did, I realized that I had experienced Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and that it nearly cost me my wife and two children. A fact I was unaware of until the topic came up at a mentor workshop I was doing. My wife casually dropped that piece of information during the workshop. My passion was twofold — what PTSD did to me personally and to my family with no support structure to help us. Second, the growing number of people that were reaching out for help and yet there was no one there to take their hand and provide that help that sadly was needed. I had to find the solution to all of this and make the world a better place to be.
Many of us have ideas, dreams, and passions, but never manifest them. They don’t get up and just do it. But you did. Was there an “Aha Moment” that made you decide that you were actually going to step up and do it? What was that final trigger?
I was job coaching university students and the relationship morphed itself into one of mentoring. It was their recommendation that I do this full time. I began my research first from a mentoring perspective and then it eventually evolved into mentoring and mental health. I had two “Aha Moments” — the first being mentoring and the certification of mentors and the second being mentoring and mental health. The biggest trigger was the realization of what had caused the bad behavior I had been exhibiting which had almost cost me my family and an ever-shrinking circle of friends due to that behavior. I had no one outside of my wife and two children that I could turn to and that wasn’t fair to them. I had to change all of this. I had to make my personal situation better but I also needed to make the world a better place. No one should be subjected to what I had subjected my family to. No one should be using alcohol or drugs to mask bad behavior or to think it would make it all go away.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began leading your company or organization?
With the work that I am doing I always wonder am I making a difference and is it being appreciated. I had been mentoring a person on a personal and professional level. She had advised me that her life was going to undergo some changes as she was getting married. I received an invitation to the wedding in the mail and was quite thrilled. I attended the wedding and the reception after and spoke to the beaming bride. She and her husband both said that they could not imagine having a wedding without having me in attendance. They followed that up with a lovely card that further acknowledged the impact I had on her and now her husband from a personal and professional basis. That relationship is still alive and flourishing today.
None of us can be successful without some help along the way. Did you have mentors or cheerleaders who helped you to succeed? Can you tell us a story about their influence?
It goes without saying that my wife Debra would be my first choice for a mentor and a cheerleader as well. I have had some wins the since she has passed and I am missing my cheerleader. She always knew when to ask a challenging question and she was always there to help me celebrate the wins. There is an emptiness now when it comes to celebrating those wins. Debra would travel with me the odd time and would help facilitate training sessions. She always had my back and for that I am forever grateful. I remember her being in a mentor training class that we had hosted. She had decided to participate in this class for some reason. We were doing role playing and she had to share something personal in order to start the trust building process. She became quite emotional as she shared her up bringing and the verbal abuse she was sometimes subjected to by her father. I had a deeper appreciation for what she had gone through some of which impacted her mental health. The fact she shared this personal information in this type of forum was extra special for me. That was Debra!
According to Mental Health America’s report, over 44 million Americans have a mental health condition. Yet there’s still a stigma about mental illness. Can you share a few reasons you think this is so?
The stigma exists because of the old school mentality that it is a weakness. This is largely due to people not understanding what mental health is and what can impact your mental health. I didn’t know or understand until I started working with people who were suffering and trying to heal. Because of the stigma people are reluctant to step out of the closet and ask for help. When I am mentoring someone for the first time, I am doing a scan of their body language to look for some signs that tell me where we might have to go with the conversation. The eyes sometimes tell all. Organizations are reluctant to provide that support structure as it foreign to them and requires a level of emotional intelligence that they may not have. They also have the “suck it up buttercup” mentality and that is very harmful to anyone dealing with mental health.
In your experience, what should a) individuals b) society, and c) the government do to better support people suffering from mental illness?
The first is to not be afraid to reach out and ask for help — the journey can’t start without you asking.
Secondly it would be that when someone comes to you for help, take their hand and guide them to where they can get that help.
Thirdly if your organization does not have a support structure in place for mental health — get one set up!
Fourthly is to educate people on the various aspects of mental health and provide the required training to your employees.
What are your 5 strategies you use to promote your own wellbeing and mental wellness? Can you please give a story or example for each?
Connections/Relationships: I found that COVID took its toll on this strategy and still has a bit of a strangle hold on it. With the work that I am doing with mentoring and mental health connections and relationships are extremely important. Going for a coffee with someone can somehow be very therapeutic. Resorting to virtual coffee sessions is okay but is not the same. With one of my clients that I provide leadership mentoring to, there was a loud cheer when we returned to face-to-face sessions. We now bounce back and forth between virtual and in person with ease.
Flexibility/Scheduling: In order to minimize stress and anxiety I try to keep my schedule flexible as well as my approach to changes to that schedule. I have observed individuals who are not flexible and their stress level escalates rapidly when their schedule gets changed and their routine is disrupted. I do a lot of Podcasts as a guest and I have found that being flexible makes my life easier and the interview go a whole lot better.
Continuous learning: I find that my mental well-being is best fueled by continuous learning. I am continually researching from a practice perspective mentoring and mental health. This keeps me sharp. I will sometimes identify a question or topic of the day that I need to research and that helps keep learning at the forefront.
Give to Others: I give back through volunteer mentoring with some associations like the American Corporate Partners helping US military personnel transition to civilian life and with the Sir Richard Branson Entrepreneur program in the Caribbean.
Give to Self: This is one that always seems to be at the end of the line and requires a concentrated effort to take care of #1. Going for a walk or a drive (not as healthy) to clear my head and refocus is always a good idea. If I am doing some writing I find that getting out of the house and in the fresh air has a lot of benefits especially when it comes to creativity. I drew on that creativity when I wrote my second book, “You Are Not Alone” — Amazon #1 Best Seller and will do so when I begin my next book.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a mental health champion?
A lot of the resource material that is available on mentoring and mental health is very much focused on the academic view. One of my inspirations is to create more resources that look at this picture from the practice aspect. I have found that with a lot of the podcasts that I have done as a guest we have done that. There are a lot of podcast hosts that are speaking to this topic today.
https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/becoming-parents/from-farm-life-to-royal-OEMpqDXJ4Uk/
If you could tell other people one thing about why they should consider making a positive impact on our environment or society, like you, what would you tell them?
One person can make a small difference in the world today.
Millions of people can make much more of a difference in the world today.
Be a part of those that want to make a difference. You will be glad that you did.
How can our readers follow you online?
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/douglawrence-mentor
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/doug.lawrence.1610/
Twitter: @DougLawrenceJM
Email: doug.lawrence@talentc.ca
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success on your great work!
Photo Credits: https://www.andreanorbergphotography.com/
Mental Health Champions: Why & How Doug Lawrence Is Helping To Champion Mental Wellness was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.