Managing Mental Wellness During Stressful Holiday Times: “If Possible Have an Email Relationship” with Lynn Berger
If possible have an email relationship. Write draft notes and review them before sending. This allows you to respond versus react to the situation. When you react you feel emotionally threatened. Give yourself a moment or two to pause before hitting the send button. If you must meet in person limit your visit. For example if there is a family wedding, attend the wedding and avoid the rehearsal dinner, brunch, etc.
I had the pleasure of interviewing Lynn Berger. She is a Counselor and Coach and received two Masters — one in Organizational Psychology and the other in Psychological Counseling from Columbia University. She is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, National Certified Counselor and Certified Career Counselor. Ms. Berger has appeared as a guest expert on radio and television shows across the country.
Thank you so much for doing this interview with us! What is your backstory?
As a Counselor and Career Coach for over 20 years I have worked with many individuals that have to deal with challenging family dynamics especially during the holidays and family gatherings. We work together to help them effectively manage these situations and identify coping strategies that can mitigate the stress. Preparing for these events can be helpful to gain perspective and allow the individual to more fully return to their lives without repercussions.
With the holiday season upon us, many people are visiting and connecting with relatives. While family is important, some of them can be incredibly challenging. How would you define the difference between a difficult dynamic and one that’s unhealthy?
A difficult dynamic is a challenging relationship and the individual finds it extremely unpleasant to be around the family member. Where an unhealthy relationship is one that leaves someone angry, fretting and ruminating over the interaction and they might engage in unhealthy behavior afterwards including excessive drinking, overeating, taking drugs and acting act in abusive ways.
Families have a large part to play in our overall mental health. While some members may be champions for wellness, others may trip triggers. In families where celebrating separately is not an option, what advice would you give about engaging both types of relatives?
When engaging with relatives that are champions fro wellness you may take walks or hikes together or visit a gym or spa. Relatives that trip triggers need to be managed. The length of the visit needs to be limited. Perhaps having another person, friend or relative, you get along with to be present, can be helpful. Try to meet in a neutral territory or public place. Set clear boundaries as to what is acceptable discussion and avoid tricky and difficult topics.
We often hear about “toxic relationships.” Do you believe there is a difference between a toxic family and an unhealthy one? If so, how would you advise someone to handle a toxic family member?
A toxic family is one unfortunately you may need to avoid, for a while. You both may need space to figure out if the relationship is worth preserving.
Can you share about a time where you helped someone overcome a challenging family member?
If possible have an email relationship. Write draft notes and review them before sending. This allows you to respond versus react to the situation. When you react you feel emotionally threatened. Give yourself a moment or two to pause before hitting the send button. If you must meet in person limit your visit. For example if there is a family wedding, attend the wedding and avoid the rehearsal dinner, brunch, etc.
Managing mental health in high stress situations is challenging and although holiday gatherings are only a few days a year, they can make a major impact on overall wellness. What 5 strategies do you suggest using to maintain mental health when faced with an unhealthy family dynamic?
Take control when you can! Exercise take a walk, listen to music, etc.
Talk to a trusted counselor/advisor/ therapist/ psychologist to get some perspective and objective feedback.
Try to identify the relatives “sweet spots” — what they are interested in and ask them about it. For example if they like theatre talk to them about that.
If you can tolerate asking the relative questions about themselves try to. Most people like to be heard and make certain you have the strength and energy to filter out uncomfortable and disturbing topics, if they arise.
What advice would you give to family members who are allies of someone struggling with mental illness at these gatherings? How can they support strong mental health without causing friction with other members of the family?
Try to stay charge neutral and speak with all family members. Avoid the perception of taking sides.
What is your favorite mental health quote? Why do you find it so impactful?
Let it be, It is not worth it, respond versus react, take a minute. They all work to give one a little peace and perspective.
What is the best way for people to connect with you on social media?
My website www.lynnberger.com,linkedin, twitter, google plus, business Facebook.
Thank you this was so inspiring!