An Interview With Lucinda Koza
Self-Care Practices– Before infertility, I believed I was practicing good self-care because I exercised regularly and made time to relax. But infertility changes everything. The constant doctor appointments, new medications, and the overwhelming stress take a serious toll on your mind and body. True self-care becomes essential — not just the occasional pedicure or hair appointment, but deep, restorative care.
Infertility and the journey through IVF are challenges that many individuals and couples face, often accompanied by emotional, physical, and financial stress. Despite advancements in reproductive technology, the process can be isolating and fraught with uncertainty. How can we better support those navigating infertility and IVF, and what strategies can help manage the various challenges along the way? As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Lea Nicole Trujillo.
Lea Nicole Trujillo ,MA, LPA is a licensed mental health professional, fertility emotional wellness coach, and host of the Tru Fertility podcast. Her personal struggle with infertility sparked a life-changing journey from rock bottom to resilience, inspiring her to pursue a career in coaching. Lea now specializes in empowering women who are trying to conceive by helping them reclaim their joy, un-pause their lives, and triple their chances of pregnancy through her coaching programs and events.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you tell us a bit about you and your backstory?
Thank you for having me — it’s an honor to share my story. I consider myself a fairly “normal” person. I grew up in San Antonio, TX, as an only child in a single-parent household. That experience made me long for a full family life, something I deeply desired as a child. I was always healthy and had no reason to believe I would face challenges conceiving, especially given the stereotype that Hispanic women “get pregnant easily.”
From a young age, I was passionate about helping others and fascinated by how the mind works. This led me to major in psychology and focus my graduate studies on child psychology, with the goal of working in a school setting and being available for the family I was planning to have. But, as life often does, it threw an unexpected wrench in those plans.
Describe the process of realizing you had challenges with fertility. What was the level of access to resources available to you in order to see the right doctors, run the right tests, etc?
Around my 30th birthday, I began experiencing unusual physical symptoms. I started having intense night sweats, and my previously regular period became irregular. At my next annual gynecologist visit, I mentioned these changes, and she decided to run some tests. When the results came back, she requested an in-person visit. Hearing that was terrifying — I knew something serious was going on.
During the appointment, she explained that my AMH levels, which indicate ovarian/egg reserve, were at less than 0.003 — a shockingly low number for my age. She told me that if I wanted to have children, I needed to act quickly. In that moment, it felt like time stood still. I had never imagined that fertility would be an issue for me, and I remember sitting in her office, feeling like I was having an out-of-body experience. My life changed in an instant. It was a devastating blow, and she advised me to see a reproductive endocrinologist immediately to preserve my chances of having a family.
The situation was even more challenging because I was unmarried at that time, and suddenly facing the prospect of running out of time without a partner. Financially, it was also daunting — I was working as a school employee with no insurance coverage for fertility treatments. I had to shoulder the costs of appointments and treatments on my own.
Navigating infertility and IVF felt like entering a completely new world, filled invasive tests and expensive treatments. I was under immense pressure to make critical decisions about my body and future, all while lacking time and resources.
Through a lot of stumbling, self-research, and consulting multiple doctors, I eventually made it through seven years of infertility treatments — and I’m grateful to say that I now have a child, along with a supportive husband by my side.
Did you keep this realization private? If so, why?
At first, I only told my parents and best friend. As my journey continued, I opened up to a few more people.
Infertility carries a heavy weight of shame. It feels like you’re failing at something that should come naturally. For me, facing this as a single person initially, I worried about how it might affect my chances of finding a partner — someone who would accept all of me, including my infertility struggles.
How much did this realization affect your sense of self, or call into question your plans for your future?
Infertility challenges everything you think you know about yourself and shatters your plans for the future. What once seemed certain — having kids — suddenly becomes a daunting question mark. For many of us who build our lives around the expectation of becoming parents, the prospect of a childless future is terrifying. It’s one thing to choose not to have children, but it’s entirely different when the choice feels taken from you.
It forces you to confront difficult questions: Can I really do this? How do I keep going after failure? How far am I willing to go? And if I can’t have children, will my life still feel complete? Infertility was the biggest emotional test of my life, and through it, I learned more about myself and my partner than I ever imagined.
Following through with the complete process of fertility testing and treatment can be absolutely grueling for your body for what could be years. How did you cope with constant procedures, medications, hormones?
You’re absolutely right — it’s a constant test of endurance, patience, and adaptability. In order to cope with it all, I had to take breaks, sometimes for long stretches, where I didn’t think about fertility at all. There’s so much pressure — from the medical team, societal expectations, and even from within — to keep pushing forward, to start the next cycle immediately. But it’s crucial to be truly ready for each step.
I also learned over time the importance of balancing fertility efforts with everyday life. I couldn’t do it all — manage multiple doctor appointments, take medication, and maintain my usual routine. I had to step back from extra responsibilities and create space for myself during this period. This was challenging for me, as I was used to handling everything.
Finally, I had to discover new ways to decompress and restore balance. I was pushing my body to its limits, and eventually, my nerves were frayed, leaving me in a state of disharmony. To cope, I embraced new practices like fertility yoga, meditation, and mindfulness to help rebalance my mind and body.
Was there a point at which you felt as if your body wasn’t your own? If so, how have you been able to reclaim it? Explain.
Yes, I experienced a profound disconnect from my body. I was treating it like a machine — forcing strict diets, denying it rest, and expecting it to respond perfectly to medications and treatments. I would get frustrated when it didn’t meet those expectations.
After a devastating miscarriage near the end of my journey, I realized something had to change. That’s when I started truly listening to my body, paying attention to the signals it was sending, and allowing myself more care and rest. I had to start prioritizing myself.
Can you please share “5 Things You Need to Navigate the Challenges of Infertility and IVF”?
If you can, kindly share a story or example for each.
Certainly! Here are five essential things you need to navigate the challenges of infertility and IVF:
5 things video: https://youtu.be/RMEbypzZirk
1.Emotional Support System-Infertility brings a unique kind of grief, unlike any other. When you face a loss or a failed IVF attempt, the pain is profound, but there are no rituals to help you process it. There’s no funeral, no bereavement leave, and often, no closure.
This grief is cyclical, not linear. In traditional grief, there’s an event, and over time, you move forward. With infertility, you face repeated losses — each failed attempt feels like another blow, and the process continues without a clear end in sight. Instead of getting easier, the pain often intensifies with each passing month.
When you try to lean on your usual support system — friends, family — they often don’t know how to comfort you. Their well-intentioned but misguided comments like, “You can just have my kids” or “Why don’t you just adopt” can feel dismissive and hurtful.
That’s why building a strong support network is essential. Surround yourself with people who truly understand what you’re going through — whether it’s a partner, close friends, family, a therapist, a coach, or an infertility support group. Having someone to lean on during these ups and downs is crucial for navigating this journey.
I personally joined an infertility support group, sought counseling, and opened up to my husband more than I had prior to support me through the process.
2. Self-Care Practices– Before infertility, I believed I was practicing good self-care because I exercised regularly and made time to relax. But infertility changes everything. The constant doctor appointments, new medications, and the overwhelming stress take a serious toll on your mind and body. True self-care becomes essential — not just the occasional pedicure or hair appointment, but deep, restorative care.
This means truly listening to your body, slowing down, and giving it what it needs. Mind-body practices like breathwork, good sleep hygiene, yoga, meditation, mindfulness, and journaling can help reset your balance and reduce stress. Learning and incorporating these tools into your life takes time and effort, but it’s worth it. These practices can re-energize you, create a healthier balance, significantly reduce stress, and even improve fertility outcomes.
3. Healthy Boundaries- Infertility brought a wave of emotions and triggers I wasn’t prepared for. Seeing friends announce their pregnancies made me feel jealous or sad, and I felt guilty for not wanting to attend kids’ birthday parties or baby showers. I thought I had to push through, forcing myself to be there for others, even when I was struggling — smiling through the pain and holding back tears. But you can’t just bury your emotions. Infertility is a deeply painful experience that comes with a lot of grief. It’s okay to step back from situations that are too much for you right now. Set the boundaries you need to protect your mental well-being. This might mean limiting your time on social media, avoiding social events that are triggering or focused on children, or cutting back on conversations with people who aren’t supportive or understanding of your fertility journey.
4. Knowledge -When I was first diagnosed with infertility, I rushed straight to a reproductive endocrinologist, feeling like I had no time to waste. I spent an hour in his office with information flying over my head, agreeing to a treatment plan without fully understanding my options or what was considered standard procedure. If I had taken the time to learn more about my condition, treatment options, and holistic approaches to improve my chances, I could have saved myself a lot of money, time, and heartache. This experience taught me the crucial importance of knowledge and education. Understanding the science, knowing the potential outcomes, and being aware of all available options empower you to make informed decisions, improve your chances of success, and better manage your expectations. There are many valuable resources, books, and people who have been through this journey and are willing to share their insights.
5. Clear Communication with your Medical Team: I’m going to be brutally honest: fertility clinics are often notorious for poor communication with patients. I’ve experienced this firsthand, as have many of my clients. It’s frustrating enough when calls or emails go unanswered, but when miscommunication leads to taking the wrong medication and negatively impacts your IVF cycle, it’s devastating. With so many moving parts in an IVF cycle, clear communication is essential for a successful outcome.
You need to speak up, ask questions, and share any concerns you have. This is the time to be the squeaky wheel — there’s no shame in that. You’ve invested so much in this process, and it’s crucial to ask for what you need. While it might be scary to advocate for yourself, doing so will bring you peace of mind and ensure that your concerns are addressed. And if your needs still aren’t being met, remember, there are other clinics out there.
A woman’s drive and desire to be a mother could be completely personal, simple, or nuanced. It could also be a bold imperative. I believe mothering and caregiving is the most essential labor toward creating a better society. Would you share what has driven you to work so hard and sacrifice so much toward this goal?
I’ve always envisioned creating my own family with children, surrounded by love. This dream likely comes from my own childhood, where I felt some of that love was missing. As an only child, my parents divorced when I was 8, and I was raised in a single-parent household. Having my own children would give me the chance to experience the kind of nuclear family environment I longed for. I also wanted the joy of caring for someone, watching them grow, and guiding them through life.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)?
Yes, I would love to meet Dr. Alice Domar, the pioneer in researching the connection between infertility and mental health. Without her groundbreaking work, we wouldn’t fully understand the profound impact of infertility or know which mental health tools can ease the burden and even improve fertility rates. Her research and methods form the backbone of the work I do with clients, helping to transform their lives and personally, her book was a lifeline for me during my own struggle to conceive.
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
It’s simple: stop asking people when they’re having kids. I know it’s often well-intentioned, but this question can put unnecessary pressure on those struggling to conceive and make them feel awkward or uncomfortable. It would go a long way if this question was just off the table.
How can our readers follow your work online?
The most direct way is to visit my website for free resources and ways to work with me at www.leanicolecoaching.com . You can also follow me on Instagram @trufertility, where I post almost daily. I’d love to get a DM from any readers if even to say hi!
Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.
About the Interviewer: After becoming her father’s sole caregiver at a young age, Lucinda Koza founded I-Ally, a community-based app that provides access to services and support for millennial family caregivers. Mrs. Koza has had essays published in Thought Catalog, Medium Women, Caregiving.com and Hackernoon.com. She was featured in ‘Founded by Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Female Founders’ by Sydney Horton. A filmmaker, Mrs. Koza premiered short film ‘Laura Point’ at the 2015 Cannes Film Festival and recently co-directed ‘Caregivers: A Story About Them’ with Egyptian filmmaker Roshdy Ahmed. Her most notable achievement, however, has been becoming a mother to fraternal twins in 2023. Reach out to Lucinda via social media or directly by email: lucinda@i-ally.com.
Lea Nicole Trujillo On Navigating the Challenges of Infertility and IVF was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.