Kayla M Stephenson Of Kaye Legal & Mediation Services On How To Create A Successful Career In Conflict Resolution And Mediation
An Interview With Eric Pines
Network, network, network! You will never know who you will meet, or who may meet you. This could be a great opportunity for you to get clients or make lasting connections.
What does it take to create a highly successful career in conflict resolution and mediation? As a part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Kayla M. Stephenson of Kaye Legal & Mediation Services.
Kayla is a certified Mediator/Arbitrator specializing in family law mediation as well as she an Adjudicator specializing in Ontario Provincial Offences with over 16 years of legal experience, including eight years with Ontario`s Ministry of the Attorney General. She is currently Principal of her own mediation firm: Kaye Legal & Mediation Services, since 2016. Kayla is also actively involved in various community legal initiatives and holds multiple certifications from Osgoode Hall Law School — Professional Development and the Ontario Bar Association.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’ and how you ended up where you are?
Hello and thank you so much for this opportunity.
This is a story that I like to tell, especially now. I went to college in a program called Court and Tribunal Agent. In that program in my first semester, there was a mediation course. I did very well in all of my courses, but I can say that I really enjoyed my mediation class. My mediation teacher was the absolute best, role playing was my favorite part. This was the beginning of my passion for mediation. What I did after college, was first — I worked for a few small law firms and a big box company, and then I eventually got a job with the Ministry of Attorney General as a court Registrar in the Superior Court, and I just focused on that exclusively for approximately 2 years. I like to talk about my experiences there as well. Back then, the position I held was “fixed term”. This meant I worked and then when the work was done, I had to go home. I had bills to pay, so I thought, “what is it that I can do to make more money?”
I had a friend at the time, tell me to start a business and to do what you’re good at. At the time, I was saying to myself, what am I good at? I know what I like, but — am I good? I had to start thinking outside of the box.
This was the birth of Kaye Legal and Mediation Services, in June 2016. When I first started, I hit the ground running, I didn`t really think about what I was good at, I just went with what I knew. I first started working in a Tribunals Ontario Administrative Tribunal as a Court Reporter for a little while, then I moved over slowly to mediation at that time. I had a lot of influences that I didn’t realize then, I realize now how influential they actually were. Superior and Ontario Court Judges, Administrative Tribunal Adjudicators and some of the professionals around me at the time were so helpful and guided me along the path that am at now. I did some mediation work part-time for awhile while trying to create a full-time career for several years. I had to stop my part-time business at some point around 2018, to pursue full-time employment. In 2020 believe it or not, in the pandemic I actually I picked it back up and started to really focus on what I can do and where I can make my mark in this industry. I took some training, joined some associations and now today, I am a proud Mediator and Administrative Tribunal Adjudicator full-time and I absolutely love it!
You are a successful leader. Which three-character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Thank you for the compliment!
Three-character traits I have that are most instrumental to my success is: being open minded. Be open to opportunities, connecting with people and thinking the best out of every situation, helped me to gain new skills, go places I would never previously go, and meet new people. The second one is: Empathy. By fostering a culture of empathy, I can relatively easily navigate disagreements and disputes more effectively, leading to resolutions that are more satisfying for all parties involved. The last one is that I am determined. Maybe determined isn’t the best word, maybe I would use the word passionate. I am very passionate about what I do, and I have been since I started. Passion for what you do and love for the work I do really shows up in what I put out there, whether it be on social media, my clients, my colleagues and my friends and as a person. There are definitely more traits I had to assist me with getting to where I am now, its important to foster all of your skills and traits even the not-so-great ones — to be successful.
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now?
The most exciting project that I am working on now is the re-launch of my podcast called “The Talk — On Tuesday “. This podcast will mostly talk about mediation, arbitration, and adjudication issues and topics as well as any other topics of discussion in an out of the hearing rooms on the last Tuesday of every month, starting in September 2024.
I also have a super exciting course coming up this course is called “So, you want to be an Adjudicator?” This will be launching in fall of 2024. This course will show participants what an adjudicator is, is adjudication it right for you, where you can find these positions, how to apply, and more! I’m super excited for this, this is 2 years in the making.
I will also have a few other courses, offerings, partnerships and big announcements that will be coming out in late 2024 and 2025 and beyond through my business Kaye Legal & Mediation Services. I`ve been really busy and i`m quite excited about what`s to come.
Fantastic! Let’s now shift to our discussion about Conflict Resolution and Mediation. Let’s start with basic definitions so that all of us are on the same page. What exactly is Conflict Resolution?
Conflict resolution is the process by which you and one or more parties reach an amicable solution to a dispute, difference, conflict or misunderstanding that might arise from diverse opinions, styles or objectives.
What is Mediation?
Mediation is a negotiation facilitated by a third-party neutral. It is a structured, interactive process where an impartial third party assists disputing parties in resolving conflict through the use of specialized communication and negotiation techniques.
How are the fields of Conflict Resolution and Mediation different? How are they similar?
Let me start with the obvious similarity. Mediation and conflict resolution both reach an amicable resolution. Short and sweet.
The difference is, the mediator in mediation has specific training and is specialized in the conflict that they are the mutual 3rd party in. Some of the specialties include: Labour and employment mediation, family law mediation, personal injury mediation, and business / commercial mediation etc.
The conflict resolution can be anyone person or a group of people to resolve any type of conflict. A very easy example of this would be: Parents regularly exercise conflict resolution among children that are siblings.
Can you share a few examples of cases or disputes that would be brought before a professional in conflict resolution or mediation?
Normally mediation conversations do not go before a judge or an adjudicator as it is a very effective way to stay out of the lengthy court process to have the issues resolved.
An example of where mediation has been used in the public eye would be most recently in July 2024, the Government of Ontario and unionized LCBO employees were in a strike action — there was a mediator involved, and eventually after 2–3 weeks of on and off negotiations, the employees went back to work.
The public doesn’t normally hear what the resolution is, because negotiations are done behand “closed doors”.
What are some common misconceptions about conflict resolution and mediation that you’ve encountered, and how do you address them?
There are so many common misconceptions of mediation. I will list all of the ones I can remember right now.
- “Mediators decide the outcome of a dispute”
Mediators do not decide the outcome of a dispute, their position in this conflict is to help guide the parties to resolution.
2. “Mediation is ineffective”
Coming together to work out a conflict is not ineffective; in fact, one might gain some skills that can be used in the future in other conflict situations. Mediation overall is 85% effective in which mediations do resolve.
3. “Mediation is expensive
Mediation can be expensive. You have the opportunity to shop around. The Government of Ontario in Canada offers free mediation to families going through the family court system to assist with court matters.
There are mediators that offer flat rates and/or discounts depending on your income, such as my company. You can choose your own mediator so that should assist with pricing options.
4. “Mediation is not confidential”
Mediation is actually very confidential. When signing a mediation agreement everything is confidential. If there is an issue with confidentiality and you feel the mediator or any of the parties are not following the confidentiality agreement, you can address that issue with the mediator and consider other options.
5. “Mediators are the same “
Some people walk around with the name mediator, but I can assure you not all of us are the same. We have specialties, we train in different areas for mediation, we all have our own way of doing things, these can be similar. Definitely the out-come all mediators want are the same — resolution — but the way any mediation is conducted, is not the same even if by the same mediator for the same issue.
6. “Mediation always leads to compromise”
No, mediation doesn’t always lead to compromise. While compromise is often a component of mediation, it’s not the sole outcome. Mediation definitely encourages parties to think creatively and explore alternative solutions that go beyond simple compromises. By uncovering underlying interests and priorities, parties can often find win-win solutions that go beyond just compromise.
7. “Mediation is only for legal disputes”
Maybe this should’ve been number 1. Contrary to popular belief, mediation extends far beyond legal matters. While it is frequently utilized in legal contexts such as divorce proceedings, and civil matters, mediation is equally effective in resolving interpersonal conflicts, workplace disagreements, and local community disputes, such as a noise dispute with neighbors.
There are so many more, I think this gets to the point. How I address all of these misconceptions? I plan to continue to spread the word about mediation and what it is through avenues such as this one, as well as social media and information sessions.
This may be obvious to you, but it will be helpful to spell this out. Can you articulate to our readers why the skills and tools of Conflict Resolution and Mediation are so important?
Well, believe it or not — it may not be as obvious to know that we all use elements of conflict resolution AND mediation every day! Such as active listening, compromising, patience, etc.
Think of these skills as a “toolbox” for managing disputes. They can help you approach conflicts with patience, logic, and reasoning to avoid confusion and negativity. Most people have the capability to learn conflict resolution skills and may not even know it!
Looking back, what are some things that you wish you knew when you first started in this field?
I have been a mediator full-time for over 8 years and there were so many things along the way. I`m still learning.
The first thing I wish I knew was getting clients isn’t always going to be easy. It’s a difficult market as a new mediator to get clients but every client you get, do good work and you may get referrals!
Another thing is that sometimes the door wont always open for you automatically, you may have to open the door yourself. Sometimes you will have to motivate yourself and push through barriers in order to be your definition of successful. At this time there are not may mediators that are racialized under 40, but I’m leaving the door open behind me for others!
The most important piece of advice I have to give because I learned the hard way was to start slow, have a business plan and get all of your ducks in a row because life happens things get really busy and you might get lost in the shuffle. Failing to plan is planning to fail.
How has your personal background influenced your approach to conflict resolution and mediation?
I believe my personal and professional background highly influences my approach to conflict resolution. From a personal perspective, understanding your own personality type and learning about other personality types is important because you can understand the ways in which others perceive and respond to conflict, this will improve your practice. From a professional perspective, the different types of employment that I have had in the past and the training and the various conflicts I have either witnessed or experienced myself, definitely shapes the way I continue to approach different conflict situations in my practice. Life itself is a learning curve and I am constantly changing and evolving my practice for better ways to assist in resolving conflict.
What role does empathy play in the process of conflict resolution and mediation? Can you share an example from your experience?
Empathy is described as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. This plays a crucial role in conflict resolution and mediation issues. Empathy in conflict resolution and mediation goes beyond mere understanding; it involves actively engaging with another person’s emotional state and perspective. Empathetic engagement can transform conflict dynamics by breaking down barriers of defensiveness and misunderstanding.
When parties in a conflict feel understood and validated, they are more likely to open up to finding common ground and work towards a resolution. There are several benefits to empathy in conflict resolution, some of them include: empathy reduces hostility, empathy enhances communication, empathy promotes creative problem solving and empathy builds and strengthens relationships. Empathy also contributes to the development of more compassionate, understanding, and cooperative communities and workplaces. A small example of empathy in my practice; there was a time where I was mediating a family dispute and the wife was disclosing to me very sensitive information about her family history, and she didn’t need to. Simply acknowledging the fact that she said those sensitive things to me and she didn’t need to share is the empathy that was needed in this situation.
For someone looking to enter this field what kind of education and certifications would they need?
To enter the field of a mediator, you don’t necessarily have to, but pursuing a degree in conflict resolution, law, psychology, or any related field can provide a solid foundation. There are ADR specific courses in colleges and universities that you can attend.
Completing a certification program from a recognized mediation institution is very beneficial. On the ADRIC website, you will be able to find what certification program is recognized the cost and how to sign up.
Seek opportunities to gain practical experience by volunteering, interning, or shadowing experienced mediators. Google places that offer mediation or places your interested in working and offer to shadow or volunteer.
Joining a professional mediation association, such as the ADR Institute of Canada, whichever is in your area, provides access to networking opportunities, resources, and further training which will be very useful to your career.
Enroll in comprehensive mediation training programs that meet the requirement of provincial legislation, ensuring the acquisition of necessary skills and knowledge. Continue to do this throughout your practice to be up to date on changing issues and themes.
After completing the required training, apply for mediation certification through ADRIC. They are the only ones that officially certify mediators.
What are your “5 things you need to know to create a successful career in conflict resolution and mediation”?
1 . Don’t quit your day job, please!
It takes some time to build your practice. You will still need to generate income at least until you make enough money to be able to leave your full-time job, if you wish.
2 . Connect with other mediators
Network, network, network! You will never know who you will meet, or who may meet you. This could be a great opportunity for you to get clients or make lasting connections.
3 . Get your certifications
Get training experience to be a mediator as well as all of the mandatory certifications and keep getting them. Constantly updating your education and versatility will be so helpful to your practice.
4 . Find your own niche
Do your research on the types of mediation you can do and do what you think you will enjoy doing. Some of the different types of mediation are:
- Family
- Business
- Adoption
- Civil
- Commercial
- Employment
- Environment
- Intellectual property
- Personal injury
- Real estate
- Technology
5 . Have fun!
They say, do something you love and you will never have to work a day in your life “I`m not sure who “they “is but they were right. I absolutely love what I do every day, I don’t consider this as work and I encourage those who are interested in mediation to take the time to actually enjoy what you do. There will be many times where you will be in stressful situations and time where you will need a moment, take that moment however long it takes — and get right back to it!
You are a person of enormous influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I appreciate your comments, thank you. I don’t think I have inspired this movement because some of you may be hearing about it already.
Trauma informed mediation. There is some talk about being trauma informed currently in the profession, and that is because everyone experiences trauma and may have biases because of that. This trauma effects the reaction to clients weather it`s willingly or not. Trauma informed approaches are policies and practices that recognize the connections between violence, trauma, and behaviours. These approaches increase safety, control and resilience for people who are working in places where people are experiencing trauma, seeking services in relation to experiences of violence and traumatic experiences and/or have a history of experiencing violence and traumatic experiences. I believe having trauma informed mediation, adjudication and court system entirely will do good for everyone.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
I love to engage with my followers online. I have several outlets where you can connect with me. You can connect with me on social media.
Linked IN — @KaylaMStephenson
Instagram- @Kayelegal
Facebook- @kayelegal
Email- [email protected]
X — @Kayelegal
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent with this. We wish you continued success and good health!
Kayla M Stephenson Of Kaye Legal & Mediation Services On How To Create A Successful Career In… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.