An Interview With Lucinda Koza
Be Ready for the Unexpected: We assumed we would have immediate success with our fertility treatments, but that wasn’t our experience. It’s so important to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for different scenarios — the highs and lows, the setbacks, and small victories. Keeping hope alive, even amidst uncertainty, is crucial.
Infertility and the journey through IVF are challenges that many individuals and couples face, often accompanied by emotional, physical, and financial stress. Despite advancements in reproductive technology, the process can be isolating and fraught with uncertainty. How can we better support those navigating infertility and IVF, and what strategies can help manage the various challenges along the way? As part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Julie Waite.
Julie Waite is a wife and a proud mother of two beautiful children, brought into her life through in vitro fertilization (IVF) and adoption. She is also the Associate Director, Key Opinion Leader Liaison in Reproductive Medicine at Ferring Pharmaceuticals, a leading company in the reproductive medicine field. Julie’s job is deeply personal having been through infertility, including six cycles of fertility treatments before she had success. She shares her story knowing her experience, struggles, and personal insights can help others better understand infertility and the IVF process, as well as the need for empathy, persistence and hope.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you tell us a bit about you and your backstory?
Like most people, after we got married, my husband and I wanted to have a family. Of course, we never thought it would be so challenging. After trying for some time without success, we decided to speak with our doctor who recommended my husband and I both undergo fertility testing. When it was determined that I was the one facing infertility, my husband and I discussed our options. Although it was not that long ago, assisted fertility technology (ART) wasn’t that well known or talked about. In fact, it was a topic steeped in stigma, so we stayed quiet about our IVF journey, even with our families. While our doctor was extremely helpful, we wished we had access to some of the resources that are available today.
When we moved forward with fertility treatments, we just assumed it would work and I would become pregnant. What we learned is that this is not always the case. I went through two cycles of intrauterine insemination (IUI), and when those were not successful, we moved on to IVF. When I still wasn’t getting pregnant, we decided it was time to go through the adoption process and were blessed with a wonderful baby boy. Our hearts remained open to the possibility of having another child, so we continued our fertility journey with IVF. We never gave up hope, and after six cycles, our perseverance paid off. On the seventh cycle, with my last embryo, we were blessed with our beautiful daughter.
What I learned through our journey is that we weren’t alone. There are so many others out there in similar situations. Realizing that, it has become important to me to share my story with the hopes of helping others. Our fertility journey was filled with many ups and downs, but the hardest part was the feeling of defeat that crept in after each failed cycle. What I can tell those who may be undergoing fertility treatment is that despite the devastating moments we faced, it was worthwhile in the end. Don’t lose hope — that’s what kept me going.
My personal journey led me to a fulfilling career at Ferring Pharmaceuticals, a company at the forefront of reproductive medicine. To me, this is more than a job — I feel grateful to work for a company who is focused on helping people become parents, just like me.
Describe the process of realizing you had challenges with fertility. What was the level of access to resources available to you in order to see the right doctors, run the right tests, etc.?
I am so glad you asked that. It was a gradual realization, to be honest. We started, like many couples, assuming that getting pregnant would happen easily. When it didn’t, there was a mix of confusion and growing concern. There was a lack of open conversation surrounding infertility at the time. It felt like a topic shrouded in silence, making it harder to find support and information. We relied heavily on our care team for information and guidance, but we wished for a stronger sense of community from others in similar situations.
I always encourage anyone going through an infertility journey now to seek out trusted resources, such as:
- Fertility Out Loud: An online platform and social community combining educational resources with stories from real people who have navigated their own fertility journey. It covers a range of topics, from insurance to finding specialists or LGBTQ+ family building.
- RESOLVE (The National Infertility Association): This site offers a wealth of information, including support groups organized by different focus areas.
One offering from Fertility Out Loud that I’d like to highlight is its text-based service that connects you with a fertility coach at no cost. The coach offers personalized guidance and support. Sometimes, you just need someone to talk to who understands. I know something like this would have made me feel less alone during my own journey.
Did you keep this realization private? If so, why?
I started out with such optimism, so I did let some friends and family know that we were seeking help from a reproductive endocrinologist. But after failing over and over, it became more difficult to talk about it. I really felt ashamed and just too sad to want to share our story. The emotions took over and I became more closed off than ever before. I even chose to eliminate social media for over a year.
How much did this realization affect your sense of self, or call into question your plans for your future?
Infertility was a challenge, no doubt about it. Going through two IUI cycles and six rounds of IVF before finding success was incredibly difficult, there were definitely times I felt defeated. But even though it was incredibly tough, it didn’t shake the core sense of who I was.
What it did do was make my husband and I take a hard look at pathways to parenthood. We knew we wanted to be parents, and that led us to explore different paths. We moved forward with the adoption process while continuing with IVF. We were incredibly fortunate that both paths led to remarkable blessings.
Following through with the complete process of fertility testing and treatment can be absolutely grueling for your body for what could be years. How did you cope with constant procedures, medications, hormones?
Well, it was not always easy. The IVF process involves a lot of appointments, lab work, tests, and treatments, and I went through this seven times. What helped me stay strong was staying focused on our goal of becoming parents. We held onto that vision, that hope of welcoming a child into our lives. Now, we’re blessed to have two children.
Was there a point at which you felt as if your body wasn’t your own? If so, how have you been able to reclaim it? Explain.
After years of so many treatments and continued failures, I kept questioning how my body could do this to me? I considered myself quite healthy, and I just couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get pregnant — especially with the assistance of a reproductive endocrinologist. I felt so defeated. It was very difficult to come to terms that I may never be able to be a mom. But then after our son arrived via adoption, all those feelings disappeared.
Can you please share “5 Things You Need to Navigate the Challenges of Infertility and IVF”?
1. Build a Strong Support System: IVF can be incredibly challenging and having a strong support system is crucial for navigating the emotional and physical demands. I was so fortunate to have my husband by my side every step of the way. He was my rock, my co-pilot, and my biggest cheerleader. We made every decision together, and he was there for every appointment, offering unwavering encouragement when I needed it most.
But even if you’re not going through IVF as part of a couple, remember that you don’t have to face it alone. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends, family members, or a therapist can make a world of difference. Sharing your experiences and leaning on others for encouragement can provide incredible strength and comfort during difficult times.
2. Be Ready for the Unexpected: We assumed we would have immediate success with our fertility treatments, but that wasn’t our experience. It’s so important to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for different scenarios — the highs and lows, the setbacks, and small victories. Keeping hope alive, even amidst uncertainty, is crucial.
3. Be Well-Informed: You want to seek valuable resources that will facilitate the process, prepare you for the journey, and answer your questions. FertilityOutLoud and RESOLVE are excellent sources of information, along with your fertility care team.
4. Stay Hopeful, Healthy, and Positive: IVF can be an emotional rollercoaster. I found that prioritizing my mental and physical health was essential for navigating the ups and downs. Staying hopeful, even amidst setbacks, was crucial. And never underestimate the power of positivity! Finding moments of joy and gratitude even on the toughest days helped me stay resilient.
Working at a company that specializes in reproductive medicine was a gift in many ways, but it also meant learning to separate my work life from my personal IVF journey. It’s so important to give yourself grace and allow yourself to experience the full spectrum of emotions without judgment.
5. Know There are Different Paths to Parenthood: It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that there’s only one way to build a family, but the truth is, parenthood is not one-size-fits-all. While IVF has become a more common path, it’s important to remember that it’s not the only one. Adoption, surrogacy, and other options offer beautiful and fulfilling ways to experience the joys of parenthood. My husband and I know this firsthand. We went through the adoption and IVF process to build our family and wouldn’t have it any other way!
A woman’s drive and desire to be a mother could be completely personal, simple, or nuanced. It could also be a bold imperative. I believe mothering and caregiving is the most essential labor toward creating a better society. Would you share what has driven you to work so hard and sacrifice so much toward this goal?
For both my husband and me, the desire to be parents was incredibly strong. We knew we had so much love to give. And perhaps, because our journey to parenthood had its challenges, we cherish it tremendously. Every day, I feel incredibly blessed to have our two amazing children. We work hard to create a positive, encouraging, and healthy environment for them to grow up in. It never feels like a sacrifice, only a gift that we’re eternally grateful for.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)?
This is a tough question! There are so many people that inspire me. One person that is an absolute fertility warrior is Erin Andrews. I’ve been a fan of hers for a long time because she has my dream job of being a sports broadcaster — especially when she was a host on College Gameday! When I learned about her fertility journey, it was very similar to mine — it spanned so many years, with a cancer diagnosis in the middle of it all. She is a true inspiration of resilience and such a great advocate for awareness.
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
There are so many movements that are needed!
I’d love to see more reform around adoption. The process of adoption is so daunting that it causes many to never even consider it, while others have to wait years and years to get matched. If there is a way to streamline the process, reduce costs, and create more awareness on this remarkable option, I know it could help many more aspiring parents.
Another valuable initiative would be a campaign targeting young adults (both female & male!) to educate them about fertility. This movement could focus on some key areas such as:
- Age-related factors: Highlighting how age impacts fertility
- Lifestyle influences: Diet, exercise, stress, and habits like smoking
- Early testing: Promoting the benefits of fertility testing at a younger age, even before actively trying to conceive.
- Intervention options: Educate on various fertility treatments and preservation methods available, emphasizing how early intervention can improve outcomes.
The goal would be to empower young adults with knowledge, enabling them to make informed decisions about their reproductive future. By understanding potential challenges early on, people could be better prepared for their journey to parenthood, whether that journey is straightforward or complex. This could help so many who choose to become parents later in life.
How can our readers follow your work online?
You can find me on LinkedIn here. And if you are seeking more information on infertility, IVF or different paths to parenthood, you can visit FertilityOutLoud.com.
Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.
About the Interviewer: Nancy Landrum, MA, Relationship Coach, has authored eight books, including “How to Stay Married and Love it” and “Stepping Twogether: Building a Strong Stepfamily”. Nancy has been coaching couples and stepfamilies with transformative communication skills for over thirty years. Nancy is an engaging interviewer and powerful speaker. Nancy has contributed to The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Authority, Medium, Yahoo, MSN, Psych Central, Thrive, Woman’s Day magazine, and more. Nancy is the Founder of the only one of its kind online relationship solution, www.MillionaireMarriageClub.com. Nancy coaches couples across the globe in person and via Zoom. Nancy’s passion is to guide couples and families to happy lasting marriages where children thrive and lovers love for life.
Julie Waite Of Ferring Pharmaceuticals On Navigating the Challenges of Infertility and IVF was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.