Jaime Mann Of The Amaryllis Project: Here Are The Things That Happened in My Childhood That Impact How I Lead Today
An Interview With Cynthia Corsetti
Curiosity — if we are truly curious, we cannot be judgemental. Judgements rely on assumptions, and many times, these are not accurate. By being curious, we can form meaningful connections with people and make better decisions.
In this introspective and reflective series, we would like to explore the intricate web of experiences that form the leaders of today. Childhood, being the foundational stage of our lives, undeniably has a profound impact on our development and the leadership styles we adopt as adults. Be it a lesson learned from a parent, a childhood hobby that cultivated discipline, an early failure that fostered resilience, or even a book that opened their minds to vast possibilities; leaders often have deep-seated childhood experiences that echo in their leadership narratives today. For this interview series, we are talking to seasoned leaders across various industries who share personal anecdotes and lessons from their childhood that have sculpted their leadership philosophies today. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Jaime Mann.
Jaime is a business leader and psychology expert who focuses on leadership development and transformational growth. Through her keynote speaking, program facilitation and executive coaching, Jaime empowers others to create meaningful change within themselves, and their teams. Jaime is a passionate advocate for Connected Leadership, and believes that we need to successfully lead ourselves before we can inspire, motivate and connect with others. You can find Jaime and her company at www.theamaryllisproject.com
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion about leadership, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
Sure! Believe it or not, my goal was to become a clinical psychologist. However, I’m grateful that things didn’t go according to my initial plan. After I completed my psychology honours degree, I decided to take a year off, and ended up in sales. That progressed to management and leadership, and finally as a construction business owner, doing everything from human resources to safety planning.
Over the last decade, I’ve been able to bridge the divide between my love of psychology and personal growth within my own leadership development. Becoming an ICF-certified coach and founding my other company, The Amaryllis Project, has allowed me to partner with other leaders to help them excel and transform their own companies and teams.
What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?
For staff, I truly believe that people just want to feel like they are a part of something meaningful, and larger than themselves — that they have their own special place in the bigger picture. This is a guiding principle. Our clients want to know that they’ve hired a company that not only does great work, but is 100% committed to the partnership. I refuse to settle — I have high expectations for myself, and for the people around me.
I love getting messages from our construction clients, because feedback is invaluable. One message, thanked us for being a “pleasure to have onsite” — one of our staff had found (and returned) a wallet that had hundreds of dollars in it. It makes me proud to get feedback like that. I go back to that example because I feel that it exemplifies who we are — not only, does our team do extraordinary work, but are also good people.
I just think other people want to be around good people who care. We are a group of people who care.
You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
- Empathy. (That’s actually my top strength in my Gallup Strengths profile.) I always felt that my ability to connect with others was destined to be a leadership distraction. (Traditionally, ‘leadership’ and ‘empathy’ were not considered compatible!) However, I have found that empathy and leading are not mutually exclusive. I believe that we can all be more empathetic if we have real conversations with people. Leadership is about understanding others — we need to know what motivates our colleagues, and what their struggles are. Nothing is more refreshing than a leader who makes their staff feel seen, heard and understood.
Recently, my business partner approached me for advice regarding a (potentially problematic) request that a team member had made. After getting the details, and listening to my partner consider what might happen if he took one approach versus another, I simply asked, “why don’t you talk to him about it, just as you’ve laid it out here?” Connecting with others is so important, and I believe that the only way to lead successfully, is to be an empathetic human. (We’re not robots, after all.)
2. Honesty. I believe people deserve the truth, and deserve to receive it in a way that is direct, but kind. I can’t control how somebody receives my message, but I can control how I show up and how I deliver it. I know I don’t like being kept in the dark about something — because then when the truth finally comes out, I feel like I’ve been lied to. I don’t want others to feel like I’ve purposefully been holding out on them.
3. Continuous Learning. I have always been a curious person, and I am energized when I get to learn about things that are important to me. For this reason, I know that I will always be part of some sort of educational program or learning initiative for the rest of my time on this earth! I believe that if I’m not growing, I’m dying. (Sort of morbid, I know.) I’m actually just starting my masters at Penn State, in the psychology of leadership. Juts before I decided to apply, I remember thinking, “what am I waiting for? If not now, WHEN?”
Leadership often entails making difficult decisions or hard choices between two apparently good paths. Can you share a story with us about a hard decision or choice you had to make as a leader? I’m curious to understand how these challenges have shaped your leadership.
A few things come to mind here. First, people are humans, and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. When we hire somebody on, it’s really important to set them up for success and give them a fair shot. At the same time, if it’s not working, and it’s just not a good fit, I’d rather let them know so they have the chance to move on and find their next opportunity as quickly as possible. I know some people sort of wait, and avoid it, but if enough time has been given for skill development and training or coaching initiatives, or if the person is not interested in learning, then the situation will be even worse if we let go on and on. I suppose that in situations like this, I feel that being honest and direct is also being kind, and this is where my empathy kicks in.
The other thing I think about is making the decision to decline a project. As a business owner, I obviously am profit-minded and like getting contracts. But, at what cost? There was an instance where I was tempted to take on a project that I didn’t align with, only because the contract was lucrative. I just know myself, and I need to be confident that I can give the work the attention and commitment that the client is looking for. I only take on work that is challenging, energizing, and that doesn’t go against my personal values. In that instance, I chose not to take on the work. With all projects, I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not feel like I’ve compromised my values.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. Let’s start with a simple definition. How do you personally define “leadership?”
Traditionally, I think that leadership has been more about command and control, and for quite some time, I didn’t believe that my empathetic nature would be an asset to me. However, I’ve learned that people don’t want authoritarian leaders, and I’ve grown into my authentic leadership style. Generally, I would define leadership as the ability to inspire others to take action, and to “come along for the ride”. People aren’t going to want to follow you if you rely on your title (aka paper authority) to make things happen, or if you treat people like numbers.
Can you recall an experience from your childhood where you felt truly empowered? How does that moment inform your leadership style today?
Probably when I was pushed to do things that put me outside of my comfort zone. (At the time, I was petrified, but after, I felt electric.) I was always hesitant to put myself in the spotlight, so any sort of public presentation gave me stomach aches. But, I remember playing piano in a competition, and winning — and when I tried out for the school play, and got the lead, I was pumped. In both of those situations, I messed up a bit, but overall, I was pretty successful. It was proof that I was able to do things that scared me.
Today, I remind myself that nothing good ever comes from being still, and keeping myself “safe”. The really exciting things happen when we try something new and feel some nerves — we will either be successful, or we will learn something valuable. (In my opinion, the “learning” part is almost more important than the “winning and champagne-cork-popping” part…although that does feel nice!) I like Nelson Mandela’s quote: “I never lose. I either win or learn.”
Were there any role models in your early years who left a lasting impression on you? How has their influence manifested in your approach to leadership?
Growing up, I was sort of an isolated kid. Although I did look up to my sister. She is 9 years older than me, so I thought she was pretty amazing. She always seemed to be so fearless — and she still is that way. She opened my eyes a bit — when I would dismiss an opportunity, she’d be the one who would say “why not?” I believe that she planted a little seed in me — she inspired me to do what I wanted to do, and to question the stories I told myself. Today, I spend a lot of time questioning stories — whether it’s with my clients, or within myself.
Many of us had a favorite book or story as a child. Is there a narrative that you were drawn to, and do you see its themes reflecting in your leadership journey?
The books I recall reading were somewhat of the ‘hero’s journey’ story, with adventure and new worlds, and the need for the main character to pull themselves out of despair to ultimately save the day. I definitely can see how leadership relates here! I’ve never met a leader who hasn’t been devastated at some point, and needed to find the resolve and courage to rise up and stand tall.
Years ago, I went though a dark time with recurrent miscarriage, mental health challenges, and a messy business buy out — it felt like I was drowning in quick sand. I had to continually remind myself that I was on this path for a reason, and that I had the power within to get though it.
The other thing that comes to mind — those characters in the novels I read always had at least one really amazing support person — and that’s the other theme here in leadership — there is no way you can do this all alone. I’ve always had a support network around me that I could rely on, and gather strength from. My business partner is also my partner in life, so we’ve been through a lot together.
Many leaders find that their greatest strengths arise from overcoming adversity. Can you share an experience from your early life that was difficult at the time, but you find still lingers in your thoughts and informs your actions today?
Absolutely. I was bullied from the end of grade 3 to the end of grade 9 (when I changed schools.) I spent those years trying desperately to make friends, and to prove myself. I worked harder to “be better” which didn’t help, because it just meant that my grades were higher and I was sort of in the spot light with the teachers. Putting in less effort also didn’t help because although I kept myself small (and a bit more “under the radar” with the other kids), I felt disappointed in my own performance, which I totally hated (there was a competitive fire in me, even back then!) As I applied different strategies to be liked, and to be “good enough”, I lost myself. As a young adult, that resulted in not knowing who I was, and what I stood for. I had no clue what my strengths were, and I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. I doubted myself constantly, and felt confused. I remember feeling disillusioned with myself — I couldn’t even clarify my opinions because I didn’t know which ones I “should” have.
I started to work on my self awareness, and I had to get comfortable with not always being liked. I spent a lot of time and energy sifting through my doubts and fears, and when I wanted to run and hide, I chose to ask myself, “so this thing you want to do — will it literally kill you?? Will you actually die, and need your family to plan your funeral??”
(Of course, the answer was always no, so I forced myself out of my comfort zone and started building confidence.)
Looking back at your childhood, are there particular ‘first-time’ experiences — like your first triumph, your initial setback, or your inaugural leadership responsibility — that you believe were pivotal in molding your leadership ethos?”
When I changed schools for grade 10, I was happy to be with kids who didn’t know me. My plan was to stick to myself, get good grades and prepare for university. I was completely nauseated and utterly in shock when I was immediately included by my new classmates — I remember thinking, “no wait — they MUST be pretending to like me, so they can crush my soul tomorrow and laugh in my face about it.” Days passed, and I began to trust that I was, in fact, a decent person who was capable of having friends and fitting in. This pretty much blew my mind, and I had to counsel myself — I knew that if I didn’t start extending trust, I wouldn’t build friendships, and I would create the scenario I was scared of in the first place.
I think that this whole experience for me really helped strengthen whatever empathetic nature I was born with. As a leader, mother, wife, friend and lifelong-learner, I am 100% committed to connecting with the people around me. If I can help somebody feel less alone, and help them understand that they are worthy of good things, I aim to do that.
From your personal experiences and reflections, what are the ‘5 Pillars of Effective Leadership’ you believe in?
1. Curiosity — if we are truly curious, we cannot be judgemental. Judgements rely on assumptions, and many times, these are not accurate. By being curious, we can form meaningful connections with people and make better decisions.
2. Authenticity
People want to trust those that they work with. I believe that a good leader never tries to be somebody they are not, and they are clear about what they are working toward. They are consistent and genuine. Vulnerability and courage are a big part of being authentic — I believe that when we are open and vulnerable, we build credibility and connection with others. These leaders are open about their strengths and weaknesses. I regularly admit when I am lost, and when I am bumbling along. I have a good laugh at myself. We’re all human after all.
3. Growth Mindset
There is no way to go after the big goals if we aren’t open to failing and learning. It’s empowering to really believe that I can always learn and grown. A fixed mindset is sheer death for creativity, positive movement and doing what you want to do. How depressing it is, to think, “well, this is as good as I’m gonna get.” Years ago, I was unaware of Carol Dweck’s research into mindset, but I definitely had a fixed mindset. I actively limited myself and avoided trying new things — after all, if I failed at something, that meant I was a failure.
4. Integrity
When I think of integrity, I think of being accountable to myself and to others, being consistent and worthy of trust, and just being a person that others can count on. If somebody has integrity, they behavior is consistent with their values. So for me, I don’t believe that anybody has the right to make another person feel small or powerless just because of a title, and so my behavior aligns with that value.
5.Team Strength = Organizational Success
There’s no way any one of us can be truly successful all by ourselves. In my view, it doesn’t matter if we have coveted awards or oodles of money– that’s not success. If I am a jerk-human and people would rather slam their fingers in their desk drawers than work with me, I have failed.
I believe that we need to build effective teams, made up of people who respect and value each other, and who also bring out the best in those around them. Leadership is about being a real person and bringing people together to work toward a common vision. I believe that we each have unique strengths that we can lean into. We actually just had a Gallup Strengths lunch, where we got together, looked at our top strengths as a team, and talked about how we work together.
In your role as a leader, what thoughts or concerns keep you awake at night? How do these reflections guide your decisions and leadership?
Honestly, the only way we can do the good work that we do is through the amazing people we have on our team. The labour market is tight, and it seems that every company in every industry is looking for staff. I want to ensure that we provide the best for everybody in the company, because I understand that the success of the company comes from the caliber and engagement of the people. Any leadership decisions that are made always take this into account.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
We all should consider that leadership is not about titles. We are all leaders, and we have the ability to create experiences and inspire the people around us. The small things matter- our impact matters.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
You can find me on linked in: https://www.linkedin.com/in/theamaryllisproject/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theamaryllisproject/
Website: https://www.theamaryllisproject.com
Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. It’s been an honor to delve into the roots of your leadership journey, and we are grateful for the wisdom you’ve shared.
About the Interviewer: Cynthia Corsetti is an esteemed executive coach with over two decades in corporate leadership and 11 years in executive coaching. Author of the upcoming book, “Dark Drivers,” she guides high-performing professionals and Fortune 500 firms to recognize and manage underlying influences affecting their leadership. Beyond individual coaching, Cynthia offers a 6-month executive transition program and partners with organizations to nurture the next wave of leadership excellence.
Jaime Mann Of The Amaryllis Project: Here Are The Things That Happened in My Childhood That Impact… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.