Impactful Communication: Jen Anderson Of Jen Anderson FitLife On 5 Essential Techniques for Becoming an Effective Communicator
An Interview With Athalia Monae
Speak in the way that you’ll be best received. This takes a little practice, but it’s worth it. When I was at my corporate position, we did a team building activity to identify everyone’s communication styles and it was a game changer. It allowed us to have respect for the receiver and not just bulldoze in with one message and one delivery. The team got stronger when we knew who had which communication style.
In an age dominated by digital communication, the power of articulate and effective verbal communication cannot be understated. Whether it’s delivering a keynote address, leading a team meeting, or engaging in a one-on-one conversation, impactful speaking can open doors, inspire change, and create lasting impressions. But what truly sets apart an effective communicator? What techniques and nuances elevate a speech from mundane to memorable? As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Joe Pardavila.
Jen Anderson is the founder of Jen Anderson FitLife, LLC. She offers Professional Wing Woman Services to business owners, focusing on strategy, collaboration, communication and action. Her communication skills help her clients identify the gaps and opportunities they are missing, dial in their message and be creative with how to get their unique offers out into the world. After building and leading teams in the world of fitness for over 20 years, her Wing Woman skills have been sought out by clients looking for a true partner to help them elevate to the next level.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion about communication, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
Absolutely, I’m thrilled to be chatting with you today!
I started out in the fitness industry as a leader in a hospital-based fitness center. I had over 50 contractors, 100+ classes per week and was responsible for all the places, spaces and equipment in a 70K square foot building. I really loved that job and got extensive leadership and communication training, which I appreciate even to this day. During the pandemic I needed to go virtual, which was never on my radar. I begrudgingly hit ‘video’ on my Iphone to stream fitness classes and was wildly surprised by what happened next. It was like flipping a switch — there was a whole world out there I’d never explored because I was inside four walls working with the same people day in and day out.
People were commenting from literally all over the world that they were watching my workouts, they remembered me from years ago and I was helping them to move with purpose during that long stretch of being solitary.
Post-pandemic, when I reached for a new challenge within my organization, it became clear to me that I was not as valuable as I had talked myself into believing. Generationally, I was conditioned that you get a good job, work there as long as you can, retire from there and they throw you a party with a cake and a cash bar. Over time, I’d become blind to the fact that there was no more growth for me. My contributions, while significant (like growing my departmental revenue from $12K annually to $120K annually), were now the expected standard and the organization really wanted me to stay exactly where I was rather than allowing me to challenge myself with new opportunities. There would be no more growth or mobility for me, and that was a tough pill to swallow.
When I realized that, I decided that I could create my own future, challenges and opportunities. I took all my leadership and communication skills to the keyboard and became an online business owner and entrepreneur, partnering with other service-based business owners. I quickly realized that my skill set was best utilized when I was allowed to be a strategic partner with my client and help them to find their ideal clients, create the messaging that resonates, speak on their behalf to potential clients, find opportunities and use my gift for communication to open doors for them.
My strengths are other people’s struggles, and my greatest joy at this point is watching them have the ‘aha moment’ that tells me they’ve realized that yes, they can reach the next level. And I get to run it alongside them.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
My very first client when I became an online business owner was great on paper and remarkably less so in reality. I thought that my communication skills would set us up for success, and I was way off the mark. We had very different ideas of effective communication, so much so that even when I directly asked for specific messaging and communication in precise terms, it was met with a blank stare. And silence.
In my scramble to create a successful business for myself and still serve this client, I tried everything to meet their needs and it was just not ever going to be a harmonious relationship. Mixed messaging and directions, unclear and profoundly unkind interactions and a lack of respect for my contributions were stinging me over and over.
The good news is that I learned a ton from that experience, and it made me determined to work with people in my own style with my own values intact. I learned exactly who I will not work with and how to create a healthy communication path from the start for everyone’s benefit. I also met one of my best and most enduring clients on that project, and we continue to work together to this day.
So, although it was painful at the time (ask my family — mom was on edge and working 24/7 — so tough), it turned into gold for me because of the relationships gained from it. And self-awareness. It made me even more determined to be a clear communicator and use my gifts. The downside? I’d have to say that it lands squarely in the lap of the client I had. They could have learned a lot from me too, if they’d only been open to the process. Their loss, my gain.
You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
When I worked in fitness, I was committed to team development and working on our strengths. We used tools like Strengths Finders, DISC, Crucial Conversations and more to identify the traits that are baked into our DNA. Some of my strengths are, in fact, my character traits. It fascinates me to see how these align!
Empathy is important to me, and I think it makes me a stronger leader, partner for my clients and communicator. During the pandemic, when I was in person with fitness, there were a lot of strong emotions surrounding all the restrictions we had. Sometimes those were expressed in very inappropriate ways. Knowing this, and using my natural empathy, I could stay calm and measured in my reaction because I could recognize that these emotions were fear based, or confusion, or discomfort. It gave me peace to hold onto my values and have empathy for them, even if that wasn’t returned in the moment.
My tendency to be extroverted serves me well in business too. I can meet a variety of people that I may never have come across just by reaching out and putting myself out there. My clients benefit because when I am in my full Wing Woman mode, I am creative with ways that I can still serve them by speaking their name in rooms they aren’t in. I was at a fun networking group over the holidays, met an author and as we chatted, I mentioned that I work with another author. When I shared her specialty with my new contact, she wanted more information, and they’ve since connected and my client is now contributing to her book. It’s so much fun to connect those dots and create more opportunities for everyone!
And I would also definitely say humor is one of my defining character traits. I fully believe that everything can be approached with a little humor and light. It’s an easy way to break down barriers and open new conversations. By being funny in your own way you’ll find your people. I definitely have! The clients I work with are all quite funny, and they think I’m funny. We all work way too hard and too long to be so serious all the time.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. Let’s begin with a basic definition so that we are all on the same page. How would you define an “Effective Communicator?” What are the characteristics of an effective communicator?
I would define an effective communicator as someone who is committed to hearing and being heard. They are curious, listening to learn (not to answer) and open to other points of view. I find that confidence and self-awareness are keys to the castle. You have to be confident that you can connect with someone and be self-aware enough to know that you aren’t always right. That’s the key, and that’s where I think we’re struggling as a society at the moment. Everyone is really communicating to be ‘right’ and not necessarily to do the right thing or hear another point of view.
How can one tailor their communication style to different audiences or situations?
It’s so important to read the room. And not everyone can do that. Or, more specifically, not everyone is interested in doing that. Which, to me, is a recipe for disaster. I mentioned that humor is one of my core characteristics, and as funny as I am, I’m not a standup comedian. And, not every room I’m in wants to hear my hilarious take on the subject of the day. Knowing where you are and who you’re surrounded by is key. You have to Kenny-Rogers-it and know when to hold ’em, and when to fold ‘em.
Can you provide an example of a time when you had to adapt your communication style to reach a particular audience successfully?
Absolutely. Sometimes the same message needs to be delivered in different ways to different people. I learned this the hard way when I had to deliver very brief performance reviews to some of my team members. They were all great, no ‘gotcha’ moments, and I was short on time, so I gave a brief and clear message to three different people.
One person was totally fine. She appreciated direct communication. One person was a little quiet, and came back later with questions that I would have been better off answering by taking a few minutes up front. And one person was silent, left, and came back to quit. I was shocked — she got a great review! The problem wasn’t the review, it was my delivery. By being so brief and direct with her, she felt unseen and without value. Her communication style was much more a collaborative one that required context. Having a 10-minute conversation with her up front would have saved all that heartache.
My bad entirely, and I did repair the relationship (and she did not quit). I committed to her that moving forward, I’d schedule time together to have these conversations when they came around and that my door was always open. One message, three people and three different responses. Good learning opportunity for me.
How do you handle difficult or sensitive conversations while maintaining open and effective communication?
Calmness is my superpower. By remaining calm and aiming to take emotion out of the interaction, it can allow for an environment of growth. It’s not a fool proof plan, let’s be honest. We’re all human, and sometimes emotion definitely takes over. But by being aware of it, particularly in sensitive conversations, we have an edge toward success that we don’t have if we allow for wild emotions to fly around the room.
In your experience, how does storytelling play a role in impactful speaking? Why do you think stories are effective in communication?
Stories connect. Especially in speaking on stages. Nobody wants to hear a textbook getting recited on a stage (or in your social media feed, or pretty much in general — no offense to the textbook authors of the world, of course), and a compelling story with a hook is memorable and impactful. People start to see themselves somewhere in your story and they relate. They talk about it to their friends, and it gains more momentum. Your message will ultimately get the most traction from the stories you share.
What are your “5 Essential Techniques for Becoming an Effective Communicator”?
1. Speak in the way that you’ll be best received. This takes a little practice, but it’s worth it. When I was at my corporate position, we did a team building activity to identify everyone’s communication styles and it was a game changer. It allowed us to have respect for the receiver and not just bulldoze in with one message and one delivery. The team got stronger when we knew who had which communication style.
2. Choose your words carefully. Nobody ‘never’ does something, and nobody ‘always’ does something. Think about the message delivered both ways: ‘You always have your head in your phone when I’m talking to you’. Do they? Always? I doubt it, but I bet it’s a lot. Now think about this: ‘I notice you checking your phone a lot when we’re talking. Is something going on?’. You can get that same message across with less hostility and more heart.
3. Funny matters. Humor is a game changer and a connector IF it’s used the right way. Know your audience, don’t come to the meeting with your best Andrew Dice Clay impersonation. Unless that’s your audience. Pay attention and you’ll know. A little self-depreciation is fine, and it’s different from self-sabotage. Be careful not to cross that line in the name of humor. It’s easy to undercut yourself if you aren’t careful.
4. Listen with curiosity, not with your answer at the ready. I practice this all the time as a mom. I have two teenage boys, and when they tell me something that might be a little shocking, because it does happen, I do not react, and I ask the question ‘Tell me more?’. I keep asking this until I’m satisfied or until they shut down, whichever comes first. It’s tempting to respond immediately, but I’ve trained myself to just listen and ask more questions. The result is having teenagers that know they can tell me anything. Even if I’m freaking out on the inside, on the outside it’s calm and ‘Tell me more?’. Practice makes almost perfect.
5. Your listener, whether it’s a customer, friend, family or someone on the totally opposite side of the fence as you, isn’t always right, but they do deserve to be heard. Sometimes that’s all they really want anyway. The satisfaction of being heard can be powerful — even if they don’t get what they want, they do get to be heard.
How do you integrate non-verbal cues into your communication? Can you provide an example of its importance?
Nonverbal cues are like the little invisible thought bubbles over our head. What’s coming out of your mouth may not match that thought bubble, and you have to be very observant to pick that up. One of my passions is fitness, and I’ve been a fitness instructor for over 20 years. You can learn a lot by asking people to pick up heavy things and do jumping jacks and then read their faces. Sometimes during the toughest parts of class I ask people if they are having fun. The response is usually some sort of ‘yes’. Then I ask them to tell their faces. Because they aren’t always on board with that same message.
Remembering this outside of the fitness world can also serve you well. When you are on zoom or in person, your body language matters. Closed off, crossed arms and pinched facial expressions equal negativity. You probably just pictured it in your head right now, right? How about picturing a relaxed face, unclenched jaw, arms at your sides and easy stance? Totally different vibe, so keep that in mind when communicating. If your actions don’t match your words, you erode the trust you may be looking to build.
How has digital communication changed the way you convey your messages? Are there any specific challenges or advantages you’ve encountered?
Digital can be tough because text doesn’t have tone. But our brains are wired for tone, so we tend to read into it with whatever story we create in our brain. I try to remember that when scanning the digital messages I get. Punctuation and emojis are one way to convey lightness in messaging.
In my communication with my teenage sons, it’s very interesting to see how they use text. They typically share more via text than in person, and I lean into that as a mom and encourage that open line of communication because we have to meet people where they are. I also require them to NOT communicate solely through text, which is often by sending them a text that says ‘please come talk to me’. Ironic, right? You take what you can get sometimes!
Public speaking is a common fear. What techniques or strategies do you recommend to manage and overcome stage fright?
I’m not going to say picture everyone in their underwear. That really does not work, it’s distracting in a whole different way. What I will say is practice, practice, practice. Trust the process of training yourself to deliver your message. Work on the cadence, the pace and the eye contact. Ask a trusted friend to listen to you give your presentation and then ask for their feedback. And then you need to listen to that feedback with an open mind and heart. As a Wing Woman, I have done this for many clients. I genuinely want them to win, and I have their best interests at heart, and my feedback reflects that. We can craft the details together and make sure that they are as comfortable as can be before they step on the stage.
What additional resources do you recommend for individuals looking to improve communication skills?
I love business books, especially those that also deal with the people side of business. One favorite is Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. He talks all about negotiation and it’s fascinating to me how you can use the power of observation and communication to win at life. Another favorite is Setting the Table by Danny Meyer. The book is a master class in hospitality, and I loved using the examples in the book to make whatever job I happen to be doing a white glove experience with regard to communication and service delivery. It can be done, and it’s a game changer. I’m also a huge fan of Vanessa Van Edwards from The Science of People. Great website and resources, and her book Captivate was a fascinating look at communication. And, of course, if you want to go with a gold standard, it’s Crucial Conversations. I also work constantly to have an open mind, foster my curiosity and consistently learn.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Ah what a fantastic question! How about going retro, that’s cool right? Everything old is new again? So, like, can we get back to being respectful with our communication? Listen to understand, ask because you’re curious and know that you do not have all the answers. I don’t care who you are, you don’t. Someone else is allowed to be right. I have no patience for keyboard warriors that feel so empowered to be mean, disrespectful and unkind online. They say things that they would very likely never say to someone’s face, so how about we make it completely uncool to do it online. Have some courage to have a thoughtful discussion rather than petty, snarky comments. Anyone can do that; it takes no skill or talent. Thoughtful discussion takes both.
I have no idea if that answers the question, but that’s the movement in my heart.
Be Freaking Nice. Be respectful. And call out the ones who aren’t. Make it so uncomfortable for them that this ridiculous trend dies off as it should.
How can our readers further follow you online?
I’d love to be connected on LinkedIn or Instagram! Here are my profiles:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-anderson-wingwoman/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenanderson458/
And anyone curious about the world of a Wing Woman can also reach me at my email address, janderson5969@gmail.com. That’s it.
Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
It’s been my pleasure! I loved this time with you and hope that your audience enjoys our chat. Thank you!
Impactful Communication: Jen Anderson Of Jen Anderson FitLife On 5 Essential Techniques for… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.